Chapter 3
Martin stayed sitting there as I decide to make my conversation a little more private and make my way down the driveway, to the sidewalk where I settle on sitting on the side of the street. I stay silent, letting Mac make conversation.
"Ruthie?" he repeated. "You're not getting cold feet are you?" He jokingly mused at my silence. This takes me by surprise as I sit there frozen by his words. I don't have an answer, even though I knew he was joking, the realization of how true his words might be made me afraid of my response.
Pre-wedding jitters I remind myself before I answer.
"Mac" I felt my voice go soft as I say his name. "I don't think I'll back down after all this wedding has put me through!" I yell laughingly, and at this he lets out a chuckle. The past six months of planning a wedding, with Camden women, were never dull or without incident. I was actually surprised that Commando Lucy took into consideration two or three of our suggestions, but I had my suspicions about any of them actually making it into the wedding.
"True" he seemed content by my answer. "So, in three hours we'll finally be married. It sounds weird. Actually, It doesn't sound like it's happening to me. Mac Wilson is marrying a woman like Ruthie Camden. How can you want someone so undeserving as me?" He asked, he seemed genuinely baffled by the idea.
"Don't say that" I mutter. A part of me feeling guilty for not telling him enough times how much he actually means to me. "You are plenty deserving of me. And don't ever forget that." I stress.
"Sometimes I worry that you have me in this pedestal that I don't deserve and when you finally realize that I'm not perfect or am who you think I am you're going to very disappointed." I wondered aloud as I look down at the ring in my hand.
"That will never happen." He assured.
"I'm not perfect." I grumbled.
"You say that because you don't see what I see."
"I could name a hand full of people that disagree with you." I whispered, sighed at his conviction to believe she was a good person. She really wasn't.
"I don't care what they think. And even if you're not, which you are…I don't care. I've never had anything this good happen to me. Well, not that gave me this kind of happiness." He seemed to take a moment on what to say next. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're the one good thing in my life, and that's fine with me because all I need and want is… You" He voice turning soft as he said this.
"And all I need is you" I whispered, wanting more than anything to believe this, but yet I falter as the words come out of my mouth.
"So what's the problem? And don't say nothings wrong because I know there is, so tell me." His voice grew concerned. I knew something like this could never get pass me. He knew me too well.
For a moment I ponder whether to tell him the truth. To tell him the reason for my uncertainty, but how could I hurt him like that? How could I tell him that the doubts I'm having are because of the man who once hurt me so bad, and the same man he'd grown to hate because of it.
"Everyone keeps telling me that this wedding is too rushed and that we're not thinking things through. That maybe it's a big responsibility that we're not really for" I told him as he listened intently on the other end. It wasn't a lie, but not exactly the truth.
"Are you sure that's all?" He asked after a moment.
"Yes" I answer as I feel my breath grow unsteady. Lying was clearly not my strong point.
"And what do you think?"
"I think they're wrong"
"Ruthie I love you and what I want most is for us to walk down that aisle and be married, but not if you're to be sure about this" His voice calm, seeking an answer. "Do you want to marry me?"
Over the years Mac had definitely surprised me. He wasn't the sixteen year old I had met nearly five years ago, or for that matter that nineteen year old I had known two years ago. He had changed. Though, much of the old Mac still remained in him, like his sense of humor and lightheartedness, he had matured in character and attitude. Many people said I had a big part in him growing up, but I think we both grew up with the help of each other. We learned to be better threw one another. He had saved me in so many ways. When I thought I could never love again, I fell into his embrace and I never felt more at home as I did when he held me close to him. As I sat here thinking of all things he was and all the things we could be together, it become clear what my choice was and everything began to fall into place again.
"I'm sure"
"Well then, I'll let you go so you can do all those things that girls do before their wedding and I'll be there."
"Okay"
"I Love you." He said as he waited to hear my response.
"I Love you too." I say after a minute. Deep down I knew it shouldn't be this way; feeling like saying it was an obligation instead of it being second nature, but sometimes it felt that way.
"Mac is everything going to be okay?" I managed to say, my voice breaking. The uncertainty still lingering in me.
"Yes" He reassured me.
"Promise"
"I Promise." He tells me. Voice full of security.
"Bye."
I wait to hear the line on the other end go dead before I hang up the phone. I stretch my legs as I dust the dry leaves stuck in my pants before I stand. When I turn to make my way back, I see Martin, now standing on entrance of the porch. He stood there for a moment, just looking at me, anxious as he began to shift around from one foot to the other, and it appeared like he was deliberating with himself. Just as I begin to walk up the path he starts to make his way towards me, quickening his pace with each stride. Before I have time to comprehend what's happening I feel him put his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him. Everything in me tells me to run away but just as my mind tries to register this with my body, I feel him crush his lips on mine. His kiss forceful, and full of passion. To my surprise I don't protest as I feel myself settle in his arms as I kiss him back with the same intensity. He held me close to him as he broke the kiss, his face remaining close to mine, lips barely touching. We stay quiet for a while, trying to catch our breath as we do so. I feel my heart working over time now, each beat becoming faster and louder as I realize the proximity between us.
"I love you." He says under his breath. I stare at him in shock. I find myself unable to say anything, all I could do is nod.
Eleven on the A.M. Clearly this morning was in no way going to be normal.
