Thank you so much to those who reviewed chapter 2, I really appreciate the feedback.
Let's just say Harvey's behaviour might make more sense soon…
* FLASHBACK *
Harvey knew something wasn't right the second he walked in to his office, call it instinct, he felt sick to his stomach but was unsure why …until he saw it; the letter.
He knows what it is before he's even opened it.
It's her resignation letter.
He's barely opened the envelope and made it through the first paragraph before he's running out the door, letter in hand, desperate to change her mind.
He hails himself the first taxi he sees and before long, finds himself standing in front of her door, knocking rapidly as he stares at the familiar numbers.
"Harvey, what are you doing here?"
"What is this?" He asks, thrusting the piece of paper against her.
"Thought that was pretty obvious." She says sarcastically, taking it from him.
"Donna…"
"I can't do this anymore, Harvey." She whispers in defeat.
"You can't leave."
"You don't need me, Harvey, you'll be fine."
"Donna please…"
"We've barely talked in weeks." She sighs.
"I know and I'm sorry, I just couldn't…" He begins.
"I know." She interjects.
"You do?"
"Of course, I do. I really am sorry, Harvey. I never meant to put you in that position."
"I know you didn't, I do, it just …it made me think of…" He tries to explain.
"I'm sorry." She repeats, well aware of what he's thinking of.
"Donna, I know things have been tense and I know I'm not good at dealing with emotions, but you don't have to leave."
"That's not why I'm leaving."
Harvey just looks at her, cocking his head to the side slightly.
"Well, not the only reason." She adds.
"Then why?" He asks.
"I just need a change; I've been offered another job and I just feel like the time is right to take it. There's nothing here for me anymore."
"I'm here." He says sadly, "I need you. The firm needs you."
"The firm will be fine, you're doing an amazing job as Managing Partner" She says softly, "…And our relationship has changed, you know it and I know it."
"Donna…"
"I know your heart is in the right place in trying to get me to stay, Harvey, but I need you to let me go. Please." She begs. "I've based my decisions on you for close to fourteen years. This is something I want to, have to, do for me."
He takes a deep, unsteady breath before stepping forward, taking her hands in his, as he places a gentle kiss against her temple.
"Good luck, Donna." He whispers.
As he turns around Donna musters up the strength to invite him inside.
"Do you want to come in?" She asks.
It's an olive branch of sorts, she doesn't want them to part on bad terms, or sad terms.
The question takes him by surprise, causing him to turn around and look at her.
"It's just a drink, Harvey."
He nods, silently accepting her invitation and following her inside.
Harvey sits on her couch as she pours them both a glass of wine. His mind instantly travelling back to the last time they were in her apartment, doing this very thing.
The night he told her he loved her.
"As my final task at the firm, I've finished arranging everything you need for the name change. I sent it to Louis about an hour ago." she explains, sitting down beside him, attempting to ease the awkwardness with small talk.
"Thanks." He says, accepting the wine glass and responding to her statement.
He takes a sip of wine before continuing, "Specter Litt just doesn't sound right"
"I think it sounds pretty good" She encourages.
"I don't think I'm ready."
"You are. You just need to have faith in yourself" She smiles before taking another sip of wine.
That perfect smile.
"And what if I shit the bed?" He asks.
"Then, you'll find a way to fix it, because that's what you do." she says confidently, her hand automatically resting on his knee as she delivers the comforting words, almost on impulse.
The contact causes both their hearts to beat a little faster.
Harvey takes a deep breath, finishing his glass of wine as he musters up the courage to ask the question he's been wondering for weeks.
"Donna, why did you kiss me that night in your office?"
"Harvey..."
"Please." He begs, "I just need to know."
"Because, I was trying to figure out how I felt about you." She says softly, noticing that his eyebrows furrow slightly at the explanation.
Oh fuck it, she thinks, she's leaving anyway.
"I was talking with Mike the night before and he told me to tell you how I felt" She begins.
"How you felt?"
"It took me by surprise too. I walked in to my office and he was waiting for me, just before you were going to see Malik. He started talking about how if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be with Rachel and if he didn't speak up and let me lose something that could make me as happy as them, that he'd never forgive himself."
Harvey is stunned, completely blindsided by the news that Mike had somehow been involved.
"I told him that as much as I appreciated where his heart was, you and I didn't want to be together."
Harvey does his best to ignore the way that statement makes him feel.
"…But, I couldn't get what he said out of my head, I keep thinking about it and thinking about our relationship over the years and then the next night Louis..."
"Talked about losing Sheila." Harvey recalls what Donna had told him the night of the kiss.
Donna nods, "He came to apologise to me for not preparing me for Malik and he told me that he had slept with Sheila, even though she's engaged, and that when he was thinking of questions to ask me, he kept imagining himself being questioned. He told me that because he didn't tell her how he felt, he had to watch as his soulmate marries someone else. She couldn't see that her perfect match had been there all along..."
"Shit." Harvey whispers, realisation setting in.
"I was speechless. When he left, all I could think about was you and wondering if they were right. I imagined what my life would be like without you and I just..." She says.
"Donna..." He says softly.
"…And then you walked in and I didn't think, I just..."
"Kissed me." He finishes.
"…I was just really confused, and I just wanted to know. I needed to know"
"How it made you feel?"
She nods again.
"You said you were in love with me."
Donna sighs, getting up to refill her now empty glass.
"I know what I said." She answers.
"And do you remember what I said?" He asks softly.
"Of course I do, Harvey." She says, pouring herself another glass, "But, you had a girlfriend, you have a girlfriend. We shouldn't have..."
"No, I don't." He says, suddenly behind her.
Donna puts the glass down, turning to face him.
"What?" She whispers, surprised.
"I broke up with Paula." He explains.
"When?"
"The next day."
"Why? God, Harvey, if this is because you feel like I made you..."
"No." He says firmly, "It's because I didn't know that I wanted to hear you say that to me."
"Harvey." She whispers, shaking her head, disbelieving the words he's saying.
"You didn't make me do anything that night, Donna. I wanted to, it was just as much me as it was you." He says, "I don't want you thinking that this is somehow your fault. I know I've been a mess and I haven't dealt with this very well at all, but I didn't know how to deal with it."
"With us?" She asks.
"No, with becoming the one thing in life I was certain I'd never be."
"I'm..."
"Don't." He demands. "Don't say you're sorry, because I'm not. I know afterwards I made a mess of things but it's because I didn't know how to deal with the fact that I wasn't sorry. I knew that if it happened again I'd do it all over again."
Donna is speechless, her head is spinning as she tries to process the information.
"The only thing I'm sorry for, is how I handled things afterwards. That, I'll always regret." He admits.
As he sees the tears welling up in her eyes, he acts in instinct, pressing his lips against hers gently, pulling back to determine whether he'd gone too far, searching her face for an answer.
Relief washes over him as she leans in to kiss him back, her left hand reaching up to grip the back of his head, pulling him closer.
Thank God.
Harvey slants his mouth over hers, deepening the kiss as his tongue moves against hers. His hand cups the sides of her head, his fingers half burying themselves in her auburn locks. Their kiss quickly moving from PG to R as Harvey kisses her passionately, Donna kissing him back with ardour.
A breathy gasp escapes her as Harvey moves to her neck, leaving a sensual trail down her neck with his tongue and lips.
They pause momentarily, foreheads resting against one another as they attempt to catch their breaths.
Donna is the first to break away, taking Harvey's hand in her own as she turns towards her bedroom. Harvey pulls her back towards him with a firm tug, kissing her again as he she drapes her arms around his neck. His hands move down over her ass before he lifts her up. The swift move eliciting a surprised moan from Donna, her mouth currently occupied by his tongue. She wraps her legs around his waist as he walks them towards her bedroom.
He places her down gently at the side of her bed, only breaking their kiss to begin undressing each other.
Her hands move to pull his jacket off his shoulders before beginning to undo his tie. His hands descend to the bottom of her sweater, lifting it up and over her head. He looks down at her, a smile tugging at his lips, as she begins unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt, undoing them slowly, while his hands caress her bare arms. Donna leans in to kiss his chest, sucking lightly, resulting in him letting out a light moan and dropping his head back while she pushes the shirt off his shoulders, letting it flutter to the floor, she take the opportunity to kiss and suck on his Adam's apple; At this, he lets out a long quivering breath and his hands travel up to her hair, smoothing it back off of her face.
Their breaths are rapid as he reaches for the clasp of her bra, slowly, his hands drag across her skin as he rids her of the garment, exposing her chest to him. His hands pause at her breasts long enough to brush his thumbs across her nipples gently, as he continues down towards the buttons of her jeans, quickly ridding her of those too while kicking off his own shoes and socks as Donna hastily undoes the buttons of his pants, quickly sending them with his boxers, to join the rest of their clothing on the floor.
Separated now by only her lace thong, Harvey doesn't know what to touch first, he just knows he wants every part of his skin touching every part of hers.
He lowers Donna gently down on the bed, kissing her softly, lovingly, as they move. She positions herself up against the pillows and Harvey follows, crawling up the bed until he's hovering above her.
"I do love you, Donna." He whispers, nudging his nose against hers.
"I love you too." She whispers sweetly.
Harvey places another chaste kiss against her lips before kissing and licking his way down her torso, stopping only when he reaches her panties, sliding the material off her legs before beginning a trail of soft sensuous kisses from her ankle, back up the length of her entire body.
Maybe, just maybe they can actually make this work, Donna thinks to herself as she looks down at him.
She strokes his cheek lovingly as he settles above her again, positioning himself as he kisses her back passionately. Her grip on him tightens as he enters her, filling her completely, both of them relishing in the exquisite feeling of them moving as one.
In this moment they are exactly where they need to be; together.
Flashbacks of the previous night flash in Harvey's mind as he begins to stir the following morning; the feel of her skin against his, the way her nails dug in to his skin as she urged him on, the way her body trembled against his as she climaxed and the perfect sound of his name spilling from her lips.
He drops soft kisses along the back of her shoulder as he smiles at the memories.
Donna sleepily rolls on to her stomach, stirring as a result of his touch.
Harvey smiles again, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, admiring her natural beauty. He wonders how the hell it has taken them this long as his fingers lightly trace over the freckles on her bare back, silently wishing that they could stay like this forever.
He lets himself think that after last night, they might actually have a chance at being happy, together.
She can stay.
She will stay.
Because of him.
As he watches her sleeping peacefully, her words from last night replay in his head.
"I know your heart is in the right place in trying to get me to stay, Harvey, but I need you to let me go. Please. …I've based my decisions on you for close to fourteen years. This is something I want to, have to, do for me."
A sinking feeling appears in his stomach as he realises she's right; She has always made sacrifices for him and as much as it kills him, he needs to do the same for her.
The thought of her leaving makes him physically sick, but he knows after last night she will change her mind and stay for him, again.
If I love her, I need to respect her decision, he thinks to himself.
I have to put her first, I have to let her go.
He leans over to place a gentle kiss against her cheek, it takes everything in him to actually slip out of bed, trying not to wake her in the process.
He figures this will be easier; if he's leaves, she won't have the option to change her mind, to make yet another sacrifice for him.
It's time for him to make a sacrifice for her.
He quietly dresses and looks over at her one more time before slipping out the door.
There's no doubt in his mind; he's in love with Donna Paulsen.
A ray of light shining in from the window causes Donna to stir. She smiles to herself as last night's memories begin to flood her brain. She casually rolls over, expecting to be greeted by the sight of Harvey sleeping next to her.
Instead she's greeted by the sight of her empty bed.
Donna frowns, sitting up against the headboard.
"Harvey?" She calls out, hoping he's in just somewhere else in the apartment.
But deep down she knows, it's like Deja vu.
He's gone.
She's not sure why she's there, what was her plan going to be? Punch him? Yell at him?
How could he leave …AGAIN! One thing was for damn sure. She wants answers.
A myriad of curse words flowing through brain as she bangs on his front door.
This is just like the other time, she thinks to herself, sneaking out – running away - before I've woken up.
Not this time, Specter.
She was not expecting the sight in front of her when the door opens.
Paula.
"Paula. What are you? Uh, hi" Donna stutters.
"Hello, Donna." Paula says formally, an iciness evident in her tone.
"Is he home?" Donna asks tentatively.
Paula hesitates to answer.
"Look, Paula, I'm sorry. Everything that happened that night was completely my fault, not Harvey's" Donna admits, sincerely.
"…I kissed him, I initiated it, not him, he was completely taken by surprise! It was all me, I was just looking for an answer and blindsided him." She explains.
"…I never should have done that while he was with someone else and we never should have slept together. I'm so, so sorry my actions have hurt you, Paula, I know it doesn't mean much but that was never my intention. I realise this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but, I'm leaving town and I just wanted you to know, from me, I'm sorry."
Paula just continues to stare at her, before speaking calmly, "He's in the shower."
Donna is gobsmacked; Did Harvey lie?
Just last night he had told he had broken up with Paula.
"…And we're heading to brunch, so if you'll excuse us." She says coldly, beginning to close the door.
"Oh …and Donna? One more thing…" She says, pausing with the door half closed "…Stay the hell away from both of us!" She spits, slamming the door in her face.
Donna is stunned; her heart begins to race; a cold sweat starts to break out against her skin and she feels as if she's about to throw up.
How could he have lied to her like that?
In her daze she somehow manages to negotiate her way downstairs and out of his building.
If she had any doubts before about leaving, they were now gone.
She's done. Harvey Specter can go to hell.
As she walks away from his building, she's too distracted to notice Ray's Lexus pulling up across the road.
She doesn't see him get out of the car either.
Harvey's trying to talk himself out of calling her and begging her to stay for what seems like the hundredth time that morning as he opens the door to his penthouse.
He's meeting with a client at his house, upstate, and figures driving himself would be a welcome distraction.
His concentration is broken as he hears a familiar English accent.
"Hello, Harvey." She smiles, walking towards him, leaning up to place a soft kiss on his cheek.
"Paula." Harvey says, surprised. "Wha …What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to return this." She explains, holding up his key, Donna's key.
"Okay." He says cautiously.
"Look, Harvey, our romantic relationship may have ended, and I certainly can't resume seeing you as your therapist again, but there's no reason we can't remain friends." She reasons, rather persuasively he'll admit.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He agrees, "Thanks." He says, offering her a half smile as he takes the key back.
"Are you, okay, Harvey?" She queries.
"I thought you couldn't be my therapist anymore?"
"I can't, but I can be a friend."
Harvey sighs, "Donna resigned, effective immediately." He explains, "I guess I'm just struggling to see her move on after working together for so long." He lies, well aware of the reason he's struggling, but not in the mood for an impromptu, judgemental, therapy session with his now ex-girlfriend.
"I can't imagine how you must feel after so long" She says sympathetically, "…But don't worry, Harvey, I'm sure Donna will get exactly what she deserves." She adds.
"Thanks Paula." He says, missing her implication completely "…I've actually got a meeting though, so…" He begins, awkwardly.
"Oh no, it's fine" She dismisses, "I have my next patient in an hour, I just thought I'd return your key while I was in this part of town." She explains.
"Thanks, Paula, I guess I'll see you around then?"
"Count on it." She smiles, "Bye, Harvey." She says, heading towards the front door.
"Oh, shoot!" She says, feigning disappointment. "I need to check my emails, but my phone died, I'm waiting to hear back from a client about a rather pressing matter."
"Here, use mine." Harvey offers, passing her his cell, "I'm just going to the bathroom."
Paula takes the opportunity to swiftly type an email to Harvey's new secretary, Christina, from his email address.
Christina,
Due to recent events, I need you to cease any current and future correspondence from me with and including Donna Paulsen.
This is a highly sensitive matter and I do not wish to discuss the matter further; Donna is no longer an employee at Pearson Specter Litt and as such, this request needs to be executed immediately, please cease and intercept ALL communications, no exceptions.
Harvey.
She immediately presses send, smiling to herself when she receives an email back from Christina, merely minutes later.
Clearly, she portrays a believable Harvey; straight to the point, extremely businesslike.
Paula's relieved to discover that his new secretary was not only none the wiser, but completely unaware of Harvey and Donna's history and obviously desperate to make a good impression on her new employer.
Yes sir, understood.
All communications to you will be intercepted immediately and I will not broach the subject, regardless of circumstances.
I have taken the liberty of having Adam, from IT personnel, block any incoming calls to your cell and any emails to the firm, from Ms Paulsen, effective immediately; and I will intercept any calls to your office, myself.
Adam is aware of the urgency and sensitivity of the matter and that it requires the highest level of discretion.
Christina
She smirks, almost wickedly, as she deletes the trail of evidence, before Harvey can notice.
This is what you get for being unfaithful, she thinks to herself.
"Thanks, Harvey!" She calls out.
"You owe me!" He smiles, attempting a joke as he returns from the bathroom.
Paula smiles innocently, turning to walk back towards front the door.
You better believe I do, she thinks to herself.
* END OF FLASHBACK *
Yes, I made Paula the villain! Sorry to those of you who like her, but I really can't stand her character! Hope you enjoyed this flashback chapter, stay tuned to see who is reunited in chapter four.
As always, reviews are appreciated x
