A/N: Thank you a million times over for the amazing reviews on last chapter! I love hearing what you think. The baby with the encephalocele storyline that has Addison coming to Seattle was actually inspired by something I read about a year ago. I remembered thinking that writing a story with this type of case would be a perfect way for all of my favorite doctors to work together.
Anyway, here's the next chapter; I hope you like it. And thank you so much for reading!
"You're dressed up," Mark observed as he joined Derek in the hospital elevator.
Derek looked down at his blue button-down shirt and dress pants. Mark wasn't wrong. For a second, when he was getting dressed this morning, he'd considered a jacket. But he decided that was overkill.
"And you look … happy," Mark observed.
Again, Mark wasn't wrong. He was happy. Addison was scheduled to arrive in just over an hour and he was excited to see her. His trip to the Hamptons had awoken something in him (the guy he used to be, the grownup he used to be), and Addison had played no small part in that.
"Hold the elevator," Alex called out. "Woah." He crinkled his nose and looked at Derek. "Someone was liberal with their cologne this morning."
Derek bit back a retort. But Alex wasn't exactly wrong. Addison's visit had him acting like a teenager on a first date. A little too much cologne. A little overdressed. A little too much time in front of the mirror fussing over his hair.
"Why are you following us?" Derek asked Alex as the three men made their way towards Chief Webber's office.
"I'm on the encephalocele case that Dr. Montgomery is bringing in today."
"Why?" Derek's brow furrowed in confusion. He understood why Mark was on the case—if they went ahead and operated, they'd need a plastic surgeon to assist with the cranial reconstruction. But he didn't get what Karev added.
"Seattle Grace is a teaching hospital," Alex reminded Derek. "And unlike the two of you, Dr. Montgomery actually takes that seriously."
Mark chuckled and knocked on the chief's door.
"Come in." The chief checked his watch as the three surgeons situated themselves around his desk. "I was wondering what time you'd finally get here."
"I'm surprised you couldn't smell Dr. Shepherd from the hallway," Alex smirked.
"Anyway," Richard continued, choosing to ignore the resident's comment. "Let's talk logistics." He spread out the baby's most recent scans across his desk and turned to Derek. "You think it's operable?'
"I don't know," Derek admitted. "There's a good chance the baby won't survive until birth. And if he does, there's a good chance he'll only live a few hours. And even if he does survive, we don't know what his quality of life is going to be like."
Alex shook his head. "So you're pretty much saying that this couple is coming all this way for Dr. Montgomery to perform an abortion."
"Karev," Richard warned, as Mark shot the resident a death glare. "One more comment like that and I'll kick you off this case. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal, Chief."
"Good." Richard turned his attention back to Derek. "So, uh … is he … is Karev right?"
"I'm not sure." Derek sighed. "The odds aren't good. But if there's anyone who can give this baby a fighting chance, it's me and Addison."
"And me," Mark inserted.
"And you," Derek conceded. He turned back to the chief. "Addison and I … we're the only ones skilled enough to try it."
"And the only ones arrogant enough to try it," Mark quipped.
Derek gave Mark a condescending headshake before turning his attention back to Richard. "We're the only ones skilled enough to try it."
Richard raised an eyebrow. "You and Addison are on the same page about this?" It had been a long time since he last heard Derek use the word we to describe him and Addison.
Derek nodded. "We know it's a long shot. But we think it's a shot worth taking. We're Mason's best chance."
"Mason?" Richard looked at Derek pointedly. "Is that the baby's name?"
Derek nodded. "That's what his parents are calling him."
Richard nodded, and Derek could see the look of relief spread across the older man's face.
"Don't look so relieved," Derek warned. "You and I both know she's going to be attached."
"I know," Richard agreed with a sigh. "Anyway," he continued, picking up one of Mason's scans and studying it closely. "You're right; it's a long shot. But if you're successful, it'll mean good publicity for the hospital. And I trust Addison."
"Just Addison?" Derek asked.
Richard shook his head. "No. I trust you too." He met Mark and Alex's eyes. "I trust all of you. Just, remember," he continued, turning his attention back to Derek, "it's already a complicated, delicate situation. So, please, whatever you do, try not to make things more complicated."
xxxxx
"Can I tell you something?" Addison smiled as she walked into Derek's office. "I'm glad you agreed to take on this case."
Derek looked up from Mason's scans. "Hey," he grinned. He quickly got up from his desk and wrapped his ex-wife in a hug. "It's really good to see you."
"Yeah, you too."
Derek looked at her suspiciously. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," Addison answered quickly. "Everything's fine." She knew her voice sounded shaky. And Derek knew her better than anyone; she wasn't surprised that he'd picked up on the uneasiness her voice. So she changed the topic to something that had always been easy and uncomplicated for them—medicine.
"Are those Mason's," she asked gesturing to the scans sprawled across Derek's desk.
"Yeah. They're his latest ones. Do you want to take a look?"
Addison nodded. "Thanks," she said, accepting the scans from Derek.
She'd seen the scans before. She'd probably looked at them a hundred times. Which was good, because right now she couldn't focus on them.
She knew she had to tell Derek. He deserved to know.
"So what do you think about the baby?" Derek asked, coming up behind her.
"What?" Addison gasped in surprise, wondering how he could possibly know. "I, um, uh …" she trailed off ungracefully. "What?"
"Mason," Derek clarified. He was standing so close to her, she could feel his breath against her neck. "What do you think his odds are?"
"Oh," Addison breathed. "Right." She turned to face her ex-husband, her eyes serious. "His chances don't look great, Derek. I've never seen such a severe encephalocele case before."
"Me either."
Addison swallowed thickly. "Are we fighting a losing battle?"
"I don't know," Derek admitted. "I mean, a year or two ago, I would have said we are. But now … things are different. We're Mason's best chance. He needs someone to fight for him, Addie."
She turned his words over in her head. Technically they were her words … from the very first case they worked on together in Seattle. It was nice to know he'd been listening. It was nice to know she'd been heard.
"I'm attached," Addison admitted quietly. "To Mason. To his family. I know I shouldn't be, but I am."
A small smile spread across Derek's face. "You wouldn't be you if you weren't attached."
"I guess."
In all honesty, he was attached too. Not so much to Mason or Mason's family—the Richardsons. He hadn't met them yet.
But he was attached to the case because it gave him an excuse to see Addison. And seeing Addison—even just talking to her—brought back something he hadn't realized he was missing. Something he'd taken for granted. Something that, before his trip to the Hamptons, he didn't think he'd be able to recapture. But now, he wasn't so sure.
"And I know it's terrible," Addison continued, ripping Derek from his thoughts. "But I'm attached for selfish reasons too. I mean, of course, I want to save Mason for his sake and his family's sake. But also for my own." She sighed. "I miss working on tough cases. The surgeries I do in LA are all relatively routine and the exciting ones are few and far between."
"Well, that's kind of your own fault," Derek smirked. "I mean, what were you expecting when you decided to work at a place called Oceanside Wellness?"
"Shut up," Addison muttered, nudging Derek with her elbow. "You wouldn't be working on this case if it weren't for me."
"True," Derek conceded, offering Addison a smooth smile. "By the way, do you remember the brand of the cookie dough ice cream we had that night in the Hamptons? I've been trying to find it out here, but none of the brands I've tried so far are as good as the one we had that night."
Addison laughed. "It was just Ben & Jerry's, Derek. Nothing fancy."
"Oh," Derek chuckled. "I thought it was something more expensive."
"No," Addison said, shaking her head. "But I'll cut you some slack. You don't eat ice cream often. And you certainly don't eat cookie dough ice cream often."
"Actually cookie dough ice cream sounds pretty good right now, doesn't it?"
"Derek, it's ten in the morning."
"I know."
Addison sighed. In all honesty, cookie dough ice cream didn't sound bad. And unbeknownst to Derek, ice cream was one of the few foods that didn't send her running to the bathroom immediately after she ate it.
Which brought her back to the other issue at hand … telling Derek she was pregnant.
Now was as good a time as any. They were alone. He seemed to be in a good mood. She just needed to rip the Band-Aid off.
"Hey, Derek?" she began tentatively.
"Yeah?"
"I, uh, I just …"
"Addison?" Derek prompted in concern.
"I, um … maybe we could get some cookie dough ice cream after we meet with the Richardsons."
A warm smile spread across Derek's face. "I'd like that."
"Me too."
She ran a hand through her hair, silently cursing her spinelessness. Derek deserved to know. She had to tell him.
"Oh, and Derek?" she called out again, resolving not to lose her nerve this time.
"Yeah?"
"I-I just … I wanted to tell you …"
But she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.
"I, uh, I wanted to tell you …"
"Tell me what?" Derek asked, looking at her curiously.
"That, um …" She shook her head in defeat and sighed heavily. "That shirt looks great on you."
xxxxx
"So, how'd it go?" Naomi asked.
Addison sighed into the phone. "Derek agreed to take on the encephalocele case. We already ran a series of tests this morning and we're going to run some tomorrow to determine our course of treatment."
"So you're going to be Seattle for a while then?"
"I guess. It depends on the case."
"Okay. So, now that we've talked about work, let's talk about your personal life. How did Derek take the news?"
"I, um … well, he …"
"Addie …" Naomi chided. "Please tell me you told him."
"I haven't told him yet."
"Addison," Naomi scolded. "You have to tell him. You can't not tell him."
"I know," Addison admitted. "There just hasn't been a good time yet."
"Is there ever going to be a good time to tell him?"
Addison sighed. "I don't know. I just … when I hang up with you, Derek and I are going to get cookie dough ice cream together. I'll tell him then."
"Good. It's about time."
"Not my ideal way of sharing this type of news," Addison muttered. "But then again this whole situation isn't exactly ideal."
"Addison," Naomi scolded. "This is good news. And I know you don't believe it, but I honestly think that Derek's going to think it's good news too."
"Maybe," Addison shrugged. "Anyway, I've got to go. I was supposed to meet Derek in the hospital lobby five minutes ago. I'll talk to you later, Nae."
"Bye, Addie. Good luck."
xxxxx
"You were good with Julie," Derek complimented.
Addison shrugged. "I didn't really do much. It was just a consult."
"No," Derek disagreed. "She trusts you." He plunged his spoon into his pint of ice cream. "That's huge in a case like this."
"She trusts you too," Addison pointed out as she nervously fiddled with her own pint of ice cream.
After their consult, she and Derek went to a nearby store to pick up two pints of Ben and Jerry's. Now they were sitting together on a bench just outside the hospital eating their ice cream.
Well, he was eating.
"This is good," Derek approved, swallowing another spoonful of ice cream. "Not as good as it was that night in the Hamptons," he smirked. "But still good." He looked at his ex-wife closely. "Are you okay? You're not eating your ice cream."
"I, um, I have to tell you something, Derek."
"Is everything okay?" Derek asked quickly, registering the serious tone in his ex-wife's voice.
"Yeah. Um, everything's okay. "It's just …" She met his eyes and quickly looked away. "I'm pregnant."
"Wait, what?"
"I'm pregnant," Addison repeated.
He tried to say something, but found himself unable to form words.
But he quickly found that he didn't need words to piece the story together.
He gleaned from Addison's expression alone that it happened in the Hamptons … the baby was his … and she was keeping it.
"Derek I'm so sorry."
"I … um … I thought you said … uh …"
"I know," Addison said, easily making sense of Derek's incoherence.
And even though he had every right to question her alleged infertility, admittedly, she wished he hadn't.
She looked at him apologetically. "You must think I'm the world's biggest liar. But I will show you any test you want to see. I'll have Naomi send over my files. And if you want a patern-"
"I don't."
"What?"
"I don't want a paternity test," Derek said, suddenly finding his voice. "And I don't want to see the series of tests Naomi ran on you."
"I … okay."
"A bunch of tests and papers aren't going to change the situation," he muttered, not quietly enough.
Addison flinched at that. "Derek, I—"
"I just … I need a minute," Derek interrupted, massaging his temples. "Alone. Away from all this," he added, gesturing vaguely. "I can't think about this, right now."
Addison swallowed thickly. "Oh, okay," she choked out, even though it wasn't okay. Not even close.
She was prepared for Derek to be shocked or angry. She was prepared for him to feel lied to or betrayed. And even though she knew it was a long shot, Naomi's optimism had prepared Addison for the small chance that Derek might be happy. Ecstatic, even.
What she wasn't prepared for was for him to walk away. But as she watched his retreating form, she couldn't help thinking that maybe she should have. After all, walking away was what he did best.
xxxxx
Derek sat outside his trailer, nursing a glass of scotch. He'd left work early, claiming that he was feeling sick and nauseous. It wasn't untrue, but looking back, he wished he would have used a different cover story. Based on what he knew about pregnancy, he assumed Addison probably was dealing with her fair share of nausea (not that he'd bothered to ask), which would make what he was experiencing … sympathy pains.
Except he hadn't showed her much sympathy.
It had literarily taken him two sips of scotch to realize he could have handled things better. Sure, it was a messy, confusing, complicated situation; but he could have handled it better.
She had told him that he was going to be a father. And he'd responded by putting his own feelings first, shutting down conversation, and running away from the situation.
Not very dad-like.
He'd always wanted kids. And for a significant portion of his adult life, he'd wanted kids with Addison.
But now things were complicated.
Lately, things between him and Addison had been good (well, they had been until a few hours ago). Since returning from the Hamptons, they texted, spoke regularly … even flirted. And he'd been looking forward to having her in Seattle … working with her, spending time with her, and a small part of him even had faint hopes of rekindling things with her.
Maybe their post-Hamptons dynamic was a mistake. But it was a mistake that he and Addison could afford to make. They were adults and could handle it. But this was not a mistake they could drag an innocent baby into.
Without thinking about it, he dialed Addison's number.
She picked up on the second ring.
"I'm surprised you answered."
"Dodging calls is your signature move, not mine," she responded coolly.
He couldn't exactly argue with her there.
"I was worried you might be calling about Mason," she admitted after a moment.
"No," Derek said quietly. "I'm calling to talk about us. And what happened this afternoon. Addison, I'm sorry."
"I am too. I shouldn't have just dumped that news on—"
"Addison, only one of us owes the other one an apology right now … and it's not you. So, let me apologize. I got overwhelmed and I shut down. And I'm sorry."
"It's an overwhelming situation."
"It is," Derek agreed. "But I'm in. I want to be there. I have to be there."
"I know," Addison said quietly. "I knew you'd say that."
"And not just because of what happened to my dad," Derek clarified. "I mean, yes, that's part of it. I missed out on having growing up with my dad and having a relationship with him, and I could never knowingly do the same to someone else. But it's more than that. I want a relationship with my child. I want to be in our child's life."
Addison nodded mutely. At the end of the day, there was never any doubt in her mind that Derek would be a good father.
"And I want to be there for birthdays and holidays," Derek continued. "And baseball games or dance recitals … even if it means I have to be in the same room as Archer and your parents several times a year."
Addison chuckled at that. "I wouldn't count on Bizzy and the Captain being doting grandparents." She sighed heavily. "But, yeah, I guess having a kid together kind of makes us permanent parts of each other's lives, huh?"
"Yeah," Derek agreed. "But you were already a pretty permanent part of my life before this … despite our divorce."
"Der-"
"It's true," Derek insisted. "You're one the main things that got me through med. school and residency. You knew me when I was a nervous medical student. And you were there when I was named head of Neuro at Mt. Sinai. So much of my professional identity is wrapped up in you."
Addison swallowed thickly. She wanted to argue with him, but she couldn't. Because so much of her professional identity was wrapped up in him. And not just her professional identity.
"My bank PIN is your birthday," she admitted. "I, uh, I never changed it."
Derek chuckled. "Mine's our anniversary. Hey, Addison?" he asked, suddenly growing serious.
"Yeah?"
"Let's redo this afternoon. Tell me you're pregnant again."
"What?" Addison asked in confusion. "Like, right now?"
"No."
"I'm confused."
"You and I have watched my sisters announce their pregnancies at family gatherings for over a decade. Some of the announcements have been cute, others have been tacky, and some have been downright awful. And you always said that you didn't care about the big family announcement … and that when the time came for us, you already knew how you wanted to tell me."
Addison swallowed roughly, surprised for the second time that day that her ex-husband so vividly remembered something she'd told him. "I don't know about this, Derek."
"Come on, Addison," Derek pleaded. "This will likely be the only time you get to do this. And this afternoon didn't go well. Let's do it right."
Addison felt her lip quiver involuntarily. Technically, this wasn't the only time she'd ever done this. The thought made her nauseous (more nauseous).
"Please, Addison," Derek begged. "We deserve this."
Addison sighed. She was pretty sure she didn't deserve the cutesy pregnancy announcement. Not with her past. But maybe Derek did. And she was never very good at saying no to Derek anyway.
"Okay," she agreed after a minute. "I'll do it."
"You will?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you."
Addison felt her throat quiver "So, um, do you want to talk logistics? You know, how we plan to handle the complicated situation we've found ourselves in?" she asked, desperate to change the subject. "Or have we met our daily quota for big, life-changing discussions?"
Derek chuckled. "You're going to be here a while. At least I hope you are," he amended, growing serious.
Addison nodded. If things with Mason went well, she'd be in Seattle a while. If they didn't, she wouldn't.
"There's going to be plenty of time for us to talk about logistics," Derek continued. "But tonight … I think I just need to let everything sink in."
"Yeah," Addison agreed. In all honesty, it was easier this way. And right now, she'd kill for simplicity … even if it meant delaying the inevitable. "Well, um I should probably go."
"Yeah, me too, I guess. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah. Good night, Derek."
"Good night, Addison."
"Hey, Derek?" Addison called out, just as they were about to hang up the phone. "Can I tell you something?"
Derek chuckled. "Yeah."
"I'm glad you called."
He smiled. "Can I tell you something?"
"Yeah."
"I'm glad you answered."
xxxxx
Derek walked into the hospital early the next morning carrying a few bottles of what he knew to be Addison's favorite brand of ginger ale. He knew yesterday afternoon wasn't exactly his best showing of a reliable father-to-be … or even of a decent human being; and he felt like he still had some ground to make up with Addison.
Sure, the ginger ale was a small gesture, but it was start.
He moved to get his office keys from his pocket, but saw that his office door was already unlocked. He usually locked his office before going home for the evening; but he'd left the hospital yesterday in such a rush that it was very plausible that he accidentally left his office door open.
Nothing appeared to be missing. And a small smile formed on his face when he realized that the opposite was true. Sitting on his desk was a rectangular gift, wrapped in shiny silver wrapping paper.
From Addison, of course.
A small card sat on the top of the gift. It didn't have a message … just his name – Derek Shepherd, M.D. – written in what he easily recognized as Addison's handwriting.
The M.D. part struck him as a little odd given the context. But then again, he worked hard for those letters at the end of his name, and Addison knew that.
He opened the gift and immediately felt a broad smile spread across his face and his heart flutter in his chest. Addison had given him a small, sterling silver double picture frame.
On the left side was his business card from when he was the head of neuro at Mt. Sinai (his very first dream job). His name was printed across the card in black letters.
Derek Shepherd, M.D.
On the right side was a sonogram picture. And underneath the picture, in Addison's handwriting, was his name.
Derek Shepherd, M.D. (My Dad)
Looking at the double picture frame, Derek knew three things for certain.
The first … it was the most perfect pregnancy announcement he could ever imagine. (But Addison used to say that all people felt that way about their own pregnancy announcements).
The second … his son or daughter was the most perfect baby he'd ever seen ... even if he or she was just a clump of cells right now. (Again, Addison used to say all new parents felt that way about their own sonogram pictures).
The third … he couldn't remember what the third thing was. But that didn't matter; because, right now, the first two things were more than enough for him.
A/N 2: Just want to give credit where it's due. I got the idea for the pregnancy announcement from a Father's Day gift a friend of mine bought her husband (who's an M.D.) from their daughter – a poem about how M.D. actually stands for My Dad. I thought the idea was adorable, but I also wanted to tweak it for this story. Addison and Derek don't really strike me as poem people, and I also wanted something that equally acknowledged both Derek's medical degree and impending fatherhood.
Anyway, sorry for the long author's note. I hope you liked the chapter. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
