DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS, NOR AM I MAKING ANYTHING OUT OF THIS APART FROM MY OWN ENTERTIANMENT

"Hmm…this shade will really draw out the colour of your eyes." Una was holding a long royal blue tunic in front of Thorin. He opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it. "You're right, it would just clash." She threw it dismissively onto a huge pile of already discarded clothing and plucked another from the wardrobe. Thorin buried his face in his hands. So far, it had been two whole hours and his aunt had only succeeded in deciding what under-clothes he should wear. Unfortunately, her enthusiasm was inexhaustible.

Bilbo had wandered in after 30 minutes to ask what was taking so long. Una had been scandalised. "My nephew is dressing, Master Baggins! You cannot just enter in such a manner, it is most improper. Especially as you are his betrothed. Away with you this instant!" And he had been ushered red-faced from the room.

"Aunt…" Thorin tried as Una seized a tunic practically identical to the many she had held up before. "I appreciate your efforts, but do consider I have yet to send out invitations to guests and order the hall to be appropriately decorated in your honour. Time is wearing thin."

"Don't worry, sweetpea, I've already done it."

Thorin blinked a few times. "Oh? Who has been invited?"

"Just a couple of friends and family members. Nothing too major." Una replied breezily.

Thorin tried to mask his sigh of relief. He was still convinced this ball was a bad idea, and he certainly wasn't in the mood for entertaining. This whole situation was frankly ridiculous. He was a Dwarven King, for Durin's sake, and perfectly capable of dressing himself.

Una suddenly squealed. "Oh, how simply gorgeous!" she held up a bright pink tunic in triumph.

Thorin's started in horror. "No." he said bluntly.

Una failed to heed him. "Yes, yes, how perfect it will look with that silver belt and your blue boots!"

"I said no." Thorin tried again.

"And it will really accentuate your midnight hair and pale skin."

"It absolutely will not."

"Come come, try it on." She attempted to force it over his head. Thorin protested wildly. "Now stop being so silly." She scolded.

"Aunt, I'll look totally ridiculous! I am a King, and King's do not wear pink."

"Your grandfather looked mighty fetching in the colour, as I recall."

"What on earth will the company think of me, all dressed up like a little g-"

"-they will respect you for your excellent sense of style and fashion. And by yours, I mean mine."

"Bilbo might think less of me…"

"Bilbo can also wear pink and you can attend the ball as a matching couple. I hear it's the done thing these days and you'll look so cute!"

"But Aunt," Thorin splutter, "I am…well, manly and-"

"Really, now, Thorin. I do not care to hear that the colour pink offends your masculinity. That is a most outdated view, and any nephew of mine shall wear the colour with pride. Am I quite understood?"

Thorin hunched in on himself, grumbling and mumbling and muttering darkly.

Una tutted to herself. "Always so stubborn." She allowed him to sulk into a false sense of security, before pouncing on him and dragging it over his head with brute strength.

She sat back and admired her handiwork. "Perfection. Now, time to fix that hair."

"W-what?" His eyes widened in fear.

Una looked at him sternly. "It is a complete mess, dear. Straggly, long and mattered. Its need styling, and your beard could do with a good pruning too. And perhaps oiling. Of course, there's also the nails and hands in general. Honestly, do you even try to maintain a personal appearance?"

Thorin looked at the window and tried to judge whether he'd be able to throw himself out of it before Una could stop him. Deciding it impossible, he slouched resignedly into the bathroom where she was gleefully filling up the tub.

Many, many hours later, Bilbo, Thorin, Kili and Fili miserably dragged their feet to the great hall. They were all dressed in the same shade of pink. Fili and Kili's cheeks were ruddy red from being viciously scrubbed with soap, and Thorin's hair hung sleek and tamed. They all looked utterly mortified. Apart from Bilbo of course, who was facing the situation with his customary cheer and felt no shame at all in being attired in such a colour. They halted outside the door.

"I'm not going in there…" Kili muttered. "I look so stupid."

"Not as bad as me Ki." Fili tried to comfort him. "She's tied my beard in a bow."

Thorin's outrage and humiliation had rendered him beyond speech.

"I think you're all being a bit dramatic." Bilbo chimed in. "Just because you are clean and dressed nicely for once doesn't mean you should lose your self-respect!"

Fili sniffed regally. "We are the heirs of Durin. She has no right to intervene in our life choices like this."

"Yeah." Agreed Kili. "why should it matter that my finger nails are dirty? I like them dirty!"

"I'm sure you do, but does Tauriel?" Bilbo questioned seriously.

Kili's cross expression melted at the sound of the name. "Tauriel says she loves me no matter what." He said with quiet pride.

"I love you no matter what." Fili added. Kili threw his arms around his brother.

"I've had enough." Thorin suddenly broke in. "I'm going back to my room to change and you are both welcome to do the same because I, King Under the Mountain, say so. She cannot control us in this manner."

"You tell her, Thorrie." quipped Fili. He cowered at the expression on Thorin's face. "Just kidding."

"You better have been." Thorin growled. "…Fifi." His lips lifted into a faint smirk at Fili's expression.

Kili laughed. "Come on, let's go, before the horrid old hag stops u-"

"Going somewhere?" Una loomed out from around a corner. Her hand clenched tight on Kili's shoulder, who let out a little squeak. Fili gulped audibly. Thorin, on the other hand, squared his shoulders.

"Yes." He rumbled. "We are returning to our chambers to dress in clothes we are comfortable wearing, not these ridiculous pantomime clown outfits."

Una regarded him for a moment. "Those ridiculous-pantomime-clown-outfits are what I have selected for you to wear this evening."

Thorin stared back at her stoically. Everyone else in the doorway was holding their breaths.

"It is considered unwise for a dwarf to disrespect their relatives." Una stated in a quiet voice.

"Be that as it may." Thorin attempted to step past her, but she seized his arm. Her face had gone still and cold as marble. "Very unwise," she persisted, "considering all the things they may know about you."

Bilbo was suddenly terrified by the voice. Really, the whole conversation was utterly immature. So why had everything turned rather menacing? Was it him, or had the temperature decreased massively?

Thorin paused. "What do you mean by that?"

Una's face split into a sinister smile. "Well, let's just say I know a lot of, how to put it…potentially embarrassing stories from your childhood. Which wasn't all that long ago to me. How would you like it if my lips slipped a little? For example: Bilbo, did you know that Thorin used to-"

"STOP." ground out Thorin.

Una grinned maliciously. "Better do what you're Aunt says then."

Thorin stepped forward with fire blazing in his eyes. "How dare you-"

"-used to like eati-"

Thorin visibly struggled with himself. Then his shoulders collapsed in defeat. "Very well."

"That's better." said Una. "Now, what do you say?"

Thorin stared resolutely at the floor.

"Answer me."

Thorin muttered something totally indistinguishable.

"Didn't quite catch that."

"…sorry." He at last choked out.

"Sorry for what?" Una inquired sweetly.

He lifted his head and glared at her balefully, before dropping it again. "I am sorry for disobeying you."

Una nodded graciously. "You are forgiven."

Fili, Kili and Bilbo were staring in horrified awe at the dreadful dwarf lady that had brought Thorin so low.

Fili, filled with outrage on his uncle's behalf, burst out "You have no hold over me and Kili. We can do what we want!"

Una span around to face him with a tight smile. "Is that so?"

Fili's expression faltered and he shifted to stand slightly in front of his younger brother.

"Well," Una continued, "I assume you have no objections to me informing Dis that you were shamefully disrespectful to your poor old great aunt."

Kili gasped. "You wouldn't!"

"She'd kill us!" moaned Fili.

Una folded her arms and stared at them unmoved.

Broken, the young dwarves filed back to their defeated uncle's side. Bilbo felt sick – how could his bold and hot-headed friends be reduced to such a pitiful state?

"Now." Una serenely shook out her magenta gown and adjusted the spangled turban atop her head. Her beard had been adorned with little silk ribbons. "Are we all about ready?" She opened the doors of the great hall. Within, a sea of dwarfs, humans and elves were dancing, gossiping and drinking themselves into a buzzing party state. They all turned and bowed as The King, his heirs, his consort and his guest of honour entered the room.

This is notjust a couple of friends and family members, Thorin thought glumly as he marched into the masses.

HELLOO AGAIN! I REALLY LOVE WRITING THIS. HOPE YOU CONTINUE READING FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER