A/N: HARRY POTTER. OH MY WIZARD GOD. The movie was great; I think I would've enjoyed it more if my audience hadn't consisted of horny teenage boys who didn't even read the books and were only there to pick up girls (hint: didn't happen), and if the movie hadn't cut out twice, leading to me missing a good twenty to thirty minutes of the movie, BUT OTHER THAN THAT, I really liked it. And yes, I did dress up, radish earrings and all.
Gigantic thanks to MWA220, ichthyosaurus, Hicc, xv323, u r awesome, 123NinjaKat, and RockstarVikingAngel for reviewing; I less than three all of you!
Enjoy!
When the water barrel had been filled and put back in Mead Hall, I flopped down on my bed with my boots still on. I was tired as Hel now that I wasn't running around trying to save the village, and I was gonna take a nap, and nobody was gonna stop me.
"Ruff?"
Except for my dad.
I opened one eye. "Hmph?"
He sat down on the bed beside me and rubbed my back with his massive hand. "Stoick's going to Helheim's Gate te find the dragon's nest this afternoon."
I shut my eye. "That's nice." I was exhausted, I was in my bed, and my dad was rubbing my back. You try staying awake through that.
"I'm going with him."
Um. What? I rolled onto my side and propped myself up on my elbow. "What?"
He sighed. "He's hoping that if we find the nest, we can kill them all or at least scare them off so that they'll find another nest and stop attacking us."
I'm not an idiot; I'd heard the stories about what happened to the Vikings who went looking for the nest. "But Dad, most ships never come back."
He smiled. "We're Vikings; it's an occupational hazard."
I rolled my eyes; that was the excuse every Viking used for anything dangerous. And somehow, whenever me and Tuff tried to use it to do something dangerous, Mom never thought it was a good enough excuse… "Dad—"
"We shouldn't be gone more than a fortnight."
"You could be gone forever."
"Ah, my daughter; ever the optimist." Dad tugged on my braid. "I know it's a lot te ask, but I'll need you and your brother te mind yer mother while I'm away."
"Joy."
"And I'll also need you and yer brother te try te get along."
"Double joy."
"And if you feel like you're about te kill someone, you can go visit yer Uncle Bloodnut; he's staying here te hunt."
I perked up. "Can I stay with him?"
Dad laughed. "You know your mother would kill me if I said yes te that. Besides, he'll be busy hunting most of the day; he can't watch you and build up a food supply at the same time."
"I could help him; he took me and Tuff hunting that one winter, remember?" I reminded him. When we were ten, Dad let us spend a week with Uncle Bloodnut so that he could teach us the "finer points" of hunting. I found out I'm a pretty good shot with a bow and arrow. My brother is not. Nyah.
Dad shook his head. "You'll be so busy with dragon training that I doubt you'll have time to get annoyed by yer mother."
I sat up straight. "Dragon training?"
He grinned. "Aye; your first lesson is tomorrow."
I grinned back. "Who's teaching us?"
"Gobber."
I made a face. "Sure, Dad, have the man missing two limbs teach us how to survive a dragon attack."
He tugged on my braid again. "Gobber's a lot smarter than you think; he knows more about dragons than most of the men on this island. You're lucky te be learning from him."
I sighed dramatically. "I guess I can survive."
Dad rolled his eyes. "Thank you." He stood up. "I'm going te tell yer brother and then I'll be off; try and behave while I'm away."
"Define 'behave.'"
He kissed my head. "Make me proud while I'm away."
I hugged him. "When you come back, I'll be the most badass dragon killer ever."
He grinned. "I know you will."
When he left, I lay back down and stared at the ceiling. I was still tired, but I couldn't go back to sleep. On the one hand, Dad was skipping off on a mission that most Vikings never returned from. On the other, I was starting dragon training. Is it bad that I was more excited than worried? Dragon training was like...the portal into adulthood. If you passed, you were a real Viking.
I sat straight up; I had an idea. A brilliant idea. A master-plan. I was gonna become an awesome Viking and dragon-slayer. I wasn't gonna be the best or anything—are you kidding? No way in Hel Astrid was gonna let that happen—but I was gonna be pretty damn impressive, so much so that any guy would be honored for me to like him. Like, he would go, "Oh, dudes, Ruffnut totally digs me!" And his buddies would be all, "You're insane, man, Ruffnut would never like you, she's just too awesome." But I wasn't gonna go for just any guy—I was gonna go for Hiccup. And let's face it, a kick-ass dragon-slayer like me would just be too good for a loser like Hiccup to ask for. Which is why he couldn't turn me down. How could he?
I flopped back against the pillows, grinning. Operation Win Hiccup: effective tomorrow.
When me and Tuff got to the kill ring the next morning, the others were already there.
"'Sup, Double-Menace?" Snotlout said, doing that stupid head-jerking thing guys do when they say hi. Seriously, how do they not get whiplash from that?
"Nothing much; I'm just gonna kick your ass at dragon killing," Tuff said, puffing out his chest.
"Clearly I am going to kick both your asses," I said, flipping my braids over my shoulders.
"In what world, butt-braids?" Tuff snorted. I kicked him.
Gobber finally limped up to the ring. "Ah, glad to see you all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!"
"What does that even mean?" Tuff whispered.
Gobber moved down the ramp and threw up the gate. "Welcome to dragon training!"
Astrid said something like, "No turning back." Like, who would even turn back from dragon training?
We moved into the ring, looking around. We'd all seen it from the outside plenty of times, but this was the first time any of us had actually been inside it. It was an awesome feeling.
"I hope I get some serious burns!" Tuff said.
"I'm hoping for some mauling," I said. "Like on my shoulder or lower back." Those scars would be sexy as Hel, let me tell you.
"Yeah," Astrid said, sounding only half-impressed. She seemed pretty chill right now—I hoped it would last. "It's only fun if you get a scar out of it."
"Yeah, no kidding, right?"
We all turned around to see Hiccup. My heart did that really stupid flip-flop thing again. Hiccup was here. In dragon training.
"Pain; love it," he said sarcastically. He was carrying an axe that was way too huge for him.
"Oh, great," Tuff groaned. "Who let him in?"
I had to remember to pretend I didn't like Hiccup.
"Let's get started!" Gobber said. "The recruit who does best will win the honor of killing his first dragon in front of the entire village!"
Before I could say, "Who says it's gonna be a he?" because seriously, sexist much? Snotlout said, "Hiccup already killed a Night Fury, sooo, does that disqualify him, or…?"
Me and Tuff laughed.
"Can I transfer to the class with the cool Vikings?" Tuff asked as we all stood in line. "I mean, who do I talk to about that?"
"If you could, it wouldn't be the class with the cool Vikings anymore," I said.
He reached for my braids and I danced out of his grip, landing between Astrid and Snotlout. Tuff held two fingers up to his eyes and then pointed them at me. "You better watch your back, sis."
"I'm shaking in my boots," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Behind these doors are just a few of the many species you will learn te fight!" Gobber said, moving to the huge doors. "The Deadly Nadder…"
"Speed eight, armor sixteen," Fishlegs said. I think that was the most excited I had ever heard him get over anything.
"The Hideous Zippleback…"
"Plus eleven stealth, times two."
"The Monstrous Nightmare…"
"Firepower fifteen."
"The Terrible Terror…"
"Attack eight, venom twelve!"
"Can you stop that?" Gobber bellowed at Fishlegs, doing us all a favor. He rolled his eyes. "And, the Gronckle."
"Jaw strength eight," Fishlegs whispered.
"Whoa, whoa, wait!" Snotlout said, jumping forward. "Aren't you gonna teach us first?"
My eyes got wide. Was Gobber seriously gonna unleash a dragon on us before we'd learned anything?
"I believe in learning on the job," Gobber said all calmly, tugging on the lever.
Yes. Yes, apparently, he was going to unleash a dragon on us before we'd learned anything. The Gronckle flew out of its cage, and everyone went running.
"Today is about survival! If you get blasted, you're dead," Gobber said cheerfully. Well. That was encouraging. "Quick, what's the first thing you're going to need?"
"A doctor?" Hiccup suggested.
"Plus five speed?" Fishlegs wondered.
"A shield," Astrid said.
"Shields, go!" Gobber agreed. "Your most important piece of equipment is your shield. If you must make a choice between a sword or a shield, take the shield!"
Me and Tuff ran up to a bunch of shields lying on the ground and reached for the same one. "Get your hands off my shield!" Tuff snapped, tugging on the shield.
"There's like a million shields!" I pointed out, tugging on it too.
"Take that one, it has a flower on it; girls like flowers."
I jerked the shield out of his hands and bashed him over the head with it. "Oops; now this one has blood on it."
Tuff grabbed the shield and started tugging on it again—until the Gronckle blasted it and sent us both spinning to the ground.
"Tuffnut, Ruffnut, you're out!"
"What?" we asked at the same time.
Wow. Way to impress Hiccup. We gave each other a look before dragging ourselves to the side as Gobber kept talking. "Those shields are good for another thing—noise. Make lots of it to throw off a dragon's aim! All dragons have a limited number of shots—how many does a Gronckle have?"
"Five?" Snotlout tried.
"No, six!" Fishlegs said.
"Correct, six!" Gobber said happily. "That's one for each of you!" The Gronckle blasted at Fishlegs, who yelled and ran away. "Fishlegs, out! Hiccup, get in there! Snotlout, you're done! One shot left!" One by one, Fishlegs, Snotlout, and Astrid all joined me and Tuff until Hiccup was the only one left. He ended up with his back to the wall and the Gronckle right in front of him. I watched with wide eyes, but Gobber hooked his interchangeable hand in its mouth and jerked it away so that the shot just missed Hiccup.
"And that's six. Go back te bed, ye overgrown sausage!" Gobber snapped, swinging the Gronckle back into its cage. He dropped the pin in the door. "You'll get another chance, don't you worry. Remember: a dragon will always, always go for the kill." He looked around. "Class dismissed. Remember, we're meeting up at Mead Hall for dinner tonight; be ready to talk about your mistakes in the ring today!"
I groaned and followed the others out of the ring.
"He's a nut," Snotlout muttered. "What in the name of Odin's saggy left ball was he thinking, letting a dragon loose on us like that?"
"I thought it was a good experience," Astrid said, flipping her fringe out of her eyes. "You'll never learn if you don't get out there and do it."
"Says the girl who ran away," I pointed out.
She glared at me.
"I still say he's crazy," Snotlout muttered.
And speaking of crazy… "You guys go ahead; I'm gonna visit my uncle," I said; Uncle Bloodnut didn't live too far from the kill ring.
"Yeah, me too," Tuff agreed. The others moved on and me and Tuff headed to the right. "I still can't believe we were the first ones out," Tuff complained, stepping over a log. "I mean, seriously, even Hiccup stayed in the ring longer than we did!"
"He stayed in longer than anyone did," I pointed out.
We came to Uncle Bloodnut's front door and banged on it. "Who's there?" he shouted from inside.
"Draugr to collect your soul," Tuff rasped.
The door swung open and Uncle Bloodnut grinned beneath his enormous beard. "Well, if it isn't Berk's greatest dragon killers!" he boomed (my uncle doesn't talk, he booms), pulling us both into one of his hugs that almost breaks your bones. "Come in, come in, and tell me all about your first lesson!"
"Gobber is batshit, for serious," Tuff whined, dropping into a chair. He yelped and pulled a bear jaw out of the seat.
"So I'm guessing he went with the 'learning on the job' approach?"
"Ugh, yes," I groaned, taking a seat that didn't have something sharp and spiky in it. "Which would've been okay if we weren't facing a Gronckle."
"So who all is in your class?" Uncle Bloodnut wanted to know, pouring us some ale. Yeah, my uncle gives fourteen-year-olds ale, so what? He's the most bad-ass uncle ever, even if he is off his damn rocker.
"Astrid Hofferson, Snotlout Jorgenson, Fishlegs Ingerman, and Hiccup Haddock," I said, ticking them off on my fingers.
Uncle Bloodnut raised his eyebrows. "Stoick's boy?"
"The very same," Tuff confirmed, taking a swig.
"How did that go?"
"The usual: chaos, anarchy, lots of fire," I said in a bored voice.
"Ruff has a crush on him," Tuff announced.
I glared at him. "Tuff!"
Uncle Bloodnut practically howled with laughter. "And they call me crazy!"
I dropped my head onto my arm. "Please stop talking."
"Ah, it's all right, lass; you could do worse," he said, patting my back. "At least you won't have te worry about the competition, eh?"
"You can say that again," Tuff sniggered.
"You've got a right good shot," Uncle Bloodnut continued. "He's not in much of a position to turn yeh down, is he?"
"I appreciate the words of comfort," I snapped, "but can we please just stop talking about it?"
"I think it's that time of the month," Tuff whispered loudly.
I punched him.
"Oh, all right," Uncle Bloodnut agreed. "How's about some weed rat stew?"
Me and Tuff gave each other worried looks—we'd eaten Uncle Bloodnut's weed rat stew before, and our stomachs weren't about to forget it anytime soon. I casually stretched and stood up. "You know, we really have to go," I said in a gee-what-a-shame kind of voice.
"Yeah…you know how Mom is," Tuff agreed, also standing up.
Uncle Bloodnut looked disappointed. "Aye, I suppose I do."
"We'll stop by tomorrow," I promised.
"All right; see yeh later!" Uncle Bloodnut said as we headed out the door.
"Bye!" we threw over our shoulders.
"Thank Odin," Tuff muttered when we were out of earshot. "I already almost died once today, thanks."
"I know, right?" I looked up at the sky. "Think it's gonna rain tonight?"
Tuff looked up and made a face. "It better not."
