Linda normally spent the hours following evening mess in her cabin reading email and updating her personal logs. She liked to record the events of the day: what happened, the status of team members, concerns that she had, etc; it helped her relax and organize her thoughts. Tonight, however, it wasn't working; her computer screen was blank and her thoughts were jumbled. She sighed, rubbing her forehead; she could feel a headache beginning.
The Normandy had raced to Horizon in a desperate attempt to stop the Collectors before they could harvest the colonists. The Collectors arrived first; at least half of the colonists were lost. One of the survivors was foremost in her thoughts tonight: Kaidan Alenko – powerful biotic, teammate on the original Normandy, and former lover. Shepard had tried to find all of her original team members after she awoke on Lazarus Research Station, but no one could – or would – tell her anything about Kaidan. Seeing him on Horizon had been a shock. She had wondered what it would be like when - no, if - they met again. Somehow, she had imagined things going somewhat better than they actually had. Kaidan had hugged her and seemed pleased to see her, but his words had indicated otherwise. He was furious that she hadn't contacted him during the preceding two years. He wouldn't listen when she tried to explain that she couldn't – death and medically induced comas tend to make communication difficult. He was also not happy to learn that she was working with Cerberus; she couldn't blame him for that, sometimes she still found it hard to believe herself.
Come on, Shepard, she said to herself, snap out of it! She glanced at the photo of Kaidan on her desk and sighed again.
"Shepard?" A voice came over the cabin door intercom. It was Garrus; he had never come to her cabin before. Surprised, she opened the door.
"Garrus? Is everything OK?" she asked, worried.
"Actually" he replied, "that is what I wanted to ask you. Can I come in?"
"Of course," she replied, stepping out of the way. She led him to the sitting area, motioned for him to sit down, and sat next to him.
"How are you?" Garrus asked. He raised one hand, "Before you even try to tell me that you're fine, remember that I was with you on Horizon today. I saw – and heard – your 'reunion' with Alenko."
"Yeah" she replied with a wry smile, "not exactly what you would expect between long-lost lovers was it?"
"He was pretty hard on you" Garrus said.
Shepard sat forward, rubbing her forehead again. "He was, but I don't blame him. After all, it has been two years for him and only a matter of days for me. He spent two years dealing with his loss and just when he has started to make a life for himself again – I show back up. Poor guy – he probably felt like he had been body-slammed by a Krogan." She looked up and smiled slightly.
"He hurt you" Garrus said; it was a statement, not a question.
"Yes", Shepard said quietly, "but I hurt him first – even if I didn't do it intentionally." She paused, and then added "He sent me an email apologizing for what he said. Kaidan is starting to build a new life for himself without me; his message said that he is starting to date again. I want him to find happiness; he deserves it."
"So, what are you going to do now?" Garrus asked, leaning forward to face her.
"I'm not going to pursue Kaidan, if that's what you're asking" she replied, cocking an eyebrow at him.
He gave her a nod, with a bit of a twinkle in his grey eyes.
"I've spent a lot of time thinking about our relationship this evening." She shook her head and rubbed her neck. "All of these emotions and nothing to shoot at have given me a headache," she said with a slight grimace.
Garrus just shook his head.
Shepard slid down in her seat and leaned her head on the back of the couch. "I know that our relationship would never have lasted. I think I've actually known that for some time. Don't get me wrong – Kaidan and I had fun together and I cared for him, but our relationship just didn't have what it takes to last."
"Why do you say that?" Garrus asked. He took Shepard's arm and pulled her forward so that she was sitting on the edge of the couch; he then turned her away from him and began to massage her neck and shoulders.
"Mmmmm", Shepard sighed, leaning into the massage. "Garrus, that's wonderful." Even through his gloves, she could feel the heat of his hands soaking into her muscles as he rubbed, helping her relax.
"I'm glad you're enjoying it" Garrus said, "but I'm still waiting for you to tell me why your relationship with Kaidan wouldn't last. Don't leave me hanging."
"Our relationship was built primarily on a physical attraction", she said. "To some extent, I would have always been 'Commander Shepard' to him; never just 'Linda', never just a friend."
"So, oh wise one", Garrus said as he continued his massage, "what does it take to make a relationship last?" He laughed as Shepard tried to elbow him in the chest, but missed. She was now so relaxed, he was afraid she might fall off the couch. Garrus slid back on the seat, pulling Shepard with him. He settled her in the crook of his arm, her head resting on his shoulder. Much to his surprise, she didn't resist. He smiled to himself.
Shepard absently snuggled a little closer to Garrus and said "Physical attraction is a part of a long-term relationship, of course. But I think that for a relationship to last, your lover must also be your best friend; the person that you trust above all others, the person who has seen you at your best and at your worst and loves you anyway; the person who celebrates your victories with you, comforts you after your defeats, and gives you a kick in the butt when you need it; the person that is always there for you no matter what."
Leaning back so she could look him in the eyes, Shepard said "It's a big galaxy; I'm sure that somewhere out there is a man that was made for me." With that, she put one arm across Garrus' chest and closed her eyes; they sat together in a comfortable silence.
After several minutes, Garrus heard Shepard's breathing change; he glanced down and saw that she had fallen asleep. He gently smoothed a piece of hair out of her eyes and studied her face. He was amazed at how different she looked; she seemed softer, younger somehow. "I guess carrying the safety of the galaxy on your shoulders takes its toll", he whispered.
Once he was sure she was sleeping soundly, Garrus carried Shepard to her bed and tucked her in. He stood for a moment watching her sleep. He removed one glove, reached out and carefully ran his taloned fingers through her flame-colored hair, enjoying the feel of it against his skin. Shepard sighed, but didn't wake. "Shepard" he whispered, "It is a big galaxy, but that man that you were talking about is a lot closer than you think." He caressed her cheek gently once, then turned and went out, dimming the lights and securing the door behind him.
####
Shepard awoke, somewhat disoriented, the next morning. She lay there, wondering why she was still wearing her shipsuit. Gradually, she remembered the events of the previous evening and realized that she must have fallen asleep in Garrus' arms. She had been surprised when he pulled her against him. She had been even more surprised at how comfortable she felt there.
Garrus tucked me in, she thought with a smile; who knew he has such a sweet side? Her smile widened as she wondered what he would think if he knew that she normally slept in the nude. She was still grinning as she headed to the shower.
####
Garrus turned when Linda entered the main battery. "Shepard," he said. "Need me for something?"
She stepped closer and said "Thank you for tucking me in last night."
Garrus glanced down the hall and hit the switch to close the door.
Shepard put her hands on her hips and gave him a wicked grin. "What's wrong? Are you afraid that someone will think you're sleeping with the boss?"
Garrus stammered, "Shepard…I…we…you…"
Laughing, she stepped forward and laid her hand on his arm. "Relax, Garrus! I'm just teasing you." Her expression changed; "Seriously, thank you for coming by last night. You helped me a lot."
"I didn't really do anything," Garrus said.
"Yes, you did. You were there for me and you listened; sometimes that's the best thing you can do for someone. Not everyone has the ability to just listen." Her expression still serious, she once again reached up and gently stroked his scarred mandible. "You have lost so much and suffered so much during the past two years. I'm sorry. I wish I could have helped you."
Garrus put his hands on Shepard's arms and pulled her closer. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers. His voice, always seductive, was even lower than usual. "Shepard, you did help me. I had almost given up; I didn't care if I lived or died. You were dead, my team was dead. Then somehow, somehow, you were back – you are here, now. That makes everything else that happened bearable."
They stood, eyes locked on each other. Linda suddenly had an almost overwhelming desire to kiss him. Do turians even kiss? she wondered.
Garrus squeezed her elbows gently, then released her and stepped back. "I better let you get back to work," he said.
"I'll talk to you later Garrus," Shepard said as she turned toward the door. She walked away slowly. Just outside the door, she turned and looked at Garrus curiously, gave him a slight wave and a smile, then continued on.
