Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Rated: T. Profanity.

Summary: The Marauders go to a muggle holiday house. Things do not end well.


Muggle House

'Come on! Hurry!' Sirius called to the other Marauders. They followed. Sirius was sprinting ahead, with James running to keep up. Peter was skipping behind them, and Remus was walking. They entered their little holiday house that they had rented for this year. Sirius tugged at the door. It was locked.

'Alohomora!' he shouted.

'Sirius, shut up! This is a muggle place.' James said.

'Then how was I supposed to open the door?'

'With a key.' Remus pulled the key out of his pocket.

'Whatever! Come inside! Quick!' Sirius bounced inside.

-o-o-o-o-

It was a small house, with two bedrooms, both with two beds each. There was a small ensuite connecting both rooms. Sirius grabbed Remus and pulled him into the door of the first room.

'Open the door! Open the door!' he squealed.

'Sirius. This room is not locked.' Hearing that, Sirius yanked the door open, and jumped onto the nearest bed. Remus followed him inside. As soon as they'd put their stuff down, Sirius dragged Remus out into the kitchen.

'Moony, what's that?' Sirius asked, pointing to the microwave.

'That, my dear Padfoot, is a microwave. It heats food.'

'Oh, okay. What about that?'

'Refrigerator. It keeps food cold.' They continued like this until Remus had finished explaining everything in the kitchen. Sirius immediately dragged him into another room. This room had desk cluttered with stuff, from a computer to a tissue box. What caught Sirius' eye first was the manual paper shredder.

'Oh, oh! Moony, what's that?'

'That is a paper shredder.'

'How does it work?'

'Like this.' Remus grabbed some paper from the desk, and shredded it.

'I want a go! Stop hogging the shredder!' Sirius pushed Remus away, and stuff paper in it, turning the handle.

-o-o-o-o-

James walked into Sirius and Remus' room. He found Remus there, unpacking.

'Hey, Moony. Where's Pads?'

'Playing with the paper shredder. Where's Wormtail?'

'Admiring the bathroom.'

'Admiring the bathroom?'

'Yeah. He likes the mirror. Thinks there's actually a person in it.'

'Oh. I see.'

'AGHHHHH!! MOOOOOOOOONY, HELP ME!' Sirius screamed.

'I better go see what he's doing.' Remus left.

-o-o-o-o-

'Moony, help! It's coming!' Sirius screamed again.

'Padfoot, shut up for a moment. What the hell is going on?'

'Look! It's not shredding anymore!' Sirius turned the handle and shredded paper came out. Remus sighed, and pushed his friend out of the way, and turned the handle the right way.

'Siri, you turned it the wrong way.'

'Oh. Oh. Okay.'

-o-o-o-o-

'Remmy, I'm hungry.' Sirius complained.

'For the love of all that's holy! Come with me.' Remus leapt up, and dragged Sirius to the kitchen, where he opened the cupboard, and took out a pack of biscuits. He opened them, and gave them to Sirius. 'Eat.'

-o-o-o-o-

'HOLY CRAP! The oven thing is on fire!' Sirius yelled. Remus, James and Peter ran to the kitchen.

'Pads, what the hell were you doing with the oven?' Remus demanded.

'Heating up my biscuits.'

'WHAT THE FUCKING HELL, SIRIUS? First, the microwave is for heating. The oven is for cooking. Second, biscuits are not supposed to be heated, unless specifically said!'

'Oops?'

'I hereby suggest that one Sirius 'Padfoot' Orion Black is banned from the kitchen. All in favour say 'aye'.'

'Aye.'

'Aye.'

'Sirius Black, you are now banned from the kitchen.'

-o-o-o-o-

'You know, that was fun. I'm kind of sad to be going back to Hogwarts.' Sirius said.

'Fun? You did something drastically wrong every single day! First you screamed because you turn the paper shredder the wrong way, then you nearly wreck the oven, flood the bathroom, evaporate the pool, levicorpus Peter and drop him in the fireplace--'

~Much later~

'--then you nearly landed a tree on the place! Oh, and then you beg forgiveness from the mirror, and smashed it to bits when it didn't forgive you.'

'Hey, at least I didn't kill Peter, and it's not my fault it didn't accept my apology.'

'Sirius, it was a mirror. Muggle mirrors don't talk or own houses.'

-o-o-o-o-

Lily greeted the four boys.

'How was your holiday?' she asked. She was surprised when Remus growled and said nothing.

'If you value Remus' sanity, you will never mention that holiday ever again.' James told her.

'Why?'

'Believe me, you don't want to know.'

'What happened?'

'Well, it was all Sirius' fault, of course.'

'Okay, you were right. If it's Sirius' fault, I don't want to know.'

'But I'm so awesome!' Sirius said.

'Your definition of awesome is vastly different from mine, Black.'

'Basically he caused utter and total chaos.' James said.

'Well, I thought dumping Peter in a fireplace was a lot of fun!'


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