Disclaimer: Transformers © Hasbro; OC Windrunner and OC Cloudburst © me.
Summary: As conditions worsen, someone is beginning to understand....


Part Two

But when the lights are down
There's no more to say
Deep in the shadows
Where the last of my delusions
Make their stand – Kamelot, "When The Lights Are Down"

Sunstreaker wasn't a medic, but he had spent so much time silently observing the seeker even before overhearing that conversation three months ago that he could begin to piece together some of the puzzle. It was as if Starscream retreated inside himself for hours at a time before one outburst or another, a pattern that the yellow Lamborghini had noticed over the vorns, one that had picked up speed in the past few months.

There had once been a time where an abrupt fit of anger or a prize-winning sulk would come around only once every quarter-vorn, if that often. However, since that repair bay conversation and Sunstreaker's more intent observation – still from a distance because he wasn't crazy enough to be obvious about it – Starscream had blown up twice over something and was currently avoiding even Ratchet, a sure sign that the third outburst in as many months was slowly brewing. To be quite honest, the last explosion of temper had been almost terrifying.

Thankfully, none of the Autobots had been the target of that rage. It had happened in battle, after nearly half a day of Starscream keeping to himself and only answering with brief replies when spoken to. The Decepticons had attacked a power plant just past the Canadian border and as per usual whenever possible they had gone out to stop them. Sunstreaker wasn't sure what, exactly, that teleporting moron had said, but whatever it was set off the most violent display of Starscream's temper to date. Usually the Autobot seeker only utilized his null rays as cover fire for his allies, but this time he'd shot Skywarp with them no less than five times when only one would have been enough to scramble his circuits before proceeding to physically tear into the 'con.

It had taken three Autobots to break up that fight; Ironhide had provided firepower to keep the other two 'con seekers from unloading their weapons into Starscream and the twins had to literally drag the 'bot seeker off of Skywarp. Once the silver-white seeker was contained – he had abruptly gone silent and calm once pulled away from the black jet – the other two swooped in to snatch up their wing mate and retreated long before Megatron even sounded the call to do so. Sunstreaker had caught a split-second glimpse of Skywarp as he and his brother dragged their teammate back, and he had the sudden sickening realization that a Starscream without his usual demi-pacifistic nature would be a terrifying opponent; the other seeker probably wouldn't be in a firefight for at least the next month, and that was only if the Constructicons made repairs on Skywarp their top priority.

That had been three weeks ago, and seeing Starscream acting in the manner he had only hours before that display had Sunstreaker feeling ill at ease. And he wasn't the only one.

"What do you think is up with him?" Sideswipe asked quietly, his own blue optics locked on the subject of their concerns as the seeker quietly excused himself and left the mess hall without finishing the energon cube he'd been toying with. "It's not like Screamer at all."

"I'm not sure, Sides," the yellow twin replied, frowning thoughtfully. "I overheard him a few months ago arguing with Ratchet, something about his diagnostics. If it hadn't been going on for so long, I'd almost think it was a virus of some kind."

Sideswipe gave his brother a searching look. "What do you mean, going on for so long? Screamer's never tried to tear one of the Decepticreeps' wings off before. Slag it, he rarely even gets close to them in fights!"

Sunstreaker was shaking his head. "Not the fight," he replied. "These fits of temper or sulking. And before you say that Starscream's always been that way, think for a minute. How often did they happen before we wound up here? And how much more often have they been happening lately?"

The red Lamborghini glared mildly at his twin but searched through his memory banks as suggested. It was obvious that he had found the pattern to Starscream's sometimes-erratic behaviour when he let out a startled chirr and turned wide optics to Sunstreaker. "You're right, Sunny; it's always been there. But why is it getting more frequent?"

"I don't think it's something that's been there his whole life," Sunstreaker said, keeping his voice pitched low as he spotted Ratchet glancing their way, "but it's been there at least as long as he's been with the Autobots. Ratchet knows what's going on, maybe Wheeljack from what I overheard before. And I don't think it's going to improve on its own any time soon."

Sideswipe frowned, resting his chin on his hands for a moment before pushing himself up from the table. At Sunstreaker's confused and curious look, he grinned slightly. "The best way to try and find out is to go straight to the source himself. You coming, Sunny?"

The yellow twin could only stare as his brother strode purposefully out of the mess hall. "My brother is a suicidal moron," he complained aloud to himself before standing to rush after him. And I'm just as much of one for going after him!


Starscream was doing his best to ignore the miniscule trembling that was slowly working its way through his frame, but each time he reached for a tool he was reminded by the slight shakiness of his hands. After trying – and failing – for the third time to pick up some delicate wiring for the disrupter he had been working on, the seeker shoved the entire pile away from him and leaned on his workbench.

His emotional control was fraying far more quickly than he had realized. He had stopped going to see Ratchet on a biweekly basis, dropping his diagnostic reviews to twice each month. Shortly after the last of his weekly visits to the repair bay, Starscream had managed to go about three days before he found himself snarling at Wheeljack over a misplaced spool of copper wire. To his credit, the inventor had allowed his friend to finish his tirade and cool down for a few joors before approaching him again and continuing the conversation they'd been having before the outburst.

If it had remained limited to shouting matches and the occasional fit of angst, the seeker wouldn't be troubled. The last time his control slipped, however, he had been frightened of himself when he regained awareness of his surroundings.

If he hadn't been struggling for control that day, Skywarp's comment would have bounced right off his plating. As it was, Starscream had spent most of the day avoiding his allies just to keep his fragile grasp on his emotions from slipping, so the black seeker's words had cut him to the spark: "It's easy to see why you're alone, Autobot; trineless and spineless!"

He could barely remember firing his null rays, but when he checked his energy reserves later he realized he'd fired them several times. He didn't even clearly recall beating the 'con; all he could remember was feeling a burning rage wash through his systems before targeting Skywarp, and then hands pulling him away from a twisted pile of metal that his cousin and Thundercracker had scooped up and flown off with, supporting it carefully between them. The only clear memory he had after Skywarp's comment – he still didn't remember actually attacking the other seeker, even as he washed the energon from his blue hands later – was of the Lamborghinis yanking him back.

Starscream shook himself out of the incomplete memories, pushing away from the workbench and heading towards the energon dispenser that Wheeljack and Perceptor had smuggled into his lab. His fellow scientists tended to worry about him, treating him at times like he was some wayward youngling who couldn't be trusted to tend to his own needs. Given the rate of his deterioration now, however, their concern was understandable. And although he had only left the mess hall thirty minutes ago, he had neglected to refuel properly and his systems were demanding that he do so now.

The seeker stopped walking abruptly as, in his slightly distracted state, the tenuous hold over his emotional state failed. His optics flickered and he forced himself to sit down where he was before he could collapse. Rather than rage this time, an unparalleled sense of despair overwhelmed his systems. The hateful words of the Decepticon seeker, his cousin's trine mate, surfaced in his processor again and only served to worsen the feeling.

"No," Starscream whispered, his senses confused. "Not trineless. Just... can't contact them. Something's blocking me out. Just need to keep trying."

It was ten minutes later that the twins walked into the lab, Sideswipe uncaring that he could be interrupting something and Sunstreaker berating his brother for fifty kinds of a fool. They both stopped in their tracks at the sight of the resident seeker seated on the floor. It took them an astrosecond to realize what had likely happened, and Sunstreaker moved to crouch next to the slightly younger mech.

"Starscream," he said, tone not too sharp but holding enough harshness to get the seeker's attention. When confused blue optics turned to him he vented air sharply. Behind the confusion he could see a deep sense of loss and knew that this time they needn't worry that Starscream was going to start attempting to rip other mechs in half.

"Have you seen Windrunner?"

"Who?" Sideswipe asked, not recognizing the name as one he'd heard before.

Starscream glanced at the red Lamborghini, confusion still apparent although the despair was beginning to surface. "My mother-creator. I can't feel her."

"I don't think she's here, Starscream," Sunstreaker said, getting a very bad feeling about this particular lapse.

"What about Cloudburst?" the seeker asked, expression slowly shuttering. "I can't feel him either. Where are they? Where's Skyfire?"

That was a name both the twins recognized, one that had been released in the same reports that proclaimed Starscream's deactivated status. They exchanged a troubled look as the seeker's optics shuttered for a moment before opening again, although much dimmer than before.

"Ice," Starscream was mumbling to himself, as if he'd forgotten the Lamborghinis were even in the room with him. "Ice and cold, lost far from home. Skyfire's offlined, I know that. How did I forget that? But... he was after my creators. They were on Cybertron. This isn't home. Where...?"

That was enough for Sunstreaker. The yellow twin stood up, reached down, and pulled the confused seeker to his feet as well. "Come on, Starscream," he said calmly. "Let's go see Ratchet."

For a moment Sideswipe worried that the other mech wouldn't know who Sunstreaker was talking about. "Ratchet. I know Ratchet. He was there after the ice."

"Let's go see him," Sunstreaker repeated, wrapping an arm around Starscream's waist to support him even as he turned to lock optics with his twin. ::Go get Ratchet and make sure he's in the repair bay,:: he said through the twin bond they shared. ::Tell him I'm bringing Screamer now.::

Sideswipe nodded sharply, sending a wave of understanding back to his brother before rushing down the corridor. The yellow mech watched him go before turning his full attention back to Starscream. He had a horrible feeling that he knew exactly what was wrong with their seeker, and if he was right....

He shook his head sharply and managed to force a faint smile as he looked back at despairing blue optics. "Come on," he said softly. "Ratchet can help."


The last thing Ratchet would have expected that day was for Sideswipe to dart into the mess hall no more than half an hour after he'd left with such a distraught expression on his faceplate. Absently worried that Sunstreaker had somehow managed to get himself in trouble even during that short amount of time, the medic stood and made his way towards the red twin.

Only a little of the tension bled out of Sideswipe's frame when he caught sight of Ratchet. "Sunny sent me. You need to get to the repair bay now." He lowered his voice a few octaves before adding, "It's Screamer."

That was all that the medic needed to hear. He brushed past Sideswipe and hurried down the corridor, noting that the red mech was following without being prompted. Unless he missed his guess, Starscream had slipped again and the twins had stumbled upon him during his fit. Part of Ratchet was wondering if he'd walk into his repair bay to find a pair of scrapped mechs; no one had yet forgotten the incident involving Skywarp and more than a few Autobots had been walking on eggshells around Starscream since then, but he seriously doubted that Sunstreaker wouldn't make every effort to defend himself even against an ally.

"Sunny's fine," Sideswipe said from behind the medic as they passed through the repair bay doors. "Screamer, not so much. We found him in his lab." If he had been planning to try and describe exactly the condition the seeker had been in, it was made moot by Sunstreaker's arrival with the other mech.

Ratchet took one look and swore mentally, heading for his supply cabinet to get one of the stronger sedatives. The last time Starscream's emotional state had swung towards despair, the seeker had spent several hours curled up in a corner of his room before Wheeljack had gone looking for him after he'd failed to appear at the monthly logistics meeting. The only real option had been to sedate him and let him sleep it off, and when he'd awakened the next morning he had only the vaguest memory of the previous day.

The medic kept one audio on the twins and his friend as he prepped a needle, although he nearly dropped it when he realized that Sunstreaker – not a mech known for his compassion towards others unless your definition of 'compassion' was synonymous with 'keep out of my way and I won't have to slag you' – was speaking to the seeker in what could only be described as a comforting tone to try and calm him. What was even more surprising was that it actually seemed to be working.

When Ratchet turned to approach the berth that the yellow twin had lead Starscream to, he noted that Sideswipe was hovering uncertainly nearby as if the patient was his brother rather than the resident seeker. He opted to ignore the odd behaviour of the Lamborghinis for the moment and focused the bulk of his attention on Starscream.

"Okay, Starscream," he said, speaking in a soothing tone, "I'm just going to give you something to help you recharge. You should be feeling better once you wake up."

For a moment the seeker looked uncertain, optics flicking slightly before glancing to first one twin then the other as if making sure they were both still there. "It won't help," he finally replied quietly as he turned his gaze back to Ratchet. "Just a temporary fix, but it'll do for now."

"I know," the medic murmured as he injected the sedative into one of Starscream's energon lines. It was one of the faster-acting ones he kept on-hand, and the seeker's optics were already starting to dim. Without needing to be told, Sunstreaker stood up from the edge of the berth and helped the other mech lie down before the sedative knocked him into full recharge. Once he was certain that the seeker was fully under, Ratchet turned a hard look to the twins and motioned for them to follow him.

Sunstreaker waited until the door was fully shut and the medic had turned to face them again before asking the question that had been circulating in his processor since they'd found Starscream in his lab: "He wouldn't be in this kind of shape right now if his creators were still online, would he?"

Although Sideswipe looked somewhat startled and confused by the query, Ratchet wasn't the least bit surprised. "No, he wouldn't. Maybe a little strained, but nothing like what we've been seeing."

The red twin vented a sigh. "Is this some kind of weird seeker thing? Because the Decepticon seekers might be a flock of morons but they aren't emotional whack jobs. Er, no offence meant to Screamer, of course."

Ratchet rubbed at one optic as Sunstreaker gave his brother a look that spoke volumes of how badly that came across. "It is a 'seeker thing,' as you put it, and there's a means to deal with the problem if he would stop being to slagging stubborn about it." As both Lamborghinis turned questioning optics his way, he sighed. "Sit down; this is going to take a little while."