Chapter Three: The Deal
Carl angrily paces the front gates, as he awaits Negan's men to come and take half of their things. Half of the food that could feed his family and community, half of their armory that they could use to defend themselves with, and half of everything that they'd worked so hard to keep. He wanted nothing more than to put a knife to his skull, an take everything from him, but his father was the ruler. But a lot of the time, he struggled to understand his father's varying and complex emotions, and he even thought that his father was too emotional and too ruled by himself. He'd gone into something that he didn't understand, and now everybody was paying for it in a big way.
Just as Carl was about to sneak outside of the gates, Father Gabriel and Spencer walked up from behind him. Father Gabriel had his game face on, and looked serene, calm even; Spencer looked just as angry as Carl did. And that's when it hit Carl, he could use that to his advantage.
"Your father asked me to get you," Father Gabriel said. "There is to be a meeting in the church before we hand over our things to Negan."
"Tell my father that I'll be there, and he'll definitely know," Carl said to Father Gabriel.
The smirk on Carl's face unnerved Father Gabriel, who leaned down to the level of the boy and saw right into his greyish-blue eyes. What he saw in them frightened him, and caused him to nearly revert back to the man that he was; a fearful coward who hid from the devils of this world. He immediately corrected himself, and placed a tender hand on Carl's shoulder.
"Sometimes the devil calls on those who he believes to be strong," Father Gabriel said. "But God's light is stronger."
After he says this, he quickly walks away, leaving Spencer alone with the fragile, angry boy who was definitely not willing to be saved by God's grace at the moment. In Carl, Spencer saw some of himself. Rick had caused the events that lead to his mother and father's death. And instead of feeling relief when he put that walker down, he just felt a burgeoning resentment towards Rick. Ever since he'd come here, they had continued to lose people. They'd lost Glenn, Maggie, Enid, and countless more had left. All Rick had chosen to do was hide in his house and cry like a scared dog. They couldn't just hide without a fight.
When Father Gabriel was out of hearing range, Spencer looked at Carl. "I agree with you," he began. "Your dad isn't doing the right thing."
"I want you to help me do something...," Carl told him in a hushed tone. "But you can't tell my dad."
:
The church seemed empty, as so many people had left since everything happened with Negan. Olivia and a few Alexandrian women sat in the back with Tobin, Aaron, and Eric; Abraham, Sasha, and Eugene sat closer to the front looking solemn and stone faced; Father Gabriel always sat towards the front, Spencer and Carl sat on the other end. Michonne sat the closest to Rick. Tara, Rosita, and Heath sat huddled together next to her. They were all changed people, different people, and the absence of Maggie and Glenn deeply affected them all, and all of the people that they'd lost. Whether to walkers, or people, or both.
When Rick finally did emerge from the church doors, he did not stand in front of them as a confident leader, but as a man torn down by the world. He shook a bit, as sweat pooled above his brow, and his hair was not as perfectly done as it used to be. His stride was weak, his posture unsure of what was to come. He knew that he couldn't tell anyone that they were just going to play possum for months until they could actually strike Negan and win, but as someone who wanted their full support, he had to tell them something.
"I...," he started. He averted his eyes over to Michonne for support. She gave him a big smile and thumbs up that told him that she was with him no matter how anyone else felt. "I wanted everybody to know that today Negan's men will come. And they'll...they'll take a lot from us, but...it's so that we don't get hurt. And I know," he stopped, looking out into the room full of people, sensing that they weren't in full agreement on this. "That we've lost a lot. We lost...Glenn, Maggie, and all of the others, but we still have each other."
At this point, Carl stood up, angry. "We have each other? Really?"
Everyone gasped at Carl's outburst, but didn't say anything.
Rick continued, almost unsteady. "Everyone here is alive."
"Being alive doesn't mean that we have to be cowards, hiding out like this," Carl began, staring down anyone that dared to speak badly of him. "Being alive doesn't mean that we should just hand over our shit."
"And what do you suggest that we do?" Michonne stood this time. "Carl, it doesn't have to be this way."
"Yes it does, Michonne. And eventually, you'll have to choose a side," Carl said. "I'm choosing the winning side."
"What you're doing, it's not good for you," Michonne said in the most gentle tone. "Your father loves you. I love you."
Carl turned to leave, but Spencer stood, as well as a few Alexandrians in the back. "Carl is right," said Spencer. "If you can't lead us, then someone else can."
And with that, they all left the church and it became even more emptier than before.
"Would anyone else like to leave?" Rick asked.
The remaining few remained, and Rick looked out into the crowd once more for Michonne, who still sat just as strong and resolute about their plan. And even more sure that they couldn't tell Carl about it.
:
"You were right," Rick told her.
"About what?" Michonne asked, confused.
"That we...that we should watch Carl," Rick said.
He rubbed his eyes with one hand, while grasping her hand in the other. They'd just gotten back from giving half of their things to the Saviours, and Rick had never felt so low, so humiliated as he did in that moment. He'd never expected himself to be in a position where he had nothing, and was nothing. He felt it when he was on his knees, he felt it when Negan killed Glenn in front of his very eyes, he lived it when he saw people question his authority. It made him feel the fear that he felt when he'd woken up from a coma in a new and terrifying world.
He moved closer to Michonne on their porch bench, and wrapped an arm around her should. Ever since everything had happened, he felt this instinctual need to touch her, to be close to her, and whenever he did, he felt safe.
When he did that, she leaned over to plant a soft kiss on his lips. She tenderly moved a stray piece of hair that had fallen in his eyes away, and just looked at him.
"You may feel alone, but...,"Michonne paused. "I...I love you. For all that you are, and that's never going to change.
It was the very first time that he'd heard her admit that she loved him. And it surprised him that she was the first one to say it. His body felt so warm from her simple three words, his spirit felt slightly lighter, and all of his worries started to slip away when he realized that he'd never felt this way about anyone before. When he touched her skin, he felt sparks of electricity flowing through his fingertips. When he thought that she was gone, he couldn't breathe or move or think; he'd gone on autopilot. Seeing her come out of Negan's van relieved him for only a half second, before he realized that she could still be taken from him. The thought of that pained him so deeply that he couldn't bare it.
"I've always loved you," he responded. "It took you long enough."
:
"What do you want me to do for you?" Spencer asked Carl.
They were past the gates, and outside of Alexandria.
"I want you to take me to Negan," Carl said, he reached underneath his shirt and pulled out a Saviour gun. "If my dad won't take care of him, I will."
