Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
A/N: I promised Mike and Tina so I gave you Mike and Tina… for like two seconds. Santana's in here as well but not for very long. I think she only says like one or two lines but like I said, she does play a big role in this fic so you will be seeing her again. I'm going to try to go light on the Finn bashing in the next few chapters because I know a lot of people like him but given the situation Rachel is in it just kind of called for a little Finn-hating.
This chapter was especially difficult for me to write just for the fact that this hits really close to home. You will find out what happened between Rachel and Finn in this chapter. What Rachel went through is similar to what happened to a close friend of mine last year so this chapter is dedicated to Camille. I love you, Cam!
"Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?" Kurt asked, dramatically fanning himself with his hand.
"I'll see you two tomorrow." Rachel stood up, pulling a surprised Puck with her. "Bye, Kurt, Blaine."
"Here." Kurt pushed a foil wrapper into her Rachel's palm. She gave him a puzzled look before realizing what it was and gasped. "Just in case." Kurt nodded and winked at her.
Rachel rolled her eyes, letting Puck help her into her coat. When they walked out of the bar Puck realized he was still holding Rachel's hand and quickly jerked it away.
"So what are your plans?" Puck asked. "That thing back in the bar? You weren't serious were you?"
Rachel smiled. "Kurt's been pestering me about going out with someone and I figured if he saw me inviting you back to my place he would leave me alone for a while." She looked over at him. "Sorry I dragged you into this."
"No worries." He looked down. "Your secret is safe with me."
"Thanks." She sighed, pulling her jacket tighter around her.
"You cold?" He asked.
"I'm fine." She shook her head when they reached her car.
"What happened with you and Hudson?" He questioned suddenly and she tensed.
"Puck." She sighed. "Can we not get into this right now?"
"He talks about you all the time but he never tells me what happened between you and him that made you guys break up. You two were going so great. You two even moved to New York together but then something happened that made him run back to Lima."
She leaned back against her car and let out a shaky breath. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me." He looked over at her. "I've been told I'm an excellent listener."
She chuckled at this and nodded. "I… I wanted to paint our apartment brown and he wanted it green. We fought and… that's it. That's the story. That's why we broke up."
"That's a load of shit, Berry." Puck frowned. "You're a horrible liar."
She smiled sadly. "I know."
"Whenever you're ready to talk about… I'm here." He told her.
She nodded and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I know. Thank you. I hope to see you again soon."
Puck watched as she got into her car and pulled away leaving him in a half-empty parking lot.
"Two nights in one week." Kurt smiled when Rachel walked into the bar the next night. "What's the occasion?"
"I'm just here for a drink." She checked her watch and glanced at the bar.
Kurt gasped and Rachel looked at him, confused. "Would you happen to be waiting for a certain uniformed hunk to show up? Naughty Rachel! You seem to have a crush on one Noah Puckerman. Who would have guessed?"
"I do not." Rachel sighed. "I've just decided to take your advice and have some fun… maybe kiss some frogs."
"Would Puck happen to be one of these frogs?" Blaine asked, smirking.
"Who's a frog?" Mike asked, sitting in the chair next to Blaine and Tina chose the seat next to Rachel.
"Puck." Kurt smiled and then burst into giggles.
"Speak of the devil." Tina pointed towards the door.
Rachel turned to see Puck walk through the door of the bar. She smiled and he waved at her but when she saw Finn step into the bar behind him she paled and turned back around.
"Why is he here?" Kurt spat when Puck and Finn walked over to the table.
"Hi, Rachel." Finn said sheepishly and ran his hand over his hair. "Can we talk?"
Kurt was about to say something but Rachel spoke first. "It's okay, Kurt. This will only take a second." She stood and let Finn lead her to the other side of the room. "What can I do for you, Finn?"
"We need to sort some things out." He said.
"What's there to talk about?" Rachel crossed her arms.
"Us." He frowned. "Damn, Rachel, I don't know."
"Us? What us, Finn? You made it perfectly clear you didn't want anything to do with me eight years ago." Rachel spat. "I don't understand why you're dragging all of this back out. You know… you know how hard it was on me."
"You aren't the only that was hurt, Rachel!" Finn said loudly.
Rachel nodded. "You broke up with me, remember?"
"I know, Rachel. Damn it." Finn sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say here."
"I don't want you to say anything." Rachel shook her head. "Look, Finn… I know why you felt the way you felt."
"You do?" He asked hopefully.
"Yes, but…"
"But?" Finn nodded.
"But I can't forgive you for what you did. I can't… I could never forgive you for that because what you did, what you said… it was wrong. What happened was not my fault and you made me feel like I was nothing. Like… like I wasn't good enough for you."
"I didn't mean anything I said."
"It's doesn't matter. It's in the past and we can't take what we said or did back. I know it was hard on you but think about how I felt." Rachel felt her voice waiver.
"I'm sorry, Rachel." Finn sounded genuine. "I never meant for any of this to happen."
"I know—" Rachel was cut off by a voice she had hoped she would never have to hear again.
"Look who it is?" Santana snarled from behind Rachel. "Damaged goods."
Rachel felt her breath go and she paled as the tears sprang in her eyes. She turned slowly to see Santana smirking in satisfaction. Rachel looked back at Finn. "You- you told her?"
"I…" Finn stammered but didn't get to finish before Rachel was running out of the bar.
She reached the wall and leaned against it heavily fighting for a breath. She felt arms wrap around her but she didn't fight them because she knew who they belonged to. Instead, she sunk against the hard chest and sobbed into Noah's shirt as he tried to soothe her by running his hand through her hair.
"Sshh." He whispered. "It's okay, Rachel."
Rachel sobbed until her cries turned into hiccups and she finally started to pull away from him but his arms stayed around her waist. She looked up at him and she knew she looked pathetic but she didn't care.
"He told her." Rachel felt the tears spring back to life in her eyes. "Of all people, he told her."
"Come on. Let's get you home." Puck pulled her towards her car. Since he had driven with Finn he figured he would just drive her home himself. She was too upset to be behind the wheel anyway.
It wasn't until he had her sitting on her couch with a mug of tea that she finally spoke again. "It was an accident." Rachel whispered.
"What was?" Puck asking sitting beside her on the couch.
"No… there was an accident." Rachel's voice was soft and low. "We had been living together in our apartment in New York for almost a year. We were going so well and I loved him so much. It wasn't planned, I mean, I'm Rachel Berry, I plan everything but then those two pink lines showed up on that damn white stick. Can you imagine it? Me? Rachel Berry pregnant? Shocking, right?" Rachel paused to take a deep breath and Puck noticed that tears were already in her eyes.
"You don't have to talk about this." He told her.
She nodded but continued anyway. "Finn was so happy when I told him but I wasn't sure how to feel about any of it. Me being pregnant meant that I couldn't continue on Broadway. I couldn't live my life because he forgot to put on a condom." She sighed.
"Did you…? Did you get an abortion?" Puck asked quietly.
"…I thought about, honestly. I seriously considered it. I got so far as to get to the parking lot of the clinic but as I was getting out of the car my hands kept touching my stomach. I was pregnant. I had a baby inside of me. Finn and I had made a baby. I couldn't just get rid of it. I realized that no matter how much I had to give up it would have been worth it because I loved Finn and I loved our baby. Our little 'peanut'. That's what Finn used to call the baby. Our 'peanut'." She stopped as a sob tore through her throat.
"What happened, Rachel?"
"All I can remember thinking is if maybe I had cut back my hours at work; maybe if I had taken it easier like Finn said… but I didn't. I kept working and I was exhausted all of the time. I never slowed down on my work load and one day I just… I collapsed. When I woke up Finn was there and we were at the hospital." Rachel shook her head. "It was my fault. I had killed our baby. The doctors came in and they used all of these big words but I didn't catch most of it because my head was screaming that my baby was dead. I remember touching my stomach but it didn't feel the same. I had always used to feel the baby moving around but I didn't feel anything. I was empty. One minute I was three months pregnant and the next I was empty. The doctors said something about not being able to save a tube and even if by some miracle I was to get pregnant again they said I probably wouldn't make it to term." She took another deep, shaky breath.
"Rachel." Puck whispered sadly.
"Finn tried to pretend he was okay with it, he really did, but… but about a year later he started bringing up marriage and kids." Rachel shook her head. "He told me he didn't think he could be with someone that couldn't give him children. I came home one night and he had his bags packed and had already bought a plane ticket for Lima." She looked over at Puck. "That's the story that everyone has been dying to know. That's why Finn left me. Santana was right… I'm damaged goods."
"Rachel." He leaned towards her and took the cup from her hands, sitting it on the table. "Don't say that."
"Why not? It's true." She said tearfully. "I can't give him children so he left me. He didn't even ask me how I was feeling; how upset I was that I could never have a baby; that I could never carry a child. He didn't stop to think about how I felt. He just packed up and was gone without even looking back."
"You are not damaged." He told her firmly, pulling her across the couch towards him. "You're perfect, Rachel."
Rachel used her sleeve to wipe her nose. "I know you're just saying that."
"I mean it, Rach." He kissed her cheek. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you."
"Noah." Rachel closed her eyes when she felt his lips on her forehead and then on her cheek again before landing on her lips. It was a quick kiss but it was still soft and gentle.
"Nothing." Puck repeated the word, mumbling it against her lips, and pulled back from Rachel. "I should go home."
She nodded silently and watched as he stood, pulling on his coat. He left quietly, shutting her door softly and then she was left alone. Her fingers drifted to her mouth and wondered if maybe Noah wasn't a frog at all.
A/N: I hoped you liked this. I just want to give another shout out to Cam. She's such a strong woman and I am extremely proud to even have the privilege of knowing her. She surprises me every day by how she always stays so optimistic even through everything she has had to go through. This chapter took me a while because it was pretty emotional. I know I could never know exactly how anyone would feel that has gone through this kind of pain but I hope I portrayed it well. Again, I love you, Cam, and I hope you never change. You are my role model!
