They put me in a room with black leather furnishings, and bright red walls. For a moment, I can only stare blankly at the dark design, but a thought occurs to me: This is the place of darkness and blood. I am going into the place of darkness and blood.

Auntie comes in, sobbing hysterically. We hug tightly the whole time, while she tries to make out words, but she can't. She's too upset. I had known that she'd be like this, and am prepared for it. Right as the Peacekeepers are ushering her out, she hands me the half-eaten pie from the morning. I accept it and smile down at it. The morning has never seemed so far away…

While Auntie exits, some of my animal friends (from both the forest and the pastures, I can tell) force their way into the room. Looking a little bit frightened, Peacekeepers come in to usher them out, but I wave them away. Slowly, they back out of the room, looking completely terrified of the girl with a snake around her neck, birds in her hair, mosquitoes on her hand, and a puma in her lap. Part of me feels grim satisfaction at this. I'm in the Hunger Games now. I need to be terrifying.

Matthew walks in and sits beside me, not looking twice at the animals around me. He takes my hand that isn't supporting the tame mosquitoes, and I squeeze it. We don't say much – what is there to say when we already understand each other perfectly.

I can't win the Hunger Games. I'll be dead before the first day it done. I'll never come home again. I'll never see Auntie again. Or Leah. Or Matthew.

Matthew would have met the same fate, if not for the boy with black hair, Tori Dawn. But why would he do such a thing? We don't know him. Does he know us? Our parents, maybe, before the sickness took them? Does he want to save their son?

Whatever the answer, I'm grateful. After all, he has saved my brother's life. Even if my own is doomed, that is something.

"Matthew," I grip him by the shoulders, the mosquitoes flying off, and forcing him to look into my eyes. "Promise me that you won't do anything stupid."

Matthew manages a small smile. "Stupid? Me?"

I shake him slightly. "I'm serious. Capitol people are going to want to interview you and Auntie – looking for things to turn against me."

"I won't let them."

I shake my head. "Let me finish. You can't tell them anything, but you can't attack them either." Matthew begins a heated response, but I shake my head. "No, Matthew. I can't have it out that I have a crazy twin."

Matthew stares at me a moment. "But I'm not crazy!"

"Good," I let go of him, dusting my hands off. "Now, just remember that, and we're good."

Matthew stares at me the rest of his visit, trying to figure me out, but I know that he won't. I have tried, for years, to understand myself, and have never succeeded. I have described myself as a bottomless pit of a person, deep and well concealed, so that one can only see what is on top.

When Matthew leaves, he says only one thing. He doesn't request that I win the Hunger Games, because he knows that I can't do it. Instead, he simply asks, his eyes watering slightly,

"Come home soon," Matthew says.

"I – I'll try," I tell him, knowing that I won't. That I can't. That it's impossible.

But I can't tell Matthew this. I can only watch as my brother is whisked out of sight, leaving me feeling quite alone.

The panther, still in my lap, lifts her majestic head to gaze at me with soft green eyes; those of the mother looking at her children. I look at her for what she is; a huntress, proud and skilled, able to take control with dignity and ease.

"If you were going into the Hunger Games," I tell her quietly, "you'd win. I wish that I was half the being you are."

The panther lowers her head back into my lap, and I stroke her back as Leah comes in, sitting beside me.

She doesn't say a word; she never has – probably never will. But it's then, sitting with her, that I realize what's coming. That the full reality sinks in. I'm going to die. And in the next week or two. I begin to cry hysterically, burying my face in Leah's shoulder. She pats my back softly, as if she had expected nothing more. This thought makes me cry even more.

Weakling, a voice inside me jars. Child. You'll never win. You'll never see your family or friends again. You'll die. I want to think that the voice is wrong, but it's completely right. As the tears spill down my cheeks, I imagine each one as a goodbye.

Eventually, I pull away from Leah, sniffling out the last tears, and she smiles slightly at me, gesturing for me to wipe my tears away. I do so silently, and look around to see the animals in front of me, looking at me in what seemed to be concern.

Leah's baby blue eyes light up when she looks at the panther, and looks at me as if wanting permission. I nod, and she pets the panther gently. The panther glances up at her, her eyes saying, You're not the regular girl, but decides that it doesn't matter, and puts her head back on her paws.

"She likes you," my voice sounds under-used, but I don't care. Seeing the panther and Leah together gives me an idea, and I sit up, suddenly determined.

"Leah," I said. She looks at me slightly, her hand stopping petting the panther momentarily. "will you take care of the animals?"

Leah looks at me a moment, smiles, and nods eagerly.

"Auntie will continue to feed them," I told her, "and I'm sure that Matthew will help you if you ever need it."

Leah nods again, and hugs the panther, who looks only slightly annoyed by this. She gives me a look that says, I will take care of them well.

And then the Peacekeepers escort Leah out. The animals each touch my cheek, and then follow Leah, their new friend. When the door closes, it lets out an ominous loud slamming noise, and I shudder.

For now I am truly alone.

The train has the same décor as the room where I had said my goodbyes did. It renews my sense of aloneness and fear. Velveteen escorts me to my room with a happy smile.

"...and the Gamemakers are really a rather brilliant group this year. I think we can count on an exciting Games this year and – ah, yes, here we are. Your room, of course." And, with a great flourish, he opened the door, allowing me to look inside.

The room has red walls, rugs, and bedclothes, and black furniture and lights. I blink at it wearily, and turn to Velveteen, who has continued his rant about the brilliance of the Gamemakers this year.

"Aren't there any rooms that aren't furnished in black and red?" I ask him, a bit impatiently.

"What?" he asked, looking at me a moment, his mind still in his conversation. "Oh, yes – the décor. Why? Don't you like it?"

"No, I don't," I tell him bluntly. "It's a bit...dramatic, don't you think?"

He grins. "This is the Hunger Games. It's supposed to be dramatic, sweetie."

Sweetie? I think indignantly, but I hold my tongue. Velveteen is our guide to the Capitol – which is a foreign planet to me. He can help me a lot, but only if I'm nice. So I smile sweetly at his head (which is at my chest).

"Yes, I see what you mean. So, I'll see you at dinner?"

Velveteen nods and smiles. "In an hour, okay, sweetie?"

"Okay," I am tempted to add 'shortie,' but I don't. Instead, I stride into the "dramatic" room, and plop down on the "dramatic" bed. I mentally check myself, unsure of how I feel, but I find nothing but numbness. But that's good, I tell myself, numbness is good. But this is a lie. I wonder, through the veil of numbness, if I have lost all feeling; all emotion. I wonder if I am now just another tribute – just another mindless killing machine.

This is the thought that shakes me awake, doubts spiking into my veins. No. I'm not going to let the Hunger Games do this to me. I am not going to do what the Capitol wants me to do – to kill the other children to get home alive. I'm not going to let the Games change me.

But it doesn't matter.

Either way, I'm never going home alive.

And, with that thought – that truth – the numbness washes over me again, and I am left in stupor.

The door opens, and Velveteen's face appears in the doorway. His face is slightly clouded with doubt, as though he isn't sure that he should be here. I look up at him dully as he manages, "Er, Tara, it's time for dinner. Did you...erm...forget?"

I lift my head to the clock before I remember that I can't read it. I shake myself again. What is going on with me?

"I..um...yeah, I forgot," I do my best at an apologetic smile as I stand from the bed and join Velveteen, who huffs impatiently and quickly turns, leading me to the dining room. I find the dining room to be even more gloomy than the rooms, because the chandelier that hangs from the ceiling casts dark shadows everywhere.

I sit down glumly at the empty chair, which I assume is mine. I look up and down the table in disbelief. There is enough food to feed my whole district a meal. I look around for people – there should be thousands, I think. But there are only Tori, Velveteen, myself, and the Petri Solace, the only living victor from District 10.

I know that Petri is as much a key to my survival as Velveteen. Petri will control the limits of my sponsors while in the arena. To put it bluntly, he is the key to my survival. So I decide to try to be friends with him.

"Petri Solace?" I ask, extending my hand to him. "I'm Tara Goldsteed."

Petri, who had had his face buried in what appears to be large amounts of strawberry clumps mixed with chocolate and whipped cream, looks at me for a long time. Then, he reaches up to his face and wipes away some chocolate with his napkin.

"I know who you are," he told me quietly.

"Y-you do?" I asked, withdrawing my hand.

"Of course," Petri laughed quietly. "You're the girl that walks around with the animals. You're the girl that the Peacekeepers are afraid of."

"Afraid of?" I asked, shocked and appalled. "How can you say such a thing? The Peacekeepers afraid of me?"

"Well," Petri says slowly. "I suppose not afraid of you–more of your animals, I suppose."

I laughed loudly despite myself. "Oh, yes. They don't like my friends. At my goodbyes..." but here I trailed off, because only saying the word brings back the thoughts of Matthew, Auntie Rose, and Leah.

Though he doubtlessly knew the reason for my silence, Petri was kind enough not to point me out. "Yes, you are rather intimidating when you walk around with a snake around your nest, birds in your hair, mosquitoes buzzing around you, hunting birds on your arms, and mammals walking all around."

"Y-y-y-y-you d-d-do w-what?" Velveteen stuttered

Petri, Tori, and I all laugh. "You see, Tara?" Tori laughs. "You are quite intimidating."

I laugh as well and make a little bow. We all laugh for a long time, and I begin to pile my plate with food. The laughter dies from my lips as I wonder if the people from the Capitol always eat so lavishly. Catching my gaze, Tori can only shake his head in disbelief.

We have small talk throughout the meal; nothing significant. Velveteen tells me and Tori that we will love the Capitol. Petri hardly talks at all. And Tori and I are too busy gorging ourselves on the food that we can't talk much.

The food is amazing. It is as good as Auntie Rose's food, but better. I know that Auntie would love this; that she would be asking the chef for the recipes. There is so much of it, I can eat until I'm completely full; a luxury I've never had. It is a bit difficult to find dishes without meat in it, but Velveteen is happy to help me.

When the meal is over, we all go to another cart that has a television in it, and sit down. It is only moments before the Reapings begin on the television.

Only a few tributes stand out to me. I pay special attention to the Careers this year – the ones from one are blonde and burly. The male from two looks like a pile of rocks, which his partner is smaller, leaner, and sly-looking. And the ones from four have black hair, green eyes, and determined faces.

I find myself having to go to the bathroom at the sight of them. They scare me so much. One of these people – children – is likely to be the one to take my life.

Only two other tributes stand out to me. One is the girl from seven, who is...well...vertically challenged. She is (no joke) shorter than Velveteen. The other is the boy from eleven, whose eyes are blank and sightless. Just the sight of him makes me think of Leah, which brings tears to my eyes. I feel a stab of sympathy for these two. They will surely die. At least I have a...well, not fair chance...but more equal.

When I glance over at Tori, I see that he has a notebook out. I try to glance at it, but the room is dark, and he is on the other side of the couch, with Petri between us. I assume he is taking notes on the names of the tributes, and any other information that he can. I feel a stab of regret, having remembered no names, and finding only 8 of the 22 significant. I should have gotten a notebook too. Maybe I should ask him if I can look at those notes...

But when the Reapings are over, Velveteen whisks me off to my room, and to bed. "Bright and early, tomorrow morning!" he tells me happily, and is gone in the next instant.

I stare around the bedroom for a moment, which, if possible, looks creepier at night than it does at day. The shadows make me fear what may be around the corner...lurking ahead...ready to jump out, and...

I have to stop thinking like this. It is going to drive me insane if I don't.

I try to stay calm. I take a bath, spending plenty of time trying out the different types of soap and whatnot. I let a machine brush my hair and teeth, and dry me instantly. Then I climb into bed, keeping calm, and trying to stay sane.

And if I slept with the lights on that night, that's nobody's business.