Ravager Breeding Program
ARCELL: MURA MURA MURA! I've got a great idea!
MURA: I'm booking you into alcoholics anonymous tomorrow.
ARCELL: No! Hear me out! You know the way we have breeding programmes for the orcs and goblins?
MURA: Oh sweet crap, where are you going with this?
ARCELL: You know your Ravagers?
MURA: No.
ARCELL: Yes you do!
MURA: I know I know my Ravagers, I'm saying no to your idea.
ARCELL: But I haven't even said it yet!
MURA: No.
ARCELL: But Mura-
MURA: No!
ARCELL: But-
MURA: NO!
ARCELL: But, but, why not!
MURA: Because you're suggesting we breed the Ravagers.
ARCELL: What's wrong with that, we need more Ravagers?
MURA: Yes, but currently the only male Ravager that we apparently have in Hult is Fable.
ARCELL: So?
MURA: So the rest are all women.
ARCELL: So?
MURA: So in these parodies Fable is always gay.
ARCELL: So?
MURA: cracks jaw So it's not possible.
ARCELL: Oh, right, shame... starts to grin What about you though?
MURA: No.
ARCELL: But-
MURA: No.
ARCELL: Isn't there any girl you've got your eye on?
MURA: No!
ARCELL: Huh... So the rumours about you and Omin are true?
MURA: NO!
ARCELL: Murmin's real! Ha!
MURA: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Mura runs out of room, hands over his ears. Arcell chases him singing the Murmin song.
ARCELL: # You pick each other up, put each other down, you put your feet back on the ground, then you kick and you scratch and you bi-hi-hite! You shout at the other "leave me alone!", but you know where it always goes! You're in love, ur-ur-uv, with each oth-tha!
Hult Gets a Rollercoaster
One day, Arcell was busy oiling his metal face when Mura, in a most ungainly fluster, entered the room with an uncourteous bang.
MURA: ARCELL!
ARCELL: AH! You scared me!
MURA: What in the name of Evil is that!
Mura jabbed his finger accusingly towards the open window.
ARCELL: It appears to be open air. Glad I could help clear that up for you. Bye now.
Mura seized Arcell by the Bane's shoulders and, continuing in his brash uncourteousness, dragged the poor warlord to the window's balcony. As all windows in Hult apparently had balconies.
MURA: What is that monstrosity!
Mura reiterated testily to the Bane. Arcell looked where the blue-haired one's finger was pointing in order to appease his minion's growing rage.
ARCELL: That is Helen, the goblin dinner lady. Calling her a monstrosity is quite harsh don't you think? I mean I know she has that problem with excess facial hair but-
MURA: Not that, you brain-dead sewer rat! Look up a bit!
ARCELL: "Brain-dead sewer rat!" How very dare you, sir!
Mura, strapped for time in his impatience, placed his left hand firmly onto the back of Arcell's helmeted head and yanked it down so the Bane's face tilted upwards.
MURA: That!
ARCELL: Ah, yes, that is the new rollercoaster I asked the goblins to start building-
MURA: Not that either! That!
ARCELL: What?
MURA: THAT!
ARCELL: Ah, you mean the large pink banner hanging from the Tower of Howling saying "Murmin forever" with that yaoi picture of you and Omin in a mad embrace beside it.
MURA: YES!
ARCELL: No idea.
MURA: I want it taken down immediately!
Mura was in an even increased fluster. Complete denial does that to you. It was so clear to everyone in the horrible fortress of pain and misery that all of Omin and Mura's constant displays of animosity and loathing for each other was really just a raw homosexual desire and hunger for-
MURA: Arcell, quit doing narration, I can hear you!
ARCELL: Oh, right, sorry.
Arcell apologised but he didn't mean it.
MURA: ARCELL!
ARCELL: Right right, okay, the banner, I'll take it down. Calm yourself.
MURA: Good. And since we've briefly touched on the subject of this sketch's title, why does Hult suddenly have a thrill-ride being constructed in it's centre?
ARCELL: For funzies.
MURA: Arcell, the colloseum out back was for "funzies", but it also served the purpose of chisling out the weak in the ranks and so it still allowed us to appear evil. We can't appear evil if we're suddenly turning our dark fortress of torture and death into Asyre's first-ever amusement park!
ARCELL: hey, remember that time in the colloseum when you and Omin fought each other-
MURA: That hasn't happened yet! Stop giving away spoilers!
ARCELL: You are so stressed. I'm introducing a yoga program tomorrow and I advise you to join it-
MURA: DON'T INTRODUCE YOGA! THAT DOES THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF MAKING US APPEAR MORE THREATENING! IT MAKES US LOOK CUTE AND CUDDLY AND... SOFT AND...
ARCELL: Flexible?
MURA: DON'T MAKE US FLEXIBLE!
ARCELL: But you never know, it might even help your physical relationship with Omin-
MURA: STOP IT!
ARCELL: It's fun hurting your mind.
MURA: Take down that rollercoaster!
ARCELL: Mura honey, it's a rollercoaster. I doubt it'll cause that much damage.
(One day later and Arcell and Mura are walking down the central Throughway of Hult in a long line of prisoners with their hands on their heads. Hundreds of elves flank them on either side as the fortresss continues to smoke from a savage battle.)
ARCELL: So how'd they beat us again?
MURA: All the guards were having fun on the rollercoaster rather than manning their posts.
ARCELL: Ah. Right.
MURA: ... I told you a rollercoaster was a crap idea.
ARCELL: Oh shut up.
ELVEN GUARD1 to other ELVEN GUARD2: Hey Lonel, who do you think "Murmin" is?
MURA: I hate you Arcell.
ARCELL: I know.
