Strength


"Yo, Roxas~!"

I turn my head to look at the older man who had called my name, before staring back at the alley I stand in. His body crashes beside mine on the brick wall outside of our store that I'm leaning on, his arms folding across his chest much in the same manner that I have mine. As mentioned earlier, I work in an ice cream shop. It's about a ten-minute walk away from mine and Venii-san's apartment complex and while small, it makes good money. It happens to be located right next to the area's elementary school. Every day, there are young customers waiting in line to purchase some cold and sweet deliciousness. Kids really love ice cream, don't they? Not that I can really blame them, since I've grown addicted to the stuff as well. I guess I'm a pretty lucky little bastard for being able to take home whatever is left over.

"Hey, Axel."

I'm afraid my response isn't too casual. The only person I have ever needed to confide in or cling to or even socialize with was always Venii-san. Getting this job has forced me to talk to other people, I'll admit. It's not like I've ever once considered them my "friends", anyway. Not the way Venii-san considers Sora, Riku, and Kairi (as much as I hate to admit it), "friends". Needless to say, my social skills are pretty lacking.

"You look stressed." Out of the corner of my eye, Axel stares at me, his eyebrows furrowing. He seems to be in deep thought, which is really strange since the guy is a certifiable moron. ...well, it's not like he's book-stupid. He just does stupid things. Really stupid things. Really, really stupid things.

"Want a smoke?"

And this was one of them.

My attention is turned to what's in his hand: a box of cigarettes and a lighter with his name engraved on it in some fancy lettering. He holds out his hand, offering me the things he's carrying. After staring for several minutes - or seconds, I'm not paying attention - I snatch the things from his hand. One thumb pops a cigarette out of the box by the butt, sticking it up from the rest. I take it with my teeth and shove the box back into Axel's hand, all in one fluid movement. With one hand covering the end, the lighter is brought up, lit. The smell of nicotine and about forty-nine of the toxic chemicals in these things began to waft through the air surrounding us as the paper surrounding all that crap begins to burn. The cigarette is wedged between my index and middle fingers that I bring up, and I inhale deeply as my eyes close. A few seconds pass by before it's brought away from my lips. I sigh, releasing the smoke from my mouth and nose.

"A simple 'yes' would've been fine," he retorts jokingly, lighting one of his own with the lighter he takes from my hand. "Shut up."

See, Axel is different from most of the people I've met...not that I've met that many. But he's definitely different from everyone else, I can tell at least that much. The first thing that stands out is his hair. I mean, neon red, spiked up hair? Seriously? He looks like a freaking porcupine. It certainly compliments his bright, emerald eyes, though. I still don't know whether his hair is naturally that color or if he dyes it. The second thing most people take note of are the interesting tear-drop tattoos beneath his eyes. I would be too scared to get permanently inked in general, let alone get it on my face. He's got balls, I'll give him that.

His attitude is not what I am used to, to put it simply. On my first day working in this shop, he was the first to offer teaching me how to run things. It might not sound too unusual, until you realize that Axel never feels like being the first to volunteer for anything. He follows through with the orders that he's given like a good employee, but that's when he doesn't have a choice. Axel and I, we're kind of similar, I guess. He's not one to befriend everyone he meets (actually, he ignores them), same as me. He does as he is told without question so long as it gets the job done and they can stop riding his ass, same as me. He's a smart guy, except he does really stupid things. Same as me.

This isn't the first time I've taken a cigarette from this guy.

"I'm surprised you took that one so easily. I thought you were trying to quit," he begins the conversation, looking in my direction and blowing out smoke as if he were a bad-ass. I sigh in aggravation, the tip of my index finger lightly tapping the end of the cigarette to shake off any ash onto the pavement. "Why do you even care? We're not exactly what you could call 'close', and aren't you the one who offered it?" A glare is sent to my side at him.

"Maybe so," he looks away, "but I thought the reason why you quit the first...how many times was it?"

"...three."

"Right. I thought you wanted to stop because of your brother?"

I can't think of anything to say to respond to that.


The first time I started up this nasty habit was about a month after being hired at this place. Kairi was taking up Venii-san's attention, as usual, and since I couldn't see him all of the time like I used to, I was a little depressed and extremely pissed. I stepped outside to mope and try to get my mind off of things when I saw Axel standing there, smoking a cigarette. He looked so chill, so calm, so god-damn relaxed. I was desperate to be like that, and I was willing to do anything to get that way. The instant I saw the box of cigs in his hand, I snatched it up and took my first puff. I wanted to throw up. It tasted horrible. Axel stared at me before laughing, apparently amused by my attempts to relieve some stress.

The first time I quit was the same day I started. I came home from work and Venii-san came right up to me, looked me in the eye, and started sniffing my clothes. He asked if I had been smoking. The first response I could think of was "No, the guy I work with does though." He bought it. He totally bought it. I couldn't believe that I had lied to Venii-san - my Venii-san, my own brother. I didn't want to have to do that again.

It didn't last for very long.

I didn't want to come home smelling like an ashtray and having Venii-san investigate everything I did when I wasn't with him. While it was easier to get back into it the second and third time, I soon found that quitting the second and third time was another story. The second time I quit, I felt uncomfortable whenever I was stressed and as I didn't buy my own cigarettes, I sometimes had to pretend that my brother's pocky sticks were what I needed. It never really worked, which brought up start up the third. That went on for a few months, all the while I had managed to hide my dirty little secret from my brother. But then, something happened. This time, it was because I, not my twin, noticed something off about me. One morning after waking up and going into the bathroom, I happened to glance at the mirror and I saw just what this nasty habit was doing to me.

My skin was pale. My eyes were heavy and there were dark circles underneath them. I was starting to get wrinkles and I noticed my teeth were becoming stained. I was beginning to look absolutely repulsive. It's a good thing I was able to notice these effects early on, because one inspection led to noticing another change on my body, and another, and another. I had seen what some people looked like when they were heavy smokers. Not a single one of them was attractive. I decided that morning to stop, once and for all.

Yeah. Like that worked.

I was getting twitchy, always a total nervous wreck. I was never able to relax. My body was always shaking and I noticed how jittery I was. My fingers were constantly twiddling around, looking for something small to play with, to light on fire, to bring up to my lips while I inhaled death. …oh my God. I wasn't just sucked into a habit.

I was addicted.

I was totally addicted to the stuff, and I knew it. Damn nicotine. The instant I saw Axel at work, I snatched up his pack and lit one as though my very life depended on it. I tried to bring it up to my lips, but Axel grabbed my wrist and stopped me before I could. The look he had on his face told me that he knew I was suffering from this. I kept trying to get the cigarette up to my mouth, so I could take just one, deep breath and get myself to calm down, even if only for a little bit. At that point, I felt a sharp pain sting my cheek seconds after the man's hand swept across my face. My blue eyes met his green. The expression he bore was so serious, so cold, I froze. His gaze softened, and I knew: I was becoming this thing's slave, and the man that stood in front of me was trying to save me. I remember that I broke down into a fit of sobs and coughs. My eyes hurt. My throat hurt. My chest hurt. All of this pain and suffering, it began when I realized that I was losing Venii-san's attention, and I was losing it to Kairi. That bitch. She did this to me. She did this to me…that's what I wanted to believe. That's what I forced myself to believe, but I knew. Kairi didn't do anything, not with this. The only one I could really blame was myself.

I cried harder, and my coughs brought up blood from my raw throat.


"You know, you shouldn't be throwing your life away with this stuff."

His voice takes me out of my thoughts. I look over at him while taking my half-burned cig out of my mouth.

"And what about you? Aren't you doing the same?" He laughed. "Me? Nah. I'm just a stupid adult. I've already effed up my life as it is. A little of this won't do anything. But you?" his laughter calmed, and he grinned at me. "You're a kid. You still have a long life ahead of you. So don't make the same mistakes I've made," he pauses to place a hand on my shoulder, "okay?"

I stare at him, baffled. This bumbling idiot was giving me advice that I could actually use? After a couple of blinks, I look down at the dying cigarette in my hand. For once, Axel was right. I really am throwing my life away with this thing. I became addicted to the way I could depend on it to relieve my stress, just like how I became addicted to the way I could depend on Venii-san. They were both tearing me apart inside, the way they ran my life and the way I let them run my life.

But what am I doing, comparing my own brother to a freaking stick of death? I throw the thing down onto the ground and put it out with my shoe. If I was going to be free of either of them, I had to start now, one step at a time. Venii-san has already started by distancing himself away from me. The least I could do is follow suit. I shouldn't be the only one trying to change the way they live, though.

"Alright. I'll quit, for good this time. But," I look to the man standing at my side. "Axel, you have to quit, too." He chuckled, and I glared. "Come on. It'll be easier if you have company that's trying to quit with you. You're still pretty young, so you can still make a difference." My hand goes to his to take the cigarette from his hand. "You helped me, remember? I need to help you now."

He stares off into space, deep in thought. A smile creeps onto his face, and his fingers let go. It falls to the ground, and he stomps it out.

"Okay, you win. I'll quit," his attention returns to me, "but only because you're going to need a crutch to get through this."

"If you thought I needed a crutch, then why didn't you quit first?" I frown. "Because I'm stupid, Rox. Remember? I'm an adult."

"Hey! You two done out here? Get back to your shifts!"

A voice screeches at us from the doorway that leads back inside. Axel turns back to the person. "Alright, alright Vexen! We're coming, just calm the hell down." He turns to walk inside of the story, mumbling some sort of profanity that I can't quite catch. I move to follow him when I notice that there's an all too familiar box lying on the ground. Axel must've dropped it while putting it back into his pocket earlier. Oblivious bastard.

I stare at it. Time seems to freeze. My heart is pounding against my chest, and the urge to inhale the sweet and toxic aroma of death rises. My feet move and I walk over to the box, bending down to pick it up. A quick look inside shows me that it's pretty full. It must've been a new pack, since only two sticks are missing. My thumb rubs against it briefly, my gaze not breaking from it. Temptation is taunting me, trying to get me to give in. My arms begin to shake and my hand moves against its will to draw out one of the cigarettes. A memory of the last time this happened flashes through my mind, and I make my decision. I glance down the alley way, then back at the box. A smirk comes to my face, and I chuck that sucker down the alley. It crashes into a garbage can, rattling the metal and startling a stray cat. I enter the shop, plopping a piece of mint gum into my mouth with one hand and keeping the other in my pocket. I am going to live my life. And I'm not going to let some damn addiction ruin it, be it cigarettes or my own brother. I am not going to be a slave for his affection any more. Sorry, Venii-san. But you let go a long time ago and got lost in this world outside our own.

Now, it's my turn.


Author's Note:

Phew! Sorry this took forever to get, guys. School has started and marching band is taking up a lot of my time. But hey! Axel's here! Hurrah! But, oh no! Roxy smoking? I rather detest smoking myself, but when I thought about how Ven is like his drug, I decided to make him addicted to it. There are a lot of fanfictions on here where Roxas is addicted to drugs, so I felt it was a bit overplayed. Oh well.

Because I feel bad for making all of you guys wait, I have a little surprise for you: a preview of what happens in chapter 4. I hope you enjoy it! Guess the song playing in the background and you get a free digital cookie! C:


God Knows

(Preview)

Is it still me that makes you sweat?

Am I who you think about in bed?

When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?

"V-Ven!" I stammer, my back being forced against the wall and my wrists pinned above my head. My mouth is engulfed by his, and I can taste the sea-salt that remains on his lips. The muscles in my shoulders tense up, my hands clenching into fists. I tightly shut my eyes and arch my back, trying so hard to resist giving in. But, he's fighting just as much to keep me where I am. And with him being the more athletic one of us, he wins. I manage to shake my face away, sucking in as big a breath as I could because he suddenly took mine away.

Then think of what you did

And how I hope to God he was worth it.

When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.

"S...St-" My breath is labored, and I feel my cheeks become heated. The grip my brother has on my wrists tightens as his lips crash again mine, forcing some sort of groan to emerge from deep in my throat. His weight shifts onto the bed as he, I'm assuming, gets on his knees and leans closer. His chest presses to mine, and I can feel his heart beat through our shirts, just as I'm sure he can feel my own. His heart is calm, maintaining his composure, while mine is racing because inside, I'm panicking. He has to feel the heat radiating off of my face since I'm sure that it's beet red by now.

...It's no use.

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck

Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me

Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of

Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?

The tension in my body gradually leaves, and I relax a little. I have given in. His lips caress mine once or twice, losing the force he was applying just seconds ago. Eventually, his fingers unwrap from around my wrists. They glide down my arms, fingertips lightly brushing against my skin, before making their way to my shoulders. My arms drop like weights and my hands clench onto the bed sheets below me. A tingle creeps through my skin as his hands move to my neck and jaw line, sending the muscles in my back into a spasm. I break away from him and inhale shakily as the sliver continues to crawl through my being. The next thing I know, my mouth is filled with the taste of sea-salt. ...No. It's something even sweeter than the ice cream. It tastes so sweet, but at the same time so disgusting.

He tastes like me.

This is wrong. This is so wrong, I know. ...but I don't want to stop. I firmly believe that I must be the only person he knows- no, in the world, that can satisfy whatever it is he needs. He wouldn't be doing this to me otherwise, right? He draws out and starts to pull away. I can't let him, not when he needs me this badly. I lean forward and force our lips together, just as they were before. He lets out a soft groan that vibrates throughout his throat. I listen to him intently, the music playing in our room fading out of my mind as I start losing myself in this twisted kind of bliss.

No, no, no, you know it will always just be me...