Title: Sharp hints of tears - To let go
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Lorelai/Max, Lorelai/Luke
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Can a kiss change everything?
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
THANK YOU: To Sandra..for once again helping me out here..I just
wish I could give you a big hug to let you know how grateful I am
for helping me...You're the best!
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
"And as I watch you leave I stand
Inside my house of straw
And everywhere I go I find
Things recollecting to my mind
How right it all could be"
(From "Easy way to cry" by David Gray 'A new day at midnight')
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Sharp hints of tears (3/3)
To let go
by; Jessica
************************

He walked the streets alone.
Heading for the house he called his home.
The moon was his only company.
He had set out to bring her back.
To take her home.
But instead his heart had been ripped out and crushed
like it was nothing.
As he walked the path to his house he could almost feel his
life shatter into tiny pieces.
And there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening.

------------------------
I watched him go while something inside of me was
ripped apart by some unseen hand.
"Lorelai."
The world came back with his voice.
Luke.
He was close now.
Too close.
Panic ate at my heart as I felt his hand on my shoulder.
Our eyes met.
"Luke. Don't."
Then I moved.
I ran.
For my life.
-----------------------
The stars had come out to grace us with their presence as
I ran through the streets of this town.
My heart was beating like crazy.
A voice was screaming in my ear.
TRAITOR!

I found him in the kitchen.
By the table.
I lingered in the doorway.
Afraid to go in.
Searching for words to explain.
"Max.."
My voice was barely a whisper.
He looked up.
Our eyes met.
"Don't.."
Sorrow.
Pain.
All those feeling painted his eyes
in darker colours.
"Please, I need to explain.."
I moved closer to him.
He rose.
"What is there to say?"
"Max, please..."
"I saw you, Lorelai..."
His eyes reflected so much pain that I almost stumbled.
A pain that I had caused.
"It was a mistake."
Barely a whisper.
"It didn't look like a mistake.."
"Please..."
I was falling apart in front of him.
Slowly but surely.
"What?"
"You have to believe me."
"You kissed him, Lorelai.."
Silence.
I moved closer to him.
Wanting him closer.
"HE kissed me."
"Does it really matter? You didn't really push him away. You just.."
His voice faded to black.
I stood there in the middle of my kitchen and I could almost
hear my life slipping away from me.
"I'm sorry..I just.."
"How could you!?"
He stood before me.
This man I had vowed to spend the rest of my life with.
A man that had made me happy.
That made me smile.
And I was losing him.
I reached for him in a weak attempt to mend his heart.
But he slipped away from me.
"Don't!"
"Max..You have to forgive me!"
"I don't have to forgive anything..."
"I made a mistake..."
"Why him, Lorelai? I have seen the way you look at him. Don't
you think I've noticed? Because I have. At first I thought
it was nothing. I was so sure of myself that after we were
married you would change. Then something happened..
You became quiet..Now I know why..."
"Max..please.."
"He left. Luke left Stars Hollow."
"That has nothing to do with.."
"Don't lie! You have never been a good liar."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Try the truth."
"Yes, I was depressed after he left..."
"Just tell me something...."
"Anything."
My sight was blurry as I looked into the eyes of the man
I married.
"Are you in love with him?"
The question hit me right in the chest and made me stumble.
"Max. please.."
"It's a simple question. Are you in love with Luke Danes?"
He moved towards me.
Anger filled his eyes.
Pain.
Sorrow.
I backed away from him.
Afraid.
Wanting to run.
He had no mercy as he continued.
"Answer the question, Lorelai."
Tears made its presence known on my cheeks.
I felt like I was slowly ripped apart piece by piece.
"I can't!"
He grabbed me by the shoulders and screamed:
"Answer me, GOD DAMMIT!"
I looked at him.
And I knew what I was about to do would break his heart.
But there were no way to avoid it.
"The answer is that I don't know!"
He let go of me.
Pain flashed across his face as he moved away from me.
And I could see something inside of him surrender.
I could almost see as the walls around his heart came
crashing down.
He fell.
And there were no one there to catch him.
"Oh.."
That was the only word that he was able to say as he stumbled
backwards away from me.
The same pain that flashed across his face at that moment
was ripping through me.
Slowly killing me.
Eating at my heart causing my insides to bleed.
It was a painful death.
But I deserved it.
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't..You told the truth."
"Max.."
I reached for him.
I took his hand in mine.
He didn't move away this time.
He just looked at me.
With those eyes.
Dead eyes.
Hurting.
Bleeding.
"We can get through this.."
"What's the point?"
I let go.
Then he moved.
He walked away from me.
------------------------------------------
Luke's POV

I stood there a long time after she had left.
The diner was all quiet.
But it still carried her scent.
It lingered in every corner.
Causing me to fall.
My intention was never to kiss her.
It just kind of happened.
Desire got the best of me.
I don't know.
I never meant to come between them.
I was ready to give her up.
To say goodbye.
But tonight something inside of me came alive.
Hope sprung alive.
A part of me wants to hate her for that.
For giving me hope when they are none.
-------------------------------------------
He left in the morning.
Just before the sun had warmed the earth.
He stood in the doorway.
With his sad eyes he told me to make a decision.
I had wanted to stop him at first.
I had tried to make him stay.
But I couldn't hold him back.
I couldn't mend his heart.
He demanded that I would give him up.
My husband wanted me to sacrifice a friend.
To give Luke up.
I stood there in the doorway to the kitchen and
I watched as he walked away from me.
Max.
I wanted to run after him.
Beg even.
I had no pride when it came to him.
But I knew that not even my words could
make him stay.
I had hurt him.
Broken his heart.
I needed to find a way back to the
way things were.
Maybe then I would be okay.
------------------------------------------
Luke's POV

I kept expecting her to come to me.
One day passed by so fast.
Life returned to normal.
I moved around this house trying to convince my
foolish heart that she would come back to me.
Silly me.
Dreaming of the impossible.
That she actually would choose me.
But there were moments when I was strong.
When I was ready to pick myself up from the floor
and move on.
I was determined then.
To prevail.
It was not like I hadn't been here before.
I had known pain.
But never like that.
I wish there was some way I would know that I would be okay.
But I didn't.
So I stayed.
Clinging to that remaining hope that lived inside of me.
------------------------------------------
I stood a long time outside his door.
Trying to find courage to knock on the door.
The darkness of the night surrounded me.
I had come to let him out of my life.
It had taken two days and two nights to make me see.
The truth.
To make a decision.
I would sacrifice him.
My friend.
Luke.
It was the only way.
To get back the life I clung to.

My hands trembled as I knocked on his door.
Daring to move.
He opened a second later.
"Lorelai.."
He looked tired.
Like he hadn't slept for days.
"Can I come in?"
My voice was barely a whisper.
I stepped into his home.
The warmth of the diner.
"What are you doing here? It's almost midnight.."
"I wanted to talk to you..."
"At this time of night.."
"Please, Luke.."
How could I give him up when every part of me was
screaming to hold on?
With a smile he surrendered.
"Sure.."
"I wanted to talk to you about...that night..The.."
"The kiss?"
Our eyes met.
Memories came back and crashed into me.
For a single moment I let myself remember.
The feel of his lips against mine.
His hands against my skin.
The warmth of his body against mine.
"It can never happen again."
A shadow flashed over his face.
Pain?
Sorrow?
But I was determined.
I was so sure that I was doing the right thing.
He wasn't the one.
He couldn't be the one.
"Lorelai.."
He moved towards me.
Luke.
I backed away.
Afraid that if he touched me I would fall.
And I couldn't do that.
Could never do that.
Again.
"It was never my intention to hurt either of you."
"But you did."
"You kissed me back, Lorelai."
The truth hit me again.
Hard this time.
I stopped when the wall was at my back.
I couldn't run this time.
He was so close now that I could almost
pick up the slightest scent of him.
It made my mind blurry.
"I made a mistake."
Pain flashed across his face as he looked at me.
Something inside of me, deep inside, broke
into millions of tiny pieces as I saw the pain
I caused him.
But I told myself that it was all for the best.
I was saving myself this time.
My marriage.
"No, Lorelai. You're lying."
Closer.
Closer now.
His eyes pierced into me.
Seeing every part.
"Don't.."
"Why did you come here?"
I wanted to run.
Something inside was screaming to run from him.
From the truth that kept eating at my heart.
That kept breaking me down.
But I couldn't listen.
Not this time.
"To say goodbye."
He stopped.
"What?"
"I came to say goodbye to you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Max, told me. To choose. Between you and him."
"And you chose him."
"It was never a choice."
Pain again.
Painting his eyes in darker colours.
I moved away from him.
He didn't stop me.
"Why do you do this to me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Breaking my heart."
He was standing with his back towards me.
I wanted to reach out my hand and touch him.
Just for a single second.
To know what it felt like.
To remember the feeling of his skin under my hand.
But I couldn't.
I would fall then.
And I couldn't risk that.
So I stood there, staring at his back.
With a voice screaming in my ear to go to him.
"I'm sorry."
That was the only thing I could say.
The words seemed so small.
Pointless even.
Like words could mend his heart.
"I really thought things would be different this time around.
I was so sure I would be okay after you left that night. I kept
telling myself that it was just a kiss. But I couldn't...You didn't
play fair, Lorelai. You never have."
"Luke..please..You have to understand."
He turned towards me.
"You made me hope..that maybe this time..You would see me."
"I do see you."
I moved closer.
Wanting to mend his heart.
Thinking that my words could heal him.
Like words could heal anything.
"But you don't want me."
Our eyes met.
I tried to hide from him as I spoke.
How could I answer that when not even my heart knew the truth?
When I didn't know?
"Luke, please..I didn't come here for that."
"Just answer me..please.."
He moved closer.
Sorrow in his eyes.
Painting his face.
I didn't run this time.
It was time to face him.
To put an end to this.
To this running around.
"Don't..I can't.."
"Just tell me that you didn't feel anything then I will never
bother you again."
It was so simple to lie.
Then everything would be okay.
Just say those words.
Then he would go.
And I would never see him again.
He would keep his distance.
As he promised.
As I wanted.
It was better this way.
It had to be.
"I didn't feel anything."
"Oh..."
He surrendered.
Something deep inside of him shattered.
I could hear it.
I could see it crashing down all around us.
And there was nothing I could do.
This was a choice I was making.
To let him go.
To let him out of my life.
In favor of the man I married.
The man I loved.
"I never meant to hurt you..."
"Too late.."
His words faded to black.
I moved.
I dared to move.
Why did it hurt so?
This was the right thing to do.
Then why did it cause me so much pain?
I moved towards the door.
I stopped in front of it.
I was already missing him.
This place.
The diner.
The life I once had.
But I was saving a life.
Saving a heart.
My hands trembled as I opened the door to the diner.
Tears made my sight blurry.
I shouldn't cry.
I didn't deserve to cry.
"Don't go....I'm begging you."
His voice pierced through the night.
I turned around.
He stood there.
In the middle of the diner.
Our eyes met.
Begging.
Pleading for me to stay.
With him.
To love him.
My heart ached as I looked at him.
"Please, stay."
I wanted to.
Something inside wanted to run into his arms and
burry myself there forever.
But I couldn't.
"I can't..."
He moved fast.
I didn't run.
I let him come.
He framed my face between his hands.
Gently.
I didn't move.
I didn't run.
This was goodbye.
Then he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine.
Softly.
Heavenly.
And I fell.
God, how I fell.
As we parted he whispered:
"Goodbye, Lorelai.."
Then he let go.
Of me.
I moved.
My legs moved.
I walked out of that door.
I turned around and looked at him.
Standing in the doorway to the diner.
"Goodbye.."
Then I walked away from him.

I walked the path to my house alone.
While the moon made its way across the sky above.
Tomorrow he will come home.
The man I married.
And then Rory.
We will be a family.
And I pray that somewhere along the way
I will mend this heart of mine.
And maybe eventually I will forget about the man that
once own the diner.
That once was my friend.
That once I loved.
And maybe then I will be okay.
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Feedback ---j_rothen@yahoo.se