I do not own Azumanga Daioh, and I apologize profusely to Kiyohiko Azuma for what I am about to do. I love you, Azuma-Sama!
'no, this probably isn't a nightmare,' Nyamo decided. 'there's no way my mind could replicate the sound of a folding chair breaking over a Bonobo's head.'
"Take that, you stupid… Monkey!" Yukari screamed, frothing at the mouth a little.
"it's a Bonobo, Yukari." Nyamo volunteered, crawling out from under a hogtied wildebeest. "Have you fought enough animals yet?"
Yukari tied the Bonobo's feet and hands together with a rope made from dead squirrels, then drop-kicked him into the smoking pile of downed trees on the other end of the zoo. "I'm ready when you are."
"Yeah, I think I'm ready. I hear sirens." Nyamo shivered.
There were indeed many sirens. As well as screaming and gunshots. Yukari looked puzzled. "Sirens?"
"That sound, from the police cars?"
"From the what?"
Nyamo sighed. 'this is just like that time when I had to explain that the television doesn't actually have tiny people in it. Or how the microwave doesn't have tiny men with flamethrowers in it.' "The cars that police drive, Friend-O."
"The what?" Yukari screwed up her face in thought, and Nyamo swore that she could hear rusty gears clanking. "Those men in blue who follow me around? I should really get a restraining order against those guys or something… Are they fans?"
Nyamo massaged her temples, only to find burn marks there. "You could say that. It's time to go."
"Awesome! Let's go rob a bank!" Yukari hopped, skipped, and jumped to the wreckage that was once Nyamo's car.
"Wait, what?"
"Oh yeah! Banks will let you take things, as long as you have coupons!" Yukari pulled a suitcase from the backseat.
"How did you get that in there?" Nyamo asked, cringing as a burning telephone pole fell behind her, then rolling up into a ball as eight pissed-off polar bears being ridden by orangutans raced by.
Yukari restarted the car by beating it with the largest rock that she could find, re-lit the lighter fluid on the dash, and opened up the driver's door. "C'mon, Nyamster, what's taking you so long?"
"BEARS!" Nyamo screamed, one particularly rabid looking bear having apparently chosen her as his life mate. "HELP!"
"FINE! Needy whiner…" Yukari opened up the suitcase, then pulled a .big black 44 Magnum out of a holster (made of squirrels, incidentally) stapled to the inside of the case. "It's a good thing I brought my favorite bank coupon!"
"I CAN'T DISTRACT THE BEAR WITH JANGLING CAR KEYS MUCH LONGER, YUKARI! HELP!" beat. "Wait, where did you get a gun?"
"I stole it!" Yukari blasted away at the giant, slobbering, Rabid Polar Bear, hitting it squarely between its back legs.
The huge creature roared in pain from the forced testisplosion* and toppled to the ground.
The screeching orangutan jumped from its back and scampered away, but not fast enough to keep from having his manberries blasted off by Yukari's expertly drunk aiming.(When you see two targets, you aim between them)
"I AM THE BEST ANYTHING EVER!" Yukari screamed, emptying the gun into the ground, causing the powerful bullets to ricochet around the zoo.
Nyamo curled up into a ball. "-"
"TIME TO GO ROB A BANK, MMBITCH!" Yukari grasped her friend by the throat(probably an accident) and tossed her into the trunk to prevent escapings.
"I will dub you…" she said to the wrecked, burning, beaten wreck of a cheap car that hummed with an unearthly, undead life beneath her rear.
"…Dub you…" she reached into her suitcase and withdrew a bottle of cheap moonshine made from gasoline, everclear and expired bread.
"…The…" she brought down the bottle by the neck onto the side of the car, smashing it and baptizing the car in alcohol.
"YUKARIMOBILE!"
*That is TOO a word, stupid Microsoft Works Asshole Processor!
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Thank you, lovely people, for all of the lovely reviews! Thank you, Hwikek, Elred Bluegreen, Miz-Ktakase, A Better Name, and TheZeroSystem!
I am deeply honored to have earned the praise of seasoned fan fiction authors such as yourselves!
And I'm sure that one day, those monkeys will return…
