Kate was facing the window when Castle walked back into the room. He had been gone for about three hours. Walking around the hospital and trying to clear his mind. Trying to get rid of the anger that seemed to consume him. He wondered if he would ever be able to forgive her for walking away from their marriage like she had. Part of him knew that she had done it to protect him. Another part wondered if she would run away again once she was out of the hospital. Find another part of the country to run to. Run away from him and everything they could be together.
Castle sat beside her hospital bed and said nothing. The room was quiet except for the occasional beep of the machines. Castle had no idea what most of them were for, but he did see a strip of paper that was printing out what looked to be heartbeat readings. He assumed they were monitoring the baby's heartbeat.
He longed to reach out and touch her. Wanted to touch the place where his unborn child was nestled inside her. Wanted some kind of connection to her and the life that they had made together.
Castle heard her sigh and then she whispered, "Say something Castle."
Castle sighed in return shook his head, "What do you want me to say Kate?"
Closing her eyes, she swallowed hard, "Something. Anything."
"Why did you do this? Run away the second you found out that you were having my baby. Despite everything…"
She looked at him and asked, "What?"
Sighing, Castle whispered, "Despite everything I still love you. How screwed up is that? I feel betrayed in the worst way, but I can't find it in my heart to simply walk away. From you or from the baby."
Kate turned to face him and she noticed that his face was filled with anguish. She longed to reach out and touch him. To try and reassure him that she wasn't planning on going anywhere. That she had learned her lesson about cutting him out of her life. She had missed him terribly during the past 4 months. There hadn't been a day that had went by that she hadn't thought of him. Hadn't wanted to go home to him and tell him about their baby.
The only thing that had stopped her was her singular need to keep her baby safe. She knew the people that she had pissed off would stop at nothing to destroy her. Including harming her baby. So, she had remained alone and determined to keep her little one safe.
Kate finally managed to whisper, "I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. These people would stand and nothing to kill you and our baby. They would do it to hurt me. To keep me from investigating them. To keep their world from crumbling down around them. I couldn't let them take you from me Castle. Just like I couldn't let them know about the baby."
Castle sighed, "We've always been stronger when we are together. Don't you get that? Or did you just not care?"
Shaking her head, she whispered, "It's not that Castle. I wanted to keep you safe. Wanted to keep him safe. I wouldn't survive losing either one of you. Losing my mom was hard, but losing you and our son would absolutely destroy me. There would be no way for me to recover from that. There would be no coming back from that. You wouldn't be there to bring me back from the brink. The wall would go back up, but this time the wall would stay up and never be able to be knocked down."
Castle ran his hand through his hair and whispered, "You realize that goes both ways right? These last four months have been terrible for me. I barely ate, rarely slept. I spent so much time looking for you. Wondering what I'd done to push you away from me. Away from our marriage. In the worst scenarios, I wondered if you had found someone else to love."
Kate gasped and shook her head, "No. Never. You are it for me Castle. You are my one and done. I just… I was misguided and thought that by being apart I could keep you safe. You were safe."
Castle looked at her and whispered, "Until about a week ago."
"What happened Castle?"
Shaking his head, he tried to avoid it, "It doesn't matter."
"It does. What happened?"
"Whoever is behind this tried to take a shot at me. Missed only because I dropped my pencil. Espo and Ryan were investigating and…."
"What did they find out?"
"Not much. Then someone tried to crash the town car I was in. They were escalating things. Probably trying to draw you out of the woodwork. I guess they gave up when you didn't show. I guess they thought that you didn't care about me anymore. Hell, that's what I was thinking."
Kate reached for his hand and whispered, "I do care Rick. That's why I ran. I didn't see any other way. I…"
"We are a team Kate. Partners. In everything. Life. Crime. Raising our baby. Our son."
Kate looked into his eyes and saw that the love that was still present there. Maybe she hadn't ruined everything. Maybe it was just a little bit bent and not completely broken. She knew that he would have a hard time trusting her for a long time, but maybe she could win back his trust over time. She would spend the rest of her life working to restore his faith in her. She would do whatever it took.
She looked at him and whispered, "I love you Castle."
"I wish I could believe that Kate, but what you've done. It's what you always did. You're never going to let anyone in. Not even me. I will never be your everything. I feel like I'm the only one that's truly one hundred percent invested in this relationship anymore. It's like you gave up on us. On everything that made us great."
"I didn't and I know that you probably won't ever believe me. Despite everything, I will always love you. Even if you don't want me anymore I won't keep you away from him."
Castle sighed and turned away from her. Part of him hated her for running, but another part understood that it was who she was. Instead of saying anything, Castle stood and walked over to the window. He finally whispered softly to her, "I don't know if I can trust you to stay. When you get scared or nervous, you run. You forget about me and it's like you go back to that scared nineteen year old girl that lost her mother."
"It changed me Castle. I…"
"And I'm not saying that's a bad thing Kate, but you aren't nineteen anymore and you don't have to be alone anymore. I'm here. Right beside you. We make each other whole again. We have always been better together Beckett."
Kate reached for his hand and he hesitated for a moment before he took her hand. She placed it on her stomach. He whispered softly to her, "Is that the baby?"
Kate laughed and nodded, "Yes. I know that it's not much, but…"
"It's enough. For now it's enough."
With those words, Kate had a glimmed of hope. Hope for the future. Hope that with work she could begin to rebuild his trust in her. The trust that she had broken when she had kept him in the dark about everything that had threatened to tear them apart. Things that could still tear them apart. If she didn't learn to run to him instead of away from him when things got rough
She had a sliver of hope when he leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead and whispered, "I'm going to grab something to eat. You want anything?"
Laughing she told him softly, "The baby would love a milkshake."
Castle raised his eyebrows, "The baby huh?"
"What can I say? The baby likes milkshakes."
Winking at her, Castle turned and walked out of the hospital room with a huge smile on his face for the first time in what seemed like forever and hope for their future….
