Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or any of the songs used in ALCHEMIST IDOL. I do however own Dr. Fleur Valentine, Colonel Sacha Furelise, and borrow Lyh from my esteemed collegue, Musical Maiden; you can't borrow her unless you have her permission, or Sacha or Fleur with out mine. No touchy.

-ROUND 3-

Ok, apparently, Winry is still K.O. from the methane Fleur put her on earlier... (or could it be an evil plot of the homunculi to take over Alchemist Idol?)... So, yeah, Dante's still the host... Ishballa help us all...

Dante: Welcome back to HOM- ALCHEMIST IDOL. I am your dictator- I mean, kindly host, Dante.

Audience: Crikets chirp in background ...

Dante: ... More cricket chirps...

Hughs: Snatches mike Well, looks like we'll have to introduce ourselves today! I'm Hughs!

Audience: Brought back to life; cheers

Hughs: Hands mike over to Sacha

Sacha: Uh...

Audience: CHEERS

Mike is handed over to Teacher

Teacher: Snarls

Hughs: Takes mike; Anime sweatdrop; mike is handed to Pride

Pride: Hi, mom!

Audience: oO

Hughs: Hands mike to himself Yo! Just for you folks whom are dying to know, Alicia's birthday's just six months away! Get ready! Hands it over to Envy

Envy: Hello, my revoltingly ugly admirers. Pulls the Mirror out

Audience: Fuming BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dante: Snatches mike Today, as some your pathetic minds may have succeeded in registering, is our REQUESTS SPECIAL. But, before we proceed with listening to your pathetic song choice sung by our idiotic contestants, we must first discover which ones were weak enough to be voted off.

Audience: Anticipating

Dante: ... Is handed envelope with names; opens

Everyone: Nervous

Women of the Audience: PLEASE BE MUSTANG!

MEN of the Audience: PLEASE BE MUSTANG!

Dante: Our first mollycoddle to be ruthlessly eliminated from the competition is- Scar.

Scar: ...

Audience: What the hell is a mollycoddle?

Ishballans at home: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isballans roars of anguish are heard at studio

Dante: ... That was... a bit strange... wait... YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO TAKE OVER ALCHEMIST IDOL TOO, ARE YOU!?

Audience: o.o'

Scar: And if we were?

Everyone: WTF?

Scar: ...That's right. From the very beginning, I've been trying to kick those sinners- the state alchemist- out of here, and redub ALCHEMIST IDOL into ISHBALLAN IDOL. We have better ethics and song choice.

Audience: ...

Random State Alchemist from Audience: You Ishballans may have more ethical ethics, but our song choice kicks your song choice's ass!

Pride: Ooo, that was a burn.

Scar: Rolls eyes That's the exact immature stupidity I've learned to expect from a state alchemist. And by the way, just for the records, your song choice doesn't kick ass, it sucks ass.

Audience: BURN, BABY, BURN!

Random State Alchemist from Audience: What was that?!

Scar: Hard of hearing? Exactly what I'd expect from a man that has been deaf to God's voice for so many years.

Random State Alchemist: Fuming

Dante: Fuming How dare you try to take over my show?!

Scar: Exactly what I'd expect to hear from one of their creations. Any purity this show ever had is gone. It's not worth cleansing anymore. Walks off stage I'm off to kill some more state alchemist. And as for you, Looks at Random State Alchemist from Audience remember this: I'm getting away with MURDER.

Random State Alchemist from Audience: Pisses in pants like a 2-year-old that's just discovered what SuperMan wears under the underwear he wears on top of the tights

Dante: Yeah, you better get out! Trying to run my- I mean, our show.

Everyone: Sweat drop

Dante: ... Anyway, our next loser is-

Audience: Anxious

Women of the Audience: MUSTANG, OH PLEASE, BE MUSTANG!

Dante: ... Heh. Our other sad, pathetic loser is- Edward Elric.

Ed: No!

Al: No! Not brother!

Women of the Audience: WHY NOT MUSTANG?!

Teacher: I knew you'd whimp out like this, Edward. I PREDICTED IT THE LAST ROUND! MWHAHAHA!

Hughs: Checks play back from the last round to see if she really predicted it; finds she did Whoa, you're good! Can you ever tell me if I get a son?

Envy: You die dumbass; of course you don't get a son! Whips out comb and starts to comb hair

Hughs: Sob

Sacha: ... How did Edward even recover from the drug Fleur gave his in the last round...?

Fleur: ... Such outstanding resiliencey...

Sacha: ... And how is it Winry still hasn't...?

Fleur: ... It's a paradox... I gave her a milder sereum too...

Pride: Clears throat INDEED IT'S CONFUSING, COLONEL FURELISE AND DR. VALENTINE; I MEAN, WE ALL KNOW THE HOMUNCULI AREN'T TRYING TO TAKE OVER ALCHEMIST IDOL OR ANYTHING, AND SINCE THAT'S NOT A POSSIBILITY, OUR DEAR ROCKBELL-HOST CAN'T POSSIBLY BE HELD CAPTIVE RIGHT NOW BY THE HOMUNCULUS IN MY OFFICE. Winks at Dante

Dante: THAT'S RIGHT, PRIDE! Winks back

Everyone: Anime drop

Lyh: That dumbass!

Lust: That stupid slut!

Lyh: ... Ok, that was just plain hypocritical...

Mustang: Bite, that, SHRIMP! I'm still in the game!

Fleur!

Sacha: Here we go again...

Ed: WHY YOU BASTARD-! Gets cut off

Fleur: Picks Ed up and takes him off the stage I'm sorry you had to see that Al. But, I simply can't let your brother kill the man that so many women prior to him have already claimed murder on.

Al: Sweat drop I-I understand, Docter! It's fine! Just make sure you give me the visiting hours.

Fleur: Smiles No problem! Best of luck! Walks off stage with the unconcious drooling Edward

Silence spreads through the studio like peanut butter on bread

Dante: PEANUT BUTTER ON BREAD?! IS THAT HONESTLY THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!

MOA: Better than your lying ability!

Dante: What?! I haven't lied once throught out the whole season! Sweats

Hughs: Now, now, no need to get in a fight with the author...

Audience: GET ON WITH IT!!!

Dante: Shocked; recovers Indeed, let's get on with it, now that the weak have been weeded out. As I said earlier, today is our REQUESTS SPECIAL. A member from the audience will be randomly selected by a randomly selected judge, randomly selected by me. And I choose- pulls out name from a baggy -Furelise.

Sacha: ...

Dante: And our first contestant is- Colonel Roy Mustang.

Women: INSERT EVIL GRIN

Mustang: Whimper

Sacha: I choose... looks at vast I-hate-Mustang crowd ... you. The one with the funky dyed pink/violet hair and plain white dress.

Rose: Yay!

Women: Make him cry, Rose.

Rose: Ponders Hm... aha! I know the perfect song for you to sing!

Mustang: ...

Rose: Sing the Barbie Girl Song!

Women: HELL YES!

Mustang: Colors begin to drain from face

Dante: Ahem- I believe this would be a good time to bring it up. Any contestant that does not comply with the audience's requests, will be automatically disqualified.

Mustang: Is now very pale

Hughs: Someone's got your number, Roy! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge

Mustang: Snaps fingers and puts Hughs' wooden chair on fire

Hughs: MY BUTT!

Alicia: Mommy, look, daddy's butt's on fire!

Mrs. Hughs: Oh, dear.

Wife and daughter watch as their husband and father runs around in grand circles trying to put the fire out

Rose: Well, sing.

Women: YEAH, MUSTANG, SING!

Mustang: Looks at the numerous women with vehement smiles on faces; thinks about getting disqualified I...

Hawkeye: Colonel!

Mustang: Huh?

Hawkeye: ... If you sing this song, I'll kiss you.

Havoc: Whoa, she must really want him to make a fool of himself.

Hughs: Still trying to put the fire out

Mustang: Becomes very motivated It's a deal! Sings the Barbie Girl song with a SMILE I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD-

Audience: Cracks up with laughter

Dante: ... Giggle Th-tha-that was-giggle- a very-giggle... GUFFAWS Points at judges

Sacha: Rates 9.3/10 before he becomes consumed in laughter ... The song was very befitting of you, Roy...

Teacher: HA, HA, HA, HA! Laughs some more ... Wipes tears Ah... that was good... all he needs now is the blond hair, the pink dress and a homo to call a boyfriend. I think Envy will do.

Audience: ROFL!

Teacher: Rates 9/10

Pride: Colonel Mustang, that was the gayest performance I've ever seen in my life. Even Ricky Martin's straighter than that. Rates 9/10 Still, it was a good laugh!

Hughs: Still running aruond in circles in an attempt to put the damn flames out

Alicia: ... Uh, Mommy, I think now would be a good time to help Daddy put that fire on his butt out.

Mrs. Hughs: ... I think you're right dear. Whips out fire extinguisher and, with amazing precision, puts out the fire

Alicia: Nice shot, Mommy!

Hughs: Thanks for putting the fire on my ass out, Honey!

Mrs. Hughs: Unleashes the fire extinguisher on Hughs again

Hughs: Foaming at mouth ... Why, Honey?

Mrs. Hughs: You know I don't approve of you cursing in front of Alicia.

Hughs: Bows head down in shame I'm so sorry Honey. I'm embarrassed. Rates 9.5/10 But not nearly as embarrassed as Roy probably feels right about now! Lol!

Mustang: HUGHS!

Audience: Nice one, Hughs! LOL!

Envy: ... I love that song! Rates 10/10

Lyh: I had a feeling he'd say that... we should get CSI to investigate his sexuality.

Lust: Maybe in another fan-fic...

Dante: Is finally done laughing Well now, those were probably the highest ratings you've gotten yet. But, regardless of the ratings, you will be judged based on the audience's vote. From this round on wards, so that your brains don't explode from effort, we will be eliminating one contestant at a time in a slow, excurciating fashion. To vote off Mustang, call 1-800-ALCHEMIST or text message BARBIE DUDE.

Mustang: Now that my humiliation's done, how about that kiss, Hawkeye?

Hawkeye: Pulls out gun and aims I don't think so, Colonel.

Mustang: Stops dead in his tracks But, you made a deal!

Hawkeye: No I didn't. My fingers were crossed. Now back off.

Mustang: Walks off stage in tears

Dante: Next is Alphonse.

Audience: HELL YES!

Dante: And the judge I randomly select to randomly select an audience member is- Pulls name out of baggy - Izumi.

Teacher: ... Eyes wander across the audience ... You. The one with those god awful glasses...

Sheska: Me?

Teacher: Yes.

Rest of the audience: Stares at Sheska jealously

Sheska: Uh... aha! Al should sing "Still Waiting", by Sum 41!

Audience: YEAH!

Al: Ok! Sings

Audience: ROARS

Dante: Wonderful, Alphonse. Not bad at all. You may be one of the few alchemists I actually permit to be in Homunculus Idol... On with the judging!

Sacha: Excellent as usual, Alphonse. Rates 10/10

Audience: CHEERS

Teacher: GREAT! We know who inherited all the genes of actual talent in your family Glaring at Ed's lifeless cold body in disgust Rates 10/10

Audience: CHEERS

Pride: Good, Full Metal's brother... Rates 10/10

Hughs: Whoa, Al, that's three 10/10's in a row! Talk about smoking the competition! Rates 10/10 And now it's four in a row!

Audience: HELL YES!

Envy: ...

Audience: Grabs the nearest throwable object to hurl at Envy

Envy: I rate...

Audience: ...

Envy: ... That performance deserves...

Audience: Aims ...

Envy: Rates 10/10

Audience: Anime drop Huh...?

Envy: I did that just to see the look on your faces. Suckers! Continues to gaze in mirror

Audience: We'll let that slide this time...

Dante: It's a miracle. Straight 10/10's... but the final decision all rests in the hands of our uncapable audience and viewers. To vote off Alphonse, call 1-800-ALCHEMIST or text message SOFT METAL.

Al: Walks off stage

Dante: Our next contestant is Hawkeye. And the judge I will-

Audience: Mocking "Randomly select to randomly select a member of the audience..."

Dante: There will be no audience in the studio of HOMUNCULUS IDOL, I guarantee that! I select- pulls name out of baggie - Hughs.

Hughs: Hm, how 'bout you, honey? Points at Alicia

Alicia: Yay! I want Hawkeye to sing "I'm in Heaven when you kiss me", by ATC!

Audience: AWW!

Hawkeye: Uh... ok... Sings

Audience: AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dante: That was... disgustingly sweet... lucky for you, I'm not a judge, else all you would have gotten for a rating is puke...

Sacha: Wonderful, Hawkeye. You put much emotion into it, which is exactly what this song needs. Rates 10/10

Teacher: ... I'll just ignore the song choice. Rates 9.3/10

Pride: Yay! ATC! Rates 10/10 But if only someone would request Ricky Martin...

Hughs: Since when has Alicia started listening to ATC?

Mrs. Hughs: After you died, dear.

Hughs: What!? I die, and you people just move on like-like, like I'm not there anymore!
Mrs. Hughs: Sweat drop

Hughs: Sob

Alicia: Daddy, can we discuss this at your grave or something later?

Hughs: Sniff Well... ok... I guess... if you say so, honey... Rates 10/10

Envy: I'm sure the only reason that song was good was because you sang it with me in mind, but, military gun-slingers just aren't my type. Maybe this'll make you feel better. Rates 10/10

Hawkeye: Left speechless Thinking: Was I just dissed by a highly suspectable cross-dressing bisexual? That's worse that what the Colonel does! I'll shoot him later! . . .

Audience: . . .

Lyh: That's Envy for you...

Lust: Why can't he just say he liked the performance?

Lyh: Because he's gay like that.

Dante: Ok then. To vote off Hawkeye, call 1-800-ALCHEMIST or text message CUPID NOW USES BULLETS.

Audience: Giggles

Hawkeye: Ignores romance crack Walks off stage

Dante: And now, our final performance of the night, shall be performed by G.R.

Audience: CHEER

Dante: And the judge I chose is- picks name out of baggy - Pride.

Envy: Points at a random audience member without looking

Turns out he pointed at Sloth

Sloth: Asleep

Lyh: Pokes Sloth Wake up, you lazy-assed secretary.

Sloth: Meh?

Lyh: You get to pick a song for Rockbell's granny to sing.

Sloth: Ah...

Ten minutes later

Dante: Ahem, we're running out of air-time here, Sloth!

Sloth: Asleep with eyes open Snores

Lyh: Slaps Sloth SLOTH!

Sloth: Screams DAMMIT, BRADLEY, MY ASS STILL HURTS FROM THE LAST TIME! DON'T YOU HAVE A WIFE TO DO IT WITH!!?

Everyone: Shocked

Pride: Turns deep red

Lust: Sloth?!

Lyh: Damn, Pride, all this time I thought you were gay; but now, I realize you're just bi!

Pride's Wife: BRADLEY!!!!!

Pride's Kid: DADDY!!!!!

Pride: Sweats nervously

Wrath: Mommy... what do you do with Pride...?

Lyh: Adults when around children refer to it as physical intamacy.

Lust: But, for now, you can just call it, 'the NASTY'!

Lust and Lyh: ROFL!

Wrath: The nasty...?

Pride's Kid: You don't know what the nasty is? Damn, you're a dumbass.

Pride's Wife: Blows up THE NASTY, BRADLEY?

Pride: Now, now honey, I-I only tried, but she insisted she was married!

Pride's Wife: YOU WERE TRYING!

Pride: Sobbing But, I never did anything!

Pride's Wife: BUT YOU TRIED YOU MOTHER F---ING BASTARD!

Pride: Honey, this really isn't a good time...

Dante: Dammit! Take is to divorce court or something! We're running out of air-time, here!

Pride's Wife: I'll stop... on one condition.

Pride: Brightens Anything, my sweet!

Pride's Wife: ... I get 75 of the estate and 55 of whatever's in our bank account in the divorce.

Pride: Face loses all complexion But- but-

Pride's soon to be ex-wife: Glares him down

Pride: Whimpers Understood...

Dante: Sloth, your song choice is...?

Sloth: Asleep Wakes up Wha...? Ah! I know the perfect song... it reminds me of the relationship Hohenheim and I had. Can you sing Bad Boy, by Cascada?

Sacha: I'm starting to question who deserves the title 'Lust'...

G.R.: At my age, I'd by somewhat embarrassed to sing that song, but I have a slut for a granddaughter, so what the hell? Sings

Audience: CHEERS

Dante: Coming... from... such an old lady... that was soooo wrong... but good voice, G.R., good voice... points at judges

Sacha: Cough That was excellent, G.R. Cough Rates 9.7/10

Teacher: Pukes ... Voice quality was good... but the song... Sloth, you whore... Rates 9/10

Pride: Hey, that song reminds me of you and me, Sloth!

Sloth: Wakes from slumber and GLARES

Pride's Wife: GLARES

Wrath: GLARES

Pride's Kid: Tee hee! The nasty!

Pride: Eeek! Rates 10/10; avoids making eye contact with Sloth, Wife, Kid, and Wrath

Hughs: Honestly, Sloth... of all songs... sigh What would Ed or Al have thought if they heard that? But, good performance, G.R. Rates 10/10

Envy: You people are picking all my favorite songs today! Rates 10/10

Lyh: Unsexy!

Envy: Sob

Dante: Clears throat Thank you, G.R. And thank you, Sloth, for telling everyone about your damn se- intamacy issues! Seriously, you make Lust seem like a virgin...

Wrath: ... A virgin? Like, the olives?

Everyone: ANIME DROP

Lyh: You'll learn in Health Class, child.

Wrath: ...?

Dante: ANY WAY- To vote off G.R., call at 1-800-ALCHEMIST or text message BAD GRANNY.

G.R.: Walks off stage

Dante: And that, concludes today's rather dramatic episode of ALCHEMIST IDOL. Bring your lazy asses back here whenever the author updates for ROUND 4, which is our JUDGE'S CHOICE SPECIAL. In other words, the only judge here that didn't get to pick an audience member today, will be picking songs of their choice for our contestants to sing. In our dreadful case, that judge is-

Everyone: In horror ENVY!

Dante: Indeed.

Envy: Still looking in mirror Hm?

Dante: I need to take this thing over fast...

Sacha: Hitting head on desk

Teacher: Why, oh why...?

Pride: Poking Envy Make them sing Ricky Martin as a dedication to me! I'll probably die in divorce court today... Sobs I'm too young to die!

Pride's Wife: And WAY too old to be listening to Ricky Martin.

Pride's Kid: Oh, hell yeah.

Hughs: To Roy So, Roy, planning to get your BARBIE DREAM GIRL HOUSE today?

Mustang: Damn, you, Hughs!

Envy: Gazing ever deeply in mirror

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Yeah, sorry about the crappiness and the LONG delay on the updates. School takes it's toll everyday. . . . If anyone knows the names of Pride's wife and his kid, will they be as so kind as to tell me?

Thanks,

MageofAutum