A/N: Hey guys! I am back! :D My internet is down at the moment, so my best friend is putting this up for me on her computer. I won't be able to reply to any reviews until I get it back up and running again but I want to thank all of my new reviewers! You guys really give me motivation and you're great! :D

Awesome reviewers: Khuronji , Sola et Lacrymosa , Moofin

Disclaimer: Yeah, no. I don't own them. Seriously, I don't.

OH! And happy AkuRoku day everyone! –throws confetti in your face-

Thanks again! Now get to reading! :D



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Chapter III: The Conspiracy Of Seeds

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"Get out."

"…Roxas—"

"Now! Get out now!" I wished my heart would slow down, I wished my face wasn't so hot. I wished he would just listen to me this one time.

Quickly, almost without thinking, I grabbed a pillow and shoved it over my inflamed face. Darkness encompassed me, causing me to calm down a bit. All I had to do was pretend – pretend this wasn't happening. Pretend I was alone again like I'd been for months now. I just had to pretend this was all a dream.

And it was working, until the pillow was suddenly tugged away. I gasped loudly and held onto it tighter, trying my hardest to keep my face covered, keep me out of reach, keep me safe. He yanked the cushion again, obviously not listening to my former pleas. Why did he have to be so difficult about this? Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

"I won't give up on you."

I froze when light hit me again, the sun was still setting, soon it would be completely downcast. I hoped it would take me with it.

"Why are you trying to hide?" I didn't look at him, I couldn't. The embarrassment was too much to handle at this point. I never knew my heart could beat this fast. Wouldn't it break down if put under so much pressure? Well, there was another thing to wish for.

"Roxas…"

Don't say my stupid name anymore. I never want to hear it ever again for the rest of my life. I've had enough.

Without hesitation, I threw my lean legs over the side of the bed and proceeded to sit up. I was dizzy, disorientated and weak, and that wasn't a surprise. I'd never had to deal with anything like this before, so of course I would be in this kind of state. Before I knew it, I was halted once again in my feeble attempt to escape the man.

I let out a low hiss when his hand clamped around my wrist. His touch seemed to burn through the white cloth. They weren't healed just yet, they still hurt. I figured then that he really did enjoy my pain and anger. How had I ever thought he was the least bit caring?

"Hang on, Rox—"

"Let me go, that hurts!" I screamed, louder than I thought my voice could go.

His hand quickly unlatched itself from my arm and I took no time to exchange apologies. I practically ran out the door, down the hall and into the bathroom where I slammed the door none to quietly. The noise echoed off the walls of the tiny apartment, causing me to bite down hard on my lip and tears to spring from my eyes.

This was stupid. So damn stupid! I hadn't cried in months! And now that I'd made a huge fool out of myself I was allowed to just break down and cry like a little school girl? No. NO! I couldn't let this happen. I wouldn't!

But I did. I slid to the cold tiled floor and bawled my fucking eyes out.

xXx

Hunger. One of the bodies many weakness'. Also one of the things I'd never had to deal with much before. I was always well fed, albeit I was still as skinny as ever. I never had to think twice about going to fill my belly with a delicious delicacy. But now – now that I lived here, it seemed like this was going to be a reoccurring event in my daily life. I kept reminding myself that it was only a month. Only a month that I was on house arrest. Only a month that I had to stay here. Maybe when this was over I could beg my father or the hospital for a loan and get my own place somewhere if he didn't accept me back after all this. I could get a job and start my own life. I'd go back to school and finish my senior year. Maybe go off to a college somewhere after that if I could save up the money. Try to forget my past and my many faults and just…live.

My mind was naive enough to think that at least. I had to have some kind of hope, didn't I?

I sighed again, wishing away the low growl in my abdomen. The last time I ate was…yesterday? No…Or was that today? I'd made pancakes…that's all I could remember. Though it seemed like that was so long ago. I needed food again. Curse my growing body.

If it was still growing that is…

I grunted as I heaved myself up from the bathroom floor. I wasn't really sure how long I'd spent in there, it was kind of like back when I'd lock myself up – I lost track of time in those situations. Even if this bathroom door didn't have a lock on it either. I was just grateful that the redhead hadn't bothered me. Not even once had he knocked or tried to enter the room. Maybe he wasn't as dumb as he looked.

And then I was confronted with the same situation as before.

Facing him again.

My heart said it wanted to see him another time. It longed to glance at his bright sparkling eyes and his warm smile.

Though my brain, the only smart and logical part of me, told me that going out there again was a really stupid idea. Problems don't just blow over in a few hours, not things like this. He'd question me, ask me what was wrong, probe me until I spilled every last drop of sanity I had left in my feeble body. It wasn't fair that I had to be stuck with someone like him. Someone who actually felt like they had this ridiculous obligation to care about me. It really wasn't fair at all.

I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind when I left the bathroom. My hunger and thoughts were almost overtaking the fear and embarrassment. Wrapping me in this cold, empty embrace, telling me everything was going to be alright. All I had to do was pretend, after all.

Though, when I entered the living room, all I could focus on, all I could see, was that red hair. And again, as before, the weight of the world left my shoulders. The problems that existed in my heart were ripped away, separated from my being, left in the dust. I wondered for a moment what exactly it was about him that had this effect on me. Was it really his hair that snapped me out of my inner turmoil? Maybe it was his eyes – they really were amazing. But when that smile danced its way across his lips, I knew that that was it. Why did it have to be so warm and comforting? So lithe and consoling? So…so…perfect.

I wished suddenly that he would never stop. That the smile would be forever on his face.

My eyes wandered over his body, taking him all in for the first time. Had he always been this tall? This lean and firm? It seemed as if he'd grown over the past hours…That was hardly fair at all – I could have used some of that height. My eyes lingered over his clothes, taking note of the black, collarless T-shirt that clung tightly to his skin and muscles in all the right ways. The faded blue jeans that hung low on his well defined hips, supported by a silver studded belt. A hand was gently placed on one of those hips, causing his standing style to appear free and airy. I suddenly started to subconsciously count the many earrings in his ears.

One, two, three, four…five in the left ear and…seven in the right it seemed. Then there was that one on his lip. So he had…thirteen piercings? I didn't even have one

"Hey…hey Barbie, you in there?"

I blinked a few times, my eyes focusing back on him, standing there in front of me only a couple feet away. Without thinking I nodded stupidly while trying to force my eyes off of him for more than a few seconds. That wasn't working at all; they always seemed to drag themselves back to him…

"How're you feeling?" he asked with concern and if he had been anyone else, anyone like a nurse or someone back at the hospital, I would have done the same thing I'd been doing for awhile now.

Lie.

But…how could I lie to those eyes? How could I possibly utter one fib under that stare?

It just wasn't possible, so, I told the truth.

"My wrists hurt…and I'm hungry…" My voice was raspy and dry. I coughed, feeling my throat constrict with pain. All that damn crying had really taken its toll on me…

His eyes lit up momentarily, taking in my dreary state. "Right, the nurse gave me some pills for you to take hang on – I'll go get them." Without another word he sprinted off into the kitchen, reaching into one of the higher cupboards, one I would have to stand on a chair to reach, and proceeded to pull out a small white container of pills.

I watched, feeling the innermost gratefulness that the nurse had at least thought to give the redhead some pain killers for me. He smiled as he walked back over to me, handing me two of the small red pills and a glass of water.

"Those should make you feel better. So what are you hungry for?"

I swallowed the pills swiftly, quickly downing the whole glass of water in seconds. It was like rain to a hot, dry desert – so refreshing.

I handed the glass back to him and he took it with no hesitance. "Every time you ask me that it will be the same answer," I replied slowly, hoping he did remember just what I'd said the last time he had asked me the same thing.

He silently cocked his head to the side just a bit, one eyebrow rising, a puzzled look resting on his features. I had to hold in the girly squeal that desperately felt the need to bubble up from my throat. He was almost cute when he did that…

I shook my head from side to side, ridding myself of all thoughts, and maneuvered my way around him, stepping into the kitchen. My eyes scanned the place, stopping on the fridge. I opened it and light flooded my vision. Of course, it was the same as it had been before.

Practically empty.

Just what did this guy eat all the time? Take-out every day? That couldn't be very healthy…

"You need to go shopping," I said over my shoulder, regarding his standing form in the archway. He was leaning against the panel, legs crossed, eyes glued to me as they had been when I cooked before. I noticed the glass was set onto the counter beside him.

He blew out some air through his nose, crossing his arms on his chest. "Yea, I was going to ask Demyx to stock me up. I can't exactly leave you here alone."

I turned back around, my eyes flowing over the small selection. "Who's Demyx?" I asked with practically no caution or no concern really. It kind of felt weird to be talking like this to him, but wouldn't silence be ever weirder? I might as well fill it with some regular conversation.

Behind me he was quiet for a moment before answering, "He's my friend, lives two doors down from here."

I hmm'ed slightly, settling on the turkey lunch meat that sat in one of the pull out drawers. I'd never much liked lunch meat, whatever kind it was, but at that moment I would have probably eaten anything. Lunch meat wasn't that bad compared to a hungry gut.

I turned and waved the meat at eye level. "Is this…?"

"It should be good. It's only like, a week old or so."

I nodded and turned towards the counter where I remembered the bread sat. Seeing as how that looked new enough too, I quickly made myself a turkey sandwich.

I spun slowly around again when I was finished preparing my meal and eyed the man again. He was still smiling which almost made me want to try one on myself. Though I knew that mine would never be as amazing as his was. Besides, I really had no reason to smile; I should never be allowed that little pleasure in life anymore anyway.

"You like turkey?" he asked me, not moving an inch from his lounged spot.

I shook my head, biting into the bread, tasting the meat soon after. The taste actually wasn't too bad, slightly sugared and spiced; the bread was soft at least.

"Then…why are you eating it?"

I shrugged and leaned myself up against the edge of the counter, trying but not trying to imitate his posture. I cursed myself when I crossed my legs out in front of me.

"I could have ordered something for you." His lower lip jutted out just the smallest bit as his eyes sinuously avoided mine for the moment.

My heart gave one loud pound in my chest then slowed back down. It frightened me for a second and then my stupid, treacherous cheeks flushed. Why was it so surprising to hear that coming from him? It was almost like he really did care about me.

But that couldn't be possible, right? He hardly knew me; he could possibly know nothing about me beside my name and age. No one would even begin to care if they knew. I couldn't be fooled into thinking that someone would.

xXx

"Wanna watch a movie?"

I regarded him for a moment, halting in the approach to my room. It took me a few seconds to comprehend his question. He wanted to…watch a movie. With me? Why with me…? Wouldn't it be just as enjoyable, if not better, to just watch it alone? Why in the world would anyone in their right mind want me to join them in their cinema fun? I couldn't possibly make it any more pleasing; I'd just make it worse by falling asleep through half the movie or commenting on how horrible the acting was. Movies just weren't really my thing, not when I was with others.

"No, thanks but I—"

"Awe come on Roxas, I'm bored and you're bored so we might as well…"

Okay so now he was begging me. This was truly…weird. But of course, then again, this was Axel I was talking to. The guy who had thrown me though more emotional loops than I'd probably ever been thrown through before in my life. The guy who made my troubles practically disintegrate in the blink of an eye. The guy who…acted like he cared about me…

That's right…he was Axel. He was one of a kind – completely and utterly unpredictable.

Maybe that's what I liked about him so much…

"Okay fine." And that was me giving in to the puppy dog pout.

If I thought his smile couldn't get any more amazing, then I was wrong. He was practically glowing. And for what? All I said was I would watch a dang movie with him…What was the big deal?

"Awesome," he croaked, brightly shinning his sharp teeth, the way that made me wish my blood had other places to be besides my cheeks.

Before I could register than he'd moved at all, he was in the living room, frantically pulling out DVDs left and right. "What do you want to—?"

Apparently he saw my raised eyebrow and my crossed arms from across the room. If he was thinking I was going to pick he was way wrong. I was the worst movie picker ever.

"Alright then, I'll pick." He resumed his searching, placing a few choice ones onto the plush beige couch. I slowly meandered my way over into the living room, my eyes wandering on my way over but never once really leaving him.

I almost giggled suddenly but I stopped myself short of the action when I sat myself down onto the couch next to the few movies. Watching him rummage through the DVDs like a dog trying to find a bone, it was kind of comical. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea. It could possibly be…fun to watch something with him. I could try not to be a critic and enjoy it.

"Okay so it's either Dawn of the Dead or Resident Evil." He handed me both cases, smiling.

I took them, one in each hand, pretending to evaluate them. I'd never seen either, but I had heard of them before.

Zombie movies. Who would have guessed?

"You've seen these before?" I asked, flipping one over I read the back with half lidded eyes.

He nodded, "Yup, both are pretty good. If you want crazy horror and blood and gore, then Dawn of the Dead is the way to go. Though the other one has some pretty good scenes in it too. I like them both for different reasons."

I really didn't care either way, blood and gore wasn't something that scared me easily. But the redhead just looked so eager

"This one." I handed him the case and he smirked.

"Daring tonight, huh?"

I shrugged while he turned around and situated the movie. He quickly snatched the remote from one of the side tables and then landed right next to me on the couch. I regarded our close proximity – he was only inches away from me…

"This one's good," he said as he turned to face me, a bright glow in his emerald eyes. "And if you get scared, you can always hold my hand." Could his smile get any bigger…or anymore annoying?

I huffed and crossed my arms on my chest, facing the TV. It wasn't long before I heard his low chuckle and the opening credits flickered onto the screen.

xXx

"Think you'll be able to sleep tonight?"

I flinched when he spoke for the first time in hours. It had been a long few hours that was for sure. I don't think I'd ever seen that much blood in one sitting. Okay, so I'd never seen that much blood period.

But it wasn't like I was scared or anything – zombies didn't frightened me and probably never would. They were highly unlikely and practically all superstition and make believe. Like the tooth fairy…or – or elves

"You scared, Barbie?"

I narrowed my eyes and glared at the TV. The ending song was starting to give me a headache as were the tiny words that rolled across the screen. The redhead only added to the throbbing pain in my skull.

"No," I replied quickly, sitting myself up from the couch. My brain spun and swam in a head rush that didn't fade as quickly as I hoped it would. I stretched and yawned when my head cleared, already starting to walk towards my room. I was suddenly just so tired…movies really had that effect on me I guess.

"Where you going?" came the voice from behind me.

I held back the urge to roll my eyes. "Bed. Where else?"

"You're tired already?" He sounded disappointed, like one couldn't possibly be tired this late at night and after watching a movie like that.

I only nodded on my way to the room, taking no time to turn or acknowledge him. His footfalls followed me, predictable as always. But what really caught me off guard was when he stepped in front of me, blocking me from entering my room. I blinked my sleepy eyes a few times, waiting as they refocused on him. He was smiling. Not smirking…just – smiling. My eyes grew less tired all of a sudden.

"Thanks."

I swallowed a mouthful of spit, almost gagging. The way he said that…What the hell was wrong with me? Yeah, so his voice was flawless and beautiful and the smile that rested on his face was beyond that of any supermodels'. But really, that hardly gave me the permission to act like a sexually frustrated teenager around him! He just kept catching me off guard…

"For…for what?" I don't really know how I managed to ask that, but it slipped out of my lips without much regard.

My heart jumped and fought with my ribs, begging to get out as he replied, "For tonight – thanks for watching the movie with me."

All I could manage was a short, shaky nod. This wasn't fair. This just wasn't fair!

"Sleep tight, Roxas," he said, placing a large hand atop my head. "I'll see you at twelve sharp."

When he walked away from me, I felt so cold. His hand had left an almost burning yet chilling sensation that stung through my whole body, from my skull all the way down to my toes. And when I heard the door to his room close shut, I collapsed to my knees. I tried to take long, slow breaths but they came out too short and unstable. My heart felt like it had finally broken down the barriers that were my ribs with all its incessant pounding and would now finally bust out of my chest. My palms were sweaty, as was my forehead. And why were my eyes still trying to focus?

No…none of that mattered. The real question, the one I had been avoiding for the past few days, the one I'd never ever want to ask myself, was plain as day.

Do I like Axel?

Of course I did. Even if I hid behind my moodiness and short temper, I couldn't tell myself, without lying, that I didn't feel the smallest admiration for the redhead. He was kind, caring and sweet – if you got past the fact that he was a complete idiot and practically made me want to rip my hair out piece by piece every time he so much as spoke to me. So he had faults. Everyone does. But those faults were defiantly overpowered by his pure beauty. He was…perfect. His appearance I mean. I really wondered how anyone could be born that way – so utterly right. His parent's must have really been lookers.

Again, getting past the other fact that he was the personification of the word perfect, I still really didn't know my true feelings towards him. Okay, so I had to admit, I'd never been good at emotions. The only ones I was semi-good at were anger and nonchalance, if that could be considered as one. It just wasn't me. I wasn't your crazy love struck, hormone charged, run-of-the-mill teenager you saw running around your local high school, chasing all the cheerleaders. I'd had my share of relationships, don't get me wrong, it's not like I was a total introvert, but I never flaunted them or flirted with anyone. People came to me, that's just how it worked.

Though considering those relationships I had been in, none of them really lasted. I'd had only one or two that went on for more than a month. Either I would get bored or they would. Some people would end up telling me they had only asked me out for my looks and that if they had known I was such a bored they would have never did it in the first place. I usually tried to hide my hurt feelings, which I was good at, but it always left a small little hole in my heart for weeks to come. I used to think that I'd never really find anyone to love. Which changed about three months ago, of course, that was when everything changed. I started going out more often; bars were usually my main attraction. I was careful not to take any drugs; I couldn't really afford to get addicted to shit like that. I did, however, get drunk on many occasions, which brought me back to the fact that I practically lived at the hospital. But the hospital is off topic – where was I? Oh yea.

The one night stand game.

How many times had I played that little game in the past few months? Probably too many to count. Besides, what was the bar without someone to share it with? Whoever came to me first, won. I'd spend the rest of the night with that one person, whether it was a boy or girl, not like I cared, I swung either way if you hadn't noticed by now. I'd get close to that one person, I'd flirt all I wanted, touch all I wanted, and dance all I wanted with just them. Of course then I'd drink until I couldn't stand straight and I'd forget practically everything I'd done for the whole night. But it was fun. I liked doing it. Maybe one could say that I was addicted to clubbing. Whatever it was, an addiction or an attraction, I didn't care. It was distracting and that was all I needed after all.

But the fact was that I was by far hardly skilled in the complicated ways of "courting" or anything along the lines of that.

So how could I possibly know what it was that I was feeling for Axel…?

______________

"Hey Roxas."

I regarded him with a slight nod of my head, never taking my eyes off the television. I bit down into one of the soft, warm chocolate chip cookies my mom had just brought out on a plate in front of us, fresh from the oven. Of course Hayner had taken three, already on his second. He was such a pig sometimes.

"What are your thoughts on Kairi?"

This time I turned to look at him, a confused glare making its way across my features. Okay so that was an out of the blue question, of course it had to have some meaning behind it.

"Why?" I asked, leaning back onto the couch I propped my feet up onto the glass coffee table so I could see Hayner better.

He seemed to avoid my eyes as he answered, "She just wanted me to ask, that's all."

"Uh-huh…" I let my eyes wander back towards the TV, seeing if I could get anything else out of him with the silence. Hayner never really was one for an awkward silence, he practically went insane when they rolled around.

I smirked when I heard his voice again, "She said she likes you."

Bingo. And there it was. Of course, I'd been predicting that little statement. "I thought she liked Sora," I replied slowly, snatching another cookie from the plate.

Hayner sighed next to me, probably not enjoying my mood. "Sora just came out of the closet."

I surprised myself when I burst into laughter. Even Hayner next to me seemed to jump. "Oh did he now? I knew it was only a matter of time," I managed to say around my fits of amusement.

After I'd calmed down a bit Hayner continued, a smile making its way onto his face. "Yeah, so you can probably see why Kairi is upset. She said she wanted to find at least one guy who was cute and not completely gay. Of course then I had told her there was always me, but she just threw me the fact that Olette would eat her alive and left it at that."

I chuckled as that little scene played in my head. Olette and Kairi fighting over Hayner. Priceless.

"So whatdya say, Roxy old pal?"

I licked my lips and glanced over at him once again. His chocolate colored eyes were pleading along with his hands that were grasped tightly out in front of him; I could picture him begging like this on his knees. What a sap he was.

"And just what are you getting out of this in return anyway?" Of course I wouldn't expect Hayner to do something like this for free. There had to be something in it for him.

His lower lip stuck out slightly and his arms suddenly crossed over his chest. He stuffed another cookie in his mouth as he said, "Kairi's…doing my algebra homework…" I stared at him wide eyed when he finished, "For the whole week."

I was stunned for a moment but then realized – this was Hayner. I couldn't have expected anything less from him. "So basically Kairi bribed you to ask me out for her."

Hayner shoved another cookie into his mouth, the other one not even swallowed yet. Obviously he was feeling like a complete moron and felt the need to cover his embarrassment up with eating. "Noff exactly, sshe juss wanted to know iff you would conhsider it…" The cookies in his mouth made it a little hard to understand but I got the gist that he was just making things up to not get in trouble. How in the world had he turned out to be my best friend?

"Well I've considered it," I started, my eyes sliding back to the TV sinisterly, "But to tell you the truth, I just really don't like redheads."

______________

"Time to wake up."

Please no. Anything but him.

"Roxas, I've already let you sleep in enough. You've gotta get up now, okay?"

Anything but his amazing voice. I just couldn't take any more of it. No, that wasn't true; I could easily listen to it all day. It was like little wisps of pure bliss. Like a little piece of heaven was awakening me, telling me it was time to face the day. Maybe this really wasn't such a bad way to wake up.

I let my eyes flicker open, revealing the bright light of another day. The ocean outside of the window was clear blue today, shining brightly like a cerulean crystal. I caught a glimpse of a few seagulls flying overhead, so free and without binds. A long sigh escaped my lips, which was more of a yawn. The outside world only seemed make me feel even more lethargic.

"Morning sleepy head."

I turned and resisted the urge to smile. There he was, standing right beside the bed. He was dressed in a green and black checkered button down polo, the sleeves were rolled up on both sides and the top few buttons were undone, showing off the smallest amount of his pale chest. Hanging on his hips were a pair of black skinny jeans, causing him to appear even leaner than usual. His long unruly hair was pulled back today in a hair tie, only a few choice spikes stuck out. He looked remarkable, to say the least.

I sat up from the blankets and sheets and scratched my head, feeling how tangled and knotted my own hair was. Great, so there he was, perfect as ever and I still looked like a train wreck.

"It's already past twelve. I really don't understand how you can sleep like that."

I yawned again, freeing my eyes of crust. "Easy. I just close my eyes." He hmm'ed, slightly amused and I frowned. "Why do you have to wake me up so early all the time…?" I was still tired, dammit. And it was summer for crying out loud; didn't kids always sleep in during the summer? I did at least…

He laughed without opening his mouth and I watched as the smugly wolfish grin made its way across his features. "I told you before – it's what the doctor told me to do." He stopped for a second and then continued, showing his K-9s once again, "Would you rather I get you an alarm clock?"

I instantly sat up, ignoring my pounding cranium and the bright sun in my eyes and shook my head frantically. I'd never ever want an annoying thing like that if I could have him instead. I was actually getting pretty used to waking up to his smiling face everyday…

Right on cue he smiled again, this time softer. "Good, because I hate those damn things."

He didn't seem to see the flush that had crept its way across my cheeks, which I was glad for. I slowly turned so that I could sit up from the bed when I noticed – I still had my clothes on.

I'd slept in them? What was that about…? I never slept in my clothes, the feeling it gave me grossed me out. I'd have never done this on purpose…

"So, why were you sleeping outside of the door last night anyway?"

Oh, so there was the answer.

I must have passed out beside the door while I was…thinking…Who would have thought I could fall asleep right on the floor? I really was a good sleeper, no doubt about that.

"How did I get in here then?" I asked out loud, more to myself then the redhead. Had I sleep walked back into the room? That was highly unlikely; sleep walking wasn't something I'd ever done in the past. So the only other answer was…

"I carried you in. I was up around two in the morning, saw you slumped on the floor there and moved you to the bed. You sleep like a freakin' rock."

My head tried to wrap itself around this statement. So he…picked me up…and…oh god.

How embarrassing is that?

I should have made it to the room and then had that little discussion with myself! It could have waited until I had at least gotten into the confines of the damn bedroom. But no, I had just – collapsed onto the floor and broke down. I can't believe I'd been so stupid…

"Hey…hey, Barbie?"

I blinked a couple of times; gnawing on the side of my lip nervously I looked at him with earnest eyes. "I'm gunna go have a smoke. I'll be on the balcony if you need me."

He was out the door before I had time to even register his comment. So obviously the whole "carrying me into my own room" thing didn't faze him as much as it did me. Why did that piss me off so much? It didn't matter that he thought nothing of it, I shouldn't have either. It's what anyone would do, right? If you saw someone collapsed on the ground you would put them to bed. It was normal, it wasn't anything beyond that.

I still felt the need to punch him senseless though.

I decided to take a quick shower, catching a glance of red out on the balcony on my way to the bathroom. And I didn't lie – my shower actually was quick for once. Maybe I was just too annoyed to calm down.

I dressed in some plaid blue knee shorts and a baggy white T-shirt. Soon after I found myself in the kitchen, my hunger always getting the best of me. I could still see that flaming red hair through the sliding glass door. I couldn't tell if he was still smoking or not, but he was leaning out over the railing, staring off into distance it seemed. I wasn't about to interrupt him.

Until I heard a knock behind the front door, sending the plate in my hand to go crashing into the sink. I considered just standing there until the knocker went away. Maybe Axel would hear it and he'd come running over to answer it. Though that didn't seem likely when the knocking sounded again, this time with a voice attached to the end.

"Axel! Open up, man! You're damn doughnuts are getting cold!"

Doughnuts? I liked doughnuts…

I don't know how I'd gotten over to the door but I opened it regardless, staring at the boy behind it with wide eyes. He was tall, like Axel, though I could tell the two had completely different tastes. This guy had a weird Mohawk/mullet thing going on, along with two very big, very blue eyes staring right back at me. And apparently the guy's favorite color was blue. It was the only thing he had on. He was most likely the same age as Axel was, only he seemed more childlike, it must have been the way he looked at me maybe or that quirky smile plastered on his face.

"You're…not Axel," he stated, looking me over then meeting my eyes once again. "You must be that kid he's been talking about."

I disregarded the "kid" comment and gladly took the doughnuts from his outstretched hand when he gestured them towards me. "Ax told me to go get these so I had to run all the way out to Krispy Cream just to buy the damn things. He had better thank me!"

I was too busy running the box over to the table, but I thought I saw him step into the apartment and glance around. "Where is he anyway…?"

"Demyx?"

"Speak of the devil."

The two embraced in my side vision as I shoved a pastry in my mouth.

Wait…they what?

I swallowed thickly when I saw exactly what it was the two were doing.

Hugging.

Yea so…they were hugging, so what? Friends hug. There was no need to choke on a doughnut over it.

"So the doughnuts were for this little guy, huh?" Demyx smiled over at me and I quickly frowned and turned back towards the box. This boy was really lucky I was so hungry and my focus was on something other than anger at the moment. Or else I probably would have given him a piece of my mind, and fist.

"Yup, I thought he'd like them. Obviously I was right." That voice made me slow down my barbaric eating, knowing now that he was probably giving me that smug look. Next thing you know he'd be commenting on how I was eating like an animal.

Demyx let out a melodic laugh which filled the apartment with a weirdly, airy mood. His voice really was soft, like the strum of a guitar. "He's not much of a talker, huh?"

I quietly sat down into one of the kitchen chairs as Axel said, "Only when he's stuffing his face."

"Bastard…" I mumbled through doughy goodness.

I could almost hear him smirk when he changed the subject. "So Dem, I need you go to pick up some stuff for me and the kid. You know that I can't leave him so I'll give you some cash and you can go shopping for us."

Demyx huffed as Axel rounded the kitchen corner and brought back a small white list that I had seen just a bit earlier. I was wondering just what that was for, all those names of grocery items listed on it...

"What am I? Your maid?" he pouted, snatching the paper from Axel's hands anyway.

"Hey, I can live off of pizza, but he can't." I saw Axel point to me with his thumb, a smile on his face as he finished, "Besides, he's a little chef."

"So you've got your own personal maid and chef now, congratulations," Demyx droned, stuffing the white slip into one of his baggy jean pockets.

"What's got your panties in a bunch?"

"I'm just tired. Today was my day off of school and work and you call me to go pick up doughnuts of all things…" Demyx trailed off, sounding more tired than before. I could understand his dilemma; I wouldn't want to be bothered this early by Axel on a day off either.

I munched on my second doughnut as I eyed Axel throwing an arm around the blue clad boy's shoulders. For some reason it made my insides want to churn and boil. "Well now that you're awake you can hang here," Axel said cheerfully.

No. No he can't.

"Sorry, but I've got plans," Demyx replied abruptly, worming his way out of Axel's grasp.

Axel smirked and tipped his head to the side. "Plans, huh? With who?"

"None of your damn business."

"Demyx, that's hardly fair."

"Who ever said I was fair?"

"I'm never waking you up again. I wouldn't have even asked if I'd known you'd be so pissy about it afterwards."

Demyx stuck his tongue out of his mouth like a 2-year-old and stepped back to the door. "Just be thankful I'm going shopping for you!" he yelled as he exited through the door. His footsteps echoed off the outside hallway and then he was gone.

Well that was certainly…interesting.

Suddenly I wasn't that hungry anymore.

I placed the half eaten pastry into the fold up box and sat up from the table.

"And just where are you going?"

"Back to sleep," I answered quietly, already knowing what his answer to that would be.

"No you're not."

Yeah, I figured as much. Too bad he couldn't stop me.

When I walked through the door I attempted to close it shut but he was already blocking that from happening, so I just meandered on over to the bed and plopped myself down. Of course I wasn't planning on falling asleep in my clothes, but I could just lay here until he gave up then I'd change.

"Roxas…you know you can't go back to sleep."

I could if I wanted to. It's not like there were any doctors here to yell at me. Besides, I've dealt with them yelling at me before. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

"Hey are you…mad at me or something?"

Wow, he caught on kind of fast. How did he notice that? Not that I was mad at him, no, I wouldn't say that. I was just a little bothered by that whole scene with him and blue boy. Which I had no right or reason to be. It shouldn't bug me to see him hugging anyone or being friendly with other people. I wasn't the only person in his life and I'd be out of it in less than thirty days anyway. And it's not like there was anything like that between the two of us so I shouldn't feel this way.

So why did I?

I had to cover it up at least, I couldn't tell him any of this – it would only make things awkward. "No, I'm tired."

"You were pretty awake just a moment ago," he retorted quickly, the smallest bit of annoyance making its way into his words.

I clicked my tongue in my mouth a couple of times. I was only awake because he'd made me get up – that, and because I was hungry. Now that I wasn't anymore, I just wanted to sleep. I had to have some time to think about what had just happened too. I had to know why I felt this growing urge to go trash the apartment just two doors down…

"Roxas, I can't let you go back to sleep—"

"What are you going to do? Tell on me? What's the worst that could happen, huh? I could get a stern reprimanding and a finger wag? I don't give a shit what those damn doctors have to say and I sure as hell don't care if I'm obeying them either. So why don't you just leave me alone so I can get some goddamn rest already?"

And there I go, yelling again. Well it was his own damn fault for being so pushy about it. He only had himself to blame.

No, that wasn't right. It was me who was so short tempered and so whiny. I didn't need any more sleep; all I really needed was to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. That and some more therapy. Okay, a lot more therapy…

I opened my eyes again when I thought he'd left. It was silent for awhile and I had really thought he'd been gone by now. But he wasn't gone, oh no. He was right in front of me. My eyes narrowed and my cheeks flushed but I held still. I noticed he was kneeling down beside the bed so that he was eyelevel with me. His eyes bore into mine, emerald clashing with sapphire. It seemed for a second that he could see into my mind that way.

"Whats up, Barbie? Why the sudden attitude?" I was glad at least that he wasn't smirking or anything. He just looked concerned, the look that almost forced me into believing he gave a damn about me.

I tried to hide my eyes in the pillow but they wouldn't budge from his. He was just inches from me and yet I couldn't move from his stare. "You're moodier than normal. What's the problem? Did the doughnuts not agree with you?" He smiled just a bit at his own comment but it fled soon enough.

I desired so terribly to tell him what I was feeling. Maybe he would understand if I mentioned that I might have this weird attraction towards him. Perhaps he would just smile at me and tell me that he felt the same way. Maybe it could all work out.

And maybe I'd sprout wings and fly away from here.

I really had to stop listening to my heart – it was completely ridiculous and totally irrational.

"Okay, either you've forgotten how to talk or you're zoning out." Axel interrupted my thoughts once again.

But how could he possibly interrupt them when they were all about him in the first place?

I sighed and shook my head, burying my face in the soft, warm pillow.

"Talk to me, please."

He sounded so sad…so desperate. I couldn't deny him of this any longer – I had to speak to him.

"What do you want me to say…?" I mumbled, burying my hands underneath the pillow I tried to avoid his eyes.

I saw the smile work its way across his face. "I just want you to tell me what's on your mind. You can talk to me – you know that, right?"

I scowled into the pillow, wishing that I could just tell him what was on my mind. Why did he have to say something so cheesy like that? It only made my heart want to melt on the spot.

I shivered when his warm fingers laced around my chin. He tugged at me gently, making me look him in the eyes. It was unnerving, uncomfortable and totally terrifying. But it felt amazing.

"Obviously there's something bothering you and I want to know what it is. And don't say it's me because you know I won't leave you alone until I figure this out."

He couldn't possibly be doing this to me. Not now – not this soon! I didn't even know exactly what it was that I was feeling for him yet. Maybe it really was just sexual frustration – it'd been too long since I'd last been laid and I just really needed someone. Maybe it was just a little crush – something that could never be taken any further than slight admiration. It could just possibly be nothing.

And maybe I was just lying to myself. I did that often.

Well there was really only one way to settle this, right? Only one way to really tell what this heated feeling was deep inside of me. And now was a pretty perfect situation to execute that. If only I could move.

"Would you just talk to me? This is so damn frustrating!" Axel actually yelled. That was new…

His breath covered my skin and I felt my muscles tense up. If he thought he was frustrated he should really try being in my shoes. The guy had it easy.

"Just…shut up," I murmured as I freed my hands from the pillow and used one to grab a hold of his collar. His own hand fell away from my face and I shivered at the coldness it left behind. Slowly, very slowly, I pulled him closer to me. My heart was beating faster than it ever had before. My hands were sweating so badly I thought they would slip away from his silky shirt. And my face was practically on fire.

But I couldn't stop. I couldn't and I wouldn't. I had to know this. If I didn't, I would most likely go insane. My eyes slid shut and I knew my lips were just inches from his. I could feel the metal of the ring on his lip brush across my soft flesh and my heart jumped in my chest.

It felt like ages that I just sat there like that, contemplating my decision. I just couldn't understand why I faltered. I'd kissed so many other people before…Why couldn't I kiss this one man?

I sighed onto his lips and let my shaky hand fall away from his shirt in defeat. I knew why I couldn't do it – I just didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to tell myself that I could never be with anyone.

But I never would – and I knew it.

How could anyone want to be with me after what I've done? How could I love someone who would never love me back? It just wasn't possible and I knew that. I knew it so well that I'd had to tell myself millions of times before it finally got stuck in my head. Yet I still had to remind myself so much…

Without looking at him, never knowing if his face was that of disgust or just disappointment, I bolted from the room with a heavy heart and unshed tears in my eyes.


A/N: Oooh cliffhanger. So how'd ya like that? Am I going to slow? Or too fast? Or at just the right pace? I really don't want to push things along too much because then it gets annoying, but going slow can be a bother to. Tell me what you think, kay? Reviewers get chocolate chip cookies! :D

Oh and thank you Moofin for beta-ing and putting this up for me! You are my love.

Moofin: Any time my dear ^^ Hey you guys! I hope you are really enjoying this story! I know I am! :D!!