Hahahaha, ahaha, haha, :D Here it is! Enjoy :) *still laughing in background*
Thorin grumbled as he shifted and felt something heavy on his chest. He opened one eye and saw a blond head in front of his face. "What the hell?" he managed out in a drunken growl. He glanced to his left and saw the bald-ish head of Dwalin. He grumbled to himself as he thought of the previous night; the drunken night. "Never get drunk again," he mumbled harshly and missed the giggles in the corner of the room. "Get off, Fili!" He made a move to sit up and push his nephew off him but found his movement restricted. Frustration getting to him about this set-up, Thorin glanced down at himself and realized why he couldn't move.
A large potato sack.
His mouth formed a gasp but no sound came out. He couldn't believe what he was in. He shifted and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt himself still clothed. "What the hell happened?" he grumbled.
"What?" Fili croaked, opening his eyes.
"Fili," Thorin growled. "Get off!"
"I'm not on you," the blond answered. "You get off!"
"Shut up," Dwalin mumbled, shifting and squishing Thorin causing the dwarf king to let out a very unmajestic yelp. "What the f-"
"Get off me!" Thorin demanded, trying to move.
"Why are we here?" Fili asked to no one in particular.
"I do not know!" Thorin exclaimed. "Now, Fili. My nephew," he said calmly. "GET OFF ME!"
"Why am I even on you?" Fili asked and Thorin growled through his nose.
"Yes, I agree," Dwalin added.
Thorin had just about had enough with dwarfs. With his mouth, he grabbed a chunk of the sack in his mouth and began tugging on the material. He made grunting noises as he did which drew Fili and Dwalin's attention towards him.
"What're you doing?" Fili asked, frowning at his uncle's actions.
"Twying... to... tay... this... thwing... hoff..." Thorin managed with a mouthful of cloth that tasted like potatoes. He continued to tug and pull at the sack then stopped mid-grunt when he heard snickering from within the room; he let go of the material and huffed angrily. "Kili!"
"Kili?!" Fili shouted, struggling into a sitting position (which made Thorin wince, cringe, and growl) then glaring at his lover. "What in Durin's name is going on?!"
"You're not 'Uncle', are you?" Kili spat. The young dwarf shoved Fili back down onto the bed, stopping Thorin's effort to escape.
"Kili..." Thorin rasped out after having the air knocked out of him. "What...?"
Fili struggled into a sitting position again, much to Thorin's major discomfort especially when Fili elbowed his sensitive parts... "Kili! Tell us what happened."
"Well, Uncle," Kili began, ignoring his brother and speaking to Thorin who was recovering from the horrible pain that Fili had cause a few seconds ago. "This is what happens when you three get drunk." Kili flinched when Bilbo elbowed his side. "Together," he added quickly.
"Bilbo?!" Fili exclaimed. "Ori?!" He shook his head and laughed lightly at Dwalin and Thorin. "Your lovers have plotted against you..."
Out of nowhere, Thorin came to his senses and with one grunt, he sat upright, winced at the lingering pain in his dwarfhood, and glared at Bilbo who was fighting to cover a smile. "Bilbo Baggins," he growled. "What did you do?"
Dwalin laughed and winked at Ori who blushed. "So much for your perfect-"
Thorin kicked the dwarf's leg hard which then caused the bed to shake and Fili to fall back... onto Thorin, who was not at all happy. "Bilbo..." he whined, getting crushed by his heavy nephew again. "Help..."
Bilbo snickered as Thorin tried to push Fili upright.
"Wait, Uncle," Fili said, struggling to rid his hands free from the sack. "I think I got it."
"Sure you do," the king grumbled before using all his might to push Fili off the bed. After hearing the satisfying 'Oof!' that Fili made, Thorin, too, began to struggle in getting his arms out of the potato sack. While struggling, he failed to notice that Dwalin and Ori had gone from the room, leaving the sack behind. He grumbled all the more when he saw the potato sack Dwalin had on the floor beside the door. Twisting and turning, Thorin desperately tried to free himself as fast as he could. He didn't get far when Fili popped out of his and chased after Kili who had stormed out of the room moments before. "That is not fair..." he grumbled to himself as he rolled over onto his stomach to get better leverage. His struggles got him as far as having his shoulders out before he noticed his hair. He let out a gasp as he noticed all his braids were gone. "B-Bilbo...?"
"Yes, Thorin?" Bilbo answered, sitting on the bed beside his husband.
"My b-braids..." he replied slowly. "What h-happened to them?"
Bilbo shrugged and Thorin looked completely hurt; he smiled and leaned over to assure his husband. "I undid them. Do you mind?"
Thorin breathed a sigh of relief. "As long as you will put them back."
"I promise," Bilbo answered, nuzzling Thorin's nose before the dwarf went back to fighting with the potato sack. He watched with amusement as Thorin's fight with the material went on for a few more minutes before the hobbit asked, "Do you need help?"
"No," Thorin grumbled, trying to squeeze his way out of the sack which caused him to nearly fall off the bed.
"Are you alright?" Bilbo asked, reaching for the dwarf as he started to roll off. "Here," he said, moving Thorin back to the center of the bed. "Let me help."
Thorin growled but Bilbo climbed on the bed nonetheless; he knew Thorin would never actually hurt him. The hobbit sat on top of the dwarf king, straddling his husband's powerful thighs as he bent to unlace the potato sack. His thin fingers moved across Thorin's shoulders as he slid the sack down; those subtle movements sent blood down south inside Thorin whose eyes burned with lust for his hobbit. Bilbo shifted and sat on Thorin's ankles in order to get the material down to his husband's legs. He smothered a grin as his hands brushed over his lover's clothed arousal. "Having fun are we?" he asked, evilly smirking at Thorin.
Thorin remained silent as he freely moved his arms. "Bilbo..." he whined again, noticing his rings were gone. "What-"
"They're on the bedside table," he answered with an easy smile. "But don't move; I'm not done."
"But I can-"
"Hush," Bilbo shushed him. "Let me finish."
Thorin grumbled but remained where he was. He closed his eyes as he felt his husband's hands continue to touch his skin and set off sparks of pleasure within him. Suddenly, he felt Bilbo's warmth leave him, and he opened his eyes in time to see his hobbit turn around and fling the potato sack from his ankles. He sighed in the relief of having that suffocating thing off him and glanced at Bilbo who smiled at him. "What?" he asked, smiling at his husband.
Bilbo shook his head and rolled off the bed. "Nothing," he said, sitting down on a chair by the wall.
Thorin sat up, looked down, and was relieved to know that he was in his small-clothes and not anything else. "So," he began, standing up and stretching. "What the heck happened last night?"
"Nothing," Bilbo answered, picking up a book. "Just some revenge, that's all."
"Revenge?" Thorin asked, pulling a chair close to his hobbit. "Why?"
Bilbo shrugged. "I don't really know," he replied as Thorin pried the book out of his hands. "Kili and Fili had a fight." He smiled as Thorin nodded and leaned forward to begin pressing light kisses to Bilbo's neck. "It was his idea... What are you doing?" Bilbo asked, playfully swatting Thorin's face away. "Stop..."
"No," Thorin answered, grinning mischievously. "I will not... my dear... halfling... because you... started it..." he answered between kisses. "Let me... take you... to... bed..."
A giggle found its way to Bilbo's throat as Thorin's beard tickled a sensitive spot on his neck. "Thorin..." he giggled, and the dwarf king chuckled. "Honey, I-"
Thorin pulled back for a brief second before Bilbo stood up and collided with him as their lips locked in the most passionate kiss Thorin had ever experienced. He wasn't sure what happened next, all he knew was that Kili and Fili were going to die... soon...
Bilbo let out an embarrassed squeak, as he only wore his briefs, when Kili charged in the room with a pleading Fili following him. Thorin let out a dangerous growl that had both young dwarfs stop in their tracks.
"Oh," Kili said, his eyes widening as he accidentally glanced at Thorin's arousal, now bulging out of his briefs. "Oh, you're busy... I see... Um, sorry..." Kili gulped as his uncle took one step towards him. "We'll just... take our argument... somewhere else... then... BYE!" Kili exclaimed before dashing out the door with Fili hot on his heels, still pleading.
Thorin faced Bilbo again with a soft smile on his face. "I am sorry," he apologized, his eyes pleading Bilbo to forgive his immature nephews.
Bilbo shook his head and Thorin felt his heart sink.
"First our anniversary," Thorin said. "Now this..."
Bilbo frowned. "What are you talking about?" he asked, snaking his arms around his bare-chested dwarf. "Did you forget about our anniversary?"
Thorin shook his head. "Of course not," he answered. "I just wanted to do something for you that would be better than last year's."
"Thorin," Bilbo said sternly, placing both hands on the side of his lover's face and making him look into his eyes. "Last year was wonderful. Did you feel like it wasn't?"
The dwarf nodded and Bilbo smiled, gently placing a loving kiss to Thorin's lips. "Everyone told me I could have done better..."
"I don't think so," Bilbo replied. "I loved it." He grinned and hugged Thorin tightly. "I am still wearing it aren't I?"
Thorin nodded and kissed the mithril ear cuff that hugged Bilbo's tiny pointed ear. "I love you," he whispered; his hot breath sending shivers down Bilbo's spine. "Why don't we finish what we started?"
Bilbo smiled and met Thorin's lips for a luxurious kiss. When he pulled back he grinned again; Thorin raised an eyebrow. "So."
"So?"
"Did you have parasites?" he laughed, kissing Thorin's neck. "Or were you planning on getting skinned?"
"No thanks to you," Thorin growled playfully, nipping at Bilbo's soft flesh. He chuckled as Bilbo giggled again. "Happy anniversary, my love."
I had to write this story because i just love the scene where Thorin is tugging on the sack when they are first caught :) I just think he is sooo hot when he does that! (i put that part in :D) Hope you all enjoyed reading! as always! XD!
