The (Sort Of) Realistic Evangelion Self Insert Fic
Part Four
The Japanese army was finally ready to move. They had the soldiers. They had the equipment, They had the WILL to make NERV see that they would no longer tolerate the weird, extra-legal crap they were always getting up to.
"This is a really, really bad idea," Kaji noted.
The NERV agent, UN representative and Japanese Army spy (he really got around) was not there by choice. No, they were blackmailing Kaji with the threatened release of a sex tape he had made back in university, along with Misato and Ritsuko. Not that he was worried about HIS reputation. But Misato would KILL him if that tape got out...
"We are ready to act, Mr Kaji," the officer explained patiently, "we can handle this."
"They have giant robots that can squish you flat," Kaji noted flatly, "how can you handle that?"
"Ah ha! Not if the pilots are unavailable!" the older man grinned.
Kaji looked at him blankly. "What."
"We arranged for the pilots and their guardian to receive all expense paid trips to Okinawa!" he beamed. "No pilots, no problems!"
"You don't really think they'd fall for that?" Kaji asked.
The man whipped out a smart phone. "Live feed from our operative monitoring the beach trip." he chuckled.
Watching his sometimes girlfriend Misato frolicking on the beach Kaji sighed. "Misato, you idiot," he groaned.
"All right," the officer addressed the other troops in the armored personnel carrier, "we're approaching NERV Osaka-2. This secondary base is where we'll test our new combat tactics against NERV staff and security. Use only the stun bullets you have been issued, as we wish to avoid fatalities."
"Awwww," several soldiers pouted.
They pulled up, the trucks disgorging troops in combat gear, forming up into squares of sixteen men. They advanced past the main gates, looking around warily as they headed to the entrance.
"Movement!" one soldier called.
A pretty young woman had emerged from the facility, then trotted up to them. "Hullo," she said in horrid Japanese, "Do you speak the English?"
Kaji raised his eyebrows, "I do."
"Oh good!" she clapped her hands, "Mr Gendo asked me to pass a message on, but I'm not good in Japanese yet." She cleared her throat, "Do not attack this facility. If you do, NERV will not be responsible for the consequences."
"That's it?" Kaji asked.
"That's it," she agreed, trotting off. "Bye!"
"That was strange," the officer admitted.
"I have a BAD feeling about this," Kaji shook his head. "Call it off."
"No, we will proceed as planned," the officer said firmly. He turned to the troops, "They know we're here, so charge the base."
"Ooo-rah!" the soldiers cried then charged.
But before they could get far a massive crowd of clearly western teenagers poured out of the facility. A girl in what looked like a Harry Potter costume pointed a wand, "Confringo!"
A soldier's gun exploded into flames as he yelped.
"Go pikachu!" a man tossed a red ball, causing a yellow rat-thing to appear and start shocking the soldiers.
"We come in peace!" a suspiciously star-trekian figure declared then started stunning people with his weird hand-gun.
"What the hell?" the lead officer yelped, "What's happening?!"
"He's done it," Kaji muttered as they mayhem unfolded, "Gendo's actually done it."
"Done what?" the officer demanded.
Kaji gestured to the oddly one-sided battle, "He's weaponized the Mary Sues!"
The officer's eyes went VERY wide. "Retreat!" he yelled frantically, "Retreat!"
As the battered, bruised troops raced away from the NERV base Kaji sighed, "I TOLD you so."
"Oh shut up..."
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"Told you they'd fall for the fake base filled with Mary Sues," Ritsuko said smugly. "Pay up, sucker."
Gendo handed her 400000 yen. "At least we found one use for the Mary Sues..." he conceded.
To be continued...?
Notes: PROBABLY the last one of these I'll do, unless I get hit with another idea. Heh. In canon Ritsuko and Misato shared a room in university, and Misato was dating Kaji at the time, so a threesome is at least possible...
Mary Sues often have abilities swiped from other anime, and I already showed the Harry Potter one.
