Author's Notes:
EchoKazul: Very good questions, which I won't answer right now. *whistles* And agreed, Leo is being stubborn, and it's not going to improve in this chapter… Thanks for reviewing!
yukio87: Read more to learn (hopefully) more! Thanks for your review.
Hamato-Grayson: Thank you so much! Here is the next chapter.
GuestBeMe: Thank you! Look, an update!
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Denial
Leonardo lay awake in his bed. It was early morning for the humans in the city above, which meant it was still the middle of the night for him. Despite his exhaustion, he had only managed to sleep for a few hours.
His mind was going round and round in circles. He kept thinking about the disastrous training session of the day before, about his decision and his declaration, and about his father's reaction.
His father was disappointed in him. He had even deemed him unworthy of wielding his weapons. In front of his brothers, Leonardo had pretended to be unaffected by this, but it wasn't true. Not that they had seemed to buy it, anyway. It was even worse that he hadn't had the opportunity to clean them, but now there was no way he would ask his father about it. Splinter would want an explanation, and Leonardo wasn't going to tell on Raphael.
Splinter had said that Leonardo should find his self-confidence back, but the self-appointed ex-leader didn't understand what that was supposed to mean. He was self-confident. He had only taken a difficult decision based on the elements he had.
He wasn't cut out to be a leader, no big deal. His brothers had no respect for him – well, that must be because he didn't deserve it. Not a problem. Not anymore.
Leonardo suddenly noticed that his fists were clenched and forced himself to unclench them.
What would his new place on the team be?
He hadn't Donatello's talent with engineering, nor Michelangelo's way of goofing around while still managing to get through everything – most of the time. And he didn't believe that brute force could resolve everything, like Raphael. He was a decent ninja, though, and he would do his best to help defeating their enemies.
Of course, it was going to be harder without his katana.
Don't think about it. For a ninja, everything can be a weapon.
Who was going to be the new leader?
Splinter probably wouldn't appoint somebody else as leader just now – Leonardo knew that his father still hoped he would go back on his decision.
But I'm not. And when Father finally accepts it, he will have to choose someone else.
At this point, Leonardo was firmly convinced that any of his brothers would do a better job of leading than him. And he was going to be the most supportive follower ever, so the burden of leadership wouldn't be as hard on his brother as it had been on him. He would focus on fighting now that he wouldn't have to take all the decisions, and he was going to improve his fighting skills to be even better with his katana… which were currently hanging in Splinter's room, out of his range…
Don't think about it.
Everything was going to be fine.
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Donatello didn't sleep well that night either. His busy mind would keep waking him every few hours so it could process the events of the day before – again.
Why would Leonardo take such a radical decision?
It couldn't be because of the way Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael had undermined his training, could he?
If it was, Leonardo was completely overreacting. Of course, they hadn't been very nice to him, but it had been fun – and Donatello needed fun in his life at the moment.
The purple-clad turtle sighed and contemplated his T-phone screen, where a picture of April was on display. It hurt to look at it. It made him remember that the red-haired girl was mad at him – at all of them. She wasn't even talking to him! Donatello hoped that it would only be temporary. He couldn't imagine his life without her.
April, I'm so sorry your father got mutated. But it was an accident. You know I would never willingly hurt you, right?
Donatello melancholically switched off his phone. His thoughts went back to Leonardo's outburst. The purple-clad turtle was conscious that they had exaggerated – Raphael especially had crossed a line – but it wasn't the first time and Leonardo had never reacted that badly before.
Except the time when he had let Raphael be the leader. This hadn't gone very smoothly and Donatello was pretty sure that his red-clad brother didn't want to try it again.
I could lead, if needed, Donatello mused. I'm the best thinker.
Not that he seriously thought that it would become an issue. Leonardo would come to his senses soon.
Besides, Sensei won't let him back off that easily. I'm sure that's why he took his swords.
Donatello couldn't help switching on his phone again to look at April's picture a bit more.
He missed her so much.
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Michelangelo was deeply asleep, and dreaming. In his dream, he was walking alongside his brothers in a beautiful park. The sun was high in the sky and there was no human in sight. He was chatting happily with them, teasing Raphael, then Donatello, then Leonardo, then Raphael, then Donatello, then Raphael, then Donatello, then…wait… something wasn't right here. At this point, Michelangelo turned around to look for his third brother, but Leonardo was nowhere in sight.
When it began to drizzle, Michelangelo woke up with a jump. As soon as he opened his eyes, the dream faded away. After a few seconds, he couldn't remember at all what it was about. He was left with a vague sense of anxiety and held his teddy bear tighter before going back to sleep.
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Raphael didn't sleep a wink all night. He kept thinking about Leonardo's expression when he had announced his decision. Impassible and determined, like he really meant it.
He couldn't really mean it, could he?
But then, why would his honor-driven brother defy the father he worshipped if he didn't mean it?
Raphael didn't like it one bit.
Is it because of what I did? It was supposed to be a joke. Granted, not a very good one.
Lame-O-Nardo.
What had he been thinking?
Hothead.
Raphael knew he owed his brother an apology.
I will. I would have done it already, but he went straight to bed.
Maybe then Leonardo would admit that his apparently rash decision was only a devious plan to make Raphael regret his words?
Nah. It's too sneaky, even for him.
Raphael hated feeling guilty even more than he hated apologizing.
I will tell him I'm sorry. First thing in the morning.
Then everything will be alright.
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Next morning, Raphael managed to corner Leonardo on his way to the bathroom. Donatello and Michelangelo still weren't out of bed. Leonardo was an early riser, but Raphael hadn't been sleeping at all, which gave him the advantage.
"Hey," he told him uneasily.
"Hi, Raph," Leonardo answered.
They both watched the other with embarrassment.
"So, hum. I wanted to say that, uh…"
Raphael had noticed the dark rings under Leonardo's eyes. Obviously, his brother's night hadn't been much more refreshing than his own.
"…About yesterday, I…"
Leonardo was watching him impassibly.
"I wanted to say…"
The unreadable deep blue eyes focused on him made him uneasy. But Raphael was determined to go forward. He had had all night to rehearse his speech, after all.
"I'm sorry," the red-clad turtle whispered, before waiting for his brother's reaction in tense silence.
"It's okay."
Leonardo patted Raphael's shoulder and skirted around him, heading for the bathroom again.
Raphael blinked.
"It is?"
"Yes. We always tell you to express your feelings, and you did."
"What I wrote on your katana isn't how I feel about you!"
"It had to be. Why else would you have written it on my weapons? You know what care I take of them."
"It was only a joke! And a poor one, with that!"
"Don't regret it. Now I won't bother you as leader anymore. Wasn't it worth it?"
Leonardo smiled in a lopsided way. It hurt to look at it.
"Leo…"
"I'm glad it's settled. Anything else I can do for you?"
"No, I…"
"Good. Then if you don't mind, I have an urgent business to attend to. See you at breakfast!"
Before Raphael could register what was happening, Leonardo had disappeared in the bathroom. The red-clad turtle stood alone in the corridor, feeling numb.
He was out of his depth. Leonardo's reaction didn't make sense to him.
"I really didn't mean it," he whispered to the cold floor.
Then he began feeling angry. Leonardo didn't want to believe him? Fine! It was fine! He didn't care anyway.
Turning briskly around, Raphael headed for his room. Why had he stayed awake all night for this stubborn brother of his? Now he needed some sleep.
I don't care. I don't care.
I don't care.
But he did.
