OH GOD THE TITLE. I NEED TO STOP.

Anyway, I'm sorry that this took so long, but I'm kind of busy nowadays. I susally type this when I manage to sneak the computer at night.
Well, I hope you enjoy chapter 3!


John Egbert was the average high school dork. He was tall, skinny, got average grades, wore glasses, and didn't say much during class. A kid who didn't know him very well would say that he was modest and quiet and wouldn't harm a fly.

Wrong.

Because John Egbert was an asshole. Indeed he was. In addition to making snarky comments to his friends, he massively enjoyed pranking with a certain Vriska Serket, which really got annoying after a while. However, you never knew what to expect with these kids' pranks. Karkat especially suffered at random times during lacrosse practice, when John would sneak things into his gear, like food with gross, processed cream fillings. It was like stepping in something nice and soft while taking a walk, then looking down to discover animal shit on you shoe.

With a sweet, creamy center.

Yum.

A lot of John's pranks involved sweets because he didn't eat much. At least Karkat hadn't seen him eat much. In eighth grade, Karkat had actually thought that John was anorexic. He had noticed that John didn't come to school with a lunch, he would just talk and doodle during lunch. One day, Karkat decided to ask why that was so. So he plopped down next to his friend so that the conversation could be kept quiet and asked,

"John. Why don't you ever bring lunch to school? Do you like, have anorexia nervosa or something?" Karkat had been worried that his friend would hesitate in his response, or even worse, say yes, but John only chuckled in response.

"Of course not! Why would I do that to my own body? And I mean come on. Dude, I'm not that skinny." John smiled his buck-toothed smile, gesturing towards his torso. It was true, John wasn't extremely skinny but...

"Then why the fuck don't you eat at lunch, Egboob?" Egboob.

"Okay Karkat. Do you really want to know why?" John leaned in close and whispered into Karkat's ear, "It's because my dad's is a bit out of his mind." Karkat cocked an eyebrow in response.

John sat up again. "... Well, you see... My dad kind of has a passion for baking. Cakes. That's all he ever makes, seven days a week. He gives me a few slices every day for lunch, but I really fucking hate the stuff, you know?" The black-haired boy looked at Karkat, who's brown eyes were narrowed.

"What?" John's blue eyes looked puzzled.

"I don't fucking believe it."

"What?"

"You're hiding something. That bullshit story was clearly whipped up from scratch in your half-dead, corrupted mind." Karkat was infuriated that John would do something like that to him.

"Karkat, I'm not making it up. If you don't believe me, I can bring in cake for you every day." Hmmm. Now they were talking.

"Fine," Karkat grumbled. "But I swear, if you're lying I'll-"

John cut him off. "Dude, I'll get your fucking cake. I swear, you and your disgusting sweet tooth win the award for 'most sexually active couple of the year'." What?

"And here," John handed him a container that was half the size of his school binder. "I hope you like red velvet."


Karkat stumbled into the classroom, not wanting to be late. He plunked in the seat directly behind John's, out of breath from running up a flight of stairs and down a hallway to get to the class. John passed him back a tiny slip of paper over his shoulder.

hey numbnuts. you're late.

Karkat whipped out his pencil and scrawled onto the remaining space,

LOUSY GODDAMNED 5 FLORRED SCHOOL

He handed the note back to John, who turned around and rested his arm on the back of his chair.

"So, what's going on?" He smiled a little.

"Nothing much..." Karkat's voice trailed off. "But have you heard of a kid named Sollux, uh, Captor?"

"No," John said, "but whoever that is, he has a cool name!" His deep blue eyes crossed. "Soooollux. Sollllllllux. Sollux."

"John, stop it."

"I'm sorry." Just then, the science teacher walked into the classroom, a black-lipped smile plastered onto her pretty face. She smiled and stroked her pale, thick, blonde hair and adjusted her magenta scarf.

"Good morning everyone," She sang. "As you already know, we're starting a new unit today!"

Karkat sighed. New unit. New notes. New material to study his brain out for.

"Take out your notebooks, we're going to take notes."

John passed Karkat a note while the teacher wasn't looking.

ampwhora's staring at you, dude.

Karkat looked to the right. At the end of the row, Eridan was glaring at him with an intensity greater than a neon green sun.

Karkat gave him one of his signature looks of disgust. Eridan gave him the finger. Karkat gave him two. Eridan ground his teeth in frustration, simultaneously running his fingers through his violet bangs.

"Oops!" The teacher yelped suddenly, making a few kids jerk in their seats. "I forgot my flash drive in the teachers' room! Don't touch anything on my desk!" And with that, she shuffled out of the classroom, her high heels scoffing the tile a bit. The classroom immediately erupted in a rumble of chatter and gross noises. Karkat turned in his seat to face right.

"Quit glaring at me, you puss-brained imbecile!" Karkat said forcibly, slamming a fist onto his desk. "It's really fucking distracting, having your glossy eyes penetrating my layers of baby's-butt soft quality-brand flesh."

Eridan turned to the left and sneered, "I havve evvery right to glare at you, an' you knoww it, Kar." He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "At least I don't havve a problem wwith my temper, anywway."

It's okay, you can keep your fucking cool.

"At least I don't beat up kids in the hallway because they dated my girlfriend whom I can't seem to get over." Karkat jeered. His fingers were wildly tapping the desk in an enraged frenzy. By then, all talking amongst the other students had ceased. They were staring at the two conflicting young men, enjoying the back-and-forth taunts as much as a four-year-old loved coming home on Halloween night. So much candy! Why can't I hold all of this candy?

Eridan looked hurt at what Karkat had said. "It's not that simple!" He snapped defensively. "Anywway, at least I don't go stickin' my nose into other peoples' business!"

"At least I don't make my own business everybody's business!" Karkat was close to flipping his desk and leaving. He was literally shaking with rage, anger, and pure disgust at his former friend. "Fuck, I don't even know who the Hell you are anymore!"

Eridan was stunned. He looked like he had something to say, but immediately trashed it when he saw Karkat's trembling limbs. So instead, he ended up getting up and leaving the classroom, the class's bewildered faces following his slumped figure as it moved out the door.

Then, they turned to face Karkat, who ignored them and whipped out his new romance novel. John turned around, an astonished look on his pasty face.

"What was that all about, Karkat?" He adjusted his glasses as he waited for his friend to say something.

"Nothing, John," Karkat began, folding his book over his right thumb. "Couldn't you see that the little strife was about absolutely nothing? That's right! Eridan and I just love to pretend to flip our shit about things that don't exist but are still fucking here. Do you have any idea what those may be, Mister Johnathan D for dumbass Egbert? It's nothing! Absolutely motherfucking nothing!" He pretended to go back to reading his book, ignoring John's pout.

"Christ, Karkat, you don't have to be so fucking crabby when you get upset." John turned back around, a little hurt from what Karkat had said to him. Somebody coughed and pretended to do homework for another class. The teacher returned, holding a little flash drive shaped like a martini glass. She looked flustered.

"I'm so sorry, you guys! I was looking everywhere for this little thing and my heels made it hard to go up the stairs, and... Where's Eridan?" She scanned the classroom along with the faces of the students. Nobody looked guilty. Karkat raised his hand.

"He had to go throw up."


After class, Karkat made a mad dash to keep away from any people who annoy him and get in his way. He thought that his "master plan" had succeeded until he nearly bumped into a wheelchair. And two people. One in a wheelchair and one pushing.

Oh.

It was Gamzee and his buddy, Tavros. They both smiled at Karkat, who suppressed a sigh.

Tavros, who was unable to use his legs for the rest of his mortal life, was probably Gamzee's best bro, right next to Karkat. Some could say that they were hitting on each other a little, but it was really hard to tell, one, and two, neither of them seemed aware of it.

Tavros was a mixed kid with his hair shaved on both sides of his head, leaving a flowing brown "mohawk" running down the middle of his skull. His hands were folded neatly across his stomach, his Pokemon t-shirt clearly visible. On his lap were his binders, covered with pictures of Peter Pan from every movie, show, or musical that involved him. Under his school binders was his gigantic binder filled with a small amount of his many, many Pokemon cards. They meant a lot to him, so he only brought that specific binder to school. They were like a charm to him or something.

Tavros lacked a considerable amount of confidence around a select few, select few meaning Vriska Serket. It had all started in eighth grade, when Tavros decided to ask Vriska out. He had had a humungous crush on her since 6th grade, and Tavros mustering up the courage to ask her on a date was astounding. To make an even longer story short, the date hadn't gone too well, and Vriska was in a bad mood. Which was bad. Upsetting Vriska Serket could have more devastating consequences than upsetting Suzumiya Haruhi, for God's sake.

He decided that he could cheer her up by asking her to be his girlfriend.

Bad decision, Tav.

Vriska, highly annoyed by the shy boy who had ruined her day, pushed him into the middle of the road as they were walking out of a dirty arcade. Vriska watched as he got to his feet, but at the same time, a car smashed into his rear, literally crushing his lower spine. The driver had been texting.

You Only Walk Once.

The tragic teenage life of Tavros had begun thanks to the wrath of Vriska "Bluh bluh huge bitch" Serket.

"Hi Karkat!" Tavros said, waving a hand while tightly clutching to his binders with the other. "Are you heading to your band class next?"

Karkat looked up to think a bit. Then he answered, "Yes, I am. How about you?"

"Gamzee. Roll me over." Tavros said slyly, a silly, mock-serious expression on his face. When he was close enough, me motioned motioned Karkat to come closer, his eyes shooting from left to right. He whispered,

"Gamzee and I are cutting class to buy the new Pokemon game!"

Before Karkat could give his "you shouldn't skip out on class" speeches, Gamzee had hollered, "Whup! Here we go, Tav!" and they were speeding down the hallway, barely avoiding knocking into other kids headed to their next classes.

"Fuckasses..."

And with that, Karkat began walking down towards the flight of stairs that led to his next class.