HARRY POTTER AND THE ETERNAL BOUNDARY
A Harry Potter / Planescape crossover
This story and all original materials are © 2011 Rick Summon.
Harry Potter and all related materials are © and ® J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros.
Dungeons and Dragons, Planescape, and all related materials are © and ® Wizards of the Coast.
Pathfinder and all related materials are © and ® Paizo Publishing.
As any Harry Potter fan knows, the Order of the Phoenix movie has a scene at the beginning with a weather report on the radio that gives the temperature in both Celsius and Fahrenheit. As any Harry Potter fan also knows, Britain only uses the Celsius temperature scale. Now, there's an obvious reason for that, so you'd think the decision to use both would be simple. However, in the movie business, nothing is ever that simple.
British Producer: So, at the beginning, the weather report says, "It's a balmy 30 degrees out there today."
American Producer: What? 30 degrees in July? That's freezing!
British: No, that's 30 degrees Celsius and, in fact, it's quite warm.
American: We can't have the temperature in Celsius! American audiences will never understand it!
British: Well, we can't have the temperature in Fahrenheit! If we said it was 86 degrees outside, British audiences would think the sun must have gone nova for it to get that hot!
American: Wait a minute; where did you get 86 degrees?
British: Because that's what 30 degrees Celsius is in Fahrenheit! Look, it's quite simple. To convert the temperature, you multiply by nine, divide by five, and then add 32.
American: (takes out calculator) OK, so that would mean 86 degrees Celsius would be… oh, wow! 186.8! That's like "hard crack" on a candy thermometer!
British: Oh? You make your own candy, then?
American: No, it's just that my wife has a candy thermometer and I always wondered what "hard crack" meant on it.
British: It's the temperature you need to heat cocaine to when making it into crack.
American: Whoa! Really?
British: No. Now, if we could please get back on topic here?
American: Well, why can't we just put both numbers in?
British: It's unrealistic! Everyone will know it was just thrown in for the American audience!
American: So what? The American audience is bigger and has more money. We're throwing it in.
British: (sighs) All right. Whatever. It's not like it's important or anything.
American: Wait a minute. Whether it's 30 or 86, I think that's too warm. Could we make it, I don't know… 27? That would be… (types on calculator) 80.6. Yeah, that's better. We'll say, "It's a lovely 27 degrees Celsius out there today; that's 81 — " No, wait, we should round down because 80 sounds better.
British: (stands up) That's it! I have endured your boorish American manners and your lack of knowledge about the metric system without complaint. But if you are asking me to round down from point six, sir, then I shall have to ask you to step outside!
There are worlds beyond the world that you know.
Other universes, dimensions — the Planes of Existence.
From the Sevenfold Heavens to the Nine Pits of Hell;
From the Endless Waters to the Silvery Void;
From the perfect Order to the howling Chaos to the limits of reality itself — and beyond.
At the center of them all lies Sigil, the City of Doors, where belief has the power to control... the Planescape.
Chapter 2: The Construct and the Clueless
Harry Potter finished swallowing the last bite of his ham sandwich as he sat at the kitchen table in the Burrow. Next to him sat his best friend Ron Weasley; at the other side of the table sat Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger. The sandwiches that Ron and Ginny's mother had made for them were, of course, as delicious as ever; the thought made Harry smile. Even if the company of his friends hadn't been sufficient reason for Harry to love the Burrow, Mrs. Weasley's meals certainly would be.
Mr. Weasley had been called back to the Ministry of Magic on an urgent matter, while Ron's older brother Bill and Bill's fiancée Fleur Delacour had gone out to lunch at a new Italian restaurant that had recently opened nearby. Mrs. Weasley had suggested that the two of them have a romantic afternoon together, though Harry thought it was more likely that she just wanted to get Fleur out of her sight for a while. In fact, all the females present seemed relieved to have a break from Fleur (or, as they preferred to call her, "Phlegm.")
As Mrs. Weasley cleared the table with a sweep of her wand, Harry sighed to himself at the thought that he would never understand women. Of course, such behavior was not restricted to one gender; Ron had been just as irrationally jealous when Viktor Krum had escorted Hermione to the Yule Ball at Hogwarts.
It was obvious to Harry that his two best friends had long harbored a mutual attraction to each other; yet, both of them were afraid to act on it. No doubt, Ron and Hermione both feared that if one confessed the truth and the other did not feel the same way, their friendship would be ruined. Yet, their mutual denial continued to increase the tension in their relationship; Harry knew that, sooner or later, something would have to give.
Just then, there was a knock at the door. Mrs. Weasley approached it warily, wand in hand. "Who's there?"
"It's Tonks. Could you let me in? I've got a serious situation here."
"Oh, of course, dear." Mrs. Weasley opened the door to reveal Tonks, who looked quite flustered.
Tonks gestured for Mrs. Weasley to move aside. "I've got someone here who needs medical attention; though, for the life of me, I don't know what sort. I've already sent a Patronus to Dumbledore; he'll be here as soon as he can with Madame Pomfrey."
"Dumbledore?" said Mrs. Weasley in surprise. "But why…"
Mrs. Weasley's voice trailed off as she and Harry got a look at the person Tonks was levitating through the doorway. She appeared to be a young woman wearing ordinary Muggle clothes, but the remainder of her appearance was anything but ordinary. Her hair was the color of silver; not the gray hair of an elderly woman, but actually silver, as if it were genuinely made of that precious metal. Yet even this seemed ordinary compared to her ears, which were long, pointed, and angled slightly outward from her head.
The woman's eyes were closed and she lay still in the grip of Tonks's levitation spell. In fact, Harry thought she lay a little too still, as if she wasn't even breathing. But that couldn't be right; Tonks wouldn't be calling for Madame Pomfrey if the woman was dead. Perhaps she was under the effects of the Draught of Living Death; Harry had heard about it enough times in Potions class, but had never actually seen it used. Of course, that still wouldn't explain her strange appearance, but Harry had seen enough magical mishaps to know that when spells and potions went wrong, almost anything was possible.
"Bloody hell!" exclaimed Ron. "What's happened to her ears?"
"I don't think anything's happened to her ears at all," said Tonks. "As far as I can tell, this is how she normally looks."
Hermione frowned. "Why on Earth would you say that? Surely, she must be under some sort of spell that alters her appearance?"
Tonks shook her head. "I'm saying that because she was already using a spell to alter her appearance."
She held up a red cloth cap in her left hand. "This cap somehow made her hair and ears look normal; it even disguised itself as a set of Muggle headphones. And, before you ask, Ron, that's a thing Muggles wear on their ears to listen to music."
"What makes you think I was going to ask?" protested Ron. "I know what 'head-bones' are!"
Hermione rolled her eyes. "If you ever asked questions, Ron, you might actually learn the answers."
Harry frowned. "Tonks, am I missing something here, or is she not breathing?"
"No, she's not," replied Tonks, "but, somehow, she's not dead; her pulse has remained steady ever since Umbridge Stunned her."
Harry blinked in surprise. "Wait, did you say Umbridge Stunned her? As in Professor Umbridge?"
"Oh, yes." Tonks scowled. "Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undergarment to the Minister for Magic."
"Good heavens!" exclaimed Mrs. Weasley. "Just what on Earth happened?"
"It's a long story, Molly; but, for now, it can wait. First, let's get her upstairs and into a bed."
"Oh, yes, of course; the poor dear. Ginny, you wouldn't mind if we put her in your room, would you?"
"Now, wait a minute!" interrupted Hermione. "This woman isn't breathing, and you're just going to put her to bed? Shouldn't we be doing something here?"
"I've already tried," said Tonks. "We Aurors are trained in emergency healing, after all. I took her back to my flat and tried to revive her for ten minutes. Rennervate, Anapneo… all the usual spells did nothing."
She paused. "Now, I'm no Madame Pomfrey, but I do know this: a human who spends ten minutes without breathing is dead. Doesn't matter whether you're a wizard or a Muggle; without air, your brain can't survive. It's been more than twenty minutes since Umbridge Stunned Phoebe and her heart hasn't so much as skipped a beat."
Tonks smiled as the others gave her questioning looks. "She told me her name is Phoebe Silver-Black. Apparently, Black is her married name, but she's not related to Sirius."
Harry smiled ruefully. "Yeah, I think someone would have mentioned if Sirius had a wife with pointed ears. But what about the Draught of Living Death, or something like it? Could that be causing this?"
"The Draught creates a deathlike trance that suspends all visible signs of life," said Hermione. "I've never heard of anything that suspends your breathing, but not your pulse. I mean, what would be the point of that?"
"I agree," said Tonks, "and there's something else as well. Her friend that was with her didn't seem concerned at all. In fact, she told me the reason Phoebe wasn't breathing was because she doesn't need to."
"She had a friend with her?" said Harry. "Well, where is this friend now?"
Tonks sighed. "That's another long story. Look, I'll explain everything later. Molly, if you would please give me a hand with Phoebe; oh, and could someone take this backpack?"
Harry realized a brown leather backpack was strapped to Tonks's back. "Is that hers, then?"
"Yeah." Tonks shrugged her arms out of the straps and handed the pack and the red cap to him. "I thought I might find a clue inside, but after taking a look, I'm afraid I'm still clueless. I do know it's enchanted with some kind of Undetectable Extension Charm, but I didn't have time to actually examine the contents."
Mrs. Weasley gestured with her wand, causing the unconscious Phoebe to rotate so that her head pointed towards the stairs. She then went up the stairs with Phoebe floating behind her and Tonks following them both. Once the three women were no longer in sight, the four Gryffindor teens turned their attention to each other.
"Blimey," said Ron. "Who do you suppose that girl is?"
"Well, it's obvious she's not human," said Hermione, "but, apart from that, I have no idea. I've never even read about any type of being remotely like her!"
She shook her head. "I mean, breathing is fundamental for every form of animal life on Earth. Some breathe water instead of air, of course, but even magical creatures need to breathe something!"
"Well, what if she's not from Earth at all?" said Ron. "Maybe she's one of those aliens who come here in flying teacups."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's flying saucers, Ron, and they don't actually exist. They're just stories made up by Muggles who want attention. It's just like the Quibbler."
"Yeah, but the Quibbler did publish at least one true story that we know of," said Harry.
"That was different, Harry; your interview was about Voldemort, not a Crumple-Horned Snorkack!"
"Well, you're the one who's always talking about logic, Hermione," said Ginny. "If every form of life on Earth needs to breathe, and she doesn't, then, logically…"
"Look, even if there were such things as aliens, they would not look like humans with pointed ears," declared Hermione. "I don't know where this woman comes from, but she is not from outer space!"
"Well, instead of arguing about it, why don't we just see what's in her backpack?" asked Harry. "Tonks said she didn't have enough time to do that yet."
"We should wait until Dumbledore gets here," said Hermione firmly. "We don't know if anything in there is dangerous."
Now it was Ron's turn to roll his eyes. "Right; it's not like we've spent the last five years doing anything dangerous."
Ginny sighed. "Enough already. Harry's right; we should just open it." She opened the backpack, then pointed her wand at it. "Accio!"
In an instant, a number of items flew out of the backpack and deposited themselves on the table. The largest item was a three-foot-long sword in a sheath; its hilt was adorned with a cross inside two circles made with silver and rubies. There were also four cylindrical cases, three small bags, two wands, a sheathed dagger, and what appeared to be a dull red brick. One last item, however, caught Harry's attention; his eyes widened in surprise as he turned to Hermione.
"Is that a gun?"
Hermione gasped. "Harry, you're right! But what would a witch be doing with something like that?"
"Hang on," interrupted Ron. "That's one of those things Muggles use to shoot each other, isn't it?"
"Yes, but this doesn't look like a normal Muggle gun," replied Hermione. "It almost looks like a flintlock pistol from the Renaissance era, but it looks far too new to be a historical artifact."
Hermione carefully picked up the pistol, making sure to keep the barrel pointed at the floor. "And this doesn't look like a flintlock igniter, either. You see, a flintlock uses flint and steel to create a spark which ignites the gunpowder. This one doesn't have that; instead, it looks like the hammer strikes some kind of crystal. I can't imagine how that's supposed to work."
She set the pistol down, then shook her head. "Hmmm. Let me try something." She drew her wand and pointed it at the gun. "Specialis Revelio!"
For a few seconds, the pistol glowed with a blue light. Hermione blinked in surprise. "It's enchanted! But that's highly illegal! It's a felony offence to place an enchantment on a Muggle weapon!"
"Well, if that's true," said Harry, "then what about the Sword of Gryffindor?"
"Well, that's not a Muggle weapon, Harry; the Sword was made by goblins. But I doubt that even the best goblin smiths know how to make guns."
"And I doubt a wizard made it, either," said Ginny, "considering that most wizards don't even know what a gun is. I remember Dad tried to explain it to some people at the Ministry once; they actually thought firearms were called 'fire-legs' instead."
Hermione frowned. "Yes, the lack of knowledge about Muggles at the Ministry is absolutely appalling. The Muggle Studies professor at Hogwarts does her best, but there's not much she can do when no one bothers to take her class."
Ron rolled his eyes. "Yes, Hermione, we know; now, can we get back to all this stuff, then?"
He picked up one of the cylinders, then shook it. "Sounds like there's something inside here." After turning the cylinder over in his hand a few times, he unscrewed a cap on the end of it, then emptied the cylinder into his other hand. The item inside turned out to be a sheet of parchment that looked like it had been rolled up from both ends; inside each roll was a wooden stick.
"It's a scroll," said Hermione. "They were used by many ancient civilisations such as the Greeks and Romans before books were invented."
She took the scroll from Ron, and then unrolled it by pulling the wooden sticks apart; Harry saw that the sticks were attached to both ends of the scroll. There seemed to be some kind of writing on the parchment, though it didn't resemble anything Harry had ever seen before.
Hermione frowned in concentration as she studied the scroll intently. "This writing… it keeps changing every time I look at it. It's like some kind of optical illusion." She set the scroll down, and then cast Specialis Revelio again; the writing on the scroll glowed brightly, and then returned to normal.
"There's some kind of magic actually stored in the writing!" exclaimed Hermione. "And now I see why it seemed to be changing. These aren't just letters or symbols; they're actually three-dimensional patterns of some kind. They're incredibly complex, though; it's like I just can't wrap my mind around them."
"So the other cylinders probably have scrolls in them, too," said Harry. "The question is, what are they for?"
Hermione sighed. "Well, I'm afraid that's not a question I have the answer to."
Just then, Mrs. Weasley and Tonks came down the stairs. Mrs. Weasley was carrying a bundle of clothes which she placed on the table; Tonks was carrying a small leather pouch.
"I lent her my old nightgown," said Mrs. Weasley, "though I'm afraid it doesn't really fit her. I brought her clothes down so Dumbledore could take a look at them as well. They seem to be ordinary Muggle clothes, except for her jewellery and her belt, of all things."
"She had this pouch attached to her belt as well," said Tonks. "It has what looks like an assortment of potion ingredients inside, though I don't know what you could do with such a small amount of them. In her pockets, she had two hundred pounds in cash, five pounds and forty-two pence in change, and a room key from the Leaky Cauldron."
As Tonks set the items down, she cast a curious glance at the rest of the items on the table. "Well, I can see you've got everything unpacked, though I can guess from your expressions that you still haven't found any clues."
"Tonks, you've got to take a look at this," said Hermione. "We found a gun in Phoebe's backpack; a gun that's been illegally enchanted."
Tonks looked carefully at the item Hermione was pointing out. "That's a gun? It doesn't look like any of the guns I learned about in Auror training."
"They probably taught you about modern guns," said Hermione. "This one looks more like a single-shot pistol from the Renaissance, but it's still not quite the same."
"An enchanted gun?" said Mrs. Weasley. "Good Lord! And a sword as well! Why on Earth would she need all these weapons?"
Tonks frowned. "I don't know, but I know that Phoebe and her friend Celeste are definitely not strangers to combat. Phoebe told me she keeps a logbook of the fights she's been in; in fact, she had so many entries, she had to start a new one."
"Who keeps a logbook of fights?" said Ron. "That's mental!"
"Maybe not," said Tonks thoughtfully. "Every time an Auror gets into a fight with a suspect, we need to file a report with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Phoebe seemed very interested in my lawful authority as an Auror; I think she's with some kind of law enforcement herself."
"OK, I think we need the whole story here," said Ginny. "It's obvious Phoebe was in some kind of a fight; so, who exactly was she fighting and why?"
The four teenagers and Mrs. Weasley listened as Tonks explained what had happened at the Leaky Cauldron. Once she was finished, the five of them stared at her in astonishment.
"I can't believe it," said Mrs. Weasley softly. "After all these years… Fenrir Greyback has finally been caught!"
Tonks smiled. "Yeah, I know. I can hardly believe it myself. Oh, I can't wait to tell Remus!"
"Are you saying it was this Greyback who turned Professor Lupin into a werewolf?" asked Harry.
Tonks nodded. "Yes; and, believe me, that is only the beginning of his crimes. Every prejudicial stereotype about werewolves being horrible monsters… Greyback is the embodiment of all of them and more. There are reports that he doesn't even wait for the full moon to bite people — that he actually craves the taste of human flesh."
Tonks shuddered. "The problem is, I don't know what we're going to do with him. We could send him to Azkaban… for about ten minutes before the other Death Eaters break him out. Oh, sure, he'll be punished for letting himself get caught, but You-Know-Who still needs him as an instrument of terror. We could sentence him to the Dementor's Kiss… that is, if the Ministry still had any dementors."
She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe we should just AK him and be done with it."
"Tonks, you can't do that!" protested Hermione. "You're an Auror!"
"I know, Hermione, I know; the law's the law." Tonks sighed. "But what good is the law if we can't punish anyone for breaking it?"
"Yeah, about that," said Harry. "What do you think's going to happen to Umbridge? I don't think we need to worry about the Death Eaters breaking her out; if they did, they'd probably beg us to take her back."
Tonks chuckled. "Yeah, well… you'd think that an unprovoked attack in front of multiple witnesses would be enough to put that vile hag away, but, come on; we both know the Ministry will find some excuse to keep her out of trouble. Besides, we can't exactly bring Phoebe in to testify; they'd send her down to the Department of Mysteries to be dissected!"
She threw up her hands in frustration. "And we don't even know where Celeste is now. Damn it! It's times like these that I really hate this job."
"Do you think she even survived?" asked Ron. "I mean, if Umbridge got Splinched…"
"I don't think that's what happened to Celeste," said Hermione. "Everything I've read about Apparition says that if a person gets Splinched, they leave a piece of themselves behind. Now, Tonks, you're sure there was nothing left behind at all?"
"I'm sure," said Tonks. "Celeste disappeared completely."
"Well, then, it seems likely that she arrived at her destination intact," said Hermione. "Doesn't the Ministry have a way to track Apparition?"
Tonks nodded. "Yes, I asked Tom to tell my partner to look into that. I should probably check back with him to see what he's found."
As Tonks turned toward the fireplace, there was another knock at the door. As before, Mrs. Weasley was the first to approach it. "Is that you, Albus?"
"Yes, my dear Molly, it is I, Albus Dumbledore, arriving with Madame Poppy Pomfrey at the request of Miss Nymphadora Tonks."
Mrs. Weasley opened the door and sighed with relief. "Oh, thank God! I don't know how much Tonks has told you, but I do hope you can make some sense of all this. And, Poppy, it's always wonderful to see you. I only wish we had time to chat under less urgent circumstances."
Dumbledore smiled. "I do apologise for the tardiness of my arrival, but I thought I might pay Tom a visit at the Leaky Cauldron first. I persuaded him to allow me to view his memories by means of Legilimency before he managed to blur them with a generous portion of firewhisky. What I saw in his mind was quite curious indeed, and I believe I have some ideas on what it might mean."
He glanced at the items on the kitchen table. "Ah, I see you've already begun examining Ms. Black's possessions. I believe it would be best if I continued with this task, while Poppy takes a look at the young lady herself."
Madame Pomfrey nodded. "Of course, Albus."
Mrs. Weasley gestured towards the staircase. "I put her in Ginny's room; it's just up the stairs. Here, let me show you."
As the two women went up the staircase, Harry turned to Dumbledore. "If you saw Tom's memories, Professor, then does that mean you know everything that happened at the Leaky Cauldron?"
"I would have preferred a more detailed examination of his memories in my Pensieve, Harry, but, unfortunately, there simply wasn't time. I did, however, see Tom's perspective on the actual fight, to which Nymphadora did not personally bear witness."
"Professor," said Hermione, "why do you think Phoebe has all these weapons? Do you think she expected a fight at the Leaky Cauldron?"
Dumbledore peered down at the table. "It may interest you to know that, according to Tom, the sword actually belongs to the other young lady, Ms. Celeste Aspen. However, it would seem that none of these weapons were actually used in the fight. Ms. Aspen fought unarmed and only used her sword for intimidation, while Ms. Black fought solely by means of her magic."
"I don't get it," said Ron. "Why would Celeste need to fight Greyback with her hands? Why didn't she just Stun him?"
"She did use her magic to restrain the Death Eaters in some fashion, though the effect only lasted long enough for her to get into an advantageous position. Ms. Black also used a similar spell on Mr. Greyback, which gave Ms. Aspen time to secure him with physical restraints."
"Well, she certainly did a good job of that," said Tonks, "which makes me think she's had quite a bit of practice. In fact, I think both Phoebe and Celeste are with some kind of law enforcement."
"I believe you are correct," replied Dumbledore. "Ms. Aspen told Mr. Greyback that he was under arrest by order of the 'Harmonium.' I'm not familiar with a police force by that name, magical or otherwise, though I believe it is also the name of a musical instrument. What interests me, however, is the number of things with which Ms. Black appears not to be familiar, such as Aurors, Sickles, Galleons, and Death Eaters."
"She's never heard of Death Eaters?" said Harry in surprise. "How could any witch or wizard in the world not know about them?"
Dumbledore stroked his beard in thought. "How indeed. Perhaps an examination of these items might prove more enlightening."
"Phoebe's clothes are completely ordinary except for her jewellery and belt," said Tonks. "And, of course, there's the cap she used to disguise herself."
"Ah, yes; the cap." Dumbledore picked it up and turned it around in his hand. "Hmmm. Red would tend to clash with my current attire, but if my theory is correct, I don't believe that will be a problem."
He removed his own hat, and then placed the cap on his head. Hermione reached out to stop him. "No, Professor, don't — "
Suddenly, Dumbledore vanished; in his place stood an exact replica of Hermione. Harry's mouth dropped open in amazement as he looked back and forth between the two of them; a wide-eyed Hermione stared back at her mirror image.
"P-Professor?" stammered Hermione. "Is… is that you?"
"Why, of course, Miss Granger," said Dumbledore's voice from the duplicate Hermione's mouth. "She" pointed at "her" head. "I willed the cap to assume the form of a hair clip; I do hope it suits you, my dear."
Hermione blinked in surprise, and then frowned. "Wait… wait a minute, Professor; I can see you now. I can still see myself at the same time; it's as if my image has been superimposed on you somehow."
"Blimey, I see him too," said Ron. "What kind of a disguise lets you see right through it?"
Dumbledore/Hermione smiled. "Ah, but could any of you see me before you heard my voice?"
Everyone shook their heads.
Hermione snapped her fingers. "Of course! We couldn't see through the disguise until we knew it was a disguise!"
Dumbledore reached up and removed the cap, returning to his normal appearance. "Yes, that would seem to be the way the cap functions. I saw my own image surrounded by Miss Granger's right away, so I suspected that its magic only works on the unsuspecting, as it were."
"Well, that doesn't seem very useful," said Ron. "Why didn't she just use Polyjuice Potion?"
"That only works on humans, Ron," said Hermione.
"Not to mention you have to keep drinking it." Tonks picked up the cap. "Now, granted, this has its limitations, but it would definitely be useful if you could duck into a pub while being chased. As a Metamorphmagus, I can always change my face, but this cap allows you to change the appearance of your clothes as well."
"Professor, this is all very interesting," said Harry, "but if you have to suspect how the cap's magic works, does that mean you've never seen anything like it before?"
"Indeed, Harry, I have not," replied Dumbledore.
"But… but, Professor," said Hermione, "how can that be? You're the most knowledgeable wizard in the world!"
"I thank you for that high praise, Miss Granger, though I have no doubt you will one day surpass me in knowledge. We must not forget, however, that, no matter how learned, a human being can never know everything."
Dumbledore smiled. "Personally, I've never seen this as a limitation, but simply as the fact that there will always be more to learn. As the headmaster of a school, I find this rather comforting, for it ensures that those in my profession will always be needed."
"Well, doesn't that prove it?" said Ron. "It's just like Ginny said. If Dumbledore knows all the magic in the world, and he doesn't know this, then it has to be from some other world, right?"
Hermione sighed. "Ron, he just said he doesn't know all the magic in the world. Honestly, would it kill you to listen for once?"
"Well, you're the one who said every form of life on Earth needs to breathe!" said Ron. He pointed at Harry. "And… and Harry said that every witch and wizard in the world has heard of Death Eaters!"
He turned to Dumbledore. "I mean, if it was just one thing; but, Professor, doesn't it all add up? Isn't it at least possible that Phoebe isn't from this world?"
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled behind his glasses. "Indeed. What a splendid idea, Mr. Weasley!"
Hermione's face turned red. "Professor! You can't possibly be serious!"
"Well, I don't know if I am serious or not, Miss Granger," replied Dumbledore, "but I believe that the concept is most definitely possible."
Harry chuckled. "Touché, Hermione."
Hermione threw up her hands in frustration. "All right, all right. I suppose anything's possible. But extraordinary claims like that require extraordinary evidence, and, right now, I don't think the evidence we have is enough to meet that standard!"
Dumbledore nodded. "Quite right, Miss Granger. The evidence is intriguing, but it does not yet constitute proof. Fortunately, I believe Madame Pomfrey is just about to return with a report on her patient."
As if on cue, Madame Pomfrey and Mrs. Weasley emerged from the staircase. Ron shook his head. "Blimey, Professor! How do you do that?"
"Ah, well; a good magician never reveals his tricks."
Hermione smiled. "You used a nonverbal Hominem Revelio spell to sense that they were coming down the stairs, didn't you?"
Dumbledore returned her smile. "Alas! Even the best magician may be thwarted by a particularly observant member of the audience."
He turned to Madame Pomfrey. "Poppy, what has your examination revealed about our guest?"
She shrugged. "I'm afraid I don't know what to make of her, Albus. No breath; but, I swear, her heart keeps better time than my watch. I performed my usual diagnostic spells, but the results are completely inconsistent. One spell says she's in perfect health, another says she's dead, and a third says she's some kind of inanimate object!"
Madame Pomfrey paused. "I mean, it's obvious she's not human, but I've performed healing on all sorts of creatures in my time. House-elves, goblins, centaurs… I've even helped Hagrid with the unicorns and thestrals! In all my years as a Healer, I've never even heard of results like these, and I'm afraid I'm utterly at a loss to explain them."
Dumbledore stroked his beard. "I believe I have, in fact, once heard of similar results before. In the 17th Century, my old friend Nicholas Flamel was involved in experiments to create a form of artificial life known as a homunculus."
Hermione snapped her fingers. "I've read about that, Professor! But the books I read said those experiments didn't work."
"Well, not entirely, Miss Granger," said Dumbledore. "Nicholas and his team were able to create a homunculus, but it was merely a mindless automaton with no intelligence or will of its own. It could be ordered to perform simple tasks, and it could respond to stimuli, but it fell far short of their goal to actually create life. Eventually, the lack of any further successes persuaded Nicholas to abandon the experiments; and, since then, they have remained a mere historical curiosity."
He paused. "The reason I mention this is because in Nicholas's notes, he indicated that normal healing spells had no effect on a homunculus. In addition, other spells which normally affect living things yielded inconsistent results."
"But, wait; Phoebe's not a mindless automaton," said Tonks. "I had a conversation with her, for heaven's sake!"
"Despite the fact that Nicholas was unable to perfect his experiments," said Dumbledore, "it is not beyond the realm of possibility that someone else has, particularly if that realm extends beyond the confines of this planet."
"Ha!" exclaimed Ron. "What did I tell you, Hermione?"
"All right, then," said Hermione. "Assuming for the sake of argument that Phoebe really is some sort of… extraterrestrial super-homunculus, or something… then how, exactly, does that help us wake her up?"
"Ah, well," said Dumbledore, "that part should actually be quite simple. As I mentioned, Nicholas indicated that a homunculus could not be healed; however, it could be magically repaired."
Hermione shook her head. "Let me get this straight, Professor. Are you saying that if this theory is true, all we need to do is go upstairs and cast Reparo?"
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Precisely! In fact, I think you should be the one to do the honours, Miss Granger."
Hermione blinked in surprise. "W-What? But, Professor… why me?"
"Well, if it works, I think it's only fair for you to be the one who provides us with the crowning piece of evidence. Not to mention that Ms. Black has already expressed a desire to meet you."
Tonks smiled at Hermione's confused expression. "I mentioned your name when I remarked to Phoebe that her personality reminded me of yours. Remember when I said she keeps a logbook of fights? I asked her what happened in the fight with the Death Eaters and she rattled off what sounded like her next logbook entry on the spot! And, then, as I'm standing there looking like I'd just been Confunded, she asks me if I want her to repeat it. I mean, heck, I was afraid to say 'yes,' because I just knew she'd have given me the whole thing again verbatim."
She chuckled. "Wow. Now I know what it feels like to be Ron."
"Hey!"
Ron and Hermione blushed as they realized they'd both shouted at the same time. They looked at each other, and then broke out into laughter, which quickly spread to everyone else in the room.
As the laughter died down, Hermione covered her face in embarrassment. "Oh my God. Ron, am I really that bad?"
Ron smiled. "I may not be the smartest person in the room, Hermione, but there's no way I'm stupid enough to answer that."
At that, the room broke out into laughter again. Hermione even had to close her eyes in a vain attempt to block the tears from laughing so hard. As the room began to calm down, Hermione wiped her eyes, and then drew her wand.
"That's it. I've got to wake her up now just to get her back for embarrassing me like that."
"Well, don't be too hard on her, Hermione," said a smiling Harry. "Remember, we need her on our side to get back at Umbridge."
"Yeah, right, mate," laughed Ron. "As if that old hag doesn't have enough enemies on this planet."
Hermione held up her hands. "All right; enough with all this talk about other planets. Let's just go upstairs, wake Phoebe up, and find out the truth."
"Well, we shouldn't all go up at once," said Ginny. "My bedroom's not that big, you know; we don't want to be packed in there like sardines."
Dumbledore smiled. "Well, in that case, I think that Poppy and I should stay here for now." He held up his hand as Madame Pomfrey opened her mouth to protest. "I'm sorry, Poppy, but I'm afraid that you won't be able to assist in this particular case."
She sighed. "I know. I just hope she can tell me what sorts of spells can heal her so I can be a bit more helpful next time."
"I'd better go with you, Hermione," said Tonks, "since I'm the only one Phoebe will recognize."
"And I suppose the rest of you are going with her," said Mrs. Weasley. She sighed. "Well, in that case, I'd better make myself useful and put the kettle on. I think we could all use a spot of tea about now."
"All right, then," said Harry. He smiled. "Let's go see who all the fuss is about."
At the premiere of Order of the Phoenix:
Radio Announcer 1: It's a lovely 27 degrees Celsius outside today. That's just over 80 degrees Fahrenheit as they would say across the pond, and for the physicists, it's precisely 300 kelvins.
Radio Announcer 2: Quite so, Nigel. According to Wien's displacement law, such a temperature would correspond to a peak blackbody radiation wavelength of 9.7 micrometres.
Announcer 1: In the mid-infrared region of the electromagnetic spectrum?
Announcer 2: Of course. Now, if you were to heat a sugar solution to the temperature of "hard crack" on a candy thermometer, it would emit a peak wavelength of 6.9 micrometres.
Announcer 1: Ah! 150 degrees Celsius, then.
Announcer 2: Which is the same as 302 degrees Fahrenheit, 423 kelvins, or 762 degrees Rankine.
Announcer 1: And, according to the Stefan-Boltzmann law, a sphere at "hard crack" temperature would emit approximately four times as much electromagnetic radiation as an identical sphere at the current temperature.
Announcer 2: Why does it have to be a sphere?
Announcer 1: In physics, everything is a sphere.
