AN: Writing this I realized why I left this story just sitting for so long. I know what I wanted to say vaguely but I couldn't find I good flow or path to getting there. Eventually I just settled for this. This definitely isn't my best work but I just want to get this out there y'know? The next chapter is the last one I believe (unless it gets too long and I have to break it into two which I might but... let's hope not lol). Also can I just go and hit my past self for writing this story in the past tense. It's making it even more difficult for me to write since I'm so used to writing in the present tense now
If Feliks's death was hard to come to terms with, Raivis's was impossible. Some nights Toris could only stare at the ceiling as memories flitted through his brain. One that always seemed to worm its way between any idle thoughts came from the teen's childhood, back before their father died and their mother mysteriously disappeared.
A ten year old Toris carried a heavy crate of jars out of the house and into the alley next to it. He wasn't sure what was giving his load its weight, but his mother had asked him to help her with the task and he was more than happy to oblige. Unable to see with the box obscuring his vision, he heard his little brother's sniffles before he saw him. Toris stilled and gently set the crate down.
"Raivis?" The boy in question was sitting on the ground next to a neighbor's trash can. His eyes were rimmed red from crying and his nose and hand were covered in blood. "Raivis! What happened?!"
"No-nothing!" Raivis quickly attempted to rub away the blood trickling from his nose, but only succeeded in smearing it across his cheek. Upon realizing this, more tears welled up in the eight year old's eyes.
"This doesn't look like nothing…" Toris remarked gently. "How about we get a better look at you? The ground is no place for a kid like you." And though Raivis was getting too big for this, the older brother lifted him onto the crate he had been carrying a few moments prior.
With only minimal hesitation Toris ripped the cuff of his left sleeve off his shirt and held it to his brother's nose. He tilted the boy's head forward and then began to run his free hand through his blond curls. It was getting a bit long; he would probably need a haircut soon.
"So what happened?" Toris tried again. Raivis's sniffling hadn't completely ceased but at least he wasn't crying anymore. Toris also took comfort in the fact his brother was now leaning into his touch.
"I-I was playing and-and these kids from school came an-an-and" Raivis couldn't make it through his sentence but Toris got the picture. Due to his small stature and knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, it was no wonder other kids targeted Raivis. He had never known the bullying to turn physical though.
"Shh shh it's okay." He quickly enveloped his brother in a hug. "Did they hurt you anywhere else?"
"No… they pushed me but when they saw the blood from my nose they ran away…"
"That's good." Toris let out a sigh of relief and pulled away from the hug. He still kept a hand on Raivis's arm. "If something like this ever happens come and get me. I'll protect you, no matter what."
Raivis gave a watery smile at this and nodded. Toris then wordlessly offered his hand and led him back inside for their mother to inspect the damage. Raivis's hand squeezed tightly in his own and Toris could only think of how nice the feeling was.
He had failed. He couldn't protect his brother when it counted and now he was dead. Dead, deceased, six feet under. He tried to muffle the sound of his crying so that Eduard couldn't hear him fall apart.
I need to stay strong, for him.
Instead of talking and sticking together like Toris expected, Eduard began disappearing more often now. Some days Toris never even caught a glimpse of his brother. He might not be in bed when Toris woke up for work, Toris ate in silence as the seat across the table remained empty, and when he fell in bed at the end of the day Eduard wasn't across the room changing into his own night clothes.
With no one to hide it from, the sound of Toris's crying filled the house
After a particularly exhausting shift at the factory Toris fell asleep in the living room. The following morning, the rustling of boots and a winter coat woke the brunet. He blinked a couple times before realizing the figure in front of him was his brother.
"Eduard, where are you off to?" The blonde teen stopped, the front door of the Laurinaitis house slightly ajar. He was halfway through wrapping his scarf around his neck.
"Tino invited me over." An awkward silence fell over the room.
Why are you going out so much? Talk to me Eduard; you're all I have left. I feel like I'm losing you too.
"Make sure you're back before seven. I'm making stew for dinner." Toris gave Eduard a small smile which his brother returned half-heartedly.
"See you later." With that Eduard was out the door, letting the cool winter wind into the house. Toris curled closer into himself, once again alone with his emotions.
It was another two weeks before Toris was able to see his brother leaving again.
"Where are you going?" Eduard jumped as his brother's voiced made it's way through the room.
"Tino and Berwald-"
"Can stand to not see you for one night." The anger bubbling up in Toris began to seep its way into his tone. He crossed the room and stood in front of the front door.
"Toris this is important. They need me to-"
"Well what if I need you right now Eduard!" The blond flinched back, not used to being the object of his usually calm brother's anger. "Do you know how hard it is for me to come home every night to an empty house? For me to feel like I've not lost one brother but two? I can't handle this Eduard!"
Eduard deflated at his brother's words, but his eyes were still full of conviction. "You haven't lost me Toris. I'm still here."
"Then why don't you act like it? You're always off with your friends doing heaven knows what while I'm stuck here alone. If you cared you would be here." Toris felt like a child as the tears worked their way into his eyes and his voice began to shake.
"It's because I care that I can't be here."
"That's a load of crap and you know it."
"Toris I need you to trust me, to believe me on this. I'm sorry I can't be with you but I need to do this. This is the only thing that can help."
"Bull."
"I'm doing this for you and Raivis!"
"Yeah, well Raivis is dead. Not a whole lot you can do to help him now, is there." The bitterness present in Toris's voice hung the room as he stepped away from the door and turned his back to Eduard. After a few moments of silence, he heard the door open and close, indicating his brother's departure.
Why did I do that?
The next day, Toris had the day off. However, he needed to keep himself busy somehow and so he took up the task of cleaning the house, top to bottom. He remembered how his mother always fussed about the value a clean house could have on the mind and soul. Maybe those benefits would magically rub off on him as well. He doubted it.
Today was different though. While he had kept up with the housework for the most part, he could never bring himself to go through Raivis's portion of the room. Now though, he thought he was ready, or at least now was as good of a time as any other.
It's been nine months. If you can't do this now, you'll never be able to.
The first hour was mostly uneventful. Toris would pack away whatever he could without becoming lost in all the memories associated with each item. He reached for a small journal and felt his entire body deflate. It was one of Raivis's poetry notebooks. The boy would often write in the book whenever his emotions overtook him. The book and its predecessors had seen a lot of use throughout the years.
Toris absently flipped through the pages, not taking much in, until a slip of paper fell. The bright white did not match the aged yellow of the notebook, meaning it wasn't just a page Raivis had accidentally torn out and shoved back in. The teen picked up the slip and began to carefully examine it.
"Shipment: April 17 14:00, Guards: 4, Outside Assistance: N/A"
"What on earth…?" The slip showed no other evidence to point toward its purpose. Toris reluctantly went back to sorting through Raivis's things, however this time he began to look for other papers as well.
Within the half hour Toris had pulled a dozen full spreadsheets of data from among his brother's possessions as well as about three times as many scraps of paper with seemingly random information. He spread the papers in front of him, attempting to decipher the meaning of the data.
L.B. and E.S.- Covert stealth
T.V.- Info gathering
B.O. Standby
M.K. Distraction if necessary
E.L. Info and technology cover
All of the documents seemed to be penned by different people, sometimes up to four different scrawls would appear on one page at a time. Toris stopped in his tracks as he recognized Eduard's handwriting neatly analyzing the data presented in the spreadsheet he was holding. Slowly but surely the pieces clicked into place. These documents weren't Raivis's, rather they were placed among his things by Eduard. He couldn't quite fathom why though.
As he was contemplating this, the door to the room opened.
"Hey Toris, are you in here? I was out of line yesterday and…" Eduard trailed off as he took in the scene of his brother surrounded by the sheets of information. "What uh, what are you looking at?"
"You tell me."
"Those are just some assignments. I don't know where you could have found them." The hesitation in his voice did not go unnoticed by Toris.
"Eduard… please stop lying to me."
"I can't tell you Toris. Just in case anything happens I don't want people to think you were involved and so the less you know the better." A rock dropped in the elder's stomach at his brother's words. If he didn't know what was going on before, he had a good inkling of an idea now. His brother was somehow caught up in rebel activities. No matter how seemingly small of a law broken, the Capitol would not hesitate to kill known traitors.
"In case anything happens?" Toris's voice gained a new sense of desperation in it. "Now I'm really worried. Please don't leave me in the dark. I can help you Eduard! Whatever this is," he gestured widely at the papers splayed before them "I can help. We can just get rid of the papers and no one will know about any of this. Please." At this point Toris had made his way across the room and desperately grasped at his brother's sleeve.
"I'm sorry Toris but I can't." To his credit, Eduard did truly look remorseful as he shook off Toris and began collecting the data sheets. "If it makes you feel any better I won't keep these in the house anymore."
"The only thing that would make me feel better is you not having those at all!"
"I think we both know it's a little too late for that."
"I don't think we do. I just… I can't understand you Eduard. Why would you jeopardize yourself like this? It's been over thirty years and no one's been able to stop the Capitol. In fact, the last time there was an uprising a district was obliterated and the Hunger Games were created. You and five other boys can't possibly do any differently. Why do you bother? Why…?"
"Every revolution has to start somewhere." After Eduard shoved the last of the papers into his bag he approached his brother. "And if I don't do this, who will?"
"Who says someone needs to do this?"
"So you're really okay with the way things are?"
"Well of course not!"
"So then something needs to be done!" Eduard countered.
"Yes but… why do you have to be the one who does it?"
"Because Feliks and Raivis were the ones who had to die." With that, the blond took his exit.
"No wait, Eduard please." But the only sound that answered Toris was that of the front door slamming.
Toris didn't get the chance to apologize; the next two days passed without word from Eduard and Toris tried not to let his anxiety get the better of him. This certainly wasn't the first time the blond disappeared for days on end. Still, Toris had a sinking feeling in his stomach that he couldn't shake no matter what he did.
Three days after his fight with Eduard, Toris discovered the reason for his unease.
He and the rest of his coworkers were pulled from the factory with the explanation that there was a mandatory gathering in the town square. Everyone was confused, but grateful for the hour or so of work that they would be getting out of. In fact, the topic of conversation as the crew headed over to the square was whether or not they would be paid even though they weren't working. Somehow Toris doubted it.
As they neared the square Toris could make out the gallows that were set up with six forms standing on the platform. He began sweating. Public executions were always horrible. The peacekeepers never covered the condemneds' faces and so everyone would be forced look upon their lifeless faces. Toris kept his eyes on his shoes. He hated having to look at those he knew would be dead within the hour. He found his place and hoped that the whole ordeal would be over quickly.
"Toris…" Toris's coworker grabbed the teenager's attention. "Isn't that…?" When Toris looked up to see what the man next to him was talking about he felt all his breath leave his body. There on the platform, at the end of the line, was Eduard with his hands bound.
Surprisingly, Toris's legs didn't crumple out from under him, however he did grab his coworker's shoulder to support him. Eduard? What was he doing up there?
Toris already knew the answer to that though. Despite his reassurances, he and his friends had gotten caught. Whatever illegal activities he was participating in had caught up with him. Guilt rushed through Toris like morphine. If only he had kept closer tabs on his brother, if only he hadn't let him leave that night would this still be happening? He was pulled from his thoughts at the head peacekeeper's voice cut through the air.
"Today six traitors to the Capitol stand before you. They were caught tampering with weapons shipments and hacking into Capitol information systems. For such crimes the punishment is death." The man motioned and the peacekeeper on the end opposite of Eduard pushed one of Eduard's friends forward and onto a wooden crate.
"Tino Väinämöinen" The head peacekeeper said nothing besides the man's name as the noose was placed around his neck. As soon as everything was in place the peacekeeper nodded and the signal was given to kick the crate out from under Tino.
However, Tino's neck didn't break. Instead, the rope tightened around his neck as he desperately scratched at it. His gasps for breath were audible to the silent crowd. Worst of all, the peacekeeper didn't move onto the next man's execution, forcing everyone to watch in horror as Tino fought a battle he would inevitably lose. At this same time, the tall man next to Tino struggled against the two peacekeepers restraining him. His cries were muffled by his gag however. After a few minutes, Tino finally went limp and the tall man was brought up.
"Berwald Oxenstierna" The process was repeated for Berwald as well, though mercifully his death was short and to the point. Matthias and Lukas's were this way as well, though Emil suffered the same fate as Tino.
When it came time for Eduard, Toris morbidly hoped that his brother's death would be quick. He didn't think he could handle having to watch his brother struggle to even take a breath. It would be too much like seeing Raivis fight against Ivan when he was pushed into the stream.
As Eduard was brought forward, his brother looked right at him. Eduard's eyes softened as he met Toris's as if to say "Please don't blame yourself" and "I'm sorry".
"Eduard Laurinaitis" Almost in slow motion, the peacekeeper nodded and the box was kicked out from under him. Eduard's eyes widened in surprise as he fell and stayed open when the rope pulled taut. The only consolation present in the situation was that his neck snapped almost immediately. There was no squirming and fighting for life.
Toris's mind went blank, unable to tear his eyes off his brother's corpse. The head peacekeeper was offering some closing remarks but the teen couldn't make any of them out. He had just watched his brother die, right in front of him. Executed by the Capitol.
This was different than watching Feliks or Raivis. With them he could only watch through a television screen as they were murdered. No matter how he wished he could help or somehow change the situation, he physically was unable.
Eduard though… with Eduard, he was right there. He could have done something, if only he wasn't a coward. He pushed away the rational side of him that argued that even if he had done something it would have only resulted in both his and Eduard's demise. His brother would have had to die knowing he indirectly caused Toris's death. All Toris focused on was the overwhelming guilt consuming him. Why was he the one still alive?
Why?
He couldn't come up with a good answer to that.
