Stephanie's POV

It was a dream, nothing more. I'm completely rattled and I have to keep telling myself it was just a dream….

I see him. He's with me. I want to talk to him. I want to get the words out, but I can't talk. It's not even that I'm nervous, I just can't talk. I don't want to scare him off. He looks at me and pushes a curl back. I melt. He kisses me and whispers in my ear that he loves me. I want to cry I'm so happy and relieved.

I awoke in tears. Why now? Why is this torturing me now? I haven't seen him in three months…

I'm tugging at my hair

I'm pulling at my clothes

I'm trying to keep my cool

I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet

My cheeks are turning red

I'm searching for the words inside my head

I lay in bed and wonder: What is it that I really want from him? Do I really need the relationship? Do I just need to hear how he feels about me? Would I want marriage if it was with him? I know I want him to want me like I want him. Sadly, I'm starting to wonder if that's all it'll ever be: wishes. Will I even get a chance to talk to him? Will he even come back to me?

I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth this

Yeah...

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down on one knee

Marry me today

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

I contemplate my plan. I imagine telling him. I have to tell him, right? What if he's thinking the same thing, but doesn't know how I feel, especially since Morelli's in the picture. What has taken me so long to have these thoughts? Fear? Maybe I just didn't know myself that well….

It don't do me any good

It's just a waste of time

What use is it to you, what's on my mind?

If it ain't comin' out (If it ain't comin' out)

We're not goin' anywhere

So why can't I just tell you that I care?

I crawl out of bed and get a beer. It's only 2AM. I think long and hard and contemplate my problem. I love two men. When is love enough? When is it not? My mom is partially right about Joe. He is a good man. He'd be a good father and provider. I could see us having a nice life together. Did I just want a nice life? Would that ever be enough? I imagined Ranger and the Batcave and maybe one day helping him run his Rangeman empire. How do the two lives compare?

'Cause I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it

Yeah...

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down on one knee

Marry me today

Guess I'm wishing my life away

(Uh) With these things I'll never say

I guess the couch is more comfortable than my bed. I awoke to my phone going off in the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Steph?"

It's Tank.

"Oh my god, what's wrong? What's happened?" I panicked.

"The boss is flying in today and wanted me to call and tell you that he was coming home."

"Oh. He usually just shows up."

"Oh, yea, um…"

"He didn't tell you to call, did he?"

"No. I know how you worry and you haven't been yourself… I just wanted you to know."

I smiled; I really love the Merry Men, "Thank you."

"Oh, Tank?"

"Yea?"

"Could you tell him I'd like to talk to him, please?"

"Sure thing Bomber."

He's at my door. I can hear him opening it. I feel that familiar tingle. I exit my room as he gets in the foyer.

"Babe?"

I look at him. Say something Stephanie….

What's wrong, with my tongue?

These words keep slippin' away

I stutter, I stumble

Like I've got nothin' to say

"Ranger, I…"

He walks over to me.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you…" deep breath…

"Can today be someday?"

'Cause I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it

Yeah!

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down on one knee

Marry me today!

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

These things I'll never say

Things I'll Never Say- Avril Lavigne