The question had burst out of his mouth before Joker had even a remote chance to stop it. He figured that it was the absolute worst thing to say to a girl, even if that girl was Shepard. Hopefully she wouldn't get any blood on the suit. It was a rental.

But what the hell else was he supposed to say? She had stepped out of the taxi, whipped off her sunglasses and exclaimed, "How do I look?"

"What happened to your face?" he blurted.

"Asari commandos carry knives," she said flatly. The scar started just to the left of her nose, cut across the bridge and traveled the width of her right cheek and all the way to her ear. "But I was talking about the dress, ass."

"Oh, yeah, that's fine too I guess," Joker said, and reached out to poke her cheek. "It's still pink in the middle! How long ago did that happen?"

Shepard slapped his hand away. "About six weeks."

"Damn," Joker breathed. "Hey, you look like a real marine now!"

She pushed the brim of his hat over his eyes.

"The baseball cap really adds an air of class, there," she said.

"Oh, well, I thought so too, that's why I- hey!" He grasped for his hat as she snatched it off his head.

"If I have to wear heals," she said, placing a hand against his chest and holding the hat well out of his unsteady reach, "you can't wear the hat."

"Unfair," he griped. Shepard stuffed the offending cap into her little handbag, and then frowned at Joker's head. He sputtered as she suddenly ran her hands roughly back-and-forth over his hat-flattened hair.

She stepped back, gave him a critical look. "You should have shaved. Presentable, though."

"Thanks, mom." Joker rolled his eyes. "Three hundred creds to look like a penguin for a day, I should get to keep the hat on."

"Come on, it's your cousin getting married. Don't you want to look nice? I even put on makeup."

Joker took the opportunity to actually look at what Shepard was wearing, and was surprised to see how much she looked like… a girl. Her dress was knee-length, green, made of some kind of shimmery material he was unfamiliar with. It left her shoulders bare, and displayed more cleavage than Joker even knew Shepard possessed, let alone had ever seen before. The most shocking part, however, was the fact that she wore silvery peep-toed shoes with an actual heel.

"Impractical shoes aside, help a rickety bastard out, here," he said, jerking a thumb at the stairs.

"Pimp stick not enough?" she asked, pointing at the silver-headed can he currently leaned on.

"Classier than crutches," he sniffed. Shepard laughed and slipped her arm into his, pulling him up the stairs into the church.


Joker figured he should feel some sort of guilt for accidentally overshadowing the wedding reception by bringing the Hero of Elysium as his date. He would have been at least a little remorseful if not for the fact that the bride herself – the cousin in question – had come to their table and asked for a picture and a recounting of the Skyllian Blitz.

The one he felt bad for was Shepard. She had been answering variations of the same question ("What happened on Elysium?") for hours. To her credit, though, she answered it the hundredth time with the same good humor as the first. She even made a point to note Joker's daring rescue at the end, which was kind of her. Most news reports never mentioned that part, only the forty-eight hours leading up to it.

However, though she was good-natured about talking about a six-year-old shoreleave, Shepard had looked somewhat relieved when she needed to step out to take a call from Admiral Hackett. That had been forty five minutes ago, and Joker was starting to wonder if he should go find her.

"She is lovely, Jeffrey."

Joker looked up from his plate of slowly-congealing buffet offerings to see that his mother, Sophie, had slipped into the chair next to him.

"Who?" he asked, mildly confused.

"The girl with you. Elle?" his mother replied. "She's certainly something."

"Uh, sure," he said lamely.

'Lovely' was never a word Joker would have used to describe Shepard. 'Something,' though, was a different story. Funny, smart, scary, a noisy soup-eater… Shepard, like most people, was a lot of 'somethings.'

"I had a chance to talk with her a little. She's very sweet, she complemented my choice in 'fight-ready footwear.' And she had nothing but high praises for you, child." His mother paused, curving one eyebrow at him. "I thought you told me your girlfriend left you last week," Sophie continued.

"She did," Joker mumbled. That particular topic was still a little sore for him. She had left him for a turian, said she was moving the Citadel. "Shepard's not my girlfriend."

"Oh, that's Shepard?" she replied, eyebrows lifting. "The same Shepard you always talk about?"

"I don't think Shepard's that common of a last name, Mom. She's the same Shepard all the way around."

"I see," his mother replied, in that tone mothers used when they saw something you didn't. "She wasn't your girlfriend… but you make a point to see each other whenever you're in the same port."

"Yeah… friends do that."

"And she found time to come to a wedding with you, six days after your girlfriend left you."

"She was on Earth anyway."

"I seem to recall you were very excited when she gave you her contact information, Jeff." Sophie leveled an inscrutable look on him, a faint smile tugging at her lips.

"That was six years ago, Mom," he replied plainly. "I would have been excited about any girl giving me that. Okay, so, fine I was real jumped up about it then but it just… never turned into anything. She's just my friend." My best friend, he added silently. That would just add fuel to his mother's new fire. "She's got a boyfriend, anyway, I think."

"Did you know," his mother started, smiling wryly, "that when I met your father, I was engaged to another man?"

"No, I didn't know that, and I definitely didn't need to know that." His father was a homewrecker!

"Smartest thing I ever did was leave that man for your dad."

"Mom, are you encouraging me to be the other man?"

"Not at all," she laughed. "I am, however, encouraging you to get on that before someone else does." She waved her hand towards the large glass doors that led to the banquet hall's outdoor area, and Joker spotted Shepard slipping out into the night.

"Really? Get on that?" He looked incredulously at his mother.

She laughed again, and stood. Before leaving she bent to kiss his forehead. "I really like her, Jeff."

Thoroughly confused, Joker watched his mother walk away, then glanced back to the glass doors.

Elle Shepard was not the sort of girl you dated, he thought. She was the sort of girl you called when you needed advice on your girlfriend. The sort of girl who made the trip from Singapore to Louisiana in two days so you wouldn't be that guy at a wedding, the guy who was 'plus one' on the guest list but ended up an empty seat to his left at the reception. The sort of girl who was prone to saying the corniest shit to make you feel better. The sort of girl who appreciated – or at least didn't openly scoff at – 20th century sci-fi movies; who taught you the right way to shoot a gun; who unironically got you crutches with a flame motif for Christmas; who traded shitty, pulpy mystery novels with you before long underways.

Yeah, she was a lot of somethings. A lot of really awesome somethings. Maybe…

No. No, no, no. That was stereotype romantic comedy, men-and-women can't just be friends bullshit. He was twenty-seven goddamn years old, he wasn't going to buy to into it.

Besides, Shepard was the take-no-prisoners type of impulsive that she would have made a move a long time ago if she was interested. She'd laugh when he told her what his mother had suggested.

It was slow going, especially with just the damn cane to keep him up – really, what was he thinking? His family knew he needed crutches – but eventually Joker made it to the glass doors. Outside there was a tiled patio, beyond which was a grassy expanse complete with picnic tables. Night had fallen, but paper lanterns hung in the trees illuminated the yard.

And the rom-com stereotype continues, he thought when he spotted Shepard. She was seated on one of the picnic tables, her feet on the bench, looking up at the sky. Her back was to him, and what looked suspiciously like her shoes were sitting on the table next to her. If this really was a romance movie, this would be the part when he (the dashing hero) went over and confessed his secret love, and she said she loved him too and he kissed her.

Those vids were so silly.

"Ooh, girl, let me get your digits," he crooned. It was a long-running joke between them, since a marine had used the same line on Shepard in earnest.

Shepard laughed when he slid across the table next to her, pressing his shoulder into hers and leering down at her.

"Slick," she said. She had what appeared to be a mai-tai in her hand, and she offered it to him. "I fucking love your family."

"Oh yeah?" he said, taking the offered drink and sipping at it. More fruit juice than rum, but would probably fuck you right up. "Why's that?"

"Open bar," she replied, taking the drink back. "Totally worth having to retell the Elysium story a thousand times."

"Sorry about that," he said, blanching. "I didn't stop to think that bringing a genuine war-hero to the country mouse wedding might cause a bit of a flap."

"I don't mind, really." Shepard shrugged. "It's not a bad memory. Pretty much everyone made it out alive, I got a Star of Terra, and the good guys won."

"Can't argue with that, really," Joker said.

They fell silent for a while, passing the mai-tai back and forth.

"Okay, I'm sorry, but this has been bugging the shit out of me all night," Shepard said suddenly, reaching for his neck.

"Whoa, okay, sorry I made you dress up, you don't have to choke me!" Joker exclaimed, batting at her hands.

"No, you tool, I mean your tie," she said exasperatedly, swatting his hand away and hooking her fingers in his tie. She quickly unknotted it. "The Windsor knot is just way too wide for my tastes."

"Alright, then," Joker assented, more as a courtesy than anything else. She was already busily re-doing the knot, so there wasn't much room for protest.

Joker glanced down at her as she worked. Even with the new facial scar, she was kind of pretty. Her hair, usually tied up in a loose knot, was undone, spilling down her back in lazy waves. There was a dusting of faint freckles across her nose and the tops of her cheeks. He had never seen her shoulders before, but now he could see they were freckled too. She stuck her tongue out a little when she concentrated.

If he was going to be honest, she was more than just 'kind of pretty.'

She was fucking hot.

"Something I can help you with?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. She had completed the knot, and had noticed him staring at her.

"Can I have my hat back, yet?"

With a snorting laugh she pressed the now mostly-empty glass into his hand and began to root in her purse. Joker wondered how she could have lost something like a hat in such a tiny bag.

"Here," she said, producing the cap and presenting it to him with a flourish.

"Thanks." He wasted no time placing it back on his head. It was so weird, not wearing a hat. It was so weird having to distract himself from… impure thoughts of Shepard, of all people.

"So, uh… how's Frank?" he asked. She had a boyfriend, he reminded himself.

Her mouth pressed into a thin line, the humorous glimmer dying in her eyes, and she turned away from him to look straight ahead again. That certainly wasn't the reaction he expected. He had probably dumped her, and now Joker just looked like an asshole.

"He proposed," she said tightly.

"Oh." That was also not what he expected. "Oh. Er… shouldn't you be excited, or something?"

"Nope."

"Oh," he said again. For God's sake, why couldn't he think of something smarter to say?

"He asked me, and when I said yes-"

"Wait, you said yes? So why are you so pissy about it?"

"Let me finish, interrupting space cow," she said, widening her eyes at him. He was glad to see some of her humor coming back.

"Sorry. What happened?"

"I said yes, and he immediately starts talking about how I shouldn't re-enlist when my contract's done in six months. And he can stay in, and be the breadwinner, and I can stay home and raise all these kids we're going to have."

"Because you're such a housewife."

"Anyway, I told him that wasn't going to happen. And he starts telling me how he thought he knew me, and can he have his grandmother's ring back because obviously our priorities aren't in the same place even though we'd never really talked about it before that exact moment. So he took his ring back and I haven't talked to him in like a month."

"Wow… he seemed so nice, that one time I met him," Joker said. "What a douchebag."

"Yeah. Guess I'm glad to be rid of that asshole," she said. Her tone managed to be both flippant and sad. "Just because the Skyllian Blitz is about the most exciting thing I'll ever do doesn't mean I want my career to be over already. I'm only twenty-eight, I can keep at it for another twenty years at least."

"Oh, I doubt that two days on Elysium is going to be most exciting time of your life," Joker said, shaking his head. "Pulling you out is probably the most exciting I'll ever do, though. Pilots with brittle bones don't get a lot of really dangerous assignments."

"Oh, oh, I forgot to tell you!" she exclaimed suddenly, and turned, curling one leg under herself to face him. "Hackett called me."

"Yeah, I was next to you when he did it," Joker replied. "What did he want?"

"Well… I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?" She bit her lip in barely contained excitement.

"Uh… bad, I guess," he said slowly, narrowing his eyes in vague suspicion.

"You're grounded for a while. And we have to stay on Earth."

Joker thought he might throw up. Grounded? Why? Why had Hackett confined him to Earth? Why had he called Shepard, and why was she so fucking happy about it?

"What's, um… what's the good news?" he asked weakly. He was definitely going to throw up.

"Guess who the XO and chief flight lieutenant of the Normandy project are?"

He stared at her dumbly. She didn't mean…

"WE ARE." She pointed back and forth between them.

He had never actually been giddy with excitement before, but he figured this qualified. The squealing noise that Joker made would have embarrassed him if he hadn't been so busy leaping to his feet and doing an equally embarrassing, air-punching little dance.

Embarrassing dances usually ended in embarrassing broken bones, and by the time he realized he had jumped up without the aid of crutch or cane, Joker was swaying unsteadily. Shepard slid easily to her feet and caught his arm before he went down.

Before he realized what he was doing, Joker pulled Shepard into a tight hug. She laughed, and her arms slipped around his neck. After a moment he released her, but she kept a grip on his upper arms to keep him from falling over.

"I forget how tall you are sometimes," she said softly, looking up at him. Without her heels on, and with him actually standing up straight, Shepard was a little more than a head shorter than him.

"Chronic slouch. The real reason I need the crutches," he replied. For some reason his voice quavered.

Shit. Rom-com stereotype time. Something about the paper-lantern light and her hands on his arms and her small smile made him really want to bend down and kiss her.

"So are we breaking fraternization regs, if you're my commanding officer now?" he asked, standard flippancy shattering whatever sweet-awkward moment they were having. She rolled her eyes, and leaned over to pick up his cane. She pressed it into his hand and released his arm, taking a small step back. Her expression was inscrutable, but her smile never faltered. When she turned back to the table, Joker squeezed his eyes shut and cursed himself.

God, he was terrible with girls.

Plucking her little handbag off the table, Shepard tucked it under her arm and hooked her fingers into the tops of her shoes, carrying them at her side. She walked barefoot back to him, and slipped her arm into his.

"I don't think going to a wedding breaks any regs. And technically I'm not your CO for another six weeks," she said as they started back to the party. "But I'm excited we get to work together, finally."

"Yeah," he said, and glanced sidelong at her. Joker decided that whatever had just passed between them was a combination of booze and enthusiasm. "We are going to make a badass team."