A/N; Thanks to all my readers and reviewers- you all rock!
The Princess Diaries doesn't belong to me
Despite her full intention of carefully considering Joseph's 'proposal' and making a decision that would not only affect her life but Joseph's, Clarisse, in the coming days and weeks, had no opportunity to properly considering anything aside from the ongoing battle with parliament and Mia's constant disasters in and out of the press.
Of course, it didn't help that Viscount Mabrey was a constant presence at the palace (but she was not rueing her decision to invite the young Lord Devereaux to the palace- it was true, she wanted to make sure that there were no other surprises sprung on her and Mia in the meantime) and stirring up trouble in parliament. He had been doing it for years, particularly after Rupert had died, but since Mia had returned as Princess and the heir to the throne, he had stepped up his efforts and now…
No, he wasn't worth thinking about, she thought to herself sternly after yet another tense session, only this time, it wasn't in parliament (which was thankfully closed body, with no press access) but in the throne room, when people from around the country brought gifts to the Queen as they had done in years past.
Clarisse herself had found the practice demeaning and rather old fashioned (she would much prefer a garden party or a less formal occasion whereby people didn't have to get down on their knees in front of her, asking or giving favours) but she didn't want to push the issue with parliament, they already had too much ammunition against her as it was, but this time…this time was worse than usual….
Mia had been standing patiently at her side, watching and observing without saying a word (for which Clarisse was grateful- she could see Viscount Mabrey smirking in a corner) and she had thought it had been going well… until a chicken was let loose in the throne, accidentally of course, Mia had wanted to handle it… and then… all chaos let loose…
She could just see the headlines now, she thought bitterly to herself as she walked back to her study. She hadn't had the heart to chide Mia about the incident- the girl was already embarrassed enough as it was- but then…..
"WHEN are you going to start acting responsibly?" she blasted to Mia as she lay on the couch one evening after the garden party whereby Mia ended up in the fountain with Lord Nicholas Devereaux (the closet, now the fountain, would the girl ever learn, she couldn't help but despair as she watched the soaking wet young woman disappear into the palace with a towel around her shoulders) and that incident was the last straw….
"I lost it, sometimes you just lose it!" Mia snapped back, infuriated at herself and guilty (she knew she had done the wrong thing) but she didn't need her grandmother yelling at her- it had been an accident….
"Lose it! You can't afford to 'lose it'," Clarisse said sarcastically. "We're supposed to find it! People look up to us…."
It ended up with Mia storming out of the room and Clarisse feeling worse than ever- what earth was she going to do- but instead of calling Joseph, knowing that he would be awake anyway, wanting to vent, she had chosen to remain silent- she couldn't speak to him at the moment, much as she wanted and needed to. His words were still in the back of her mind, coming to light when she was trying to sleep at night, but she couldn't think of that right now, not at this moment… as usual, her royal life and responsibilities were weighing down on her, and right now, she couldn't think about anything else…
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Joseph, who had been intending on giving Clarisse space and time to consider his words, seriously began to rue the day that he had actually said the words 'bring our friendship out of the shadows', especially once the tense situation between Queen, Princess, parliament and the press exploded.
The throne room situation hadn't been on purpose- he would have insisted on Viscount Mabrey not attend the session, but since his nephew was there and parliament needed a representative at these occasions, and he really should have checked all baskets for hidden 'contraband' (although a chicken was hardly contraband) but the Queen had needed him in attendance and Scott hadn't been as thorough as he should have been.
The garden party, he should have been watching the princess closely and noted when she had wandered off with Nicholas Devereaux (and Joe was ashamed to admit that he was starting to like the young man, he wasn't at all like his uncle) but his focus had been on the Queen and the guests around him. He had seen Mia walked almost timidly into her grandmother's suite later that evening- and had seen her storm her out less than fifteen minutes later- but he was surprised that he hadn't gotten a phone call from Clarisse… usually, they had a nightcap together most evenings, and she usually used him as a sounding board on occasion… but that night… well, it might have been awkward if he had been seen sneaking into the Queen's suite, especially if Nicholas had seen him…. but still, he was surprised….surely, he hadn't done anything wrong….
No, you're being paranoid, he told himself sternly. If there was something bothering her, she would have told him….
Still, she had been preoccupied since that moment in the garden- Viscount Mabrey was a constant presence in the palace (and the press, with his 'anonymous' tips), thanks to his nephew being invited to stay at the palace, a decision he hadn't agreed with and let Clarisse know.
"What do you expect me to do, Joseph? Leave him with his uncle and allow them to cause trouble OUTSIDE the palace walls? At least, with him here, you and your men can keep an eye on him."
"So… I'm to be a babysitter again, am I?" he couldn't help but grumble, but with a small smile on his face.
"Only for a little while, not very long," she responded with a small smile.
No, their relationship was still as normal as ever (or as normal as it was ever going to be, considering she was still Queen and he was her HOS) and while the moment in the garden was never mentioned, he had the feeling that she was dwelling on it in her mind.
Surely… surely there would be only one answer….she loved him, he knew that….
He loved her… they were meant to be together…
Wait and see….
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Here were the arguments in her head, Clarisse said to herself as she lay in bed, the lights off and she stared blankly up in the darkness- it was clearly going to be another sleepless night, she thought to herself, so rather than dwell on the disaster (although, in most ways, it hadn't been a disaster ) that had been the garden party, or the continued presence of Viscount Mabrey and his nephew at the palace (and, she had to admit, that she liked the young man, he was very serious and intelligent) or the press, she would dwell on the decision that would affect two lives and one that she would have to make in the very near future….
Did she want to marry Joseph?
Of course she did. She loved him and he loved her.
They had been together secretly for a long time and it was time…or was it?
She had thought of reasons for and against marriage to Joseph and now, for what seemed the millionth time in the almost ten days since the moment in the garden, she was going to go through them again…and again and again…
Reasons for marriage:
One: She loved Joseph- he was the love of her life, she had realised that a long time ago, although she had only recently just accepted it;
Two: she deserved some happiness in her life, and Joseph made her happy.
Three: she was stepping down from the throne by the end of the year, it was time for her to have a private life and she wanted Joseph in her life;
Four: Phillipe had approved- she could almost hear him saying 'why are you even hesitating, Maman? He adores you and you're crazy for him… you two should definitely be together…'
Five: She loved him…. wait, she had already mentioned that!
However, the more pragmatic side of her, the Queen side of her, knew that there were reasons against their marriage:
One: She couldn't let Mia down, she needed her grandmother to guide her through the first few months, and she just couldn't walk away;
Two: Would Pierre approve? He had always gotten along with Joseph, but how would he react to him as a stepfather (as he would technically be)
Three: How would Mia react? She liked Joseph, but could she see him as a grandfather?
Four: Parliament- what would they say? She knew that there was a majority who would disapprove but…. how big a majority?
Five: The press- they would have a field day and the headlines would just be….she couldn't even imagine what the headlines would say…
Six: The country- what would her people say? Would they approve? Disapprove? Speak out?
The arguments continued to play on an almost continuous loop in her head and Clarisse was starting to feel more and more panicked- how could she make a decision this important when there was so much in the balance? How could she do that?
Do YOU want to marry Joseph? She could almost hear Phillipe's voice in her head, see the frustrated expression on his face.
Yes… more than anything.
There is your answer.
It's more complicated than that…
How can it be so complicated? You love each other, Mia will be on the throne soon and married….
I just can't explain it….
Well, you'll have to make a decision sooner rather than later… and I hope you make the right one.
As do I. So do I.
