Chapter 3
Episode 3
By Wolflink93 and Renodin
"talking"
thoughts
Disclaimer: We don't own death note but we do own…nothing…dang government!
"Make your move, Matsuda." Afro guy told him.
"You've sure got me pinned in a corner, but I will return back to power." Matsuda said.
"Your destiny is mine, Matsuda! I will put you out of your misery!" Afro guy said. In slow motion, Afro guy held out his gun and pointed it out. He pulled the trigger and…
THE DUCK ON THE SCREEN DIED!
"I suck at Duck Hunt!" Matsuda yelled, throwing his gun at the NES.
"Perhaps you should have thought of that before you challenged me! Now pay up!" Afro guy commanded.
"What is your name?" Matsuda asked.
"I'll never tell!" Afro guy said in a sarcastic voice.
"Well, who should I kill next, Ryuk?" Light asked.
"Your mom, and all that!" Ryuk answered, cracking up in laughter. Light just stared at him with a weird look. Ryuk slowly stopped laughing.
"I'm bored. Lets go egg some houses!" Light said excited. "This will become some odd and humorous adventure, I'm sure of it!" He added. Light ran to his kitchen, grabbed a carton of eggs, put on a black leather jacket, and then quickly put on some sun glasses, saying "Groovy". His sister walked in, dressed up like an over done taco, with oozing cheese.
"What is so groovy, bu bu?" She asked him.
"First of all, it's none of your philly steaking business! And two, don't call me bu bu, call me Supreme Overlord Master of the Universe!" Light told her. He pushed her to the ground, where she rolled around, pitifully attempting to get up. Light kicked down his front door like an FBI agent hobo. He walked across the street allllll the way to his neighbor's house. He opened up the carton of eggs and held one in his hand.
"This is for living next to me, you transvestite monkeys!" Light yelled as he threw the egg. He began throwing more until the owner came out.
"Hey, little hoe! What are you doing?" The man asked like a sexy little schoolgirl. As Light zipped up his pants, he threw an egg at her…I mean him. He ran inside crying, and a boy in a ball cap popped out of a trash can near Light.
"That's why you're #1, Light!" The fanboy yelled. Light threw an egg at the idiot.
"I'll worship this egg!" The fan boy yelled. "I'll name you Egg Light!" The boy said, going back down into the can. Light soon almost shed a tear because he ran out of eggs. Ryuk tapped Light on the shoulder.
"Light, I think you have a stalker again, but this time, it ain't a fan boy, it's a man, what what!" Ryuk stated with apple crumbs in his teeth. "Oi" Ryuk added.
"We got somewhere around 4,000 phone calls from people about Kira. Most of them were just curious citizens, but some of them claimed to either be Kira or have seen him. 21 people said they were Kira, but they were so stupid on the phone, we can tell they are lying. Such immature little nerds." One of the police said at the meeting between Matsuda, Soichiro, Afro Guy, the Cloaked man, and a bunch of other police.
"Maybe we should shoot phone spiders through the phone lines so they eat the idiots who claim to be Kira… or ask me if I have Prince Albert in a can!" Matsuda suggested.
"Why don't we just nuke Japan?" Afro guy asked, sarcastically.
"That would be horrible! Gosh, you're so stupid! How could you even suggest..? Gosh! Dang, man, we would be put in prison! MAN!" Matsuda yelled.
"Well, let's just get to the point. We have L tell us what to do next, because we obviously cannot think for ourselves." Soichiro said. They all agreed and saw a big backwards L appear on the big glass screen. A muffled voice came out of the cloaked man's laptop.
"Yo, my homies! I got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is I have another idea who Kira might be. The bad news is that since I have spent sooo much money on hookers, I need to save some cash. So, half of you will not receive a paycheck, and the other half will have a deduction in their pay." L told them. Everyone in the room said a cuss word at the same time, though nobody is sure which word it was. It gave three people heart burn!
"Alright. Based on the times of death, I can deduct that Kira may be, in fact, a striper." L said. Everyone gasped. "Stripers only work in the afternoon, right?" L asked. Then everyone heard some paper shuffling. "Woops, sorry, it appears that my foster parents work at night, not afternoon. So, my other theory is that Kira is, in fact, a STUDENT." L said, emphasizing the word STUDENT. Everyone looked at Matsuda.
"Hey, don't look at me, I dropped out of preschool! I can't even spell my own name!" Matsuda told them, nervously.
"How did you get a job here, then?" Afro guy asked.
"I'm uhhh, just filling in… no, I mean, I… I… who wants free Chinese?" Matsuda asked, trying to cover up. Three police men came up to him with baseball bats.
"TRAITOR! Japanese people don't eat Chinese food! We BURN IT, and the people who EAT IT!" One of them said. Matsuda gulped and got ready to learn. We'll skip this part, because after writing it and showing it to people, four out of the five people who read it died of a heart attack after reading how gruesome this moment was. So, let's just say that Matsuda and the police had tea, and Matsuda slipped on some… red orange juice, and broke his spine, and then accidentally shot his eye out with his Red Rider Bee Bee gun. Don't worry, he'll be back.
They talked for a while, and then they were open for questions. Three police went up to Soichiro and asked to resign.
"Why? Well, I guess I understand. You fear you will be killed by the supernatural powers of Kira. Well, go on." Soichiro told them.
"Actually, we are going to be put into prison for beating Matsuda… I mean having tea with him. We have to resign." The police said. As they walked out the door, one of them stayed behind. He gave everyone the finger and walked out.
"There goes a true hero." Afro guy said.
"So how long has this man been following me?" Light asked, walking down the street.
"Eh, not sure and all that. About a few hours, what what." Ryuk answered.
"Well, I'll just have to mess with his mind." Light said, grinning. Light turned around and walked toward where his stalker should have been. He looked around. He heard something around the corner of a dumpster. He looked over toward it and saw a naked man run across the street. Then he saw his stalker; a cloaked man by a street light. Then, the cloaked man faded away.
"Damn it, Larry! Stop doing that!" Light yelled. He looked around and this time he saw him, his real stalker ugh he's ugly he deserves to die! Light thought to himself in disgust.
"What's your name, mister? I want to kill you!" Light said.
"Are you Kira or something?" The man asked.
"Uhh… no." Light answered.
"Well, I guess you wouldn't lie to me, YAGAMI LIGHT!" The man said. His words echoed in the distance, causing birds to crap out their internal organs. They began to stare each other down. The camera zoomed in on Light and the street lights went red. The camera zoomed in on the stalker, and the Mario Overworld Song began to play from the streetlights.
"I challenge you to a duel, stalker! Which style do you want to do? Texas? Hawaii? Alaska? Texas Hold 'em?" Light asked.
"I think you know what type I want." The stalker said.
"No fair, it's cheap to grapple all the time!" The stalker said. He was wearing a mask so he was still unknown. They were playing Super Smash Brothers Melee in Light's basement.
"BASINGAAAA!" Light screamed as his character, Mewtwo, clobbered the stalker's character, Mr. Game and Watch. The stalker threw his controller onto the concrete floor, and then kicked the gamecube, hurting his toe and not the console. The gamecube twinkled with power.
"You know what, Light? I'll see you again… SOME OTHER TIME! Like on a bus, or on a subway, or on the street. BYE!" The stalker yelled as he jumped out the window, without opening it. Light walked up to his room where Ryuk was reading a book that he really enjoyed. Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Core Rule Book, V2.
"Light, this book has the most smashing pictures! It even has a catalogue to buy weapons, though it doesn't provide a number to call, and what not.
"Dang it, I really need to learn L's full name so I can kill that arrogant son of a sombrero. And for some reason, the name L really reminds me of Thanksgiving, and my 'friend' Larry. Anyway, can you tell me his name?" Light asked.
"Yes I can." Ryuk stated.
"What is it?" Light asked.
"What is what?" Ryuk asked.
"L's name!" Light answered.
"Why would I tell you that?" Ryuk asked.
"You just said you would!" Light said angrily.
"No I didn't." Ryuk said.
"Yeah you did!" Light said.
"Read the text carefully." Ryuk commanded.
"Quote Ryuk: Yes I can. Unquote." Light said.
"Keyword 'CAN'. I never said I would." Ryuk said.
"Ugh, I hate English grammar! I'm Japanese, for the sake of American Idol! (I know, we get kinda confused too. Just roll with it, okay? Good!)
"Is there anyway I can find out the name of a person without asking them?" Light asked Ryuk.
"Sure. You just need to possess SHINIGAMI EYES." Ryuk stated proudly. "You can use them to see a person's name, lifespan, and if they still have their virginity! Do you want these eyes?" Ryuk asked.
"Hell yeah!" Light said.
"To complete the trade, you must give me…
YOUR VIRGINITY!" Ryuk yelled.
Will Light do this trade? Will he lose his virginity? Will he get a life? Will he ever get a Shocky Monkey? Will I stop asking retarded questions? Probably not, foos!
BOTH OF US: AWAIT THE NEXT CHAPTER AND DO SOME REVIEWS, JERK!
Wolflink93: And don't forget to…
Renodin: No, I wanna tell them!
Wolflink93: Noooooooo, me!
Both: Don't forget to read our other Death Note fanfic, the Adventures of L, Light'n, Larry! It is about when Light and L were young and buddies and they created Larry. They are both 10 years old. Our first episode will be posted on Thanksgiving, as it is a Thanksgiving, or Deathgiving, special! Yay! There will be more episodes in both of them. When we are temporarily bored with one story, we will work on the other. So, stay in school, watch some TV other than anime, and eat more than TV dinners! We will post the chapter on thanksgiving at 5 o'clock central
NOTE: Our story is based on the Japanese version of Death Note, not the English one on Cartoon Network. That is why the stalker called Light YAGAMI LIGHT instead of LIGHT YAGAMI.
NOTE TO Bishieluver01: We put in eggs in this chapter! Thanks for reading, and giving us something to write that would take up about half a page. Without the eggs, this chapter simply wouldn't be possible. So, everybody, November 21 will for now on be World Wide Egg Day! Eat eggs, throw eggs, chuck eggs, honor them, just celebrate the miraculous EGG! And everyone else who reads, go ahead and give us things you might want in the story. We will try to put them in, because it's pretty easy. All we have to do is find a very large prime number and multiply.
Dang, these things are just so hard to actually end!
