Disclaimer: the Mentalist is not mine- I'm just messing with him.
Solace
Chapter 3
Her shoulder ached. The flesh felt raw, pain slicing through muscle and fiber, and her relentless rubbing didn't help one bit. She wanted to go home, crawl into her bed and curl into a tight ball there, sobbing herself to sleep…
Ah damn, Teresa Lisbon, you're not a four-year-old anymore.
She couldn't understand herself. Why had she barked at Grace and Jane, who were just having a good time? She never shouted at Rigsby when he pulled one his stupid jokes. Or Cho when he…well, she certainly never yelled at Cho.
She felt ashamed. Grace had suffered badly after O'Loughlin's death, doubting her abilities as an agent, and being an agent was what was most important to Grace. What she'd always wanted to be. She had hit rock bottom, hard. The whole team had suffered, Lisbon had seen it, and been unable to do something. Under her tough-as-nails-attitude she had pretty poor people skills sometimes. Then the right words just wouldn't come. And she felt helpless and clumsy and…
And now Grace laughed again. She smiled through the sadness in her eyes. Jane seemed to touch something in her, to make her see a streak of hope again, and she felt the unbearable tension seep out of the bullpen more and more.
So why was she going crazy here?
She mentally slapped herself- she would stop this now. What Patrick Jane did wasn't her business, exclamation mark. She wouldn't make a fool out of herself- play nice, Lisbon, just play nice no matter what.
And then she saw Jane and Grace move to leave the bullpen together and reason was overruled by a stupid emotion she couldn't even put a name to.
xxMentalistxx
"Hey!", agent Lisbon's voice cut through the air like steel, "where do you think you`re going now?"
Jane turned, surprise written on his face, and shrugged slightly.
"Uhm, " he said, " we're having lunch. Many people do. You should try it, Lisbon, it's so- nourishing."
Damn, what should she do now? She could hardly say "lunch is cancelled"- or something similarly stupid.
"Be back on time," she snarled, scowling at Jane for yet another one of his snarky remarks. She couldn't help feeling- defeated. She looked at her blond consultant and the redheaded agent, laughing and chattering on their way to the lift, having the time of their life.
Everybody was happy- and she was a mess of strange emotions she couldn't understand. She hated it.
She just wanted her bed.
xxMentalistxx
Grace smiled at Patrick Jane. Hell, he was funny. In the years he had worked with the CBI he had become something like the team's spine…it would have been devastating for them to lose him. She was just happy he was back.
"So," she said softly, "about agent Lisbon?"
Jane smiled sheepishly.
"I don't know what her problem is," he said, " she never acted that- irrational before. I don't know what's the matter now."
"Liar.", Grace whispered.
He froze. Staring.
"Jane," she sighed, " you know what her problem is- she's jealous. Jealous as hell, to be precise. And this is possibly the first thing she has felt for quite some time. What about you, Jane? What do you feel?"
He tried to be brave. He tried to hide the hurt deep inside a tiny hole in his mind, he tried not to look at it. But he failed- he crumbled under Grace's gentle gaze.
"She hates me", he murmured through the haze of oncoming tears, "she doesn't want me anymore. Why should she be jealous, for god's sake? I mean nothing to her."
"That's not my question, and you know it," Grace stated," I ask again- what do you feel, Jane?"
He looked at her, eyes brimmed with tears.
"I love her.", he said firmly, " always have, always will. But that doesn't change the facts, Grace."
She smirked and leant over the table.
"Come on, Jane," she quipped, "you are a master when it comes to mind-games. What do you have to lose? Just play! Let us prod sweet agent Lisbon a little bit. Let us see if we can find out what she really feels. I bet you'll be surprised."
"I don't want to hurt her," he whispered.
"Right now, she's hurting herself more than you ever could," Grace said, smiling, "she needs you, Jane. She needs you more than I do. But we won't tell her that- not right now."
He chuckled softly.
"You want me to make her jealous?", he asked incredulously.
Grace contemplated this.
"You know what I really like, Jane?", she said eventually, "Flowers. Red roses, to be precise. Do you think you could get me some tomorrow?"
His megawatt smile came on full force.
"I guess I could," he beamed.
"And for now," Grace said, dipping her spoon into her ice cream, "let's be fashionably late for a start."
xxMentalistxx.
Lisbon could feel her blood boiling. Damn, they were late. Four minutes now, bordering on five. She was pacing her office, feeling edgy, nervous and…hm, she still c ouldn't put a name to this strange turmoil racing through her veins.
Damn him!
She had said they should be back…
In this instant she heard the lift doors open with a pling, her agents' laughter followed. Moments later Grace and Jane strolled into the bullpen- and he had his arm around her shoulder.
Lisbon saw red.
The emotions hit her so hard she felt dangerously like doubling over. She stormed into her office, slamming the door behind her with a satisfying crash. She leant against the wall, breathing slowly, feeling tears prick her eyes. Her shoulder hurt like mad.
No wonder she was crying- it was only because of the stupid shoulder. She wouldn't be a sobbing, nervous, irrational mess if she just wouldn't hurt so much.
The tears started to fall, and for once she didn't try to stop them.
xxMentalistxx
Jane was still doubting Grace's plan when they entered the CBI-building. But when he saw Lisbon kick her door shut, clearly angry as hell, he started to pursue the game in his mind. Maybe it was possible to lure his beautiful boss out of hiding- maybe there were feelings under all those layers of professional cool.
He retreated to his couch, thinking.
And found some hours later that something just wasn't right.
Lisbon was clearly distressed. She looked nervous, bleary-eyed – hurting. When she dropped some files she almost burst into tears. When Rigsby touched her shoulder to get her attention, she visibly startled. Not the usual behavior of their composed team-leader…something was completely off here.
When things settled in the evening, Jane decided to confront her. He had avoided her at all costs till now, but he couldn't let this pass. She wasn't well, and he couldn't ignore that.
He marched into her office without knocking.
"Hey.", he said, softly, und could watch her reassembling the steel-armor she usually wore around her emotions.
"What can I do for you, Mr. Jane?", she snapped, voice cold as ice. He shivered.
"The question should be, what can I do for you?", he shrugged, "Everybody can see that you're not well. I'm worried and want to help. So- what can I do?"
"Oh," she mocked," and after all the years of insensitively hurting everybody's feelings, you're now the specialist for making me feel better? Forget it. I'm perfectly fine, dismissed."
"Dismissed?", he growled, anger flaring like a flame, "What's this- a boot-camp? I know you're angry as hell because I killed a man without asking your permission first! But that doesn't give you the right to spit into my face when I'm offering help. You think you're fine? Great! Then brood for yourself! And go on alienating your colleagues- must be fun to push everybody away!"
"I learned from the master!", she hissed, and he looked at her, deep hurt in his eyes.
He turned and left the office, closing the door with a pane-rattling bang.
Agent Lisbon drew a shuddering breath. What a mess had she gotten herself into this time?
Her heart ached so bad she was afraid to get a heart-attack. She rubbed at her chest absentmindedly, biting her lip against the pain that settled everywhere.
Things are going a little bit south here, I'm afraid. But Hurt/Comfort (still my favorite category) doesn't work without the hurt! So stay tuned - there's more! Thanks for your reviews and alerts…I'm touched by your encouragement. Special thanks to LizfromItaly, who's actually changing my stories with her wise comments…you give me so many ideas, I can't write all those stories in centuries! But that doesn't mean I won't try!
