Dragon Age: Origins – Circle Mage
Forbidden Love and Magic

Cullen

Sabrina awoke in the bottom of a bunk bed, her head pounding and her eyes sore from the light. She turned her head to the right and saw her best friend, someone like a brother to her, standing with a worried expression etched across his face.
"Are you alright? Say something, please…" he fretted.
"Jowan?" she mumbled and rubbed her head, getting up.
"They carried you in this morning, I didn't even realise you'd been gone all night. I've heard of apprentices who never come back from their Harrowing. Is it really that dangerous? What was it like?" Jowan prodded her with questions and she shrunk away, his words hurting his head. As much as she loved Jowan, he was really irritating sometimes.
"We're friends but don't ask this. You know I can't tell you."
"Huh, so much for friendship then I'll leave you alone. And now you get to move to the nice mages' quarters upstairs. I'm stuck here and I don't know when they'll call me for my Harrowing." He turned away from her and crossed his arms, acting rather like a child.
"They'll summon you to test you when you're ready." She sighed, rolling her eyes. Jowan sometimes was a bit too dim-witted, she wasn't sure if he came across Mouse that he'd believe it was actually a demon.
"I've been here longer than you have… Sometimes I think they just don't want to test me."
"Maybe you're just not ready yet."
"I've been ready for a long time; I'm worried they just don't want me to take the test. You do the Harrowing, the Rite of Tranquillity… or you die. That's what happens."
"They're not going to kill you, Jowan." She said shrugging slightly. She was uncertain. The only mages they didn't put through the Harrowing were ones they feared were too powerful. She listened to Jowan rant on about how terrible the Rite of Tranquillity would be, when really she was itching to go and see Him she needed to, or she might go insane. This whole damned tower was watching her like a hawk though, so she had to play along, she had to be careful. "I think you're reading too much into it." She said and patted him on the shoulder.
"I shouldn't waste your time with this, I was supposed to tell you to see Irving as soon as you woke up." He said guiltily. Sabrina's stomach sunk. Did he know?
"What for?" She croaked out and feigned a cough.
"He didn't say. About the Harrowing maybe, but you never know with Irving. You shouldn't keep him waiting, we'll speak later." And with that Jowan stormed off somewhere, in a mood that his whining hadn't gone as planned. Sabrina didn't care she just closed her eyes and sighed. She bent over to her bed and two girls in the corner began chatting.
"Did you hear anything? Is she alright? Is she awake?"
"Why do you care? Are you best friends now?"
"I'm just curious! That templar, Cullen, said it was the quickest, cleanest Harrowing he's ever seen. He says she's very talented and very brave." Sabrina's heart leapt and swelled with affection, it took all her strength to resist the smile as she tidied her bed, eavesdropping on the two girls.
"Well he would, wouldn't he?" her heart sank again, it was hard in the tower to keep secrets, if this girl noticed something then what might have Irving noticed? She ignored the rest of their conversation and went to sit by a beauty table with a mirror. She pretended to check her reflection in the mirror; one must be presentable to the First Enchanter after all. Truthfully her mind was on Cullen… the days that had turned to this.


She had first met the Templar three years ago when she was fifteen. That had been one of the hardest times of her life to live through. She had lived at the circle for ten years and the sheer number of it all overwhelmed her, she missed her family and her farm. She hated the tower, with a loathing passion; it was like her home but also her cage. It was simply impossible to be alone in the tower, there were Templars everywhere watching your every move, apprentices in the corners giggling and gossiping if not studying. There was nowhere, simply nowhere, to go and cry your thoughts out and be left to your own peace.

She had to make do with her bed until that night. Since devout religious belief had took her from her family, Sabrina turned her back against the Maker. She refused to ever set foot in the tower's chantry, but it was this night that she found she had to. It was quiet, there was one priest in the corner mumbling a prayer, other than that Sabrina would be alone. One person in a room in fact, was very lonely for the tower, and she revelled in this discovery. The priest seemed to ignore her; the chantry was a place to collect your thoughts after all, so Sabrina went there often after that. She dared not cry there though, even though she had learnt to do so silently in her bed at night when she could not help herself.
One night, she came across a Templar in her usual spot. She sat in another one, pretending to pray, waiting for him to leave but he didn't. Half the time she thought she caught his eye through the helmet and he looked away quickly, she could feel his eyes bear into her back and something snapped. Furious at this intrusion of her private place she strode over to see what was so damned important that he take station here. She was ready for the usual backtalk, the rude and patronising tone. Surprisingly… it did not come.

"Are you standing here admiring the walls? Does this place really needed to be supervised? Can there not be ONE blasted place where I can be partially alone without a templar's eyes bearing into me? There is a priest here already, I'm not going to commit any foul forbidden magic in this place now am I?" her chest rose in panted fury, glaring at this Templar with all the hate she could muster, she stared, through the slotted helmet the templar wore, into eyes she could barely see. The tinned reply was stuttered and apologetic – not what she had expected.

"I… I… I'm sorry, I just… I uh, well, it's not a… a usual, uhm, place for mages to be… I thought… I uhm…" The Templar looked clumsy and took off his helmet, "Forgive me… it is rude to talk to you in this… I, am sorry I stared at you… I was just… you… uhm, n-nevermind…" he stuttered and looked at the floor.
Sabrina was dumbstruck. His face was unusually young and handsome, his eyes golden along with his hair, the hate she had brought suddenly turned into a strange feeling she had not felt. It wasn't pity but… sympathy? This templar, had come here to avoid mages… no doubt he was frightened at having just come out of the chantry from his teachings. Still, he had stolen her spot.
"It is I, who should be sorry. The chantry is not here for my sole use, it is for all of course… I understand, this job it must be difficult to accept at first, you must look at as all as dangerous animals and nothing more…" she sighed and turned to leave but felt a metal covered hand on her arm.
"P-please… don't go… I, uhm… nobody… nobody understands and… I didn't mean to make you feel… watched." He looked at her with pitying eyes. She didn't need his pity. Yet, at the same time she did.
In the months to come, the visits to the chantry were not so lonely but she found she enjoyed this.

She poured her heart out to Cullen and he to her, they told tales of how they grew up and came to the tower, both listening with understanding despite they were the most conflicted people in the world. Templars were designed to control mages and hunt them should they go apostate… not be friends with them. Cullen became the one person she trusted the most, other than Jowan. She loved Jowan like a brother but he did more whining than she did and she had bottled up everything for so long she found she couldn't tell him anything, especially when he was keener on telling his own problems than listening to any of hers. Cullen was her sanctuary; even his presence gave her comfort.

As years passed, the fondness grew, it did not go unnoticed by the priests of their talks but they seemed kind enough not to say anything. Nearing her seventeenth birthday, Sabrina had no desire to leave the tower; she became a talented mage and a happy, comforting soul. The friendship between her and Cullen eventually softened, laughter became shared. Soon, they found themselves in the worst position. They were in love.

It could not ever, ever be admitted to each other, nor could they act upon it, it was more forbidden than being with any of the priests. It wasn't even thought of, it was that strange a thing. At most, Sabrina cuddled into Cullen's armoured covered body when she cried, when the stress of it all grew too much. It was not the case she hated the tower now, but that she could not be with the man that she loved and that he was unhappy because of the same thing. It was a torment.
One day that changed though, one day they found themselves an opportunity…

Sabrina sometimes suffered from terrible nightmares followed by a fever, the Templars worried this was the demons attempting to break through to her and so they stationed one to guard her each night in a separate room when this happened, the door locked and everyone forbidden from it. It was actually Irving's office they used for this, as he was so generous to her. One night… the templar guarding her was Cullen. The chance overwhelmed them both, at first Sabrina just lay in bed, too cold to do anything, Cullen came to comfort her but the coldness of his armour made her worse. Eventually, she was so cold he did something insane. He took off his armour and slid into the bed next to her to warm her. Yes, her body was too warm and thus the air was freezing, but she cried out for more blankets, more warmth.

The temptation proved too much for them. What happened that night neither of them would repeat to anyone else in their life. All they knew was they were glad they had the opportunity, they were glad they had both taught themselves over the years to be quiet when showing emotion and they were glad that all their yearnings and desires had come to satisfaction. Afterwards, Cullen told Sabrina they could never do this again. It was too dangerous, for both of them. Sabrina agreed and the two never spoke of it, the only difference was Cullen pulled off his gauntlets so that Sabrina could feel his skin sometimes, rather than the cool metal that surrounded him.



"Sabrina, shouldn't you be seeing Irving?" One of the girls that was gossiping popped her head next to Sabrina's in the mirror and giggled, "You look fine, go!"
"Oh, yes, of course, silly of me, I started to daydream!"
"Ooh, I wonder who of?" the girl nudged Sabrina playfully but she just shrugged.
"I was just thinking of my Harrowing."
"Always the practical and sensible one… you never have any fun, do you?" the girl sighed.

No, not any fun that she would ever know of. And so, Sabrina continued out of the dormitory and into the Library, quickening her steps every now and again, searching for that someone. She came to the library and gazed around, she loved this place. A mage was practising with fire and had an accident. Children were reciting why magic was dangerous – typical. Another was practising using a shield… and doing a poor job at it. Passing the index section, she looked up to the staircase before her. The huge wooden door leading to the second floor stood atop and began her ascent. Another part of the library… he was not here. Around the halls of the Senior Mage Quarters her heard began pounding with excitement.

Would he be here? Or in the Chantry? Where, oh where could he be… if Irving really had sent for her regarding Cullen, she needed some sort of way to tell him… and the poor thing, they chose him to strike her if she became an abomination. Surely, he would need some sort of comfort. She didn't blame him. Then she saw him. Standing, without his helmet, near her new mage quarters. Her heart leapt… she was careful not to run or walk any faster and when she came to see him, her heart grew heavy. The sadness in her eyes tore at her.

"Oh, uhm, h-hello. I… uh, am glad to see your Harrowing went smoothly." He said with an encouraging smile.
"Hello, Cullen." Sabrina smiled back.
"T-they picked me… to strike the killing blow if you became an abomination… it's not personal, I swear! I… uh, I'm just glad you're all right. You know." He stuttered and fumbled with his fingers. Nothing personal, silly man, she knew that. He had been reduced back to his stuttering self that he was during the first few months of their friendship. Others didn't know it wasn't personal though, she supposed. The façade they had to put up was sickening and hurt beyond words. She asked a question though not out of this façade but out of curiosity that tainted her.
"Would you really have struck me down?..." she whispered.
"I would have felt terrible about it… But… but I serve the Chantry and the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded." He smiled with tears welling in his eyes. He had to know, he just had to.
"Are you busy right now?" she asked quickly.
"Uh… uh, yes. Maybe we can talk another time."
"I'd really like to see you in private… it's urgent." She nodded and went into the room.

Cullen scanned around checking for others and followed her in. The look on her face broke his heart, something serious was going to happen. Both of them felt the loss of each other coming, and despite all they had said she lunged at him with a kiss. A passionate kiss, to which he returned, desperately and painfully as if it was the last time they ever would.
It felt as if it was. Tearing himself away, he took something from his neck and gave it to her – an amulet. She took it and watched him leave the room, her heart beating and she looked. She couldn't wear this around Irving, she'd wear it later. She stuffed it into her pocket and began her dreadful journey to his office.

She stopped near the Chantry and gazed at the place they had shared so many talks and memories together, her eyes brimming with tears. She looked upwards and took a deep breath and frowned. Now was not the time to be emotional, now was the time to be Sabrina Amell the Circle Mage. Not the little girl at heart. She continued to Irving's office and what happened next, would begin a series of events to change her life forever.