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Chapter 3: Repetition
He had been watching her for weeks. Ryan pulled the van up outside their house and smiled. It was time.
~(*)~
Alex woke slowly, squinting at the sunlight in her eyes. Still feeling weak and tired, she shuffled into the toilet. She wasn't feeling well earlier that morning and Gene had told her not to go to work.
"Make sure you keep all the doors locked. I'll be over at noon to check on you."
Alex stared in the mirror at herself, hating the face that looked back at her. It was much too thin, the hollows in her cheeks too pronounced. The amazing figure she had always prided herself on was now gaunt, almost emaciated. She hardly ate anything anymore.
Alex was frustrated at herself. Why was she letting Ryan control her like he was? He had sent a few letters, sure, but he wasn't going to get her. She had let him control her for the eight months he was in prison, and now that he was out, she was letting him control her more.
She knew that Gene was worried about her and wondered how long it would be before he forced her to see someone. Alex had flatly refused any help since Annie left, convinced that she could defeat the fear herself. She was a psychologist after all. She knew how to take care of other people, why not herself?
"Animals can't take care of themselves." Ryan's voice rang clear in her head. "They need humans to take care of them."
No. She was letting him win. Alex knew that she had to fight to win this battle she'd been waging for over a year. So many times she had let the enemy run over her defences, let Ryan trample her spirit, longed for death.
Alex knew what she had to do. She had to find the will to live.
Gene. Gene had breathed new life in her after Ryan left her so broken. Gene continued to help her patiently even though she had regressed. It was for Gene that she had fought during her imprisonment in the flat.
Alex unbuttoned her pyjama top, diverting her eyes from the scar on her breast and looking at the ribs that showed so clearly through her skin. What must Gene think when he looked at her? Was he repulsed? She knew she no longer had the figure that he fell in love with.
Alex breathed deeply. Stripping herself, she started the shower, letting the hot water beat against her skull in a soothing rhythm. She had to get better for Gene. Alex knew it was torture for him to sleep next to her every night, restricted to merely kissing her cheek or the top of her head. How had he stuck with her for this long?
Alex felt an immediate surge of gratitude. He could have buggered off long ago, but he had stuck around and made sure she had gotten better. The least she could do would be to eat something.
Alex stepped out of the shower, wrapping a dressing gown around her. She stepped out into their bedroom and got dressed, moving back into the toilet to do her hair and makeup. Once that was done, she moved downstairs to the kitchen. She searched through the cabinets for something light, only finding several tins of beans. Alex opened the fridge and spied a carton of eggs.
Toast and eggs. She may not be the best cook in the world, but she could whip up a small batch of scrambled eggs easily. Alex had vague memories of doing this for someone a long time ago. She couldn't recall the girl's name, only that Alex had had a fondness for her like a mother would a daughter.
As the egg heated up, the smell started to permeate the room. Alex knew at one point in time, her stomach would be growling in anticipation, but now she could hardly keep from gagging. She knew she would have to force it down, but if she could keep it down, it would be progress.
Alex sprinkled cheese over her eggs, something she vaguely recalled that she liked. She put them on a plate and sat down at the table, staring at the food.
C'mon, Alex, she thought. You made it yourself. No one's forcing you to eat it. It's ten bites, max.
Continuing to encourage herself silently, she lifted the fork to her mouth, hand shaking. Alex chewed the egg, trying to overcome the urge to spit it back out. Finally, she swallowed, feeling immensely proud of herself. It was the first time since her imprisonment that no one had encouraged her to eat.
Ryan doesn't own you. He doesn't decide whether you eat or not. You do, she thought to herself.
Alex finished the egg and looked down at her cleaned plate, amazed. It had only been about ten bites, yes, but no one had told her to eat it. It was a huge step, especially since even Gene had not been able persuade her to eat over the past month.
Alex walked back to the toilet, staring at her reflection in the mirror again. She knew it hadn't, but somehow it seemed it had changed in the half hour that she had eaten. Alex then realised what it was. Her eyes. They looked confident.
Alex swept her eyes over her whole body, stopping when she reached the silver chain she wore around her neck. She put her hand up to it, fingering the cool metal. It was her constant reminder that she was safe. But did she want it there? The chain being there only signified that Ryan still owned her.
Breathing heavily in fear and anticipation, she raised her shaking hands to the clasp of the necklace, undoing it. She pulled it in front of her and stared at it.
"You don't own me," she whispered. She threw it into the rubbish bin, feeling as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
Progress. She was making progress again. The last month had been a plateau, but she had started again, and she was going in leaps and bounds.
Alex jumped as the phone rang. She picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Bolly?"
Alex smiled. "Gene. What's going on?"
"I rang to check up on you. Are you doing okay? Feeling better?"
Alex grinned wider. She loved a concerned Gene.
"I'm doing fine, Gene," she responded. "I showered and had some breakfast and I'm gonna come in, if that's okay with you."
There was silence on the other end.
"Gene?"
"You ate?" he asked slowly, disbelievingly.
"I made myself some eggs," Alex responded.
There was silence again as Gene digested the information.
"So is it okay if I come in?" Alex asked.
"Wha...? Err, yeah. Come on in," Gene stumbled. "I'll see you in a little bit Bolly."
The other end clicked before Alex could respond. She nearly laughed. Gene was in shock, something that didn't happen too often. How would he respond if he saw that the chain was off her neck?
Smiling, Alex grabbed her jacket off the hook and opened the front door. It took her every ounce of self control not to scream as the door swung wide.
Ryan Burns was standing on the step, a grin on his face and a knife in one hand. "Hello Animal," he said, before advancing on her, knife held high.
~(*)~
Gene sat in his office, staring at his phone in complete disbelief. What had happened between this morning and five minutes ago?
When he had left that morning, Alex had been crawling back into bed, her pyjamas swamping her more than usual. Her cheekbones were more pronounced and he tried to ignore how the skin was stretching tighter and tighter over her shoulders and ribs.
For the past two weeks he could tell something more than just Ryan Burns escaping was eating away at her. She would only sleep an hour or two a night and she refused to eat at all. It had gotten so bad that Gene was considering calling Annie again. She had helped Alex loads the first time.
Gene had decided he was going to go home at lunch and try to make her eat. If she still refused, he was going to call Annie.
But she had eaten. She told him she had eaten. Gene was anxious to talk to her, to ask her what had happened. He waited impatiently for her to arrive, getting more and more nervous as the seconds ticked away. She should have been here by now. She said she had showered before he talked to her. He knew that she did her hair immediately after getting out of the shower. So there was no reason that she should be taking this long.
Gene calmed himself and decided to ring her. She may have just changed her mind and forgot to phone him. Gene dialled his number and listened as the phone rang and rang. Finally hanging up, he stood, grabbing his jacket. He was going to check the house before raising a panic.
"Ray," Gene said shortly. "Bolly's not answering. I'm going to check on her. If she comes in, let me know on my radio, okay?"
Gene tried to ignore the widening of Ray's eyes and the uncertainty of his tone as he replied "Sure, Guv. No problem."
Sweeping out of CID, Gene hurriedly made his way to his Quattro. He should have never left her home alone this morning. Gene raced through the streets, his heart pounding the whole way to his house, trying to convince himself that when he got there, she'd simply be sleeping on the couch, blissfully unaware of the fact that he had raced home to check on her.
The Quattro screeched in front of his house and Gene knew immediately that something was wrong. The door was shut tight, but there was an aura of doom around the house. Gene stepped out of the Quattro, and his fears were instantly confirmed. A trail of blood droplets ran out of the house and down the path to the street.
Afraid of what he might find inside, Gene slowly made his way to the door. He turned the handle, and the door swung in easily. Just like when Ryan had taken her the year before, things registered in pieces.
One: There was no body, but there was a massive amount of blood on the floor.
Two: A knife lay on the ground next to the blood puddle.
Three: There were signs of a struggle.
Alex was missing again. And this time, it didn't look good.
Gene realised that the phone was ringing. He walked numbly over to the phone. "Hello?" he answered.
"Hunt."
"Burns," he growled. "What have you done with her?"
"She struggled, Hunt. But she knew that she was an animal."
"What did you do to her?" he roared.
"I'd check the Thames, Hunt. Maybe you'll get some answers there."
Gene slammed the phone down, his heart pounding. Reaching the Quattro, he picked up his radio.
"Ray! Ray!"
"Yeah, Guv?"
"Burns has her." Gene could almost see Ray swearing before he responded.
"How d'you know Guv?"
"Because there's a great pile of blood in my house and he just rang me! It hasn't been our responsibility, but now it is. Find Burns."
"Yes, Guv."
Gene tossed the radio on the passenger seat, racing straight to the Thames. He parked in the middle of the street, jumping over the wall onto the bank looking up and down the river for anything that might give him a sight of her. Burns should have taken her to where he could reach the Thames the fastest from Gene's house, and this was it.
Gene walked up and down the bank, searching for any sign of either Burns or Alex.
In the distance, he saw something white floating toward him. It looked out of place amongst the steely grey of the water. Gene watched as it floated closer, by some miracle floating toward the bank he was on. It floated within arm's reach, and Gene pulled it out of the river, knowing immediately what it was.
Alex's leather jacket, soaking wet and drenched in her blood was what he clutched in his hand. Not allowing himself to believe the obvious, he reached into the inside pocket of the jacket, putting his palm around a little wallet about the size of a warrant card. His heart sunk as he pulled it out and opened it.
Alex's photo stared back at him. She was gone, lost in the river, just like Sam.
to be continued
