A/N: Ah! You guys are amazing! Thank you for all the reviews I have received for Rewrite, I am deeply grateful for every single one. I don't really have an estimated length or plan in general for this story; I am just taking it chapter by chapter. Again, this chapter is rated M for a reason, so proceed with caution. Without further ado…here's chapter three!

Chapter Three

"Eric? What's going on?" Rufus can hear sobbing in the background and is assuming that it's Lily. Guilt slices through him; almost cutting him in half. Why in the hell did he think it was a good idea to leave her?

"It's mom…you need to get back here now."

He knows he shouldn't have left her alone, she wasn't ready. He was being selfish, choosing to think of himself and his children rather than her well being. He wonders if she is even going to want him to come back since she didn't call, somebody else did on her behalf.

Rufus lets the phone skim down his cheek, the dial tone interrupting his current thoughts. Dan and Jenny are staring at him, waiting for an answer as to why their father looks so terrified and guilty.

"Dad, what's going on? Is it Lily?" Jenny asks, concern widening her cobalt eyes. Rufus clears his throat, patting his pockets to make sure he has his wallet before he vacates the loft.

"I shouldn't have left her…I have to go. Call me if you need something…I really should leave…" Rufus repeats and briskly walks out of the loft. Jenny glances at Dan who shrugs his shoulders, not really understanding what just happened.

Rufus jogs down the stairs, catching a cab on the sidewalk outside of his apartment building. He berates the taxi driver to snake his way through Manhattan traffic quickly, needing to get to Lily as soon as possible.

"Damn it, come on!" Rufus yells to no one in particular when the taxi pulls to a stop at another red light. He glances outside the window, recognizing that he is about a block or two away from the penthouse. "Here, just take this." Rufus hands the driver almost double the fare and climbs out of the taxi, deciding to just run the rest of the way.

"Mr. Rufus, Mr. Eric has been calling for you ever since you left, he sounds scared," Vanya tells him, trying to catch up with Rufus who bursts through the doors of the apartment complex, making a bee-line for the elevators.

"Thanks Vanya!" Rufus exclaims over his shoulder and pounds the elevator button. He swears under his breath and steps on, letting the elevator doors close in front of him.

Eric greets him in the living room, looking utterly terrified. Rufus can hear Lily sobbing from upstairs and bypasses Eric, his only focus is getting to her.

"Lily, I'm coming." He calls out, bolting up the stairs and taking a left into the master bedroom. Serena is already with Lily, trying to unsuccessfully soothe her hysterical mother. Lily is lying on the bathroom floor on her stomach, clutching a half-empty bottle of gin. Tendrils of her blonde hair are slipping out of the ponytail she secured them in this morning. Her sobs bounce off the floor, echoing through the room.

"I heard mom throw up and then I came upstairs. She's been like this ever since," Eric whispers from behind Rufus and Serena. Rufus shudders at the fact that Lily threw up and he wasn't there to comfort her. Now she is like this, having the break down he knew she was going to have.

"Okay." Rufus bends down and strokes Lily's hair. He is trying to think of a way to pick her up without causing her pain. Serena and Eric unknowingly slip out of the room, letting Rufus console their mother. Lily tenses under his touch and looks up to see who has their hand on her back.

"Rufus?" Her voice is so soft; he has to strain to hear her. He cups her cheek, wishing that the lost look in her eyes would vanish.

"I'm here Lil." She bites her lip, debating whether to be angry at him for leaving or comforted by the fact that he came back.

"Y-y…You left me…" Lily sobs, her whole body aching by the uncontrollable trembles taking a hold of her.

"I am so sorry." Lily reaches for the bottle of gin with the intent of polishing the rest off. Rufus gently pries it out of her hands, despite her protests. "Lil, you don't need this." She shakes her head, holding her shaky hand to her temple as a terrible realization sweeps over her face.

"He…he raped me…he did this to me…that son of a bitch…" Lily yanks the bottle out of Rufus' hands and throws it against the wall, jumping when it shatters on impact.

Rufus flinches; he has never seen this level of anger stemming from Lily before. She has always been calm, in control, never letting her emotions cloud her judgment. He rests his hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles. She turns to him, a fresh batch of tears pooling in her eyes.

"It's okay sweetheart…" He reassures her and draws her into him, being careful not to apply too much pressure. Her flare up of rage bleeds into grief as her sobs return in full fury. She severs their embrace to inch toward the toilet, hovering over it for a second before she throws up.

Rufus tucks her hair back, letting her dry heave while he reaches up with one hand to grab a cup of water. "Here, Lil, take a sip." He holds the cup for her, letting her drink it slowly. She takes a few deep breaths and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Thank you…" she mumbles, flicking away a tear from the corner of her eyelid.

"I'm not going to leave you again, okay? I'm here," Rufus firmly tells her. She nods, giving him a watery smile. He scoops her up off the uncomfortable tile floor, one arm under the bend in her knee, the other coiled around the middle of her back, avoiding the bruising.

Lily drapes her arms around his neck, burying her head into his shoulder. She can't help but cry again at his promise, whisking away her worst fear of him abandoning her for good. He gingerly sets her down on the comforter, climbing into bed beside her. She automatically reaches for him, resting her head on his upper chest while she cries.

Rufus knows he should ask, but he is afraid that he would be taking advantage of her already vulnerable state. However, if he doesn't inquire about it now, he might never have the courage to do so later. Lily might push him away because of it, but he will feel even guiltier if he let her conceal the memories without properly addressing them.

"Lil…do you want to talk about it?" He asks gently, pressing his nose against her silky blonde hair. Lily shakes her head and clutches the collar of his gray and maroon flannel tighter.

"No," she whispers, hiding her head in the arc of his neck. Rufus lets out a deep breath as he nibbles on the inside of his cheek.

"You need to talk about it…" he tries again. She brings her head up; her eyes are red and puffy from crying. Betrayal works its way into the crevices of her features; she doesn't comprehend why he wants her to discuss the rape with him.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She whispers, despair laced into her voice. Rufus freezes and uses his finger to brush a stray piece of hair away from her heartbreaking chocolate eyes. He is pushing her to give answers before she is ready, the one thing he promised himself he wouldn't do. It's not fair to Lily, she is already broken up enough over her attack, and he needs to be careful before she shuts him out completely.

"I'm sorry honey; we don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to." He reaffirms his words by pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. Lily's eyebrows scrunch together as she gazes at him skeptically. She is terrified of him leaving again, but she wants him to understand that they have to do this her way.

"Okay…" She murmurs as a fresh batch of tears pool in her eyes. Lily presses herself against his t-shirt and lets her eyes flutter closed. Rufus can sense the wetness from her tears clinging to the fabric of his flannel. His fingers skim over her back, letting her cry herself to sleep as he tries to whisper comforts in her ear.

Eventually, Lily is able to fall back asleep for real this time, the constant sobbing has exhausted her. Rufus checks to make sure Lily is actually asleep before he untangles himself from her. He exits her room, going downstairs to check on Serena and Eric.

The two children are sitting at the counter, sipping on coffee and looking a little shaken up. Rufus pours himself a cup of coffee and leans on the counter, wanting to offer calming words to the kids.

"Is mom okay?" Serena asks, pressing the mug to her lips. Eric stares at Rufus, waiting for an update on Lily. Rufus heavily sighs, setting down the cup on the granite to rub his face in his hands.

"Lil is sleeping now. She is doing as well as can be expected considering…" He pauses to take a sip of coffee, "Look kids, your mother is going to have some good days and some bad days because of this."

"What can we do for her?" Eric asks, speaking for him and Serena. Rufus is guessing that Lily has never let her kids see her cry so heavily before and they aren't sure how to react.

"Honestly, I really don't know…I think the best thing is to just be there for her. I know that she wouldn't want you kids treating her differently because she is still your mother." Serena and Eric nod, agreeing with Rufus, grateful that Lily has someone that loves her here helping her.

"Chuck keeps calling and texting me since he can't get a hold of mom. He really wants to see her, but I wasn't sure what to tell him." Serena tells Rufus. Rufus thinks for a second, Lily left her cell phone in her clutch that is still at the opera. He bites his lip; he won't make her go back there to recover her phone; that would just be cruel.

"Oh…well don't tell Chuck anything yet, Lil should probably be the one to make that decision. I should probably go back upstairs and sit with her so she doesn't wake up alone." Rufus leaves the kids in the kitchen to contemplate what he just told them. He hopes that Lily isn't in the throes of another nightmare while he was downstairs talking to the kids.

He swings open the master bedroom door, breathing a sigh of relief when he sees her sleeping soundly on one side of the bed, enveloping herself around a pillow. Rufus kicks off his shoes and slinks under the covers beside her, bringing her back into his arms. She stirs in her sleep a little, readjusting to the contours of his body. Lily unconsciously slings an arm around his abdomen and moves her head further onto his chest. He grazes a kiss to her hair, closing his eyes in the hopes that they can both get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Lily was able to get a solid three hours of sleep before the nightmares relapsed. She tried to block out the painful memories that are terrorizing her, but they are too strong. Jack has a hold on her still, not allowing her to move on with her life, even in her dreams.

Rufus jolts awake when he hears her scream. He glances down and sees Lily thrashing around; her eyebrows deeply furrowed while tears cascade down her cheeks. He rubs his eyes and sits up in bed.

"Lil, honey, wake up." He makes sure to shake her uninjured shoulder, wanting to keep her pain to a minimum. Lily jerks awake and glances around, trying to remind herself that she is in her bedroom with Rufus, not in that bathroom with Jack. "Are you okay?"

Lily shakes her head and wipes her eyes, not liking the fact that she can't seem to last ten minutes without bursting into tears. Rufus receives the message and coils his arms around her, swallowing his desire to ask about her most recent nightmare. She sniffs and puts her head down onto his shoulder.

"When I was in that bathroom, all I could think about was you." Lily admits softly, trying to internally build up the courage to talk to Rufus about her attack. Rufus sucks in a breath, hoping that she is getting ready to open up to him on her own accord, not because she feels pressure from him.

"Lil, if you don't want to talk about this, we absolutely don't have to." Lily lifts her head up, wanting to look at him directly.

"I want…no, I need to do this, but I just…I think I should start off slow." Rufus smiles, glad to see that she is the one that is opening up the dialogue.

"Okay, I will just listen, you can tell me as much or as little as you want." Lily nods, giving him the tiniest of smiles before putting her head back in its original spot. "If you want to stop, just let me know."

"I was going to leave, to find you, when he came in. I was trying to reason with him, tell him…that he should just walk away, but he wouldn't. He grabbed me and threw me against the wall. He…he…called me a bitch and told me…not to defy him." Rufus clamps down on his bottom lip hard to prevent himself from reacting to Lily's recount of her attack. He promised her that he would simply listen; she might close up all together if he were to show his unrelenting anger towards Jack.

She pauses, needing a second to collect herself, she can already feel her throat constricting with tears. "He grabbed me by the throat and held me against the wall the first time I tried to run away. After he let me go, he picked me up and slammed me against the mirror…h-h-holding his hand against my mouth. He would turn my head to the side so…he could bite at my neck. Every time I would try to fight him, he would squeeze my breasts or force me against the counter harder. That's how I got the bruising on my back." A tear rolls down her cheek as she remembers his breath hot against her ear. Rufus grabs her hand, banding their fingers together in solidarity.

"Do you want to continue Lil?" He asks, trying to keep his voice even, void of any emotions that he is currently experiencing. Lily hesitates and then gives him a nod, letting out a ragged breath.

"After…he choked me…I felt him rip my underwear off and throw it…he squeezed my thighs until I would part them and then…" A tear slips down the slope of her cheek as Lily remembers how hard she tried and failed to prevent this, "he…he…forcibly entered me." Lily chokes out a sob and clasps her hand over her mouth.

Rufus panics, thinking that she is going to throw up again. Lily shakes her head and lets herself fall into him, feeling soothed by his arms binding around her.

"I'm sorry Lil," Rufus mumbles into her hair, letting the scent of her shampoo invade his senses. Lily glances up at him, bewilderment playing on her face.

"Sorry about what? You didn't have anything to do with this."

"I let this happen to you, I should have…" Lily cuts him off, she feels guilty enough for the both of them.

"Don't do this to yourself. You don't have anything to be sorry for. You are here, that's enough." Lily clears her throat and remembers what she wanted to ask him about.

"How are the kids? They shouldn't have seen me like that, I should have been more careful." She scolds herself, not believing that Serena and Eric were able to get a front row seat to her melt down a few hours ago.

"No Lil, they saw you being human. There is nothing wrong with letting Serena and Eric see you cry, you're their mother and they know that. They don't think any less of you because of this. I think the kids were more concerned about you than anything else." He reassures her by softly pressing a kiss to her exposed temple. Lily relaxes slightly only to have another concern enter her mind.

"What about Chuck? Serena was saying that he wanted to see me. Is he here?"

"Serena did mention it to me, but I told her that he can come when you are ready." Lily ponders it for a second, she is frightened, but Chuck is her son, she can't avoid him forever.

"I want to see him." Rufus glides his tongue over his teeth; he is a little scared that she is overestimating her recovery right now. Just because she had this breakdown of sorts doesn't mean that she can't have another one in the near future. They need to take this slow, one step at a time. However, he meant what he said about leaving every decision up to her. If she wants to see Chuck, then he will support that choice, even if he secretly thinks it's the wrong one.

"Okay, I'll tell Serena. What do you want to do now?" Lily stretches out of his embrace as her eyes flicker around her bedroom.

"I should probably get dressed." She nervously swallows, wondering if there is anything that she can wear that will successfully conceal all of her abrasions.

"Okay, that sounds good. Do you need help getting dressed?" He asks, not knowing how bad her pain is compared to last night. Lily nods, the pain medication didn't get to assuage any discomfort because she threw it up right away.

Rufus assists her into a standing position and lets her wander through her massive walk-in closet, staying seated on her bed. Lily chooses a maroon turtleneck and some gray slacks, reemerging from the closet with a crestfallen look on her face. He had a feeling that she was going to choose something that is the least skin revealing and he can't blame her. Even though it's only him and the kids at the penthouse, Lily doesn't want anyone staring at the bruises, even if it's herself.

"I know I shouldn't be getting emotional about a sweater but…" She trails off, tears prickling her eyes for the countless number of times today.

"But you can because you are healing and it is okay to cry over a sweater. Come here, let me help." Lily lets him finish her sentence for her and moves closer to him. Rufus helps her change, not asking anymore questions about her injuries or rape, which she appreciates because she doesn't think she can talk about it anymore today. Maybe in time, she will go into deeper detail, but it was hard enough to give him that little fragment. Lily really wants to avoid crying for the rest of the day, having enough of her emotions overriding her usual in-control demeanor.

"Should we try to eat something again? Your stomach must me empty," Rufus gets off the bed, looking at her to make the call for the both of them. Lily is reluctant to go back downstairs, knowing that her children will be hovering; wanting to make sure she is still in one piece after what they witnessed earlier.

"Um…I'm not sure…the kids…" He holds out his hand, hoping that she will clasp it. Lily's stubborn resolve melts when she sees that he is willing to stay with her. She slips her hand into his, allowing him to bring her downstairs.

Not surprisingly, Serena can be heard from the kitchen laughing at something Eric just told her. They stop when they see their mother approach with Rufus, her holding onto his hand tightly.

"Hey kids," Rufus greets them, hoping that they won't ask Lily any questions.

"Hi," Lily replies sheepishly, still hiding behind Rufus a little bit. Serena and Eric glance at each other and step towards their mother, gathering her in a hug, being careful to avoid the bruising. Lily drops Rufus' hand and wraps her arms around both of her kids. The hug falls apart and the kids step back. Lily glances at Rufus nervously before focusing her attention back on the children. "I'm sorry about earlier, you guys…didn't need to see that."

"Don't be mom, we want to help you too, along with Rufus of course," Eric says, shooting a warning glance at Rufus to be careful about leaving Lily again. Rufus catches it and nods, understanding that Eric is very protective over his mother, as is Serena. Lily leans against Rufus' chest, grateful that she has him and the kids for support.

"So, what are we going to eat for dinner?" Rufus eases the conversation into something more light-hearted. Lily shrugs; she still isn't as hungry as she should be.

They end up ordering Chinese with Rufus ordering extra eggrolls to sway Lily into eating more. Lily, Eric, Serena and Rufus sit at the dining room table like a quasi-family to eat their dinner.

"Oh mom, I forgot to tell you, Chuck has been calling non-stop wanting to see you. It's weird actually," Serena says, unaware of the fact that Chuck was the one who found Lily in the bathroom. Lily forcibly swallows the bite she was munching on for the past several minutes,

"Can you call him for me? I don't know where my phone is," Lily says. Rufus swallows; he has to tell her, but he was kind of hoping that he could just go pick it up without her knowing.

"Lil, your phone is still…at the opera, I can go get it for you tomorrow." Serena is already on her phone texting Chuck, ignoring the conversation going on around her.

"I'm coming with you," Lily states. Rufus tilts his head to look at her, thinking that it would be a terrible idea for her to go back there, but he doesn't want to do anything behind her back.

"Lil…" he protests, but she shakes her head.

"Rufus, please, I'm coming with you." The insistence in her tone makes it hard for him to argue. He acquiesces with a clipped nod; he agreed to do this her way even if it will push her healing back several steps.

"Okay, we can go in the morning." Lily mumbles a soft thank you. She realizes that Rufus is just trying to protect her, but something inside of her needs to return to the opera so she knows that she can.

"Chuck says he will be here in about a half an hour. I think Eric and I are going to go to the loft if that's alright. I want to see Dan," Serena says to Lily.

"Sure," Lily agrees, her children need a break from hovering over her, even if they are trying their hardest not to. Lily and Rufus watch the children leave, breathing a sigh of relief that dinner didn't turn into a complete disaster.

"Lil, do you want me to stay with you when Chuck gets here?" Rufus knows that Chuck isn't exactly a fan of his currently, but Lily's well-being comes first over some teenage vendetta.

"Yes."

Chuck steps off the elevator, surprised to see Lily sitting on the couch with Rufus' arm draped over her shoulders. Lily seems better than she did yesterday, but there is still that guarded fear that remains in her eyes.

"Hi Charles, thanks for coming," Lily says, a miniscule grin tugging the corners of her mouth up. Chuck doesn't try to moves closer to Lily in any way, not wanting to scare her. Chuck and Rufus hold each other's gaze for a heartbeat, silently passing gratitude to one another. Rufus holds out his hand, extending an olive branch to the teenager. Chuck accepts, only because he is appreciative of Rufus supporting his adoptive mother through this trying time.

"Lily, how are you doing?" Chuck asks, concern marring his features. Lily lets out a breath, not really sure how to answer that question. She feels stuck, something that she can't really explain to Chuck or even Rufus. No matter how much she is trying to move on, she feels rooted to the same place.

"I'm doing…fine, I guess," Chuck watches Lily look to Rufus almost as if for confirmation. Rufus smiles at her, dusting a kiss over her hair. The teenager furrows his bushy eyebrows, trying to conjure up an apology for what his uncle did to her last night.

"Lily…I…don't know where to begin. I am so sorry…" Lily cuts Chuck off as soon as he begins with his mea culpa. She is going to tell her son the same thing she told Rufus.

"Chuck, what he did to me wasn't anyone's fault but his own. Don't blame yourself because you are related to him. You stopped him, that's what matters." Rufus notices that Lily still hasn't said Jack's name, not even when she was telling him details about her rape, all she says is "he".

Chuck absorbs her words, but still isn't letting himself off the hook, especially because of all that grief he gave her over bringing Rufus around before he was ready. He wants to let her know that he forgives her, even if there is nothing for her to be sorry for. Now is not the time though, not with everything that is going on with the whole Jack situation.

"If the offer still stands, I would like to move back in." Chuck wants to watch over her just in case Rufus decides he isn't sticking around.

"I would love that," Lily says sincerely, glad that they could bury the hatchet. Chuck nervously looks at Rufus, hoping that he won't get mad for bringing this up to Lily.

"Lily, I had Jack arrested last night…the police…want your statement." He watches Lily and Rufus have two contrasting reactions to his statement. Rufus looks relieved while Lily looks absolutely petrified. "I can leave their number for you."

"Oh…um…okay, thank you Charles," Lily mutters, her voice lowering to a whisper. Rufus looks down at Lily, wondering why she sounds so hesitant. He would think she would be thrilled over the fact that Jack was arrested for what he did to her, but she isn't. Instead, she sounds really frightened and a little annoyed. He is praying that Lily seizes the one opportunity they are going to get to put Jack behind bars for a long time, but he isn't so sure. Rufus makes a mental note to bring this up after Chuck leaves.

Chuck nervously smoothes down a non-existent crease in his tailored suit. He is scolding himself for mentioning his uncle in front of Lily, his mother looks extremely agitated. He locks eyes with Rufus over Lily's head, the older man silently communicating to Chuck that he will handle the fallout from her.

"I should go; I have to help Blair with some scheme. Here's the number and I will be back to check in later, Lily." Chuck leaves a business card he received from the arresting officer on the coffee table. Lily slowly stands up, following Chuck to the elevator. Rufus swipes the business card off the table, flipping it through his fingers until Lily comes back.

Lily returns, seeing the business card in Rufus hand and the slightly cheerful look on his face. She can't force herself to match Rufus' relieved feeling.

"Lil, we should give this guy a call and set up an interview so you can give your statement." Rufus is open to any chance to punish Jack for what he did to Lily. He was going to ask Chuck where his uncle was if he wouldn't have mentioned that Jack got arrested. Lily stills, turning her head to stare at him, her emotions tightly reigned in.

"Rufus…I don't think that would be a good idea." Rufus furrows his eyebrows at her, not seeming to comprehend why she isn't as ready as him.

"Why?" He can see Lily's walls go up as she pulls away from him to sit farther away on the couch.

"I think we should just let it be," is all she offers to him for an explanation. Rufus isn't letting her off that easily; he needs her to see the implications of them just letting Jack disappear, even it means he has to scare her.

"Lil, if they let him go, he might hurt you again. I don't want that to happen."

"He already hurt me in the worst way imaginable; there is nothing else that he could do to me." Rufus and Lily are clearly on two different wavelengths, which is very frustrating for the both of them.

"Well, don't you want to see him suffer for what he did to you?" Lily sighs heavily; she figured Rufus wouldn't see the bigger picture.

"You don't understand do you? If I go in there and tell the police everything that he did to me, there's going to be a trial. Everyone is going to know that I allowed for this to happen." Lily's throat burns with unshed tears, just the thought of people on the Upper East Side whispering about her is too much. Rufus feels bad for pushing her to the brink of tears, but he wants to make sure that she is presented with all of her options.

"Baby, you didn't allow him to do this to you; he is a miserable bastard that took something from you. I think that after the trial and with Jack in jail, we can move on from this, get some closure." Rufus doesn't comprehend the implications of what he is suggesting. A trial will bring the press which will get people talking.

Furthermore, Lily is sure that the defense will bring up her past marriages as ammo against her to try and convince the jury that she was asking for what Jack did to her. Rufus can't protect her from the public and legal scrutiny that she will receive as much as he wants to. She does admit that Rufus is right; it will bring her some solace knowing that Jack might be put away for a long time, but that might not be enough.

"Can we…talk about this later? I just don't…" Lily stops and covers her face with her hands, starting to cry. Rufus skates his hand up her spine, whispering an apology as he gathers her in his arms. He should have been more cautious when approaching that sensitive topic to her. Bombarding her with the possibility of a trial and seeing Jack again was not the best idea.

"I'm sorry Lil…I didn't want to push you." Lily relaxes in the familiarity of his arms. She realizes that Rufus didn't have any malicious intentions behind this; it just caught her off guard.

"I'm just not ready," she says, each word staccato as her sobs diminish into barely audible whimpers. Rufus stamps a kiss to the top crown of her head. She hates how fragile she has become. Every time she thinks she is ready to take the next step, something in her mind prevents her from doing so.

"Okay, thank you for telling me. Why don't you sleep on it and we can talk more tomorrow?" Rufus suggests, hoping that she will agree. Lily stiffly nods, she can do that much for Rufus who has been there for her so much for her in the past twenty four hours.

"Sure," she finally mutters. Rufus hopes that she will eventually see that letting Jack go free and burying the rape will not help her. As much as she wants to forget, it's a process. Plus, Rufus didn't want to mention this to her, but whether she gives her statement or not probably doesn't matter, there is going to be a trial regardless. If the police arrested him and took evidence from Lily, they will have enough to indict Jack. They might even decide to subpoena Lily to testify, but Rufus doesn't know the legal system enough to tell if that could happen.

"What do you want to do Lil? It's only about eight," Rufus thinks its best that they move on from their previous topic of conversation. Lily could use a break from thinking about Jack.

"I want to be clean," Lily says softly. He tilts his head in confusion and then it clicks with him, she still feels tainted by Jack.

"Okay, do you want to take your medication and maybe try a shower tonight?" Lily swallows, producing only the smallest of nods. Rufus swipes the orange bottle from the counter and a glass of water before returning to sit next to her on the couch. She mumbles a thank you and swallows the pill. He grabs her hand and they walk upstairs to her bathroom together.

They see the glass shards from the bottle sprinkled on the floor from when Lily threw the bottle earlier. Lily bites her lip and sucks in a breath, squeezing Rufus' hand.

"I…should clean that up," Lily says guiltily.

"I'll help, where's your broom?" She shrugs, causing Rufus to laugh. He forgets that Lily never cleans and probably wouldn't know where the supplies are. He leaves the bathroom with Lily's permission, returning with a makeshift broom and duster he found in a linen closet. Lily reaches for the items, wanting to do it herself because she feels ashamed by her previous outburst. Rufus lets her clean up, knowing that an argument from her would just be unnecessary.

"You got mad Lil, its okay to throw things every once in a while," He assures her with a boyish grin. Lily empties the debris in the garbage, turning away from him so he doesn't see her smile.

Rufus offers to help her get undressed, but she wants to try doing it herself. She is able to get her pants and underwear off without any assistance, but her shirt and bra are proving to be difficult.

"Ouch…" Lily murmurs, wincing when she attempts to lift her arms above her head. Rufus grabs onto the hem of her shirt and carefully pulls it off of her, the bra to follow. He reaches around Lily to start the water, unsure if she wants him to step in with her or if he can wait downstairs. Rufus hears nothing from her so he turns to leave, but her hand on his arm stops him. "Can you…?" Her head gestures towards the shower.

Honestly, Rufus is hesitant; he hopes that she isn't asking him because she wants to have sex in the shower. She isn't there yet, especially given the difficult events they have had to work through today. When he feels like that Jack isn't an unwelcome third party in their relationship, then he will ask if she is ready. Lily is still battling with herself to fight Jack's influence over her.

"Of course," Rufus says after a few seconds of silence. He strips while Lily steps in, letting the hot droplets hit her back, loosening some of the tension. Rufus joins her, watching her grab the washcloth she used yesterday. She squeezes a dollop of body wash onto the rag and hands it to him. Rufus furrows his eyebrows, "Lil?"

"I want you to," She needs to be comfortable with Rufus touching her bare flesh. Rufus accepts the washcloth, starting with her shoulders and working his way down. Lily shudders, blocking the memories of Jack's hands all over her which were rough, cold. Rufus' feel quite the opposite; warm and delicate.

He finishes washing her and hands the lilac rag back to her, waiting to see what she is going to do with it. Surprisingly, she reverts back to the wash, squirting more onto the washcloth.

"Can I?" She asks.

"Lil, you don't have to." She nods, brushing a few matted tendrils away from her face.

"I…I feel like I want to." Rufus nods, letting her start to clean him. She can only go as far as his thighs, the bruising still preventing her from bending over. Lily returns the washcloth and faces him. He cups her cheek, leaning in to dust a quick kiss to her lips. Lily accepts his kiss and then quickly backs away. He bites his lip, realizing that he went too fast.

"Lil, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" She shakes her head, turning the shower off.

"It's not you, it's me. I'm not there yet." They step out of the shower, grabbing their respective towels.

"It's perfectly fine, we will get there soon."

"Okay," Lily mutters, not sure if she believes him. Rufus grabs her hand, not letting her question whether she made the right choice. If she isn't ready, he would rather be aware so they can make the appropriate step at the appropriate time. They get dressed in their pajamas and are left with a choice of whether to go to sleep or prolong it some more. "How about a movie?"

Rufus lets out a deep chuckle at her suggestion. It seems so pedestrian compared to the heavy topics and situations they have been forced into for the past day.

"Sure sweetheart, we can do that." He understands that she just wants to escape into somebody else's life for a couple hours and he is completely okay with it. She is doing remarkably well considering how disastrous this morning was. Hopefully, the combination of the pain medication and the movie will lull her to sleep, the nightmares kept at bay for the night.

The kids end up coming back in the middle of a Harry Dean Stanton movie that Lily chose. Serena and Eric head upstairs, not seeing Rufus or Lily anywhere. Rufus hears the kids and looks down at Lily, seeing her slipping under the surface of sleep. He gets to his feet and cracks open the door, spotting the kids standing outside with heightened worry lines.

"Is she okay?" Serena asks softly.

"Yes, she is sleeping now," Rufus whispers back.

"Okay, we will see you in the morning," Eric says, not wanting to wake up his mother. Rufus says goodnight to the kids and closes the door behind him, climbing back into bed with Lily.

Lily was doing well until about two in the morning, when another nightmare crashed into her. Rufus knows what to do by now; wake her up, see if she is willing to talk about it and then comfort her until she falls back to sleep. Tonight is no exception, except this nightmare seems more of a grip on her than previous ones.

He eases her awake, hating the terror locked in the fissures of her face. She is trembling and crying, clinging to him desperately. Lily reveals to him that her latest nightmare involved Jack threatening Rufus if she wouldn't surrender herself to him. Rufus does his best to calm her fears, but he knows that these nightmares will fade away with time. The best thing to do is battle them as they come.

Rufus and Lily finally rise out of bed at about nine, not being able to fall back asleep until almost four. They go through the same process as yesterday morning; Rufus cooks her and the kids' breakfast while they chat amongst themselves. Lily makes more of an effort to eat the eggs Rufus cooked for her. She is trying to convince herself that she is ready to leave the penthouse. Staying cooped up might not be the best answer either.

"So, mom, what are you going to do today?" Eric asks, trying to start conversation. Lily sets her orange juice down and glances over at Rufus.

"Well…I think I want to go somewhere…" Lily says with a shrug. Rufus is guessing that Lily isn't going to tell her kids the intended destination; knowing that they would try to convince her otherwise.

"That's great mom! You and Rufus could go to the park, or to the loft, or whatever…" Serena trails off, not wanting to overwhelm her mother with suggestions. Eric nods in agreement, glad that Lily is trying to move on since Jack's attack, even if it is something as simple as leaving the safety of the penthouse.

"I am going to get dressed," Lily excuses herself, seeing if she can do this without Rufus help. If she can't, the very least she can do is choose an outfit. Lily puts her dish in the sink and goes upstairs to her bedroom, leaving Rufus, Serena and Eric in the kitchen.

"How is my mom doing, really?" Serena asks. Rufus sighs and swallows his bite of food.

"Yesterday was really hard on her, but your mother is getting better."

"Do you think mom will ever be able to get past this?" Eric wonders out loud. Rufus shrugs his shoulders,

"I don't really know, I think she will be able to move on, but she obviously won't ever be able to forgive what he did to her." Eric and Serena agree, realizing that their mother will be forever changed by Jack Bass.

"Rufus?" The three of them can hear Lily yell from her bedroom.

"That's my call I guess," Rufus says and leaves his dish on the counter. He ventures upstairs and finds Lily dressed in black dress pants, holding an espresso-colored turtleneck in her hands.

"I didn't know I owned more than one turtleneck." His lips split open, her small attempt at humor doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"With your turtlenecks and my flannel, we will be the most fashionable couple on the Upper East Side." His comment earns him one of Lily's famous eye-rolls. He is ecstatic that they are able to slip back into their usual banter for a brief second. After Lily is finished getting dressed, she goes into the bathroom to apply minimal makeup.

"You ready?" Rufus asks, seeing her emerge from the bathroom. Lily nods and their fingers lace together. They bid goodbye to the kids who are getting ready to leave with their own plans for the day.

Lily keeps a tight grip on Rufus as they breeze through the lobby of her apartment complex. Vanya greets them cheerfully and hails them a taxi.

"Okay Lil, are you sure you want to do this?" He ignores the impatient taxi driver waiting for a destination. Lily is unsure, but is willing to take a risk if Rufus is right there with her.

"I think so." Rufus squeezes her hand and leans forward, telling the taxi driver to take them to the opera. Lily is silent the whole way there, keeping her eyes transfixed on the fleeting scenery. Rufus keeps glancing at her, looking to her face for clues as to what she is feeling. She is expressionless as she stares out the window.

The taxi makes the short trip to the opera house, the driver already barking out the fare to the couple as soon as he pulls over. Rufus rolls his eyes and shoves a twenty into the driver's hand. Lily swallows and breaks her staring contest with the window.

"Lil, you can wait in the cab, I will only be a couple minutes." He will pay the driver whatever he wants to babysit Lily while he runs in and collects her phone. Lily opens the car door, too afraid to back out now. Rufus follows and joins her on the sidewalk, grumbling as the taxi peels away. She clasps his hand firmly and glances around just in the off chance she recognizes somebody on the sidewalk.

"Okay…" Lily mumbles to herself and slowly starts walking into the opera, surprised by the stark contrast from when she was here two nights ago. There isn't the constant hum of people eager to get themselves featured on Page Six. The only people that are there are perched behind the counter.

"You okay?" Rufus whispers to her, wondering how she is handling being here. Lily nods, she is curious as to why being at the opera doesn't bother her. They close the gap from the lobby doors to the counter.

"Can I help you?" An older man with salt and pepper hair asks Lily and Rufus. Lily turns her head, her breath catching in her throat when she sees the door to the powder room.

"Yeah, I am here to pick up a clutch that was left here two nights ago," Rufus says. She detaches from him, swiftly walking over to the wooden door. "Lily!" He yells after her, wanting to stop her before she opens the door.

It's too late; Lily swings the door open and steps in, all of the painful memories hitting her at once.

"Oh my god…" Lily chokes out and holds her hand over her mouth.

A/N 2: I am cutting it there, I hope everyone liked it! What do you guys want to happen next? I WILL be updating Flawed and Fragmented first, but don't let that deter you from leaving a review (please). Thanks for reading and I promise that I will update as soon as possible.