Kinda Love

July 15
Dear Dana,

I am just pleasantly surprised that you wrote me back at all. After about a week and a half of waiting, I almost gave up. I assumed that you either didn't get it or just didn't want anything to do with me. When I saw that you had wrote back to be I was thrilled. And almost couldn't believe it.

I have to be honest again and say that the last few paragraphs of your letter…they did confuse me. Extremely. I'd really like to know what you meant by it all. The reason for you leaving PCA most of all. And the reason for why you don't want people to know where you are now.

You were only in France for a semester? That really shocks me. And to think that I thought you'd been there for years. You still amaze me.

Compared to the letter you wrote me I feel as if my first letter was overbearing. I didn't mean to make things awkward for you, I only felt like you needed to know how I feel. And I'm sorry if you don't feel the same. I don't want to tie you down, you know that. I could never restrain you like that.

I really do hope that you will come to the PCA reunion though. I'm hoping to see you there and catch up. Get to know each other all over again, that is, if you have really changed like you say you have. I think deep down you are still the same Dana and always will be.

I think I understand what you mean by 'not yet', but I can't be sure. So I'll just assume that I'm right…like usual.

I'd like you to know…no, I need you to know that I was never angry with you. I forgave you as soon as you left. I knew that you did was you thought was right, whatever the circumstances were. I could never be angry with you about that. I was hurt though, which to me is a completely different thing. I was upset and hurt and lonely. I felt abandoned, like I was losing. That's what I couldn't stand. I couldn't wallow like I wanted to though. I knew I had to stay strong, or else…well, or else the rest of the gang would have caught on.

Speaking of the rest of them. Do you talk to any of them? At all? Letter, e-mail, phone calls? I live decently close to Chase and Zoey…I don't know if you knew this, but they're engaged…and living together. Which I mean, everyone expected them to end up together. It was basically a no brainer. I'd say I could drive and get to their house in about half an hour. Lola, Nicole, and Michael…well I don't talk to Lola or Nicole much. Last I heard, Lola was still somewhere in California, acting or modeling…whatever it was that she did. And Nicole, I think, lives somewhere on the other side of the U.S. North Carolina was it? I talk to Michael on the phone every now and then and I even visited him last spring. He lives in Dallas, Texas; the weather is great there's of course. He's tried more than once to convince me to move there. But I'm too content with Colorado to want to move.

I forgot to mention that didn't I? That I live in Colorado. Although you probably gathered that from the mailing address. I'm a ski instructor here, doesn't pay extremely well, but I love it. And it gets my dad off my back whenever the subject of a career comes up. I enjoy it all the same. My dad is still big in the movie business, and still feels like he needs to pay for everything I own…his way of making up for missing most of my childhood I suppose.

I really hope to hear more from you.

Looking forward to your next letter.

Much love,
Logan