A/N: Here's a little Valentine's Day gift for all of you out there. Since I've got nothing to do today, I figured, What the hell? So, have fun with it. Oh, and also thank you to everyone who reviewed and favorited and followed this story as well as my other one, Smile. Cheers!
In Which Leo Meets the Family
Sometimes, Leo Valdez hated his decision-making skills. Most of the time, whenever he thought he was making a well-informed decision which would yield a favorable outcome, it ended up blowing up right in his face (in many instances, quite literally). The earliest example he could come up with would be running away from his first foster home. Oh, yeah, an eight-year-old out on the streets of Houston with no parental supervision sounded like a wonderful idea at the time, but lo and behold, three days later found Leo in the company of a police officer as she escorted his tired, hungry form back to the home. That certainly counted as a bad decision.
The reason Leo was lamenting his poor ideas stemmed from where he was at the moment. Seriously, how many Olympian gods got the chance to sit in the living room of Zeus' Palace on Olympus, let alone a lowly demigod like him? A cup of tea, sweetened with honey and nectar, stood cooling on the coffee table in front of him, and beyond the steaming rim, Leo could see (read: trying desperately not to stare at) the Lord of the Sky himself, giving the poor Repair Boy a stern look that had probably been the last thing many, many villains had seen over the millenia. It didn't help that the sun god, Apollo, was seated beside his father, leveling the same almost-glare at Leo as well. The only reason Leo was not either a pile of distasteful liquid or a disembodied head on a spear was right next to him.
Sitting at his side was the most gorgeous creature he'd ever beheld, a woman whose very presence made him feel like spontaneously combusting. Artemis the Hunter. This brought Leo back to the decision thing. If he hadn't decided to accidentally woo the Eternal Maiden, if he hadn't decided to continue his courtship of the Lady of the Wild Places, if he hadn't made the insanely stupid decision to meet her family, then he wouldn't now be seconds away from taking an electrified arrow to the knee.
"So, you're Leo," Zeus began, voice tight and strained. "Artemis has told me much about you."
Now, Leo was extremely nervous (who wouldn't be, in a situation such as his?), and when Leo Valdez was nervous, he fell back on his most tried and true defense mechanism: bad humor.
"All lies, I'm sure," blurted Leo. "The girl's pathological."
Well, that certainly didn't seem to be the answer Zeus had been expecting, if the saucer-shaped eyes and slightly gaping mouth were anything to go on. Apollo's expression seemed torn between stern and amused, as though didn't want to let on how funny he thought Leo's statement had been, since he was obviously going to try the 'Big Brother' speech concerning Artemis. Which was odd, if Artemis was to be believed; she'd told him once that she'd helped her mother give birth to Apollo, actually. Artemis herself looked like she wanted to slam her head repeatedly into the table.
"I...see," Zeus eventually said. "I understand that you are son of Hephaestus?"
Clearing his throat of any ridiculous one-liners, Leo managed to reply, "Yes, sir. Son of Hephaestus and Esperanza Valdez."
"And what does your mother do?"
"She pushes up daisies, mostly," Leo responded offhand. "I've heard that sometimes she helps the Furies repair their torture devices when they get a bit too enthusiastic, but mostly she just hangs out in Elysium."
"How did she pass?" Zeus asked, just a tiny bit of compassion seeping into his expression.
"I burned down the auto shop she was in," said Leo, only to wince when Artemis clocked him in the back of the head. "I mean, um, Gaea sort of forced me to catch fire, and I accidentally set the shop alight while she was still inside." He grinned when Artemis nodded approvingly.
"My son, Jason, tells me that you've saved his life several times," Zeus prompted, his brow crinkled as if wondering what his daughter saw in the twitchy firebug.
"Yeah, well, most of those were accidental, and the rest were sort of a flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of deal," Leo said, shrugging. "And it's not like he hasn't saved my skin on way more occasions than I'd care to remember."
"Humble," noted Apollo with grudging respect. It wouldn't do to have his baby sister going out with a demigod with an over-inflated head. "So, tell me, Leo. What's your idea of a perfect date?"
Leo could have answered that many different ways, most of which would have gotten him blasted straight to the Underworld. Instead, he replied with, "Well, I honestly couldn't care less about where we went, or what we did, as long as I've got Arty here, I'm all good."
Apollo narrowed his eyes. He wanted to hate this kid, really he did. But there wasn't much to hate about Leo Valdez. From the little he could glean from this first encounter, the boy was modest, had a good sense of humor (which would do wonders for Artemis, in his opinion), and was rather sarcastic, which was one of his favorite art forms (and yes, sarcasm is one of the highest forms of art).
The sun god glanced at his father, who seemed to be puzzling over something. Eventually, Zeus leveled his electric-blue gaze at Leo and asked his final question. "What is your stance on Hera?"
Before he could stop himself, Leo's mouth blurted, "I think she's a conceited jerkass who can go fornicate herself with a white-hot poker." Even Leo was surprised by the answer, and his eyes widened hilariously as he clamped his hands over his mouth seconds before Artemis' own slammed over the offending orifice.
There was a long, deadly silence, punctuated only by Apollo's attempts at holding in his laughter.
A sudden, tremendous thunderclap echoed through the room as Zeus slapped his knee, laughing so hard that tears began streaming from the corners of his eyes. Apollo, seeing that his dad wasn't furious, joined in, clutching his stomach as his mirth wracked his body. Artemis and Leo exchanged a startled look before chuckling nervously.
"Leo Valdez," Zeus boomed after he'd regained his composure, clapping a half-terrified demigod on the back. "I think you and I are going to get along famously!"
