Who I Used to Be
Chapter Three
My Only One
I hated myself.
Of course, it would've been better if I just looked at the situation and said 'Oh well', but it wasn't that simple for me. By doing that, I would've just been like any other heartless guy who couldn't give a damn about that girl.
But I did.
School the next day was already feeling horrible before I left the house.
I knew Arleigh was going to ignore me the entire day, which didn't help since she was my Science lab partner. Lorraine, Sarah and I got into the car and drove out of the driveway. As we went past Arleigh's house, I noticed that there wasn't any car in the driveway and no lights were on. That house always seemed cold. Cold and empty. We got to school not too long after that. I got out of the car and slammed the door a little too hard, but no one really noticed. Then, it was the moment my heart sank into my stomach.
Arleigh walked up the sidewalk alone and with her head down. Most guys would've just shrugged it off and said whatever, but it struck me as somewhat hard to bare and difficult to look at, so I turned around and walked into the school.
Math class wasn't all so bad that morning. We didn't get that much homework, which when I heard, smiled with glee. Math was the worst subject I had and, I was horrible at it. I wasn't looking forward to my next class. The second I got out of Math, my stomach started turning upside down and it felt like it was throwing itself at a wall. That's how nervous I was. Nervous? Well... not really the right word to describe how it felt. More like terrified. Truth was, I think I was more scared than she was. I walked into the classroom to see Arleigh already sitting at her desk. I walked up the aisle and past her where I couldn't see anything but her hair falling in front of her face as she leaned over on to her desk. I held my breath the moment I saw her until I sat down. I had made it that far. I probably should've said something to her the first thing I got into class. The thing was, I had already messed things up by not saying anything before that I thought that things couldn't get much worse if I continued not to talk.
Science went by slower than any class possibly could have. I felt like dying. I got out of my seat before Arleigh and walked straight out of the classroom. As I turned to go out the door I shot a quick glance over at her. She was sitting still and looking down at her desk. When she noticed me glance, I looked away and walked out the door.
Sadly, I had to sit with the jerks that ruined my life the day before at lunch. Ruined my life? I know... it's a bit much, but- what they did make me realize that I didn't want to be around people like that. I wanted to be around her. I decided to put on my headphones and listen to a little Yellowcard while I ate lunch so that I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. I walked into the cafeteria with 'My Only One' blasting into my ears. The second that the song started I realized how much it really fit into how I had been feeling.
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
At the lunch table, all the guys gathered around me like nothing had happened the day before. Like usual, Krystin was practically lying on top of me as much as I tried to get her to leave me alone. She was like an itch that never went away.
I feel so broken up, so broken up
And I give up, I give up
I just want to tell you so you know
The song seemed to echo in my head. I loved that song; but I hated how it made me feel. How did it make me feel? Worthless. Scummy. Like I did something so wrong, but Arleigh and I were the only two people who realized it. That was what got to me.
Scott didn't know.
Kory didn't know.
Ben didn't know.
Krystin didn't know.
I did. So did Arleigh.
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
The rest of the day the song seemed to keep humming in my head. I couldn't get it to go away, but I wasn't exactly angry at the fact. It seemed to make me realize a lot of things.
1. Use your effing voice when your friend starts calling a girl you like stupid things.
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
2. Don't stand there looking like an idiot with a dumb smirk on your face.
And something's breaking up, breaking up
I feel like giving up, like giving up
I won't walk out until you know
3. If I was going to get her back as a friend, I had to talk to her and get her to listen to me.
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
4. I must really have it for this girl.
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
5. My life isn't perfect... and I always thought it was.
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only
I realized this one when I saw Arleigh for the last time that day, walking up her steps into her cold and gloomy house.
6. She's the only person I would go this crazy for. She's the only one.
...My only one.
(A/N: Sorry for such a short chapter this time! I know I haven't been updating that much lately but I've just had a test in every single subject this week and there's been a lot of work piling up lately! So, I'll try to get as much done as I can and once I get off for Christmas, I'll be able to do more. Hopefully, I'll come up with some more ideas as well! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and the song is My Only One by Yellowcard to let you all know. Review! -Brooke)
