Spike left the second the sun went down. He didn't know if he was scared
or excited, or nervous. All he knew was that he was going to see her. speak
to her. no more hiding! He ordered himself a Cappuccino and sat down to
wait.
She was late. She approached slowly and warily, looking in the window. She looked around and finally saw him. She couldn't believe how much he'd changed! His hair had grown out, it was a dark honey blonde, and was longer than normal, curling around his ears. He seemed nervous and kept running his hand through it. He wasn't wearing his usual clothes either she noticed. He was in dark blue cargo pants, a grey shirt and brown boots. She had to admit, he looked adorable! Was this the same Spike who had left in such a hurry 4 months ago?
He looked up and their eyes met. He started to rise, then seemed check himself and smiled at her. It was too late to turn back now! She approached him.
"Spike." Was all she could say.
"Hello Buffy" he replied, quietly. "You look beautiful."
She looked down and blushed.
"Please, take a seat" he said, indicating to the seat opposite her.
She sat down and tried to look busy, searching for a waiter. When one arrived, she ordered a decaf late with a shot of caramel. Then, she looked up at him and shook her head in wonder.
"I don't know what to say, you look so. different". She seemed to be surprised! He didn't think he looked too differently, but considering he couldn't see his reflection, he didn't question her.
"Yeah, well. I am different." He replied, looking down at his cappuccino. This wasn't going as planned! He'd forgotten all he'd wanted to say to her! He was just about to apologise for inconveniencing her, and leave, when he noticed her wrist. She was wearing the bracelet he'd given her a few weeks ago.
She saw where he was looking and pulled her hand away. They looked at each other, she appeared apprehensive, and so he smiled, trying to relieve her of her anxiety. "So, it WAS you? All those gifts. they came from you?" she said softly, not daring to look at him.
"Yes, it was me. I thought it might soften the blow a little when you found out I was back."
Ok, Spike thought. Down to business. "Um, I wanted to meet you to tell you something. Something has happened to me and I don't know how it will affect you, but I want you to know that I will never touch you again. I love you. I will always love you. But I won't force my attentions on you anymore. I can't believe what I almost did, what I tried to do. I. I get sick when I think about it. It was inexcusable, um. I'm sorry Buffy, I'm so terribly, terribly sorry." He knew he was rushing everything, but he just wanted to get it out. He'd been thinking it for months and it felt good to finally have it out.
"Yeah, well. As you keep telling me, you're evil!" Buffy answered, looking at her coffee. When she looked up, she noticed he had a look of infinite pain on his face. She didn't know what to make of it.
"What's happened to you Spike? Is it the chip, have you found a way to have it removed?" Buffy asked him, a little defensively.
"No Buffy, the chip is still there, but it's not needed anymore. I won't be hurting anyone again that's for sure." He took a deep breath and continued. "I want to tell you about where I've been and what happened to me. I want you to know because I don't want to lie to you anymore."
"Ok," Buffy said, "I can't deny that I'm not a little interested."
Spike leant forward, so he didn't have to speak above the crowd. "I've been in Africa."
"Africa!" Buffy asked incredulously.
"Yeah", Spike continued. "Zaire actually, a little village outside of Bongandanga. There was a shaman there who offers rewards when you complete his tasks. After what I did to you. I had to do something. So I went to see him. I completed his tasks. Nearly killed me, and then he gave me my reward."
"So," Buffy asked, "What was the reward? A life time supply of blood?" She gave a nervous laugh.
"My soul" Spike said. There, he'd finally told her!
"Your sou. you have a Soul Spike?" She asked, amazed.
"That's right. A pesky soul. I'm filled with bloody dread even as we speak!" Spike said, laughing nervously, attempting to lighten the mood.
"But, but you don't seem all broody and Angel like!" Buffy stated, she was staring at him, trying to see inside of him.
"Everyone is different, so everyone reacts differently. I know there is nothing I can do to make up for what I did over a hundred-year period. And besides, Angel was cursed. He was supposed to remember what he'd done and atone for it for the rest of his undead life. Whereas, I was given mine. No curse involved. Natural human instinct is to block out that which is most painful, and I've found myself forgetting the actual events over the past couple of months. I still feel utter remorse over my actions, but the guilt is starting to subdue a bit."
"Woo Spike. slow down!" Buffy said. She was trying to comprehend what he'd just told her. He had a soul! She now had no reason to refuse him! But she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe it felt good to be able to refuse him, so then he couldn't refuse her.
Buffy took a deep breath and continued "Look Spike, I have to think about this! I'm going out to patrol. I'll tell Dawn you're back tonight. Can you come over tomorrow night? We can talk some more. I'm not forgiving you yet though. This might all be some elaborate ploy to get in good with us, making it easier to kill us. Just remember that!"
"Of course Buffy. There's no way I'd expect forgiveness from you so soon. And what you said is right. Don't trust me, not yet, not until I've earned it. Although, it will be good to see the Niblet again," he said with a sad smile. He'd really missed that kid.
She stood up to leave hastily. She gave him a nod, then turned around and left. Spike watched her go and then finished his cappuccino. He felt like a tremendous burden had been taken off his shoulders. In fact, he hadn't felt this good in months!
She was late. She approached slowly and warily, looking in the window. She looked around and finally saw him. She couldn't believe how much he'd changed! His hair had grown out, it was a dark honey blonde, and was longer than normal, curling around his ears. He seemed nervous and kept running his hand through it. He wasn't wearing his usual clothes either she noticed. He was in dark blue cargo pants, a grey shirt and brown boots. She had to admit, he looked adorable! Was this the same Spike who had left in such a hurry 4 months ago?
He looked up and their eyes met. He started to rise, then seemed check himself and smiled at her. It was too late to turn back now! She approached him.
"Spike." Was all she could say.
"Hello Buffy" he replied, quietly. "You look beautiful."
She looked down and blushed.
"Please, take a seat" he said, indicating to the seat opposite her.
She sat down and tried to look busy, searching for a waiter. When one arrived, she ordered a decaf late with a shot of caramel. Then, she looked up at him and shook her head in wonder.
"I don't know what to say, you look so. different". She seemed to be surprised! He didn't think he looked too differently, but considering he couldn't see his reflection, he didn't question her.
"Yeah, well. I am different." He replied, looking down at his cappuccino. This wasn't going as planned! He'd forgotten all he'd wanted to say to her! He was just about to apologise for inconveniencing her, and leave, when he noticed her wrist. She was wearing the bracelet he'd given her a few weeks ago.
She saw where he was looking and pulled her hand away. They looked at each other, she appeared apprehensive, and so he smiled, trying to relieve her of her anxiety. "So, it WAS you? All those gifts. they came from you?" she said softly, not daring to look at him.
"Yes, it was me. I thought it might soften the blow a little when you found out I was back."
Ok, Spike thought. Down to business. "Um, I wanted to meet you to tell you something. Something has happened to me and I don't know how it will affect you, but I want you to know that I will never touch you again. I love you. I will always love you. But I won't force my attentions on you anymore. I can't believe what I almost did, what I tried to do. I. I get sick when I think about it. It was inexcusable, um. I'm sorry Buffy, I'm so terribly, terribly sorry." He knew he was rushing everything, but he just wanted to get it out. He'd been thinking it for months and it felt good to finally have it out.
"Yeah, well. As you keep telling me, you're evil!" Buffy answered, looking at her coffee. When she looked up, she noticed he had a look of infinite pain on his face. She didn't know what to make of it.
"What's happened to you Spike? Is it the chip, have you found a way to have it removed?" Buffy asked him, a little defensively.
"No Buffy, the chip is still there, but it's not needed anymore. I won't be hurting anyone again that's for sure." He took a deep breath and continued. "I want to tell you about where I've been and what happened to me. I want you to know because I don't want to lie to you anymore."
"Ok," Buffy said, "I can't deny that I'm not a little interested."
Spike leant forward, so he didn't have to speak above the crowd. "I've been in Africa."
"Africa!" Buffy asked incredulously.
"Yeah", Spike continued. "Zaire actually, a little village outside of Bongandanga. There was a shaman there who offers rewards when you complete his tasks. After what I did to you. I had to do something. So I went to see him. I completed his tasks. Nearly killed me, and then he gave me my reward."
"So," Buffy asked, "What was the reward? A life time supply of blood?" She gave a nervous laugh.
"My soul" Spike said. There, he'd finally told her!
"Your sou. you have a Soul Spike?" She asked, amazed.
"That's right. A pesky soul. I'm filled with bloody dread even as we speak!" Spike said, laughing nervously, attempting to lighten the mood.
"But, but you don't seem all broody and Angel like!" Buffy stated, she was staring at him, trying to see inside of him.
"Everyone is different, so everyone reacts differently. I know there is nothing I can do to make up for what I did over a hundred-year period. And besides, Angel was cursed. He was supposed to remember what he'd done and atone for it for the rest of his undead life. Whereas, I was given mine. No curse involved. Natural human instinct is to block out that which is most painful, and I've found myself forgetting the actual events over the past couple of months. I still feel utter remorse over my actions, but the guilt is starting to subdue a bit."
"Woo Spike. slow down!" Buffy said. She was trying to comprehend what he'd just told her. He had a soul! She now had no reason to refuse him! But she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe it felt good to be able to refuse him, so then he couldn't refuse her.
Buffy took a deep breath and continued "Look Spike, I have to think about this! I'm going out to patrol. I'll tell Dawn you're back tonight. Can you come over tomorrow night? We can talk some more. I'm not forgiving you yet though. This might all be some elaborate ploy to get in good with us, making it easier to kill us. Just remember that!"
"Of course Buffy. There's no way I'd expect forgiveness from you so soon. And what you said is right. Don't trust me, not yet, not until I've earned it. Although, it will be good to see the Niblet again," he said with a sad smile. He'd really missed that kid.
She stood up to leave hastily. She gave him a nod, then turned around and left. Spike watched her go and then finished his cappuccino. He felt like a tremendous burden had been taken off his shoulders. In fact, he hadn't felt this good in months!
