Dear Angela,

When I wrote to you the first time, it was my intention to talk to Jane and declare my love to her. However, after your letter and the talk we had, I decided a more measured approach may be called for. It will ease Jane into a new relationship with me and give you more time to adjust before being confronted with us as a couple.

I therefore set out to woo Jane. Good old fashion romantic gestures, hinting towards something more. Nothing loud or bold that would frighten her. I would leave her a note to make her smile or I would text her to kick ass. Jane is exceptionally fond of that expression, although I have never seen her kicked a donkey. As far as I know, Jane has never kicked somebody on the gluteus maximum or in the anus.

I would love to give Jane the world, but she does not appreciate over the top gestures. Yet she does appreciate the occasional pastry or coffee as she walked into the precinct. Gestures spaced evenly, not all at once. That would have drawn attention and embarrassed her.

Jane took note of them and tried to repay me in her own way. She informed me of documentaries I may enjoy or bought me candy I love. On challenging days she would put motivational notes on my computer. Somehow she always knows what I need to hear.

I decided the time was right to implement the second phase. I started leaving a red rose on her windshield every day. She started leaving pink roses on mine. It is endearing how oblivious Jane could be at times. She never considered that there may be something more behind the gestures.

I then started taking her at unofficial dates. Jane and I are yin and yang, total opposites in some regards. Jane would humour me to do things she knows I love. I honestly don't mind partaking in activities that she enjoys. It was nonetheless a pleasurable experience to discover the activities we both adore. There are surprisingly a number of them and we are not even halfway done with the possibilities. When we are officially dating, Jane will add to the list. I cannot wait for it.

Years ago when I discovered that Jane doesn't particularly like hugs, I tried to entertain the culture of fist bumping and high fives. Jane has an aptitude for these playful signs of affections. It is like the inner child in her peaking through her soul. She will be a wonderful mother, because of her inner child she always know how to meet a child on their level. No, Jane is not pregnant. I am using inner child metaphorically, I am trying to describe the childlike traits Jane has.

Jane never hesitated to hug me when we achieved something together or when she tried to comfort me. It has been quite some time that she will kiss me on the cheek if I left or returned to Boston. It is our hello or goodbye for a couple of days. If we were to become a romantic couple, we will naturally be more physically with each other. In order to prepare Jane for this, I started to kiss her more. Only on the cheek, but when she didn't protest, I kissed her on the mouth.

The first time she was lightly shocked, but did not question it. She also did not duck the next time I have done it. She took it in her stride and soon we were always greeting each other with a chaste kiss to the mouth. Albeit, only where no one could see us. Jane would be mortified to show anyone or anything that much affection in public.

My romantic gestures became a little more daring. I began massaging her shoulders when she was tense. This evolved into back rubs soon, although Jane would always keep her top on. When we were watching television, I would sometimes put my feet in her lap. Jane almost absentmindedly massaged my feet. I took her to Fenway and she returned the gesture by surprising me with a bubble bath. Rest assured, I took that bath alone, but I thought that my intentions should be clear to Jane after the weeks of wooing.

Last night, I invited Jane to our favourite restaurant for dinner. This time I delivered 12 red roses to her apartment. I organized a car for us to be driving us that evening. As endearing as Jane's oblivion can be, it is downright frustrating as well. When I finally told her how I felt, she was stunned. Like you, she never saw it coming. All my well thought out gestures were in vain.

Jane rambled on about how we were best friends and how something like love could ruin our friendship forever. According to Jane, sex always fucked up everything and apparently I meant to much to her for the pleasures of flesh.

I demanded to know how she could accept all my notions of interest when she had no intention to have a loving relationship with me. Her mouth literally dropped opened. I could not help myself and started to cry.

Jane felt sorry for me. She tried to explain that she did not think that I added any significant value to it. She thought that it is just Maura being Maura. She argued that we came from different backgrounds and she just accepted that I was just more comfortable with her to share my world with her. She never wanted to make me feel uncomfortable with opening up to her, especially because she knows how difficult I find it to trust people.

I was shattered. I never wanted Jane to be uncomfortable with my gestures and I certainly never wanted her just to accept and return them to save me from feeling uncomfortable. I paid the bill and left. I am afraid I never considered how Jane will get home.

Jane texted me, but I just ignored it. When I arrived home, there was a bunch of sunflowers that Jane managed to deliver to me after she received her roses. Sunflowers in answer to the flower of love! Angela, I was so scared that you and I were flawed in assuming that Jane was also in love with me.

I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep after all went so terrible wrong. Since I could not sleep, I have read Jane's text message. I included it for you: "Maura, I am so, so sorry. I just never expected that you could love somebody like me. That you can love me like I love you. I just need time to process it all. I am a jerk. You deserve better."

This was exactly the type of reaction I tried to avoid by wooing Jane. I was hurt, but still this message gave me a shimmer of hope. I needed a few hours to formulate a reply. My reply was: "Jane, you are not a jerk. You are a fool, but you are the only fool I can love. Will you be my fool?"

It was in the early hours of the morning and I was disappointed that she did not reply. How could she sleep if I was as devastated? In the restaurant she appeared to be devastated too. I was sorely mistaken.

I soon discovered that Jane did not waste her time with another text message. Instead she got in her car and came to me. The knock on my window was the loveliest sound I ever heard. I could not let Jane in soon enough.

"You want me to be your fool?" she asked shyly, leaning against the door.

I did not answer, at least not with words. I pulled Jane's head down and kissed her in a way that not even she could interpret as anything else as a passionate kiss. A kiss to say: "Hello, you fool, I love you."

When I broke the kiss, Jane sheepishly buried her face in my neck. After a while I noticed that she was crying, but so was I. What else do you do when all misunderstandings between you and the love of your life is resolved.

"I love you!" Jane cried.

I pushed Jane away a bit so that I could look her in the eyes when I tell her I love her as well.

"I need to do this right, Maura. I need to tell Ma first, so that I can offer myself to you fully."

I nodded and embraced her again. I know how difficult it was to write that first letter to you and I appreciate that Jane want to tell you about her sexuality before committing to me. It means the world that she doesn't want to hide me. She wants to have an honest and open relationship from the start. I did not think I could love her more, but I was wrong.

Jane went over to the guesthouse the moment your lights went on. I started this letter to you. She has been there a long time now and I am very nervous about it. I suppose I can't do anything else then to wait.

I hope that you will not be too harsh on Jane. Your love and respect means the world to her.

I am sorry I could not warn you in advance, everything happened too fast.

Yours Faithfully,

Maura

AN: I am afraid my terrible lack of grammar and spelling is not doing Maura justice. I do apologise.

Nobody is as blind as the one who does not want to see. I can picture Jane going along with Maura, even with things that may her feel uncomfortable, too make sure she does not offend the doctor. Jane is also prone for putting her foot in her mouth.

You may have noticed that I often use lines from songs in these letters. That is something I often do in rl as well without really thinking about it. These songs, such as the characters in this story, do not belong to me.

Credits for songs:

Chapter 1: "The peacemaker – Albert Hammond"

Chapter 2: "The Nanny – Theme song of The Nanny" and "Hopelessly devoted to You – Olivia Newton-John"

Chapter 3: "Joyride – Roxette"