Chapter 3 - break it gently
Eli's pov
I had to take my mind off what could be wrong with me, I knew it was something terrible, something deadly it had to be after hiding it so long. It was my fault too if I wasn't such an idiot then I would've told someone but I didn't so now here we are.
I was so worried about hurting Clare and the other people in my life that I love before that I didn't think about how much more it would hurt them now. I had to distract myself from whatever they could be about to tell me, I thought I wanted to know but I've been wrong before and I was again too.
I began to study Clare's face, she looked anguished at first so that's the first reason I knew that the news I was about to hear would be very far from good. Her face was all tear-streaked and red and her beautiful blue eyes were bloodshot too. As I continued to watch her face I saw something I didn't think was possible, her expression was even more upset than it had been when she first came in.
Her expression then her whole face went from anguished to completely distraught and she looked as though she was cursing herself out silently. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but I knew she wouldn't tell me and I didn't like to pry too much so I just watched her face change, her teeth clench and bite at her lip and her hands go from having her fingers stretched out so far I thought they would fall off to having them clenched into a fist as hard as possible so her fingernails dug hard into the soft of her palms. I desperately to save her from herself and her raging conscience but I knew there was nothing I could do but be as strong as possible for her sake.
Clare's pov
I wanted to be in Eli's place right now I really and truly with all my heart wanted to be in his place. I couldn't meet his eyes and I knew what he was thinking he wanted to know what was wrong and to comfort me when he was the one who truly deserved than anyone else to ever walk this earth. This was all happening so fast I knew it had only been like thirty seconds since we entered the room but it felt like an uncountable amount of years to me.
Oh no, I thought as the doctor cleared his throat and took a deep breath " Eli, I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you." he began I managed to unclench my hands and took hold of Eli's hand and let his skull ring pressing into my palm calm me a bit. "Eli, according to your MRI results we've found cancer cells in the hundred thousands in your lungs and I'm very sorry to tell you that when cancer is in that high of a range it is considered severely fatal."
I heard Eli take in a shaky, gasping breath and that's exactly what I wanted from him, I wanted him to show his pain not hide it from me and everyone else and let it eat away at him on the inside like the Cancer had liegerly done. I felt another tear fall down my cheek put quickly whisked it away, reminding myself I had to be strong for Eli, it was my turn to be eaten alive by something. I could hear the doctor still talking about kemo (hope I spelled that right) therapy and treatment options to Cici ( Eli's mom) but I couldn't really make out his actual words over my own silent agony and Eli's labored breathing ( not from his lung cancer)
I wanted to crumble and lay on the floor bawling my eyes out and pounding my fists against the floor in a tantrum but I knew I couldn't and it wasn't for the reason that it would be incredibly immature and I would be embarrassed it was because Eli needed me right where I was now, sitting next to him on the hospital bed holding his flaming hot hand interlaced with mine and his head laying soundlessly on my slightly shaking shoulder.
I sighed to myself and held myself stiffer, I was hoping Eli would let out his inter sorrow and despair and cry right here, right now that would help me out too, but I knew that was never going to happen. Besides as I constantly had to keep reminding myself this wasn't about me anymore it was all about Eli, and only Eli.
