The Bizarre Saga: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 3: Insane Pyro Saria
Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link tried to eat a rock, Navi corrected Link's stupid mistakes, Saria went graverobbing, and Gabe, the talking owl, began to stalk them.
Now for Chapter Three.
"BLOW UP THE ROCK!" Saria yelled. She chucked a bomb over the edge of the cliff and blew up the rock blocking the way to Dodongo's Cavern. The sign next to it blew up as well. "MEH HE HE HE HE HE HE!"
So Link, Navi and a very crazy Saria entered into the cavern.
"BLOW UP THE WALL!" Saria threw a bomb flower at the wall and it exploded, going into the cavern. "MEH HE HE HE HE HE HE!"
"Well someone's hyper today," Navi stated.
"Who's hyper?" Saria asked, holding a half empty bottle of Pepsi.
"BLOW UP THE LIZARDS!" Saria yelled. She paused. "… Dang it! No bomb flowers in here… STAB THE LIZARDS!" Saria stabbed the lizards and killed them both immediately. "MEH HE HE HE HE HE HE!"
"Yay!" Link cheered.
Navi sighed.
"BOMB THE DODONGOES!" Saria shouted and threw a bomb at a Dodongo. The Dodongo swallowed it and died. "MEH HE HE HE HE HE HE HE!"
"Okay, that laugh is really getting annoying, Saria," Navi stated.
"WHATEVER! MEH HE HE!" Navi sighed.
Saria got a Bomb Bag!
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMBS!" Saria screeched like a possessed person. "NOW I DON'T NEED TO PICK BOMB FLOWERS ANYMORE!MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Hehehehehe!" Link laughed. "Bombs…"
"How is Saria being here supposed to make this easier again?" Navi muttered.
"GIIIIIIAAAANT DODONGOO! EXTERMINATE IT!" Saria screamed. She began chucking bombs at it non-stop. They all landed in its mouth, killing it because of all the explosions. "HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!" Saria began laughing uncontrollably.
King Dodongo rolled into the lava and the lava hardened. A Heart Container and a blue light appeared.
"YAAAY!" Link cheered. "We did it!"
Link got a Heart Container!
"You two need some water…" Navi mumbled.
"You did it, kids!" Darunia exclaimed when the three exited the cavern. "Take this!"
Saria got the Goron's Ruby!
"Two down, one to go!" Saria said.
"You should also go see the Great Fairy on top of Death Mountain! She'll surely help you!" Darunia told them.
Two Gorons fell down beside Darunia, "TIME FOR A BIG OL' GORON HUG!" they both said.
"AHH!" Link and Saria screamed.
"I don't wanna go in!" Link insisted once they got to the top of Death Mountain. "What if the Great Fairy is ugly?"
"She's the Great Fairy," Navi said. "She's not going to be ugly."
So the three entered. The Great Fairy came out of the fountain.
"EEEEEEK!" Saria screamed. "She's hideous!"
"My poor eyes!" Navi yelled.
"THE EXCESSIVENESS OF NO CLOTHES IS BLINDING ME!" Link shouted.
"Hello! I'm the Great Fairy of Power!" the Great Fairy greeted. "I'm going to give to magic power!"
"Make it snappy because I can't look at you anymore!" Navi said. Dang, gurl.
Link and Saria got Magic Power!
"A friend of mine is at Hyrule Castle! You should go see her!" Then the three dashed out immeditely. They found Gabe sitting on a sign next to the cave.
"Oh, and what do you want?" Saria asked.
"Actually, I was going to give you a ride down the mountain, but since you never arrived at Hyrule Castle, I'm not giving you one," Gabe replied.
"Yes we did, we just got dropped in by a plane rather than whatever path you were on," Navi said.
"Neither did you show up at the Lost Woods when you were supposed to go learn Saria's Song!"
"Saria is with us, that's why we didn't go."
"I'm still not giving you a ride. It's part of my contract that if you skip one of my speeches, I don't help you in return."
"SCREW THE CONTRACT, I HAVE BOMBS!" Saria yelled.
"Screw you, I can fly!"
Saria hissed at him and drew her sword, "I will do it!" Saria inched closer and closer to Gabe.
"Okay okay okay! But I might get fired!"
"Serves you right!"
"But I don't want to do any side quests!" Link complained.
"Come on Link, it won't hurt to do a few," Navi said. "We should take a little break from gathering the stones."
"We've only actually traveled to get one," Saria stated, drinking a can of Coco-Cola.
"I don't care, you weren't here for the first one. And who knows what we might have to do for the next stone!"
"Whatever…"
So first, Link gathered up the cuccos for Anju. He approached her with a handful of cuccos.
"I finally… got them all…" Link panted and threw them all into the pen.
"Good job! Now take this reward!" Anju said.
Link got a Bottle!
"Are you kidding me?" Link asked. "I worked for an hour trying to get all those cuccos and all I get is a bottle?"
"Yep!" Anju replied.
"Gah! How did that cucco get inside that sealed box anyway?!"
Next, Link, Saria and Navi went to the Lon Lon Ranch.
"Lon Lon Ranch?" Saria read the sign. "Does that mean there are cheeseburgers here? Most of their ingredients come from ranch related items."
"I am pretty hungry," Link said.
"Me too," Navi added. They walked into the house. "Hi there! We'd like to order…"
They all paused.
The house was full of cuccos. No humans in sight.
"… Maybe we went into the wrong building…" Link stated.
"Excuse me sir!" Link called to Ingo. "Are you the owner of the ranch?"
"I wish," Ingo replied. "The owner has been gone for a week now. He left to deliver milk to Hyrule Castle and hasn't come back yet."
"I didn't know so many things happened at Hyrule Castle… If we didn't get dropped into the courtyard immediantly, the owner would probably be back here…"
"Are you the only person here?" Navi asked.
"Yes. It's been this way for a whole entire week, like I said!" Ingo said.
"Why don't you take over the ranch then?" Saria suggested.
"Hmm… I didn't think of that… Since his daughter isn't here either, I suppose I could…"
"I need to go to Hyrule Castle real quick," Navi stated and flew off. With nothing else to do, Link walked into the middle of the horse field. He found a red horse.
"Aww, you're so cute!" Link exclaimed.
A while later, Navi finally came back with the fat owner of the ranch and his daughter.
"Dad, I'm going to make you watch Teletubbies for an hour!" Malon, his daughter, yelled.
"NOOO!" Talon, the owner, screeched.
"Oh, hi there!" Malon exclaimed when she noticed Link in the field. "How long have you been here?"
"For about an hour or something," Link replied. "I'm playing with this horse right here!" Link pet the red horse.
"Oh, that's Epona, my horse. It's very unlike her to be so open to a stranger."
"Actually, she was pretty freaked out at first, and then I bribed her with carrots."
"Oh. Well, learn this song that my horse likes because I need to teach it to somebody already." Malon sang Epona's Song. Link did nothing. "Come on! Play it on something."
"I'm not the one with the ocarina. Saria is."
"Then just tell her what the song is. Do something!"
"Okay, okay."
Link walked into the building to find Saria playing the cucco game with Talon. She had thrown all the normal cuccos behind a box and easily picked up all the special cuccos.
"Well I'll be darned!" Talon exclaimed once she picked up the last special cucco. "It's plum incredible! Here, take this bottle filled with milk as a prize!"
Saria got a Bottle full of Lon Lon Milk!
"Hey Saria!" Link said.
"Huh? What?" Saria asked, holding her prize.
"A girl taught me this song and you're the one with the insturment."
"Okay, how did the song go?"
Link horribly sang it, but somehow Saria knew what notes he was trying to sing. She played the song and Epona(the horse) broke down the door.
"Hehehe…" Saria laughed, for she had an idea. "Come on, let's get out of here."
"Hey Navi, guess what?" Saria told Navi once they were outside.
"What?" Navi asked.
"I got us a horse!"
"Where is it?"
"Right…" Saria played Epona's Song and Epona ran up to her. "… here!"
"Is that horse even old enough to be ridden?"
"Let's see!" Saria tried to climb on Epona's back. Navi could've sworn she heard Epona say "AUGH! MAH BACK!". "I guess not. Get outta here." Saria pushed Epona back into the ranch.
"The Great Fairy said there was another fountain at Hyrule Castle," Navi said. "Maybe we should go there…"
"But she's hideous!" Link shouted.
"But we have to go there, Link. Maybe this time she'll give us something worth coming."
"I sure hope so…"
"BLOW UP THE ROCK! AGAIN!" Saria yelled, tossing a bomb at the rock near Hyrule Castle. The guards must have been deaf because they didn't hear the massive explosion. Behind the rock was a hole.
"All right, somebody has to go in," Navi said.
"I'll go…" Saria muttered. "I'd have to go anyway because I'm the one with an ocarina…" She crawled into the hole and walked up to the fountain.
Saria braced herself and approached the fountain. The hideous Great Fairy came out.
"Hello there! I am the Great Fairy of Magic!" the Great Fairy greeted.
"Just give me the thing so I can get out of here…" Saria muttered.
Saria got Din's Fire!
"Hmm?"
"What did you get?" Navi asked Saria when she came back out.
"Oh, I'll show you!" Saria replied.
She used Din's Fire. There was much suffering.
