"Explain it to me again," Aelin asked from the floor. She'd returned from Adarlan after receiving a message from Aedion that there was urgent business she needed to attend to. Aedion and Lysandra had tried to explain the situation to her the second she'd set foot in her castle in Terrasen, but Aelin hadn't let them finish before sprinting down to the dungeons where Rowan was being kept comfortably. She'd barred anyone else from entering the room. After being in the room with Rowan for less than five minutes, she'd exited, walked up to her bedroom and collapsed in a corner. She hadn't shed a single tear or moved in 24 hours.
Which is exactly where Aedion found her after returning from another trip to the dungeons. "Aelin, I've told you seven times now. He just wandered up to the gates, not knowing who or where he was, asking for water. People started hugging him and talking to him and he was so out of it…he didn't even know his own name. He can't remember anything."
Aelin nodded. "I've spent months picturing our reunion. I'd jump into his arms and he'd smile and smell my hair and kiss me…" She trailed off. "But he has no idea. He has no idea who I am. Who he is."
"I'm so sorry," Aedion said. "We are doing everything we can to try and get his memory restored."
"He doesn't smell the same," Aelin looked up at him. "There's something…off. I used to be able to scent him half a mile away. I know his scent like I know my own heartbeat. And it's like there's something missing."
"You know we're going to keep trying," Aedion said.
Aelin nodded. But she knew, deep down, in the dark corners of her soul, that the Rowan she knew and loved was gone.
"I think it's time for a drink or six," Lysandra announced upon entering the room. She looked Aedion up and down before heading straight to the corner where Aelin sat curled up in a ball. "No moping. Not this time."
Lysandra pulled Aelin up from the floor and shoved her towards the bathroom to wash up.
Once he heard the water running, Aedion shook his head at Lysandra and leaned in to whisper in her ear so that Aelin couldn't hear. "Is this really the best idea?."
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing. This is the only way she'll properly deal with her emotions."
"Just be careful," he said, before taking a step back.
"Always am," she winked at him.
Aedion stormed into the room. "Would one of you like to explain what happened between you two, Fleetfoot and the gardener?"
"Depends on who's asking," Aelin giggled before taking a sip from the bottle in front of her.
"Me. I'm asking. Because I just came back from a meeting with my guards and they seemed to think -"
At this moment, Aelin and Lysandra broke into a fit of laughter, reliving the afternoon's events. Aedion couldn't follow a single word.
They continued to giggle uncontrollably. "And then," Lysandra wheezed through tears, "Fleetfoot pulled on the end of the hose and the water sprayed places you definitely do not want to be sprayed." Aelin, whose laughter had gotten the best of her, chose this moment to fall out of her chair.
"Is this all some big joke to you?" He growled.
Aelin composed herself before she lifted her head and looked directly at him. "For every second of the past three days, I've wished Chaol had never shipped me off to Wendlyn."
"What? How can you think that?" Aedion asked, confused by the sudden turn in the conversation.
"I can't help but think about it. Especially with all the…alcohol. What if I never met Rowan? Would I have gotten this far? Would I have been able to take back my kingdom? Part of me doesn't think so. But the other part, the strong part, knows that I would have been able to do it. It knows that I was, that I am, strong enough to have done it on my own. But that's what I needed to understand and why I needed some time to just clear my head and think. He doesn't define me. He never did."
"No man should ever define you," Lysandra added, rather proudly.
"I wasn't suggesting that he did. But I don't think staring at the bottom of a bottle is the way to get a clear head. You spent six months in a nearly comatose state waiting for him to return…and now that he has…it's just, it seems like you don't even care."
"You think I don't care?" Aelin growled, deeper and angrier than Aedion had heard in recent years. She took a step towards him, and he took two steps back.
"It's just…"
"Is this because of the incident with the gardener? Because that was a one time thing," Lysandra interrupted.
He gave her a look that clearly meant she needed to be quiet. "No. It's just that you've only visited him once. And you both have basically been drinking and eating nonstop ever since."
"AND YOU THINK IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T CARE?" Aelin yelled.
"Oh dear, now you've really upset her," Lysandra mumbled, taking another sip from the bottle of wine in front of her.
"Give me that," Aedion said grabbing the bottle and taking a massive swig for himself.
"AEDION," Aelin bellowed, taking several steps towards him again. He moved again so that a table stood between them. Laying her hands on the table, she leaned towards him. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason I haven't gone to see him or that I've been drinking for three straight days is because I care too much?"
"Aelin -" Aedion began. He stopped short when she held her hand up.
"When I went to see him, something inside of me just…broke. I broke. I thought our love was stronger than anything. I thought that if I looked at him hard enough, he'd remember everything we've been through and he would come back to me. When I said I wanted him home, I meant it. But not like this. I never wanted this."
He started to take a step towards her but she shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Leave me alone, Aedion. I'll stop the drinking. Tomorrow. Let me have this one final night to pretend that nothing else exists except for this bottle of wine. And then tomorrow, you and I will get back to work running this kingdom."
"And what about Rowan?" Aedion asked, somewhat hesitantly. "What do you want to do about him?"
"I actually have an idea," Lysandra announced from the corner of the room. "But it's going to take some time. Months probably. And lots and lots practice."
Aelin walked slowly down the steps to the dungeon where Rowan was being held. She'd tried to have him moved to one of the bedrooms in the upper levels of the castle a few weeks, but Aedion had insisted he be kept locked up until they knew exactly what was wrong with him. His argument was that he could be under the influence of some dark creature, sent here to kill the Queen since he was once close to her. Aedion wasn't going to take that chance and Aelin couldn't completely disagree with him.
She wore a black lace gown with a long train that trailed several steps behind her. She'd tied her hair up in a loose bun, a few strands framing her face. She tucked one behind her ear, letting out a sigh. She felt like she was heading to a funeral. Maybe she was.
She arrived at his room, nodding to the guards standing outside that it was okay. They both stepped back to let her through. Placing both hands on the door, she took a deep breath before entering the room.
Rowan was sitting on the bed in the corner of the room. He looked exactly the same as the day he'd left her. It had been months since he'd returned to the castle. She'd lost count of how many. She'd come to visit him a few times, to try and get a sense of whether the person she loved was still buried inside him. But after every visit, she walked away feeling less and less optimistic. There was no way Lysandra's plan would work, but she owed it to Rowan to at least try. It had taken weeks of research and months of practice and she still didn't feel like she was ready. But it was time to stop procrastinating.
She sat down on the chair across from him. He turned to look at her.
"I heard the guards talking last week," he said. "They said you used to love me. Is that true?"
She nearly choked on the pain. "It's true."
"I wish I could remember."
She nodded, giving him a weak smile. Rowan was hers. He would always be hers. But this soul, this creature, who inhabited Rowan's body, he wasn't.
"Loving you has destroyed me," Aelin whispered to the Rowan who wasn't really Rowan. "And for that, I am so sorry."
And then she blasted him with all the healing power that she had.
