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Behind Closed Doors
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This wasn't necessarily the most romantic of restaurants Piper had ever been to, but she had too little energy in order to complain. She could smell burnt toast, and a whiff of something sweet in the air –– frowning to herself, Piper sat down beside Larry, who was already busy studying the menu. Opposite them was Polly and her new boyfriend, Pete. Although they had just met, Piper had to admit he wasn't such a bad guy, which was a huge deal considering she was incredibly picky when it came to Polly's boyfriends. After all, she liked to make sure her best friend was with someone who would make her happy.
For a couple of minutes, the two couples were quiet. Piper drummed her fingers against the table, scanning the area. On a table not too far away were a group of men, who must either be stupid or half deaf considering they were shouting at each other instead of talking normally. Piper grimaced. Perfect. That was exactly what she needed tonight. Big, loud men whose egos were so large they could barely fit into the damn restaurant. Larry seemed to notice Piper's lack of enthusiasm.
'We can move,' he suggested, glancing at Pete for confirmation.
However, Piper just shook her head. 'No, it's okay.' She smiled shortly at him, but she knew it looked forced. In an attempt to distract herself, she faced Polly. 'So, I heard from Doctor Healy that some of us are going to be assigned with "special" patients with "special" diseases so we can treat them with "special" medicine.'
'Your sarcasm could cut brick,' Polly replied. 'It's true, though. He hasn't actually specified what these "special" diseases are, but I'm excited.'
Larry cleared his throat, catching the girls' attention. 'Can we, maybe, not talk about medicine when you're both off duty?' The way he said it, almost timidly, sent a wave of guilt through Piper. She had to admit, he had a point; it was unfair of her to be discussing work when this was the first time in ages they were able to spend time together. 'Pete, what is it you do for a career?'
As well as guilt, Piper also felt boredom. When Pete admitted he was a full-time professional writer, both he and Larry were lost in conversation about the brilliance of words and forming sentences with said words. Piper looked at her best friend, and gave her a look Polly only registered as "Do I have to be here?". After receiving a stern glare from her, Piper straightened in her seat and pretended to act interested. She watched Larry, propped on one elbow, and had to admit he was a bit of a fucking hypocrite.
That thought nearly made her flinch. She had never thought badly about her soon-to-be husband. She liked Larry because he was passionate about his work, even if he never got any. And she liked Larry because he always welcomed her home with food, and really nice food at that. He made her laugh and smile, and they watched Mad Men together in bed when she had her days off. It was all good, it was pleasant and nice; she easily fell for him because he accepted her job and how demanding it was. And he always made up for the time they lost because of Piper's internship.
Piper jumped in her seat when one of the loud men from behind roared with laughter. Polly snorted. 'I think they're having a competition over who has the biggest dick.'
'That's going to be tricky, seeing as they don't have one.'
'Oh, Piper, medicine has made you so bitter.'
'And yet, so honest.'
'And humble, too!'
The blonde smiled at her, and turned to Polly's boyfriend. 'Pete, if there's one thing you should know about Polly, it's that she is a sarcastic asshole.'
Polly gaped, 'Hey, says you. Larry, if there's one thing you should know about Piper, it's that she's an absolute dick. Oh wait, I guess you already know that––'
'Just because I like to tell the truth, doesn't mean I'm a dick.'
'Bullshit. I bet you haven't even told Larry about you flirting with patients,' Polly laughed, 'Have no fear, though. She is absolutely straight, despite enjoying the company of a certain female patient. I forget her name.'
'Well, her first name is "fuck you" and her last is "shut the fuck up".'
'Wow, I can already tell she's a charmer.'
They fell into mischievous snickering after that, and from the corner of her eye Piper could see Pete grinning at the two of them. Larry, on the other hand, had stopped smiling altogether, and was staring at Piper with a mix of concern and anger. By the time they had calmed down, a waitress appeared to take their orders. They agreed to share a plate of nachos with an assortment of dips and melted cheese. Once she was gone, Larry turned to face Piper properly.
Immediately Piper realised she was in trouble. 'What female patient?'
Polly had stopped grinning when she, too, figured out she had gone too far. Possibly out of feeling awkward, Pete decided to just stare at his pint of beer, quiet. Piper laughed once, in an attempt to ease the tension. 'Polly was joking. I don't flirt with patients. And not female ones, either.'
'Okay.' Larry forced a smile. 'You know, I thought being a doctor was about treating patients not trying to, I don't know, hit on them.'
'I just said I haven't been flirting. Larry, what's going on?'
'Nothing.'
'I was playing around,' Polly defended, to Piper's relief. 'Piper is really professional at what she does, and I wasn't being serious, Larry.' There was a long pause, and she quickly added, 'Anyway, Piper can't shut up about how excited she is about the wedding.'
This wasn't true. In fact, both Piper and Polly knew she hadn't mentioned the wedding at all. When Larry proposed to her, she had just started her internship. After a week, she had almost forgotten completely she was engaged, and this wasn't something she was happy to admit. 'Are you getting married in a Church?' Pete asked, his eyes darting between the two.
Larry responded. 'At the moment, we're not sure, but probably, yeah.'
'Do you have a dress yet, Piper? Or are you going to do it in your scrubs?'
This made Larry chortle. Piper smiled crookedly. 'I don't know. I might do.' She was pleased Larry found her reply funny as well, but there was still something off in the way he looked at her.
Their nachos arrived, and immediately the two interns dug in, starving. For the past week or so, the only food they were able to consume was hospital food, which wasn't all that tasty. In fact, Piper was certain she had been eating plastic. The nachos made her mouth water and she gasped in pleasure, which made Polly laugh at her. Of course Pete was able to understand the humour of it all, but Larry still stood his distance. For the rest of the night, Polly and Piper silently agreed to not discuss work.
Suddenly Piper's pager started beeping. Mouth full of food, she groaned in frustration and removed the pager from her pocket. 'Fuck,' she muttered, accidentally spitting out some nacho in Polly's direction.
'Yeah, fuck to you too,' Polly cringed, managing to dodge several crumbs.
'I have to go.' Piper swallowed, wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve and quickly kissed Larry's cheek. 'I'll be back home later. Pete, it was nice to meet you.'
'You too,' Pete smiled.
Sharing a short glance at Polly, Piper hurried out of the restaurant and made her way to the hospital.
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It was grim. Piper's attending swore loudly when the patient couldn't be resuscitated. They had shocked him three times, increasing the voltage with each go, but all was unsuccessful. Piper looked at the fairly young patient one last time before she called time of death and let the nurses take charge. She followed her attending out of the ward, and even though he had been doing this job for several years, he was still phased by death. In a way, Piper found this inspiring: he was still human, and he still felt emotions; still considered others before himself. Yet, in other ways, it was a disaster.
Death was a common friend in the hospital, and, sometimes, the cause had nothing to do with the competence of the doctor. It was simply the patient's time; their hearts were incapable of pumping the blood around their body for much longer; or they just died of natural causes. She had heard about the most gruesome deaths, particularly ones that occurred up in surgery, and she knew, one day, that sort of blood would be on her hands. It was not a time she was looking forward to.
Some doctors called it a right of passage. The day Piper lost a patient she was treating herself, she could finally call herself a proper doctor. It made her sick to her stomach. The attending slammed the deceased patient's chart onto the nurses' desk, and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. His name was Doctor Bennett, and Piper liked him: he was stern at times, but he was kind and had a nice smile. Unlike most attendings, he tended to go easy on the interns. For the most part, at least.
Apparently there was rumour Bennett was having a secret affair with a nurse, but Piper didn't like to stick her nose in gossip that wasn't her business. Obediently, she waited for her attending to recover. It didn't take long. He sighed, and looked up, nodded shortly. 'Thank you for coming in, Chapman. Although it was a waste of time, I suppose,' he exhaled.
Piper just smiled sympathetically.
'How about you check on your patients, while you're here? Try not to do the mistake that I've done and lose one.'
Self-blame was a dangerous trap for doctors, and it was crucial they didn't feel guilty for long. Otherwise, they never pulled through. Piper was a little worried about Bennett, but as he walked away, she was certain he would be all right. Collecting two of her patients' charts, she obeyed her attending's suggestion. Her first patient was asleep, and was stable; there wasn't much to do. She then proceeded onto her next, but when she arrived at her ward, Piper was irritated to discover she wasn't in bed.
Brilliant. Piper scowled, and turned to a nearby nurse, 'Where's my patient?' She demanded, but the nurse simply shrugged and continued her work.
Sighing loudly, Piper started her search. She checked outside where the smokers were, then the waiting room, and finally the cafeteria. Despite her annoyance, Piper was relieved to discover Alex here. She still wore her hospital gown, but with a hoody over the top. The cafeteria was mainly empty; just the odd doctor on his break, and two other patients chatting in the corner. Alex was sipping on a glass of water, her feet up on the chair opposite the table she sat behind.
Piper approached her, 'I've been looking all over for you!'
'Why? Did you miss me?' Alex queried, placing her glass of water down. She held her gaze, and then dropped her feet, pushing the chair back. 'Sit down. Keep me company. It's getting pretty depressing down here.'
'I––' Piper exhaled. 'Alex, I have patients.'
'They're sleeping,' she insisted.
Peering over her shoulder, Piper checked to make sure no attendings were watching. Then, she grabbed the chair and sat down. She raised her gaze to look at Alex, who had returned to idly sipping her water, her attention now on the window. It was already dark, but the lights offered them a small view of outside. Piper was quiet for a moment, and she caught herself watching Alex for longer than was considered appropriate. For some reason, Alex's company held a certain calmness.
It was easy being around her. It wasn't awkward, and there was no pressure to start up a conversation. Alex was cool in a sense that she didn't have to try. She was cool, but edgy; laid back. Or, at least that was what Piper assumed. She didn't know the woman at all, though, except her symptoms. 'Did you have any visitors today?' Piper asked.
'No.' Alex twitched a smile. 'I don't do visitors.'
'Why?'
'Just don't,' Alex replied, raising the glass to her lips.
Piper didn't argue. She raised her brows, gazing at the table. 'I went on a double date with my best friend today. Her new boyfriend seems nice.'
'Sounds like you had an exciting time,' Alex's eyes glinted with humour, and Piper rolled her eyes. 'What happened? You seem blue.'
Inhaling deeply, Piper leaned back against her seat, avoiding her gaze, but not out of timidness. More due to the fact she was lost in thought. There was something haunting, yet peaceful about the hospital at night. 'Sometimes, I think everything around me is crumbling away.' She craned her neck to the side, 'Like, I used to be quite sociable, but now... now, I barely have the chance to even say "hello" to Larry. I haven't called my mum in over a week. Everything's just changing.'
'That means you're doing your job well,' Alex said. Piper smiled softly at her, and she let Alex watch her for a moment, before the raven-haired woman straightened and removed her glasses. There was a redness around her eyes, and dark rings. She looked tired; ill. 'I hate this fucking place.'
'I know. You've been taking your meds, right?'
Alex nodded. 'Do you have any idea how much I'd kill for a sip of vodka?' She rubbed her eyes, and groaned. Piper grinned, and laughed lightly. 'This fucking TB is ruining my life.' Alex grimaced, her hand pressing just above her abdomen. 'No position is comfortable. Fucking stomach ache won't piss off elsewhere.'
'The drugs should have stopped the pain,' Piper said.
'Yeah. They should have.'
'Are you resistant to them?' Piper narrowed her brows. 'Why didn't you say? Alex, that's crucial––'
'Kid, give it up.' Alex exhaled heavily. 'I don't want to talk about this.'
However, Piper was already on her feet, concern written all over her expression. 'I should have known. How could I have missed that?'
'Missed what?'
'That the drugs aren't working!'
'They are. Ish. I mean, they stop the pain temporarily. Until I start vomiting blood again.'
'Vomiting?' Piper felt her anger spike when Alex rolled her eyes, and pressed a hand to her temple in frustration. 'Alex, what the hell? In the chart it said you've been coughing up blood - there's a difference. Fucking charts,' Piper ran her hands through her hair, jarring her teeth. 'God, not only am I ruining my engagement, I'm also screwing up on my patients' symptoms.'
The patient said nothing, and it took Piper a moment to realise how unprofessionally she was behaving. She glanced at Alex once, then turned away.
'Doctors do this all the time,' she whispered, more to herself. 'I just–– I just don't want to be one of them.'
'Kid?'
'Yeah?'
'Shut the fuck up.' Piper gaped at her, but Alex quickly cut her off, 'I gave up giving a shit about my health ages ago, so go rant somewhere else, but not with me. I came here because it's quiet, and because my ward stinks of piss.'
Piper softened her expression and fidgeted. 'You may not care about your health,' she said softly. 'But I do.'
'Because it's your job.'
'No, I do.' Piper returned to her seat, looking helpless. She didn't know this woman at all, but she liked her. She liked Alex enough in order to care about her. 'I just wish you'd told me sooner that you weren't feeling any better. Alex, that's all I'm asking for: your cooperation.'
There wasn't a reply, but Piper knew Alex had agreed, even if it was reluctant. Piper hated the lack of enthusiasm in Alex's eyes, though. It sent a shiver down her spine, and she suddenly felt desperate to help her. She had read Alex's medical history last night, and discovered this woman had been going into the hospital since she was five years old. The first time was due to asthma attacks, even minor heart problems, until, finally, the tuberculosis which was messy from the start.
Piper leaned forwards, 'I lost a patient today. Well, he wasn't my patient, but I was shadowing my attending with the patient's treatments.' She paused, swallowed, and shuffled closer, 'Alex, I'm not going to lose you. You're not going to be the first patient I lose. You won't be.'
'You can't force me to take my meds, kid.'
Something snapped. Piper wasn't sure what made her so upset and angry. Tears stung her eyes, and she nearly toppled the table over in fury. She was exhausted, so fucking exhausted, and she was sick of Larry, her patients, and she was sick of the lack of cooperation. Maybe she was naïve –– no, Piper was naïve –– but she at least expected her patients to want to get better. To hear Alex imply she wasn't willing to get healthy again pissed Piper off. Made her shake with rage.
Yes, yes, Alex had been through shit as a child. This hospital might as well be her second home, but that was no excuse. 'I know I tend to have the god-complex problem, but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of understanding where you're coming from. Why won't you let me help you? Is–– is it because I'm an intern? Because if that bothers you, I'll have my attending treat you.'
'It's got nothing to do with you,' Alex replied, tone lifeless.
She wasn't bothered by Piper's reaction. She didn't care. 'Alex, please. Stop being such an ass–– a-hole, and let me help you.'
'An ass a-hole, eh?' Alex cocked a brow.
'Fuck's sake.' Piper ran her hands down her face. 'I can treat you. You've got to believe me. You can call me "kid" and criticise the way I doctor people, but just give me a chance, at least. Just have a little hope –– for me.' Piper sighed, 'For me, have some hope.'
The way Alex watched her made Piper look away in embarrassment. The lifelessness in her eyes disappeared somewhat, and she offered a small smile. Piper leaned back in her seat again, watching the table. She had never felt so determined to help a patient; never, and this was usually –– if not, always –– because she didn't have the energy. With Alex, though, Piper had to convince her. She was one of her very first patients, one of her very first severe patients, and she had to do well.
Yet, in the back of her mind, she knew there was something else too.
Piper quickly shook that thought off.
'Don't you think you should head back to the fiancé?'
Yes. Piper should head back; Larry was probably expecting her. 'I'm not going anywhere until you promise to let me treat you.'
'You're a stubborn one,' Alex squinted. 'I like that in a woman.'
Piper rolled her eyes playfully. 'Who are you? Seriously. Do you live near here?'
A shrug. 'Here and there. Wherever suits me best. Depends on my mood.'
She laughed a little. 'Okay. What about family?'
'I had a mum.'
Had. Piper's smile fell. 'Sorry...'
'It happened about four years ago. No point apologising, kid. And yourself?'
'A mum, dad. Brother, as well.'
'The whole thing,' Alex sipped her water. 'Good for you.' There was a hint of envy in her tone, almost close to loathing, but Piper overlooked that. She had a hunch why Alex felt such a way towards Piper's complete family, although, really, it wasn't complete at all. 'I'll let you treat me. But, if the meds don't work, you've got to let me leave. Even if it's against medical advice.'
Piper took this harshly. She curled her lower lip, then shook her head. 'Fine. That won't happen, though.'
'You should toddle off.'
The blonde glanced at the clock on the wall. She hesitated, and then looked at Alex. There was a ghost of a smile on her lips as she finished her glass of water. Piper slumped her shoulders when the slightly older woman stood up and walked past the table. She was expecting her to leave, but was slightly caught by surprise when Alex leaned over and brushed over a loose strand of hair from Piper's face.
'That was bothering me.' She grinned crookedly. 'Good night, kid.'
'Good night,' Piper replied, her voice barely a whisper. She frowned to herself, and faced forwards, staring at Alex's empty glass. Although the gesture was small, Piper felt a little chill when Alex touched her. She couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. Whether it was the fact Alex was confident enough to arrange her hair, or how she looked at her, those green eyes suddenly electrifying and filled with mystery that Piper couldn't decipher. Or, maybe it was the closeness, how she could feel Alex's warm breath tickle her cheek.
Or, maybe Piper was just stupid.
Piper shuddered, but not because of the cold.
By the time she was home, the lights were off, and there was a small note left on the table:
Waited for you. Guess work stole our night again. Maybe another time?
See you in the morning.
–– Larry.
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