-gasp- An update just after one day? What is this?

Neh I just got really revved up with this fic, ya know? xD

Anyway, a crappy yet longer chapter here and it might get a bit confusing since me brain is pretty fogged up from all the work I've done.

Enjoy neh? :3

I do not own Hetalia.

~AVR

Chapter 2:

Why?

Dear Journal,

Why can't they see that I'm really hurting inside, Journal? Why can't they see that this… this tough exterior of mine is merely a façade? It hurts, Journal. It hurts that they don't even try to bother to learn more about me. Why can't they just spare a few minutes just to know me? Just to know how I truly feel? Is it because of my cursing? Is that it? That's just bullshit, Journal. A lot of those bastards curse as much as I do. I just get more attention since they've already set me as the default when it comes to cursing and "eccentric and violent" behavior.

Am I really that bad?

I just want one friend, goddamnit! One friend that would.. that would stick, you know? No one really stayed with me for a long period of time as far as I could remember. Ever since..

Ever since Veneziano came into my life.

I don't really hate him, Journal. Don't get me wrong. I fucking love that dimwit. I'm just.. I'm just so fucking jealous of how perfect he it.

Every fucking time, he tells me that I'm his most beloved brother but.. Why can't he see that his "beloved big brother" is hurting?

I just.. damn.

I don't want to be here anymore.

End.

-o0o-

Beep. Beep. Beep..

The steady beat of the heart monitor woke the young Italian from his deep slumber. He tried to sit up but felt that his body was restrained by something. "Ugh.." he groaned as his eyes fluttered open and shut. 'Where the hell am I?'he asked himself.

He took a deep sigh then forced his eyes wide open, revealing a pair of groggy jade orbs. White, he though glumly. All he could see was white so his only conclusion was: hospital. He was at a fucking hospital. Now, the question was why was he at a fucking hospital.

Almost immediately, the brunet felt a stinging sensation on both of his wrists then winced. Oh yeah, that's why.

He raised his left arm then stared at the bandaged wrists, a little bit of crimson leaking through the cloth. Tch, perfect. He, Lovino Vargas, was so useless that he couldn't even fucking die properly.

Setting his head back down on his pillow, he tried once more to fall asleep. He was close to succeeding when the door suddenly opened and noise flooded on the once quite room.

"—just can't understand why he did it! He never told me anything and I'm his fratello, ve!"

The Southern Italian groaned inwardly when he heard the whiney voice of his younger brother. 'Get lost, Veneziano,' he thought with a sigh.

"I never noticed anything, either." It was a deeper and gruffer voice now. Tch, potato bastard. The voice sounded a bit puzzled yet worried at the same time though how he managed to combine those, he had absolutely no idea nor did he care.

Lovino felt the edge of his bed dip and he cracked open his right eyelid just to see who the fuck even bothered to lay down in his bed.

"Fratello.." Feliciano sniffled a little as he clutched the pristine white sheets. His usually happy smile was completely wiped out of his face and the rims of his eyes were red and puffy from crying. Lovino felt his stomach clench at the sight. He didn't want his brother to be this way especially because of him.

You bring nothing but pain and misery, said a tiny voice inside his mind.

Shut up, he said to it. You know nothing of me.

Oh? It crooned. Oh dear Lovi, I know eeeeeverything about you! I am you, after all.

His fists tightened into a ball as he tried to fight the thoughts away when the door opened once again.

"How is he?" Oh Dio, Antonio.

His heart began to pound, making the heart monitor beep like there's no tomorrow. He tried to slow it down by breathing more slowly. It worked for a couple of moments til he felt his sheets by the foot of the bed dampen.

"Loviiiiiiiiiiiii!" The Spaniard wailed.

Shut up, bastard.

"Why Lovi, why? Why did you do this Lovi?"

I said shut up, goddammit.

"Loviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-"

"WILL YOU JUST FUCKING SHUT UP?"

The other's were stunned at the Southern Italian's outburst. Lovino, however, was seething.

"I'm fucking incapacitated here and all you do is ruin my fucking sleep. Why don't all of you just open the window and die already? Oh my god." He rubbed his temple with his fingers as he mumbled a few more curse words.

"But Loviiii why did you do this?"

It was the question that was on all of their minds as they stared at the Italian on the bed. They quietly waited for the answer (even Feliciano was quiet) and Lovino shrugged.

"Why should I explain myself to you bastards?"

"Why should you—Fratello! How dare you say that! You tried to kill yourself and leave us and all you can say is 'Why should I explain myself to you'? You have no right to—"

"Shut up, Veneziano."

"—talk to us like that when all of us were obviously worried about you and we—"

"I said shut up."

"—Just don't want you to die—"

"Oh what you want, huh?" The older of the siblings glared at Feliciano with a burning hate. "It's always about what you want, right? What about what I want? What if I actually want to die?"

"Just listen fratello—"

"Listen? Listen? You never listened to me so why the hell should I listen to you?"

He roamed his gaze and met the eyes of everyone present in the room. "Get out," he said coldly.

"But Lovi-"

"I said GET OUT! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE ESPECIALLY YOU ANTONIO!"

The Spaniard was stunned at this. HE did not expect this in the slightest. What did he do wrong? What now? Antonio stared helplessly at his former charge and saw that he really was serious about this. Instead of arguing, the older nation stood up then bit his lip.

"A.. alright Lovi.." He tried to smile a little then left without a word.