Chapter 3
4th Floor SGH
As Meredith leaves the stairwell to enter the 4th floor, she runs into Cristina pacing in the hallway. Cristina keeps pacing and Meredith is reluctant to speak trying to choose her words carefully. Anyone who knows Cristina knows that she prides herself on not talking about problems she considers to be private and that, although she opened up once today, she could play the privacy card anytime now. Cristina stands in front of Meredith and starts to say something, then resumes her pacing.
Meredith takes a breath and is about to speak when Cristina is in front of her again talking in a hushed, panicked voice "It is one thing for my friends to know, for Burke to know. But for the whole surgical department. No, wait why am I kidding myself?" Cristina closes her eyes throwing her head back against the wall and lets out a nervous laugh "For the whole hospital to know, that's totally different."
Cristina is now scanning the halls of the hospital, her voice getting louder "In a matter of hours, days I will go from being known in this hospital as Dr. Yang to being that pregnant resident knocked up by her attending. I have worked too hard. This is a nightmare!"
Meredith has no idea what to tell Cristina right now that will help her to feel better. One thing she knows, though, is that having this conversation in the hallway is not helping and pulls Cristina into an empty patient room closing the door behind them.
For a moment, the panic in Cristina's voice is replaced with curiosity as she sees the bed without any linens "Did Mrs. Jefferson die?"
"Cat scan. Cristina, you have to stop panicking."
Cristina is looking at the rain outside trying hard to maintain what is left of her control. Usually, Burke was the only person who freaked her out like this but clearly his baby has the same ability. Amazing.
"Meredith, you go from a surgeon to a human microwave in the blink of an eye, and in a weird twist of fate, accidentally share that news with the surgical team your boyfriend's on then you can talk to me about not panicking."
Cristina was right about her situation. Meredith could think of nothing to refute any of what Cristina had said. Her words were true. To a female resident, pregnancy is a fate worse than death. Cristina is bright, driven and this changes everything. It changes the way other surgeons look at you and quickly eliminates opportunities. It becomes a race to prove you haven't lost a step. A race where victory lies in someone else's skewed perception. They had all seen what Bailey went through with the Chief when she came back to work after giving birth. She had an excellent reputation but when she came back as a mom she had to prove herself all over again everyday and that has not ended. The pregnancy is one thing but being a mommy is forever and that's how female surgeons with babies are perceived. Moms first, surgeons second and no passes are given for moms because their kids are sick or daycare falls through or they are up half the night after being on-call. Those are strikes and after all of the hard work it takes to get this far nobody wants any extra strikes.
"Okay, what do you need me to do?"
Cristina turns away from the window and walks over to Meredith so she is standing directly in front of her "Run interference with Burke."
Meredith can see that Cristina is serious and shakes her head "That is a bad idea. You have to talk to Burke."
"I think Burke's heard me say too much already this morning."
"Cristina!"
Cristina, exhausted, lies on the bed staring up at the ceiling "I am going to talk to him. I just need a little time to think. I need to have a plan before I talk to him and I haven't had enough time to think. Burke and I will have plenty of time to talk." Cristina sits up with a pouty expression "We're going to have to find some place else to live. I'm going to have to give up my motorcycle. I love my motorcycle. How is this even happening?"
They were both silent. Meredith leans against the wall watching Cristina on the bed and she smiles as she understands that this is Cristina's way of saying she's okay with her pregnancy.
She walks over and sits next to her "This is good. You'll be okay."
"You don't know that. I don't know how to be a mom."
"Nobody knows. Not really. They just lie. You're a good liar." Meredith smiles in an attempt to be encouraging.
"I can lie." Cristina appreciated having Meredith as a friend just for comments like that. She understood her as well as anybody. If anyone else had found her in the hallway, there would have been a conversation about whether Cristina was thinking of not having the baby. Cristina knew that Meredith understood that even though she was freaking out those questions didn't need to be asked.
Barely turning her head to look at Cristina, Meredith asks "So, I'm the godmother, right? I mean I'm still your person after Burke."
Cristina wrinkles her forehead throwing herself back onto the bed laughing "Mer, you think maybe we could talk about that later?"
"Sorry" Meredith turns her head to look back towards the window.
Cristina rolls her eyes "Fine. Yes, I'm sure Burke will make this kid have a godsomething or other. More importantly, I am going to need a sane person to help me handle super happy Burke and all those tummy rubbing people. Can you imagine? Just don't make a big deal out of it, okay! I have a feeling too many people are going to be
making big deals out of things right now!"
Meredith is grinning "Agreed"
"People act stupid around babies. I hate stupid people."
"Mrs. Jefferson's going to be back soon."
"Right. That's good that she's not dead." Cristina smiles inappropriately.
Meredith looks at her and stands up "Yes I'm sure Mrs. Jefferson would agree with you. If you want to avoid Preston we should probably get moving. I'm sure that the shock is wearing off of him and he's looking for you."
Cristina gets up off of the bed "I still don't understand why you have to call him that? You don't call Bailey Miranda?" Cristina's leaning against the wall.
Meredith rolls her eyes "That's his name Cristina and last time I checked you weren't dating Bailey. Now do you what my help or not?"
"Yes!"
Meredith opens the door and looks out to see if Burke is in the hallway "Okay, it's all clear. Avoid the stairs. Good luck!"
As Meredith watches Cristina get on the elevator, she smiles thinking how unpredictable Cristina is normally and what a crazy year this is going to be for all of them.
