The four assassins made their way through the lands of Skyrim as they continued to converse with one another,
"I appreciate the assistance," the mage insisted. "I've dealt with daedra before, but honestly, he was the last one I expected to jump back into my life."
"I warned you not to meddle," Lucien said as he walked silently along the freshly fallen leaves, leaving a fine blue mist behind him.
"Well, it was either work for the daedra or spend eternity in limbo, what choice did I have?" the Argonian snapped at the spirit. "I swear, sometimes you sound just like my mother." KaNack turned his head to look over at his fellow sister. "Is Lucien as bossy with you in this realm as he is in mine?"
"I don't have a Lucien," she answered simply.
"You don't?" the caster asked with a hint of disappointment in his voice. "That's a shame. I owe a lot of who I am as a Dark Brotherhood leader to him. Having someone who was there really helped me to embrace that which is the true 'Old Ways'."
A small satisfied smile formed on the Spectral Assassin's face as his conjurer praised him, his ego knew no shame.
"The followers of Sithis have come a long way," the Speaker said as he clasped his hands behind his back and started to enjoy the stroll through the woods. "I am sure that you have your own share of sanctuaries spread all about Skyrim filled with brothers and sisters. There is no camaraderie quite like that of our rather unique family."
"We currently only have Dawnstar and Wayrest," Hecate responded. "But I've only been Listener for about three years now. I don't really have any plans for additional Sanctuaries in Skyrim since I feel that one is plenty. I am more focused on covering all of Tamriel."
"Oh," the Argonian remarked. " I guess that is one means of doing so. With more sanctuaries spread across Skyrim, I thought new assassins could be trained and later relocated across Tamriel." He shrugged his shoulders and looked to his ghost. " To each his or her own, right Buddy?"
"Please stop calling me 'Buddy' in front of them," the spirit requested patiently. "If you keep going between my true name and your title for me, it will only confuse them."
"Old habits die hard," the mage said with a smirk. He looked back at Hecate. "This is your realm, what do you think should be our next step if the Night Mother cannot answer our questions?"
"I suppose our best bet is to speak to Babette. She's the oldest and most scholarly of us," Hecate murmured, trying to change the conversation. She really had no interest in arguing with which Brotherhood was superior.
"Babette," KaNack said with a hint of relief in his voice. "Yes, she always has had an abundant amount of wisdom to share with…"
"By Sithis!" Lucien snarled as he noticed someone resting against a tree ahead of them. His bow materialized in his hands as he aimed the weapon ahead of him. "You have three seconds to lose that smirk, daedra!"
The Argonian tensed when he saw the familiar purple and crimson outfit on the man just ahead of them. He brushed his pale white hair back as he turned to face the group and smiled at them. Sheogorath did not seem even the slightest bit concerned that there was an arrow aimed squarely at his head.
"Put that toy down, you can't kill a god with anything you possess."
Lucien grumbled as he lowered his bow, realizing that even his deadly ethereal bow wouldn't be enough to intimidate the lunatic.
"How do you like that?" the Mad God muttered with a shrug of his shoulders. " Such a welcome and after I put together such a grand reunion of sorts." Sheogorath approached the group, his twisted grin never leaving his face. "After all, it's not every day you get to have two Listeners and Dragonborns in the same plane. This is going to be fun!"
Cicero began to jump up and down with excitement as he grabbed hold of Hecate's arm.
"Ooh! It's Ann Marie!" the Keeper squealed happily.
The daedra turned his head and his smile broadened when he spotted the Fool of Hearts. "Ah, the merry jester. So grand that you too seem to be playing a part in my little game."
"Game?" the Argonian growled. "These are our lives!" The mage could feel his inner fire growing hotter when he saw that Sheogorath didn't lose his look of amusement in the slightest. "You had your fun, now can we please be adults? Return myself and Lachance to our proper worlds and leave the Listener to function in hers."
"Why would I do that? The real excitement is yet to come!" the god circled the group. "Two Dragonborns! Twice the Shouting! Twice the soul sucking! Twice the destruction that can be unleashed!" Sheogorath laughed loudly as he looked in the direction of the Stormcloak camp. "Oh, you know what would really liven things up? If the two of you went down there and just started to Thu'um left and right! Soldiers flying everywhere. Swords and shields scattered about in disarray. Now tell me that doesn't sound like a grand time?"
"Not really," Hecate said carefully. She had never had to deal with daedra lords although it sometimes felt like people were tripping over them left and right. If anyone knew how to deal with a god of madness, it would be Cicero. "What do you think sounds like a good time, my Keeper?"
"Cicero thinks it would be wonderful to spend time with Ann Marie again. We had so much fun with our picnic last time!" the jester laughed merrily. "Also, Cicero thinks it would be good for the two Listeners to get to know each other. Such important people must have such stories to share."
"Yes, the wee Imperial gets it!" the daedra exclaimed as his hand clenched into a fist triumphantly. "See this not as a trial but an opportunity to form a true understanding of what you are!"
Sheogorath's blind eyes turned to Hecate. "Did you not pine when Ulfric betrayed you, my dear? That the one person whom you felt could truly understand you just wanted you to win a silly little war?"
Hecate bowed her head at Sheogorath's words. She had thought she was past the hurt of discovering Ulfric's true nature, but the god was right. She had felt a kinship with the Nord and had wanted to know more of his time as an apprentice to the Greybeards. She held her hands in front of her, not speaking.
The daedra grinned at the Argonian. "Lad, don't tell me you haven't wondered what it would be like to find someone who understood all the stress and pressure that came with becoming a legend?"
"Sheogorath, all I want is to go home," the mage answered darkly as electricity began to crackle from his fingers. "I'm sure my sister here has more important things to do than to amuse your whims."
"I disagree. I can tell that the two of you are simply too curious to allow a moment like this to slip by. After all you have so much in common! You could practically be joined at the hip!" The mad god rubbed his chin and let out a quiet murmur as though in thought. His eyes widened in delight. "Aha! That's it!"
Sheogorath reached forward and clasped his hands on both KaNack and Hecate's shoulders. The mage jumped in surprise and glared at the daedra. He was sure that Sheogorath had done something; it simply was not clear what it was yet.
"This has gone on long enough!" Lachance snarled as he lost his patience. "Return us to where we belong, daedra!"
"Oh shut up, you pesky phantom," Sheogorath grumbled as he flicked his wrist. At once Lucien shrank in size as his form changed to that of a spectral hound.
"Lucien?!" KaNack fell down to his knees as he stared into the confused white eyes of his Spectral Assassin that was starting to become aware of his new appearance. The specter's ears pricked up in alarm and his fur began to bristle in apprehension.
The daedric prince of madness burst into laughter at the sight. " Look at that! He follows after you like a loyal hound! Very appropriate, don't you think?"
The ethereal dog bared its teeth as a vicious growl sounded in his throat. KaNack stood up and gave the daedra a furious look. "Change him back!"
Cicero's mad laughter could be heard at the sight of the ghostly hound than had been the mage's spiritual companion. "Oooh, ooh, do Cicero next!" he insisted.
Sheogorath turned away from the infuriated assassins to look back over at the Imperials. "Leave it to the Fool of Hearts to always want to participate in good old fashioned chaos!"
"Sheogorath!" KaNack snarled angrily.
"Be right with you lad, just keep an eye on Lachance the lapdog," the daedra insisted as he waved the reptile off. The god looked over at Hecate, still grinning madly. "You've been awfully quiet, dear. Do you have nothing at all to say?"
"No, sir," she said, carefully keeping her eyes down.
"No?" He snapped his fingers and a twisted smile plastered on his face as Cicero went through a transformation of his own and standing in his place was a female Imperial. "How about now?! Ha ha!"
KaNack leaned into his casting position and a fireball materialized in his hands. "Dammit! Change our followers back, NOW!" he demanded loudly having had enough madness to last him a lifetime.
Sheogorath continued to laugh loudly and smirked at the Argonian. "Do you mind? I'm trying to appreciate my handiwork."
Cicero reached up and started squeezing her breasts. "Oh, Listener, look! They're much bigger than yours."
KaNack was at a loss for words at the sight of the man whom he considered a dear friend, touching himself like some drunken Nord.
The Keeper ran over to his Listener and grabbed her hands so she could place them on her chest. "Feel!"
Hecate was blushing a furious red as she followed her Keeper's command. "I'm, um, sure it won't hurt them to stay this way for a little longer," she stammered. "Cicero doesn't seem to mind."
"Lucien Lachance is a dog and I don't think he appreciates your lack of concern," the caster hissed through clenched teeth. Lachance's body began to shake and even in his canine form, murder was clearly seen in his pale white eyes.
"Oh, Cicero doesn't mind at all, my dear Hecate," the Keeper purred. She ground against Hecate. "Not in the slightest," she said, ignoring the angry yelling of the reptile.
"Maybe we could just go over here for a bit," Hecate suggested, edging towards the tree line. "To, um, scout for any patrolling Stormcloaks. We wouldn't want them to stumble onto this."
Lachance tried to yell at the two for their insolence, but quickly became silent when all that came out was a sharp bark. A look of horror and humiliation overcame the Speaker at the sound and he slunk low to the ground.
"Lucien, I am so sorry. I'll fix this, I promise," KaNack insisted frantically as he motioned for the spirit to remain calm. KaNack eyes began to glow a slight white as his inner fire grew hotter. He glared after the retreating Imperials.
"Hecate, aren't you the slightest bit worried?! I thought you were going to help us!" he yelled after her.
The Imperial's breathing looked rather ragged as she stared at the transformed Keeper, completely oblivious to how upset the Argonian was. "Oh, you know, female redheads have always been a weakness of mine," she sighed. "If Cicero doesn't mind, why should I?"
"Patrolling could take a while," Cicero suggested.
"Yes, it could," Hecate agreed. She wrapped her arm around Cicero's new shapely waist as they headed to the cover of the forest.
"Hecate! Cicero! You fetchers!" he screamed after them. The Argonian slapped an open hand against his face and could feel his temper getting the best of him.
"Don't be so serious, KaNack," Hecate called over her shoulder. "What's the point of living if you cannot have some fun?"
"We're not having fun! My spiritual guardian got turned into a dog!"
"No, no, no, no! She's right, this is fun. Why are you trying to spoil our good time?" the Mad God asked. "Those two are enjoying themselves. Why don't you play fetch with your new haunted hound?"
The ethereal dog's upper lip curled up bearing rows of sharp fangs as Lachance felt close to biting the Mad God just to temporarily get him to stop smirking.
"Tell me what you want and I'll do it," the mage stated quietly as he glared at the daedra.
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll," Sheogorath began. "I might be tempted to change your companions back, if you are willing to take part in a game of mine."
Lachance's eyes widened and he barked loudly. The conjurer knew that Lucien was trying to warn him, but the Argonian was really out of options at this point.
"What kind of game?" he asked.
"I was so busy causing chaos since I got the Wabbajack back; I seemed to have misplaced it when I came here to see how you and your friend were faring." He chuckled as he looked back in the direction of the Imperials. "Can't seem to find the damn thing anywhere. Maybe you can find it for me?"
"You never issue a challenge without a catch, Sheogorath," KaNack remarked as he tried to ignore Lucien tugging at his shrouds with his teeth. "How are the mortals being manipulated this time?"
"Just a minute lad, I think the two Imperials are still having fun."
"I don't care," he hissed. "All I want is for things to go back to normal. This is NOT normal!"
"Oh, fine," muttered the daedra. "The catch is very simple. As I said, you and the Imperial are to be joined at the hip!" He smirked. "Not literally of course, but close enough that it might as well be true." he looked down at the furious Speaker. "Consider yourself the Spectral Assassin and the girl his scroll."
"Wait," KaNack began as he rubbed at his eyes. "Are you telling me that Hecate and I can't be further than a few yards from one another?"
"See? It's going to be a grand time! You can braid each other's hair! Have a tea party! Make bow ties out of the tongues of Stormcloaks soldiers. The possibilities are endless." Sheogorath crossed his arms. "And because I am in such a sporting mood, I'll even allow the two of you to return to your original plane of existence once you're done."
"Fine, but I can't get anything done with Lachance like this," the reptile insisted as he pointed down at the hound.
"I'd rather leave things the way they are to keep it more interesting. If you insist..."
"I do!" the reptile snapped.
The daedra snapped his fingers once again and Lucien shifted back into his human form. The ghost's white eyes were wide with rage, his teeth clenched together and his entire body was trembling with anger from his humiliating predicament. KaNack took a tentative step away from the ghost, not wanting to be within striking distance when he was clearly irate.
"HA! Look, he's so mad he can't even speak! A Speaker who can't speak! Jolly good!" Sheogorath exclaimed as he gestured towards the spirit. "Maybe next time you'll think twice before getting lippy with a god, specter!"
Lucien stared at Sheogorath menacingly as the corner of his eye twitched uncontrollably.
"There are a thousand ways I'd love to see you dead," he growled darkly at the god.
"Aw, dammit!" a voice shouted in disappointment from the forest.
"Just when things were getting good too."
Sheogorath rested his hands on his hips as he smiled at the assassins. "Well, we best be going our separate ways. I still have more madness and chaos to spread and you have a staff to find. Happy hunting, I wish you the best of luck, or maybe I don't. After all, the longer you go without finding it, the longer you stick around here. Ta!"
The daedra vanished from sight and the mage groaned as he held his face in his hands. "Why did I have to help that madman in Solitude? Why did I have to go to the Peligius Wing?"
"Why indeed," Lachance hissed through gritted teeth. "By Sithis, the gall!" The ghost began to pace furiously in an attempt to try and calm himself.
The Argonian scowled over to where he had heard the Imperials. "Things are going to get much more complicated, Buddy. We need to find the Wabbajack if we ever hope to get back home."
"And you'll have to get along with her as well!" the spirit remarked still quite livid from his previous transformation. He quickened his pacing hoping that his temper would be quenched soon.
KaNack turned around and narrowed his eyes when he saw a very disappointed Hecate and jester approaching him.
"Why did you have to send Ann Marie away?" Cicero whined. "We were having fun."
"Lucien wasn't having fun; thanks for your concern by the way," the mage hissed at them as he crossed his arms.
"Did you ever consider that maybe going along with his madness was the best way to get him to get bored?" Hecate asked lazily. "After all, we were polite and look what we got. While you were rather rude and got a poodle."
KaNack winced as he heard Lachance snarl. He turned and saw that the ghost was not shooting spectral arrows at a tree. He had never seen his spiritual guardian lose his patience like this, but the Dark Brotherhood spirit was a prideful being and had been struck a severe blow. "Polite?" he asked as he looked back at Hecate. "From where I was standing all you were doing was standing there and keeping your mouth shut." He ran his claws through his feathers. "I did not become the leader of an assassins' guild by being polite either."
"No, but it did get you stuck here," she smirked.
KaNack tapped a claw against his temple trying to calm him before continuing. It wasn't going to do him any good to get into an argument with the other Listener. After all, they were now bound to one another. "I'm glad you were willing to help us before, Hecate. Sheogorath has seen to it that we're going to have little choice but to work with one another."
"How is that?" she asked as she looked over at the ghost who was still firing arrows.
"Some kind of ethereal cord," the Argonian answered. "The good news is that he said as soon as I find his staff, he'll send both me and Lachance back to our world." He gave his fellow Listener a tired look. "I'm sorry you had to get dragged into all this, Hecate. At least we have an idea of what we need to do to make things normal again." He shot Cicero a quizzical look as he thought about the Keeper's reaction to being turned to a woman. "Well, as normal as to be expected."
Cicero's only response was shameless giggling.
"Well, no time like the present get started. Come on, we'd better get back to Dawnstar." Hecate gave the spirit a sideways glance. "Is Fido done venting yet?"
The Spectral Assassin paused and shot the Imperial a cold stare.
"Yeah, I should probably tell you that Lucien has pretty efficient hearing," KaNack muttered to Hecate. The mage motioned for the spirit to follow him. "Lachance! We need to move, come on!" The Argonian turned back to Hecate. "Well, fellow Listener. Looks like the two of us are in for quite the adventure."
"Sounds like a typical Tirdas to me," she shrugged as the quartet headed for Dawnstar Sanctuary.
