We pull up to Rachel and Ashley's place laughing and smiling. The sad sighs from earlier a distant memory.
"Lets go get your dwarf belonging." I say with a smile.
" You know, you really need some new material." She says with yet another eye role. I give her a questioning look.
She just laughs. Exiting my car. I kill the engine and am quick to fallow. We make our way through the lobby. She calls for the elevator and I take the stairs. When I reach the fourth floor, I find her leaning against the wall waiting for me.
"You are so weird. You're the only person I know that refuses to ride in an elevator." My answer to her teasing is a cheesy smile. I don't take the stairs because I'm claustrophobic, or because I'm afraid of plummeting to my death. I take the stairs because I feel lazy taking the elevator in a building that has less than eight floors, and fear of being seen as lazy motivates me more than my friends mocking my odd behavior.
"Ready" I say when she hesitates with the key in the door. She turns and looks me in the eye
"Not even close." She says. Turning the key and opening the door.
I follow her in and shut the door behind us. I texted Ashley before we left. Not expecting, but hoping she would leave before Rachel arrived. True to Ashley form she's here and so is the girl she was caught with last night. They're sitting across from each other at the counter dressed in robes, sipping coffee. Rachel freezes. Her eyes locked on the couple, as they flirtatiously drink from their mugs. She looks so hurt I can't help but rage inside at Ashley's lack of tact. I feel like growling out of anger. I know I don't need to explain to Ash how I feel about the situation she can tell by my expression, but I chose to, regardless.
"What The Fuck Is Wrong With YOU?" I hiss out loudly. Ashley's companion turns to me with startled eyes. Then Ashley snorts peevishly.
"I could ask you the same thing." Ashley snipes back. I shot her a menacing glare. I know what she is insinuating. Ashley crosses her arms in front of herself and quirks an eyebrow. When she sees my shocked and slightly guilty expression. Then I realize I haven't done anything wrong this time. I shake my head in negations steeling my gaze on her once again, and Ashley nods in understanding. Her eyes softening slightly. It hurts a little that Ashley could think that something might have happened between Rachel and I last night. Our quiet exchange is not missed by her blond guest.
"Coffee Rache?" Ashley asks indifferently picking up the carafe. Trying to coax Rachel out of her shocked state. Rachel doesn't budge. Still too shaken up to even blink or move her mouth in anyway other than the shocked O it is presently in. She is staring at her robe which is at this moment being worn by the blond that she caught Ashley with last night. I shoot a death glare at said girl. She responds with uneasily clearing her throat.
"Ashley are these friends of yours?" Blondy asks in a uncertain tone. Ashley returns her gaze to last nights conquest.
"Something like that." Ashley says with a smile. Causing me to cringe a bit. I don't know why I feel suddenly like I have done something wrong, but I do. I feel guilty for opening my door to Rachel last night.
"Oh how rude of me. You are all waiting for introductions. Amy, I would like you to meet my best friend Kate, and the one that looks like she just walked in on her girlfriend having an affair, is my, as of last night, ex-fiancee Rachel." Indifference lacing every word. She sets the coffee carafe back down.
"Maybe another time huh Rache." Ashley says referring to the coffee. Okay as her best friend I think I can safely say Ashley is out for blood this morning. I have no idea what has her feeling so justified, but it is obvious there is more than last night going on here.
Amy looks between the three of us in disbelief. Then stands up from her stool and walks quickly toward the bedroom.
"Well she took that better than I expected. You think I'll still get the digits Katie?" Ashley asks facetiously. Taking another sip of coffee. She turns her attention back to Rachel setting her cup on the counter.
"Sorry about your robe Rache. I'll replace it. It wasn't my idea. When I woke up this morning, she already had it on." She sifts her gaze from me to Rachel as she speaks. Amy exits the bedroom hopping into a shoe. She shoots a glare at Ashley as she storms toward the door.
"Call me. If you're ever in the mood for a repeat." Ashley calls. Making no attempt to stop Amy from leaving. Ashley's eyes never adverting, from their scrutiny of Rachel.
"Fuck off Ashley"Amy pauses in front of Rachel whispering something to her. The slamming of the door emphasizing her departure. The loud bang seemed to snap Rachel out of her shock.
" I'm just going to grab a few things Kate. I'll worry about the rest another time." Rachel says making her way to the bed room. She pauses at the open door.
"Oh yeah sorry about the bed I haven't had a chance to make it yet" Ashley admits nonchalantly, turning her gaze back to me. I had expected Ashley to be contrite this morning. I had thought this was a drunken mistake on Ashley's part. What I realize now is that I have no idea what has been going on between Ashley and Rachel. I do know that Ashley is not the vengeance type so what ever is going on has her acting out of character. My mind is racing with possibilities of what could cause Ashley to go off the deep end.
"Rache hates it when the last person out of bed doesn't make it. Don't yah Rache." Ashley's patronizing tone hits home. Rachel's body jerks, but she doesn't reply. She just heads into the bedroom slamming the door. I jump slightly and grimace.
"Well thank the gods for that. I thought that stupid look was never going to come off your face." I don't respond to her baiting instead I iterated my previous question.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? This isn't you Ash. You're not cruel." I grind out. Anger, and confusion prominent in my voice. Ashley shrugs her shoulders just barely holding it together.
"If you haven't figured it out yet Katie." She cuts herself off, and for the first time I hear the pain in her voice. I see it, in her eyes.
My anger vanishes, when I see her fight back tears. I move to come around the counter but her raised hand stops me. I plead with her to explain.
"Ash, talk to me."
The sound of the bedroom door opening draws her eyes from mine. Ashley turns her back to me. A few heart beats later she turns back around. As if by the flick of a light switch the pained look is gone, and indifference takes its place.
"Can I talk to Ashley alone for a minute Kate?" Rachel's eyes look pained, but her features hard.
" I'll meet you in the car Rache." I turn to Ashley " Will you be at the SPAZ later?" For a split second she meets my eyes before looking down at the tiled floor. Spaz is the name of the club Ashley and I Co-own. It is named in memory of Ashley child hood best friend. Her beloved cat Spazzy Spazerson.
"Yeah, I'll be there for my shift." I nod my head and walk to the door. When I reach it, I turn back to Rachel. Making sure she is all right. She gives me a week smile in thanks.
I exit their apartment. Every part of me confused, as I head to my car. Obviously, there was a lot more than Ashley's cheating going on. I feel like such an idiot. For the last year I've regarded them as the perfect couple. Never once allowing myself to see anything else.
Rachel returned home last night with a bottle of wine and bouquet of flowers. To find Ashley fucking blondy, (sorry Amy) on the dinning room table, of their studio apartment.
That was all Rachel had to say. When she showed up at my place last night, drunk off her ass. Asking if she could stay until she found a new place. How could I refuse her. She looked so destroyed.
After several attempts at contacting Ashley, and getting sent to voice mail. I assumed her actions were the result of excessive alcohol and a overly flirtatious fluesy. This may have happened to have been the cause of a few of my own pre-rehab breakups in the past. So I could relate, but I couldn't relate to stepping out on someone as perfect as Rachel. Unfortunately I expressed this when I left a message on Ashley's phone. In hind sight I should have asked more questions instead jumping to the conclusion that this was Ashley's fault. I felt anger flare in me toward myself. How could I do that to Ashley. She had always given me the benifit of hearing my side of thing before passing judgement. I let her down last night, and today.
I left Rache in the guest room to sleep off the alcohol. After she had cried her last tears. An hour later I woke to her sneaking into my bed. I said nothing. Just opened my arms and let her snuggle in. Holding her as she cried herself to sleep. I would be lying if I told you that holding Rachel had only been about comforting her, that my heart rate hadn't picked up when I felt her breath on my neck.
I don't know why Ashley acted the way she did this morning, and I am not justifying her behavior. I am just not willing to judge her without knowing the whys. Ashley's may be a bit tactless and seem immature in her actions, but rarely is her behavior as selfish and shallow as it appears.
Torn between arguably the two most important women in my life. My best friend the one person I trust and rely on, and Rachel who has some strange effect over my emotions, that I have yet to find the cure for. I decide to step back. If I get involved. I risk losing one or both of them. I can't let that happen. I begin taking the steps two at a time. I will legally change my name to Switzerland if necessary.
