Chapter 3: Pain… I Don't Want To Remember
Disclaimer: Square Enix owns Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, its predecessor and all their characters.
"Ow…"
That was my first thought as Sephy practically shackled and dragged me out the front door, plunging me into a brilliant world covered in an endless pristine white sheet of glittering, soft – almost cottony – snow. The frosty Arctic wind gently caressed the skin of my cheeks and danced in drunken rapture with my hair.
As if on cue, I felt my hands turn clammy beneath my gloves; my blood retreated in my veins, draining, fading from my skin until I was numb from sensation and my skin as pale as fine china. I found myself shivering, not from the cold… The cold had no physical effect on me. I suddenly felt small, insignificant, useless, surrounded in a sea of snow so vast that would make Shiva proud. I hear nothing, feel nothing on my skin, except for the touch of my breath as it fluttered across the soft swell of my upper lip which I am pretty sure is probably blue tinged by now.
Nothing moves…
I am uneasy. That overwhelming fear of standing alone where no matter where I turn, no matter how far or fast I sprint, I can never escape, everything looked the same. Whirling three hundred and sixty degrees, all I see is Shiva's frosty trail all the way to the horizon against an all encompassing blood drenched sky.
And through all that, I hear a cry, it began as a soft mewling like a wounded cat on the streets, a gentle caress that spills over with so much anguish it scratches my heart with its claws, tittering me towards the edge on the brink of insanity. The uneasiness disturbs me in a way that I cannot describe, something stirs in my soul, resonates in my bones… Pulses…
Confusion…
Fear…
Of what?
"I…"
"I couldn't…"
"I…"
The words are barely audible, yet they echo around me, chilling my blood, my bones tremble… Slowly, the cries heighten in intensity, in frequency, resounding louder and louder around the barren blood cast snow, until I felt consumed. It hurt to listen, it hurt… I clamp my hands over my ears as my knees collapse and found to my horror, blood dribbling thickly from my ears. Blood so dark… That it was almost black. Yet as I fall, as I tremble, I hear the cries… So clearly… So painfully clear, torn with anguish and sorrow… Repeating itself like an abomination, over and over and over… So familiar…
"I'm useless."
"I couldn't do anything…"
"I'm weak."
"I'm useless."
"I couldn't do anything…"
"I'm weak."
"I'm useless."
"I couldn't do anything…"
"I'm weak."
"I'm useless."
"I couldn't do anything…"
"I'm weak."
What?
"Papa?"
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A sharp tug on my hand pulled me back from the depths of my mind. Sunlight blossomed before my eyes. I was standing on a cliff that overlooked the Great Glacier, diamond dust swirling and glittering in the air.
"Papa? Are you alright?"
Sephy peered up at me with worried aqua eyes, his small brows furrowing a little. "I'm… fine." What WAS that? Relieved, the little silver haired boy grinned mischievously and tugged again at my hand. "Hmmm..?" "This is my favorite place in all of Icicle Inn!! It's pretty isn't it, Papa?"
Pretty?
The cliff overlooked the entire Great Glacier. I had never seen so much white before… The cliffs, mountains and valleys were a glittering swirl of charcoal, grey, white and blue. The colors made the view before me seem to shift and shimmer, it was oddly… Familiar somehow. I was staring down at the view transfixed when… WHAP!!! A shock of cold wetness smacked me right in the face. "ARGH!!" I gasped, sputtering as the cold took me by surprise. "Gotcha." Sephy grinned evilly and another WHAP!! caught me square in the face again, causing me to sputter again and fall backwards onto a mattress of white.
"Uh oh…" Sephy bounced over to me, cocking his round face to one side and rocking on his heels. "Papa? Are you alright?" I lay there motionless, holding my breath and slacking my muscles, trying to hold in my laughter as Sephy's eyes grew wide and looked like he was about to cry. I was about to pounce on him when he knelt by my side, watery tears dripping off his cold little red stub of a nose. "…Don't leave me again…"
I don't know why… I just couldn't move. Couldn't bring myself to tease this silver haired crybaby. For the first time, after all my years in SOLDIER, after all the lives I had taken, destroyed and wanted to destroy… I felt something... Something I wasn't quite used to. What is this feeling? This lump in my throat… This heaviness in my heart… The area behind my eyeballs felt like they were burning…
All because of a little boy…?
Oh if Hojo could see me now…
I blinked open my eyes and opened them wide, feeling my facial muscles twitch involuntarily as I tried to shape 'surprise and shock' on my features.. "Wow… You got a good arm. I think you knocked me out there for a second Sephy." Sephy blinked rapidly in surprise, a relieved smile breaking out on his chubby face. "Hee hee…" I made myself raise an eyebrow. "Were you… Crying?" I asked, rubbing the tears away from his round face. "Me? C-Cry? Nuh-UH!!! I'm a big boy now, big boys don't cry." He pouted rubbing his red nose and sneezing hard. I laugh at this and rubbed his nose clean with my scarf. "Gerroff" he pipes, pouting. "Papa…"
I hear a rumble, like a quiet thunder and realize that it is Sephy's stomach growling. "What time is it?" And then… I could have sworn I heard a whisper…
It's time…
Huh?
Or maybe it was just the sound of the Arctic wind…
"Think it's lunch time Papa… I'm hungwy." At that, I hear and feel a rumble that would measure 3 on the Richter scale. Sephy laughs at this as if it was the most amusing thing that ever happened. "So are you… Aren't you Papa?" I smile sheepishly. "Let's head back… I bet Ifalna has whipped up something scrumptious." "Uh-uh." Sephy shook his head furiously, his chubby face horrified at the prospect of Ifalna in the kitchen as he takes my hand. "Doctor Gast does all the cooking in the house. The last time Ifalna made muffins, she forgot to add the yeast… The muffins were so hard and heavy we had to feed them to the birds…" I tried not to laugh at this as we walk back towards the house, the delectable smell of roasting meat and hot soup wafting from a partially opened window.
"I think the birds had to walk south that year." Sephy murmured, his shoulders shaking as his face slowly breaking out in a huge grin and collapsed into peals of laughter. For the same reason… I found myself laughing just as hard as he as we plodded through the snow towards the smell of food.
Strangely… That moment just felt so nostalgic…
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"We're HOME!!!" Sephy yelled, very nearly shattering my eardrums as I pushed open the door, the welcoming gust of warm air was like heaven on earth to my frozen skin. "Hey there!" Ifalna greeted as she put her needlepoint aside. Sephy bounded over to her and gave her a hug. "How's the baby doing Ifalna?" He asked excitedly placing both palms on her rounded belly. She laughed warmly at this and ruffled his silvery locks with a genuine fondness in her soft eyes… "She's doing just fine. Lunch is just about done, you'll be joining us from now on won't you Seth?" I smile gratefully thanking the spirits silently that I didn't have to beg for food. "Yes… I suppose I will be, until I find a job and a place to stay of course… I can't possibly impose on your hospitality forever…" "Nonsense." She says giggling and waving a small hand dismissively. "It's no trouble at all, the more the merrier I always say… As far as a place to stay, you can stay here; we have a spare bedroom right next to Sephy's bedroom. As for a job… Well, I'll leave darling to talk to you about that. Come on… Let's head to the dining room. Food first, talk later."
Furnished with red oak furniture, the dining room was warm, cozy and rich with the smell of food. "Are they back dear?" Gast called from the attached kitchen. "Yes darling, and they've brought their hungry stomachs along for the ride." "Ah very good. It's Sephy's favorites tonight; kebabs, gratin and I threw some mushrooms together for soup…" Sephy whooped happily. Watching quietly as I pulled off my coat and scarf and sat myself down, I realized that they looked just like a real family, something watery was leaking from my eyes and left a warm, moist trail down my cheeks. I touched the foreign wetness gingerly, watching it glisten curiously on my fingertips. I'm… Crying? There was that sudden sense of déjà vu again… All this seemed so familiar… Somehow? But that wasn't possible, I was uncomfortable around the snow but to Sephy it was like second nature… It was impossible… Or was it? I didn't even remember being here. "Seth, have you had any experience in the medical field?" Gast enquired breaking me fro my thoughts, as he brought out the final dish from the kitchen and sat himself down at the head of the table.
The question took me by surprise. "Well… I DID… I mean I studied Medicine under a physician when I was 16. But I'm not sure how much I actually remember though." I admitted slightly embarrassed as I spooned some potatoes and took a few kebabs on my plate, at the same time deciding it was best not to tell him that the physician had been none other than his former colleague Hojo. "Why do you ask?" I asked carelessly, jabbing my fork into a piece of cheesy, buttered potato and proceeded to raise it to my mouth. Gast smiled. "How would you like to work under me? As my assistant of course." The potato paused in mid air, the fragrant butter dripping slightly on my plate. "Are you sure I'd be the best choice? I mean… I… Is that a good idea?" I asked suspiciously, something… A vibe told me that Gast didn't quite trust me. Who could blame him?
"CRASH!!"
The sudden sound of shattering glass shocked us and we realized that Ifalna had dropped her glass of juice on the floor. "Ifalna, are you alright?" I asked concerned, noticing that she looked paler then usual. I touched her hand and to my horror, I found it to be clammy and ice cold. "You don't look so good dear… I think you'd better go to the room and rest, I'll bring lunch in for you." Gast said, getting on his feet to go to his wife. "No it's alright sweetie… I just… OHHH!!!!" As Ifalna got to her feet, she suddenly winced and collapsed on a heap onto the rosewood floor.
"Ahh…!!" Ifalna gasped clutching her stomach, her pretty face contorted in pain. "Ifalna!!!" Gast was suddenly right by her side, cradling her and trying to help her up, but the minute she got on her feet again, Ifalna let out a pained cry and her legs buckled. "Ifalna!! Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?" She shook her head vigorously and winced. "Darling…?" She gasped out gripping his arm tight. "Yes dear?" Gast asked as he scooped her in his arms, wincing at her iron clawed grip and carried her to the sofa. "I think… She's coming…"
…
…
W-W-W-WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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Pain… I don't want to remember… The bitter cold begins.
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BOO!! Been a LONG while yet again but here I am again back at my favourite fic. Hope you guys like this chapter! Sorry to all those who have been faithfully reading this fic…. Sorry for taking so long!!
Shouts To:
Redwood: Yes yes!!! huggles Sephy Chibi Sephy is just SOOO KEEE-YOOOOT!!
Samuraix: Thank you!
Anja Summers: I love this story loads too… Just that I take ages to update.
