A low rummaging sound caused Po's ears to perk up. Since Monkey left there had been nothing to disturb him and the swish of the broom had gradually lulled him into a pleasant doze. Now fully awake, he examined all around the courtyard in search of its source, but could see nothing. Just about to return to sweeping, something caught his eye. Upon trotting over to the outer wall he pushed open the door all the way and leaned his head out.

In the deepening pall of dusk he was surprised to see a trail of people moving down the stairs of the Jade Palace towards town. Their way was lit by red lanterns, and some of them held children or baskets loaded with what looked to be personal items. At the top of the steps a goose he recognized as Zeng was hugging his wife. When they parted the little bird stood there for a time watching her go. She turned to look back at him, and he waved goodbye, joined by several other members of the palace staff as they bid farewell to their loved ones. The sight caused a feeling of unease in Po's heart.

"Po."

The rustle of feathers alerted him to Crane's presence overhead. "Hey Crane, what's going on?" he asked. "Why's everybody leaving?"

"Come to the Hall of Warriors," his ally responded somberly. "Shifu needs to talk to you." Without another word he banked windward and let the chilly gusts carry him off towards the Jade Palace.

Unnerved by these events, Po wasted no time and took off. It was growing dark by the time he reached the foot of the 1,000 Steps. A few of the refugees were still on their way down, and though he questioned them, none could offer an explanation as to why. They knew only that their family members who served in the palace had insisted it was necessary they go below until told otherwise. Rooms had been prepared for them in town, but it was clear this generosity in no way allayed the anxiety they all felt. The mood must have been catching, for as Po came to the top of the mountain he was too unnerved to even take a chance to catch his breath and instead proceeded straight to the Hall of Warriors.

The Furious Five and Master Shifu were waiting for him at the other end of the room. Lamps had been lit, making the floor glow green, but any light they cast only seemed to deepen the shadows all around. Stomach twisting in knots and fur standing on end, he ambled over to join them.

Shifu turned at his approach. The old warrior's eyes fixed on him in a way that reminded Po uncomfortably of the first time they met, when his tiny tutor had mocked and derided him at a time when his own self-confidence was already in short supply. Yet when he spoke now Shifu's voice was gentle. "Monkey tells us that you escorted Master Viper on her… date."

The panda nodded, eyes darting from one person to another. Only now did he realize Viper was not among them.

"Did anything… unwelcome… happen during this outing?"

Po hesitated, acutely aware of just how much trouble he could potentially be in. His secret might already be spilled if they had spoken to his father. Finally he managed to admit, "Well, it was kinda uneventful from what I could see. Viper and… the guy… pretty much just laid around all day. Nothing happened. I didn't see any cause for alarm." Judging by the looks on their faces, he was in the minority of that impression. "Guys, you're freaking me out. Seriously, what's going on? And what's it got to do with Viper?"

Shifu bowed his head as though weary, then turned to gaze into the pool. The reflection of the golden dragon statue overhead returned his unflinching stare. "There are things we have never mentioned to you before, Panda. For reasons we all agreed were best left unsaid. It was our fervent hope these matters would never be brought to light again. For all our sakes." Lightly the Grand Master touched the surface of the pool with his staff.

"This all happened long before you joined us, Po."

A single ripple flashed out and caused the water around the edge to swell before contracting inwards. As this happened, Po could swear he saw images form in the clear surface. Dark outlines in the bottom of the pool joined together to become shapes. It was like a shadowy puppet play taking place right before his eyes…


"After gaining acclaim throughout China, Viper came to live here in the Jade Palace."

A segmented snake bowed her head before an aged but smiling tortoise and a grim little red panda. The scene switched, and now the snake battled bravely against armed foes alongside a raging female tiger, playful monkey, strutting stork, and mighty mantis. Another scene shift revealed the five fighters victorious over their opponents.

"Her warm generous nature made her fast friends even with those not inclined to accepting kindness."

The snake was now presenting a hairbrush to the clearly puzzled and somewhat tangle-furred tiger. Soon after she was shown brushing the uncomfortable feline's fur. The monkey swung over them pointing and laughing. A shift of focus, and now the tiger sat firmly upon the prostrate primate's back whilst the cheerful reptile brushed his fur, to the obvious merriment of crane and mantis. Even the tortoise looked on chuckling, though the red panda only shook his head in exasperation.

"Over the years the new Five grew to trust, care and confide in one another. All seemed well amongst us. Until one day, a traveling stranger appeared in the Valley of Peace."

Onto the cleared stage there now swept an impressive figure. A goat, with magnificent horns and slit horizontal pupils. Carrying a wooden box on his back, this handsome peddler was soon swarmed by bouncing ladies of all types who went away with bracelets on their wrists and carrying porcelain dishes. He entertained them with simple feats of sleight-of-hand. The tiger and the snake came by, and the goat beckoned them over to examine his wares. The striped cat ignored his entreaties. But the banded serpent lingered for a moment longer before following in her friend's wake. This was not lost upon the sharp-eyed salesman.

"He remained in the Valley for several days, continuing to sell his goods."

The snake was slithering by herself when the peddler came hustling up and settled his pack down for her inspection. He displayed to her a selection of items which she browsed through but ultimately declined. The goat remained in high spirits and bid her good day. After he had gone, however, the serpent noticed with surprise that a fine scarf had been tied to the tip of her tail without her knowledge.

"From that seemingly harmless occurrence their relationship grew, with grave consequences."

Goat and snake were then seen walking and talking quite happily. From out of nowhere he produced a bouquet of orchids which he presented to her. She accepted these with great joy. Next scene showed them under a beautiful full moon by a pool gazing into one another's eyes. The viper's tail entwined around his hoof and together they watched the twinkling night sky, her head resting comfortably against his arm.

"The peddler remained in town for a month until declaring that he must continue on his way. Before leaving, he promised Viper he would return before the snow fell."

The couple shared a tender parting after which he hoisted his pack. She waved the scarf he had given her, and he reciprocated before moving off. The snake watched him depart sadly, head hung low. Around her the leaves began to fall.

"As part of their duties, the Furious Five traveled throughout China battling evil. It was while on one of these trips that it happened."

A gang of armored oxen were being led away in chains by the Five when the snake turned with a start. Off to one side there appeared the peddler cuddling next to a giggling lady pig. The swine hid behind a fan, and he proffered to her an orchid which she took, in return presenting him with a kiss. When they broke apart and began walking again, it was to find the snake coiled before them.

A strike of her tail, and the peddler crumpled to the ground. The pig ran away in a panic. Desperately the goat pleaded with the serpent as she swayed side to side in wrath. Without warning she reared up, and the cloven-hooved philanderer drew back in terror. Instead of striking him, however, she simply turned her back and slithered away to rejoin her comrades, who welcomed her.

"Upon their return, Viper was noticeably distraught. She became sullen and withdrawn, unwilling to converse with anyone about what she might be feeling. None of us could convince her to open up. This grew worse, until one day…"

The serpent sat alone at a table with a bowl of soup before her. She stared gloomily into its depths. A rabbit servant came into the room and began clearing up the leftovers of a previous meal. The snake seemingly took no notice of him. As he stacked some bowls together, one slipped off the top and shattered against the floor. Before he could bend to start picking it up, however…

hisssSTRIKE!

The rabbit fell without a sound. The serpent uncoiled and went gliding from the room.

"Another member of the palace retinue found him moments later. He was rushed to the infirmary. The doctor could not tell what might have befallen him. His heart was slowing, and in moments it seemed certain he would be dead. Fortunately Master Oogway heard and came as quick as he could. He examined the servant and determined that he had been attacked by a dangerous spiritual energy. Using his advanced mastery of chi, Oogway was able to draw out this toxic force and disperse it. The servant recovered, but he had no idea what might have happened to him."

Again the scene changed. Now three geese were walking along carrying clothes that needed washing. One of them began to honk loudly with laughter at something the other had said, when suddenly she dropped her basket and collapsed senseless. Her horrified friends picked her up between them and ran to the tortoise, who happened to be close by. Again he performed his resuscitation, and the stricken goose was helped away by her colleagues.

The tortoise watched them go. After a moment his head turned. Briefly seen, a long tail disappeared around a corner. The ancient amphibian stood for a time, his eyes narrowed in deep thought.

"The next day, two more such incidents took place. Both times Master Oogway managed to save them. Their experiences left the victims gravely shaken and confined to their beds for several weeks. When questioned, none of them could offer an explanation for what might have happened. But Viper had been in the vicinity for each."

Small knots of servants cowered in fear as a long shadow slithered by them. No one dared speak or even move until that dark shape had passed. Some huddled with their families, terrified to leave their rooms. The palace had become a place of dread.

"I went to speak with Master Viper. Though reticent, she expressed no knowledge of any such events. It became apparent that she was telling the truth. She was allowed to roam free, and continued to perform her daily duties without fail."

Monkey, mantis and tiger were sparring. They sprang together to trade blows while crane and viper watched from the sidelines. The monkey snatched up a pair of nunchaku and whirled them giddily about, but the mantis knocked them both from his grasp. One went sailing towards the serpent, who dodged nimbly aside, but as she did…

hisssSTRIKE!

The monkey clutched his chest and crumpled. His allies flew to his aid. All except the serpent, who remained where she was, coiled into a tight mound. Her three remaining colleagues turned to look at her in shock. She gazed back at them, pupils narrowed to slits.


Shifu turned to face his five students. "Monkey received treatment from Oogway that saved his life. By then it was clear something perilous was transpiring with Viper. Her mood darkened, and one of the Five took to watching her surreptitiously at all waking hours. No one was allowed to approach her."

"What was happening?" Po demanded, unable to contain his curiosity at this dreadful tale.

His aged mentor cast him a measuring glance. "As we all know, Viper is the heir to a long and illustrious line of martial artists. Her father, Great Master Viper, was famed far and wide for his Poison Fang Technique. And it was believed his children would carry on this tradition. By now you must have heard things did not go as expected."

The panda rubbed his arm and glanced at the other members of the Five. "Well… yeah. I mean we all know, right? It's just not something I've ever felt comfortable talking about with her before, but… Viper was born without fangs. That's why she couldn't learn her Dad's techniques."

"We all assumed Master Viper had no recourse to the power of the Poison Fang," Tigress stated flatly. She then gave Po a look that made his hackles rise. "We were wrong."

Shifu paced back and forth in distress. "While it is true that Viper has no fangs, her venom still exists, only in a different form. The poison is delivered not through her bite, but insubstantially across distance and through any barriers one might erect."

Po tried to puzzle this statement out. "So what, she's like… a spitting cobra?"

"No, Po!" Shifu drew to a halt and smacked his gold-bound stick into one small hand testily. "Viper's venom is composed of pure chi, far worse than any known poison ever conceived. It is an intense assault of the spirit so malignant it attacks living things through their own chakra points, coursing into the victim's heart without regard to any conceivable defense. Under normal circumstances, Viper has no access to or even awareness of this ability. It lies dormant within her as a result of her own emotional stability and pure heartsease. But if she should lose this positive focus, and instead become mired in grief, recrimination, and rancor, then the chi venom becomes active. Her emotions turn chaotic and vengeful. The result is horrific. The slightest instigation, whether real or imaginary, will cause her to compulsively lash out with this vicious poison at whomever she regards as an enemy. Without immediate treatment, the subject will perish in minutes."

Po could hardly believe his ears. Viper? The sweetest, most kindhearted person he had ever met? This tale did not jibe with the person he had come to know and depend on as a close friend. "What happened next?"

"Master Oogway saved us," Tigress stated. "He meditated upon the problem and eventually came up with a solution, but one that would work only for him."


The tortoise sat calmly before the coiled serpent. Incense floated on the air. After a few moments, he took a deep breath and coughed loudly.

hisssSTRIKE!

He stiffened, and the wrinkled old head sagged against its shelled chest. For a time the tortoise did not move. Before him the snake watched, tail twitching in agitation.

Without warning the tortoise's chin rose and he blinked listlessly before smiling at the serpent. Her own eyes flashed.

hisssSTRIKE!

Once more the hairless head drooped only to rise again a brief span later. hisssSTRIKE! The process repeated. hisssSTRIKE! Time and again the serpent spewed her venom, and the grand master of kung fu accepted its lethal touch only to recover moments later. At no point did he make any move against her. The two cold-blooded masters continued in this seeming stalemate, until finally the serpent lay panting and exhausted, completely drained. Only then did the tortoise rise and shuffle off. At this the other members of the Five hurried in and lifted their comrade between them, bearing her to a room where they laid her down to rest. All then stayed to watch over her.


"Being cold-blooded like Viper, Oogway's body didn't react to the chi venom quite as drastically as warm-blooded folk," Tigress continued. "Using this elementary principle, once afflicted he was able to slow his heart for a short period to the point where his bodily rhythm practically stopped, during which time the venom had no recourse to life and therefore couldn't exist inside him."

"How?" Po whispered.

"He essentially entered a state of deep hibernation, similar to the kind some frogs are capable of achieving in winter by freezing and thawing out come spring. Once the poison had vanished, as an amphibian he was able to use his own chi to restart his natural flow of life. He repeated this technique until all of Viper's venom had been exhausted. When she awoke a few days afterwards she remembered nothing that had transpired. We told her she had been ill and fainted. In no time she was back to her old self. Everyone involved agreed never to bring it up again unless absolutely necessary. They all cared about Viper that much."

"Which is why it is so imperative we act to forestall such a tragedy from occurring again. For her sake, if nothing else." Shifu padded down the steps and approached his youngest student. "Now, Po, you've met the person Viper went out with. What can you tell us about him?"

"Uhhh…" No longer enthralled by the recitation, the panda suddenly realized once again how much danger he could potentially be in. His flabby body went rigid. "He's… a nice guy, from what I can tell. Not a great thinker, really, sort of a goofball. But committed! Yeah, the sort who never gives up. And most importantly," here his face cleared and he included them all in his next statement. "I really believe that he cares about Viper. I wouldn't have introduced them if I thought he would hurt her. To my understanding, the whole thing's perfectly innocent."

The tension drained from Shifu's face. "That is most welcome news. Perhaps there may not be cause for concern after all. Tell me, what is this person's name? Is it anyone we know?"

All present took notice of how the Dragon Warrior's eyes had gone very big, and his lips pressed together tightly as though striving not to speak. "Yes," he finally squeaked.

Mantis leapt atop Crane's hat to get on eye level with him. "Well, c'mon Po, spit it out. Who is the guy?"

For a few seconds they were treated to some frankly alarming facial contortions on Po's part. At last, with no avenue of escape available, a strangled admission came from his throat. "Fffffung."

"Fung?"

They all frowned and looked at one another. The only Fung they knew was…

"The Croc Bandit?!" Monkey demanded incredulously.

"Well, Croc Bandit Leader, actually," Po corrected him.

"I WILL KILL YOU, PANDA!"

Shifu's staff clattered to the floor as he launched himself at the black-and-white furball. Before he could reach him the members of the Five tackled their mentor and bore him to the ground. Even with all of them holding him down, however, the tiny sage managed to drag the mass of different bodies in pursuit of his prey.

"You are dead, Po!" he swore in blackest fury, fingers lashing out to pull him and his disciples slowly across the smooth floor. "Do you see this fist? This fist, right here?" Shifu held up one trembling clenched paw while using the other to inch himself along. "This fist is going to travel down your throat, grab hold of your intestines, yank them out of your mouth, and strangle you with them! Pray to your ancestors, Po! Pray to them now!"

"You might want to leave," Tigress grunted with her powerful arms wrapped around the grand master's frame. "If he regains his focus enough to fight back we'd be hard pressed to hold him off."

"Okay." Po turned tail and fled without any further encouragement. He felt no shame in doing so.


"It can be tough for a reptile," Viper admitted. "We just get so drowsy once the sun goes down."

"Yeah, I hear you." Fung poured her a cup of tea. The two of them reclined together on a hill overlooking the Valley, a picnic lunch spread around them. "Me and my friends have done work for people before, and they never seem to appreciate that sometimes a guy just needs to take a little nap now and then!"

"Oh, what do your friends do for a living?"

"Well… I mean… nothing special." He used a stick to knock some fish and potatoes wrapped in clay out of the glowing embers of a fire. "Just odd jobs, contract work, that sort of thing. It never lasts, y'know?"

Viper watched him carefully as he broke open their meal. This was only their third date, but she had already come to recognize a few peculiar character traits he possessed. Fung could be very sensitive about certain things. For instance, he never wanted to go into town, claiming to still be nervous after that tussle with the tax collectors. She could appreciate that. Crowds weren't her favorite thing considering snakes had a tendency to get stepped on in such situations. However he even refused to visit the Jade Palace despite her invitation. His reason for doing so had devolved into incoherent mumbling and a swift change of the subject. Today she planned to call him on that particular hang-up.

Despite this Viper found herself enjoying the time they spent together to a thrilling degree. It had been too long since someone paid attention to her in a romantic sense and she had almost forgotten how good it felt. There was awkwardness, to be sure, but sometimes she caught him looking at her in a way that made her heart flutter. Like she wasn't just some girl, or even an acclaimed martial artist, but something even greater than that. And he could be so eloquent it surprised her. Fung could go from tripping over his own tongue to speaking with such intensity that she doubted he even knew what he was doing.

This was so much fun.

"Here you go." Her beau placed a ceramic dish before her with spiced fish and a steaming baked potato. "Hope you like it!" He then plopped down a few steps away with his own plate.

Viper looked at the simple but savory meal, then up at him. "Fung, I insist you escort me to the Jade Palace once we're done with dinner." Let's see him wiggle out of this one.

A roast trout paused halfway to his mouth. "I, uh," he stammered, shifting uneasily. "I'm not sure if I should. That is…" Here Fung coughed. "When I was a kid, I got into some… scrapes… with the local constables? I got beat up. A lot. So now it makes me a little… uncomfortable, y'know? To be around the law."

"I uphold the law," she reminded him in teasing tones. "You don't feel uncomfortable around me, do you?"

Looking at her, his face creased into a happy smile, the previous tension easing right out of him. "No. When I'm with you, Viper, I feel proud. Like every mistake I made couldn't have been that bad. Like I finally got something right! But also a little worried, cuz I don't wanna mess it up."

"Trust me, Fung." She slid forward to twine her tail around his fingers. "No one will hurt you."

"Sounds good, let's go!"

They both turned to where Po sat a few paces off with a few purloined potatoes. He popped them into his mouth, wincing at the heat but chewing valiantly all the same. By now neither of them felt surprised at his presence. Viper merely chalked it up to the panda's natural overzealousness in virtually everything he did. Although she still planned to have a little talk with him if things went on this way.

But that could wait. For now Fung's peace of mind took priority. If having a friend along could help, then all the better. "See? Even Po agrees. Now let's not argue on an empty stomach." With that she fell to eating.

Unnoticed, Fung threw a worried look at Po over her head. The hungry panda looked up and flashed a wink. Though still ill at ease, Fung ducked his chin and started eating.

Before long the three of them stood before the gates of the Jade Palace. Po pushed them open and Viper slithered in behind him. A few moments later Fung followed, wringing his hands and looking all around as though expecting a net to fall upon him at any moment. "Y'know, I really can't stay long, I've got some jobs to take care of tomorrow, and…"

"Come on, Fung," Viper bunched her body excitedly. "Let me show you my room at least! It won't take long." She then sped off to lead the way into the living quarters of the majestic complex.

Fung trotted along behind her. He had felt naked being out in the open like that. Now that they were indoors he could breathe a little easier. All the same, his yellow eyes darted furtively around every corner. "Are you sure about this, guy?" he mouthed to Po walking along behind him.

"Trust me. It'll be okay."

"Oh, Mantis!"

They both froze. Up ahead Viper had sidled up to the insect fighter, who stood in the center of the hallway. She conversed with him in a low voice, giggling. On plain view for all to see, Fung remained petrified. Beside him Po looked unnaturally stiff. After a bit the Five fighters approached them.

"Fung, I'd like you to meet my comrade, Master Mantis."

The croc looked down at the mantis eyeing him threateningly. His mouth had gone dry. At any moment he expected to be flat on his face with no clear idea how he got there, as per the usual whenever confronted by this lightning-fast little powerhouse. Instead all he heard was, "Nice to have you with us, Fung."

Huh? Where's the pain? Usually it hit right about this time.

"You have to excuse me, Master Shifu has something he wants to discuss with me."

"Alright. See you later, then!"

The bug hopped past them and went on his way. He exchanged a brief glance with Po, but nothing more.

Viper beckoned with her tail. "This way."

The boys looked at one another. Then they did as she bid.


"Master Shifu? Sir?"

Large ears twitched and the master of the Jade Palace looked up to find an anxious Zeng standing before his desk. Shifu brought himself back to the present. He traced thin brown fingers over the old scroll unrolled before him, still not quite able to believe what it contained. A small metal token was attached to the tassel.

"You know where to go, Zeng. Give him this," he unhooked the talisman and handed it over to his seneschal, "and tell him to meet me in the Grotto of the Sky Dragon at sunrise."

The goose accepted this offering with a troubled expression. "Will he be able to get there? It's pretty high in the mountains."

"I have no doubt he will find a way. Go now, before anyone can remark on your absence."

Zeng nodded and turned to face the window. He took a running start before launching himself outside, flapping his wings fiercely as he gained loft. In moments he was a small striving shape silhouetted against the rosy red sky.

Shifu watched him ascend. He strove to stifle a feeling of unease that had not let go since first examining that scroll. Years before, Master Oogway had entrusted it to him with the express warning that it not be read unless Viper experienced another episode and he, Oogway, was not available to deal with her again. Naturally he had been curious about what such a situation might involve. Of course none of them would ever countenance harming Viper in any way no matter how perilous the situation might prove. Yet now here he was, about to make a deal with the devil. The only comfort he took from this was that Oogway had not steered him wrong in the past. With any luck now would prove no different.

Whatever personal cost it might involve, he would pay it willingly. All that mattered was the security of the Valley and the safety of his charges.

He told himself this. Yet as night fell, Shifu found himself unable to sleep for dread of what tomorrow might bring.


"I feel so juvenile, getting tired at this hour," Viper yawned as she led them toward the steps leading back to town. "It can lead to embarrassing situations. You wouldn't believe how many times people have tripped over me while I'm taking a nap." At the foot of the long winding staircase she turned back. "Will you be all right getting home?"

"You don't have to worry about me," Fung puffed up his chest. "I might not be a kung fu master, but I can hold my own. Remember how I fought off that chicken on the day we met?"

"I fought him off. You were on your tail, if you'll recall."

"Well, yeah, but before that, I mean! You didn't see me with my staff? I was whipping it around and he was trying to stab me but he wasn't having any luck cuz of my lightning reflexes." He whirled in a circle and came up in what might have been intended as a martial artist's pose. "Ha-chah!"

She smiled at his exuberance, then gave another yawn. "Oh, drat!" Viper hissed, nettled. "That's so rude of me! You should go before I make an even bigger fool of myself than I already have. I need to run through the training hall for a bit anyway."

"Oh, like you don't know you're totally adorable all day long." The crocodile crouched down on one knee so that he was closer to her level. "You little kung fu sweetheart."

Her eyes widened, mouth falling open slightly. Abashed, the serpent turned her face away for a moment, then in the same motion leaped up with a rustle of scales and planted a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Bye," Viper breathed before slithering off fast as a flowing stream.

Behind her Fung seemed uncertain what had just happened. He reached up to pat the spot where her lips had touched, resting his claws there. "Whoa," he finally managed.

"Hey, no spacing out on me." Po trudged up once he had made certain Viper was gone. "You really should go before anything bad happens."

"Bad?" Fung rounded on him. "Did you not see what just happened, guy? This is the greatest day of my life! Nothing could make it go wrong!"

As he spoke the croc bandit took note of how Po had suddenly tensed up, eyes darting over Fung's shoulder. Huh. Wonder what's got him so bent out of shape? He came around.

In the deepening twilight, Tigress stood behind him, orange eyes glowing.

"Come with me," she said. "Both of you."

With that she moved by before he could fully realize how scary that had been. Not quite as thoroughly intimidated, Po found his breath in time to ask, "Where are we going?"

"My room." And she padded off without looking back to ensure they followed. Anyone that fearsome could not help but be confident.

Sure enough, Fung and Po soon trailed a safe distance behind her. The big lizard was trembling, and it felt like his heart couldn't beat any harder than it already was. Some of his most memorable nightmares had involved the ferocious feline of the Furious Five, and they never ended well. However even as he felt that old familiar dread traveling down his spine, the new experience of a serpent's kiss remained fresh in his mind. And this proved more encouraging than any potential execution. Fung actually found himself walking a little straighter than usual. Buoyed by this unprecedented elation, he sought to cheer up his partner in crime. "Hey, Po, don't sweat it, okay? I mean, if she was gonna kill us, I think we'd already be dead now, right?"

"I hate being in Tigress' room," the roly-poly mammal muttered. "It always feels like they're watching me!"

"Aw, you're just imagining things. It's probably not that bad!"

A few minutes later the two of them were sitting seiza in Tigress' quarters. Po had shrunk in on himself and kept his concentration firmly on the wooden floorboards as though they held something of great interest. By contrast, Fung's eyes were wide as could be as he gaped upwards, mouth half-open in a stupefied grimace.

All around the walls of the small room, there hung heads.

Gorilla. Ox. Warthog. Iguana. Falcon. Lion. Tiger. Bear.

Oh my.

Some of them had ferocious scars from long ago battles, while others boasted tattoos or bone needles through their ears and noses. No two heads were alike. What they all held in common (besides the obvious lack of bodies) was a virtually identical expression of sheer unadulterated terror. Dozens of blank vacant eyes stared over mouths opened in frozen shrieks. Those cold lifeless orbs did indeed seem to follow you wherever you looked, as though beseeching your aid.

Sitting across from them, Tigress paid her guests' discomfort no mind. She had busied herself upon entering in preparing some tea. A steaming pot of water provided by the servants rested on a low table. Besides a cot in one corner, there was very little in terms of personal touches to this room. Unless you counted the host of decapitated warriors staring silently down.

"Are… are those real p-people?" Fung finally croaked, unable to tear his eyes away.

At this Tigress lifted her head to gaze at him steadily. "Not anymore." She then returned to preparing refreshments. In no time three cups of tea were set out before them.

"Please drink," their hostess insisted with a sweep of her striped paw. "It's Zheng Shan Souchong, straight from Wuyi in Fujian Province. I picked some up after a mission there. The smoky flavor holds great appeal and its reputation is well warranted, in my opinion."

Neither of them took up this offer. After a while Fung stammered, "Wh… who are… where are their…?"

He could not bring himself to finish, but Tigress got the gist. "Criminals," she calmly provided by way of explanation. "Warriors of great power and no particular sense of decency whom I have encountered throughout my career. I keep the strongest examples as a mark of respect for their prowess."

Tigress picked up a cup and took a sip, breathing in the aroma with an appreciative rumble. Fierce eyes flicked up over the rim. "As for their bodies…" Her tongue came out to lick meaningfully at her whiskers. "A girl's got to eat."

Fung's head snapped down to offer her a terrified look. He appeared somewhat more green than usual. As for Po, he did not respond to anything that had been said or done, merely kept his attention fixed irrevocably downwards.

Satisfied, Tigress decided it was high time to begin. She settled down her tea and got right to business. "I would like to start by reassuring you that I have no plans to kill either of you at this time." Her tail dragged softly back and forth across the floor with lethal promise. "But that may change. It all depends on how you behave from this point on."

"Fung." The reptilian scoundrel jerked upon hearing his name. He stared at her, but couldn't help flicking an occasional glance at the trophies resting overhead. Tigress approved. "For reasons you are best left unaware of, we have all agreed to permit your courtship of our comrade Viper. Po has argued in your defense and we are inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt. Speak truly, now: are your intentions honorable concerning her?"

He gave a quick jerky nod. "Uh-huh. Totally. I mean–"

"Good." The beautiful huntress had another sip of tea before continuing. It really was a magnificent brew. "Because if it were to happen that you entered into this affair with nefarious intentions, whether of your own design or at the behest of someone you serve, I want you to understand that it would not end so neatly for you as it has in the past."

For all he knew that he should just keep his mouth shut and let her finish, Fung found himself asking, "Waddaya mean… 'end'?"

Tigress studied him. Then her gaze traveled upward. "Oh, look," she exclaimed with a measure of surprise. "There's an empty spot on my wall."

He turned where indicated. There was indeed a prominent gap in between a one-eyed camel and a warthog missing more than just its tusks.

"It's quite big," the cat mused to herself. "Large enough for a crocodile." Her head swept down. "Or a panda."

Po flinched in his seat but did not make a sound. He wore a decidedly miserable expression. Fung took note and decided to make one thing clear. "Listen, I'm not…"

In a flash Tigress' claws were out and hovering right before his eyes. The croc blinked as this sight slowly dawned on him. While he watched, those lethal pads lowered to take a hold on his upper jaw.

"Don't speak," she advised him. "Just listen." The wicked points began to drag slowly down his rough scales, catching and tugging on them with gentle restraint. "Viper is my friend. I value her as someone who treats me with kindness, courtesy, and above all, compassion. These are rare qualities, particularly for a martial artist. We lead hard lives. It is therefore easy to become hardened in turn as a matter of basic survival. So I admire her good spirits and would do a great deal to prevent her from losing such tenderness. She deserves to be happy."

A noise like buttons being pulled on a coat continued until her iron grip came to rest upon his nose.

"Take this opportunity to reevaluate your future, Fung. You have been awarded a chance to start anew. Should you not see that, then the new life you have been blessed with will prove immensely shorter than your old one. Viper remains unaware of your past. Keep it so for as long as you are able. The same goes for you, Po. Your mission is to make sure Viper comes to no harm. And one more thing…"

She withdrew her paw and settled back.

"Don't let my excellent tea go to waste."

Tigress retrieved her own cup and took a drink by way of example. Both her guests accepted this recommendation. Soon thereafter all three were sitting peacefully sipping black tea right under the noses of several stuffed heads.


"Take care."

Tigress shut the door of her boudoir in their faces. Feeling rather disoriented, panda and crocodile stood there without moving. After a few seconds they turned and marched down the corridor.

Holding his helmet in both hands, Fung nervously rolled his shoulders. At last he said, "Hey, Po… what's the word for being terrified and turned on at the same time?"

"Tigress," the Dragon Warrior stated flatly.

He thought about this for a while, then nodded. "Yeah. Sounds about right."

"Worst mission ever," Po grunted before continuing on his way.


"Viper is still working out in the Field of Fiery Death," Monkey supplied as he closed the door of Crane's room behind him. "Mantis is there too, keeping an eye on her."

"So you had a talk with him?" Crane questioned as he carefully practiced his calligraphy, the steady light of a candle illuminating the page before him.

"Yes." In a corner of the room, Tigress sat with arms folded and back propped against the paper screen.

He nodded his long beak in thought, still concentrating on moving the brush in a smooth arc. "And he knows what will happen to him if he does anything bad to her?"

"I left no room for interpretation."

"I hear crocodile tastes just like chicken!"

Crane threw a sharp glance at Monkey. The fuzzy comedian grinned and balanced back on his tail to rock forward and backward. "Just a bit of gallows humor," he chittered in high spirits, then dropped down and gave a prolonged stretch of his long powerful arms. "Well, think I'll hit the hay. G'night, all."

"I'll retire as well." Tigress stood to follow Monkey as he went outside and loped down the hall.

"Hey, Tigress?"

She paused and looked back to where Crane still stood. "Yes?"

The avian artist chose his next words with care. "Whatever became of that peddler who broke Viper's heart?"

Silently she watched him with one paw on the doorframe. Despite knowing his old comrade would never truly hurt him, Crane could not help but feel a lump of fear in his throat. His leg wobbled a bit to leave a trail of ink splotches across the page.

At last Tigress said, "To my knowledge he was never seen again."

And she licked her chops, whiskers twitching.

"Good night."

She closed the door without waiting for a response. For his part Crane noticed the mess he had made and gave a disappointed groan. At this point he decided to call it quits and settled down for a well-earned rest.


"Hey, Fung?"

He looked up from his project, claws wet with clay. "Darn it, Gahri! Can't you see I'm working here?"

"Sorry. It's just…" The gang's #2 looked towards the others huddled at the other end of the basement which they worked out of. They flashed him thumbs up to show their support. Gahri sighed and got back to business. "Well, some of the guys were thinking… don't you feel it's time we started on Operation Tax Refund?"

"No." So saying, Fung turned his attention back to the mound of red clay before him. He spun the potter's wheel round and round, examining it from every angle. "It's gotta be perfect," he muttered before bending back to his labors.

Distressed, Gahri glanced around helplessly but found no one coming to his aid. The outspoken croc drew on his reserves and pressed on. "If we don't hurry we'll never get ahead of the tax collectors. The season's winding down! And we need you! Fung, I know you don't want to hear this, but if you're not on board with it, then you might want to consider just… I mean, maybe you should let us–"

The spinning clay suddenly sagged off to one side before collapsing off its pedestal with a heavy splat.

"Darn it, Gahri!" The bandit leader leapt up and flung his hat to the floor. "Now look what you made me do! I gotta start all over again! Plus I need to go dig up some more red clay, and it's not even light out! I mean, seriously, I gotta do everything myself?" Without waiting for a response he grabbed a torch and stomped over to the door, flung it open and went storming outside, grumbling all the while.

His right-hand man watched him go without trying to hide his dismay. After some hesitation and whispered discussion, Wall-Eye got pushed forward to the front of the group. "Hey, Gahri. Are we gonna start work anytime soon?"

Gahri came about and studied the remaining members of the gang. For a few seconds he looked completely lost. Then he screwed up his courage and squared his jaw. "You know what? Yeah! You guys want to get started on the plan? That's exactly what we'll do! We're gonna get out there and make this thing work! Maybe then Fung will see that we're not washed up as bandits and get his priorities straight!"

So saying, he marched on over to where a line of uniforms hung from pegs on the walls. Gahri snatched one down and tossed it to Wall-Eye, then proceeded to do the same for the others. Once they all had a set he opened up a drawer in a table and produced a clay seal painted to a very fine sheen.

"Alright, future legends of thievery," Gahri spun about and lifted the duplicate badge on high. "Let's go make history!"

To be continued…