1/16/10

Script ep: 3

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Narrarator: Bluestar is keeping watch outside camp when Firepaw walks up to her.

(Bluestar shoots at the Narrarator with the L96A1 but misses.)

Bluestar: Fuck…

Firepaw: Hey Bluestar, watchya doing.

Bluestar: I'm looking out for that guy; he's going to try something.

Firepaw: How do you know?

Bluestar: Because it's episode 3.

Firepaw: So?

Bluestar: Things get really fucked up in episode 3.

Firepaw: How do you know that?

Bluestar: Because young Firepaw I know everything. I know what will happen today, I know what will happen tomorrow; and you want to know why?

Firepaw: `Cause you touch yourself at night.

Bluestar: BECAUSE I AM GOD!!!

Firepaw: (Pause) Bitch! You're starting to freak me out.

Bluestar: Good the first thing to do is to make people fear you.

Firepaw: K but Bluestar, there is no God just our dead ancestors.

Bluestar: Sure but when I die I will make myself dictator.

Firepaw: How many lives do you have left?

Bluestar: 3, Oh shit, I forgot it was a secret.

Firepaw: What?

Bluestar: The clan thinks that I have five lives still, and I don't want to worry them because I only have 3 lives left.

Firepaw: Am I the only one who knows?

Bluestar: No, Spottedleaf knows and speaking of her you should go see her get your tail checked out.

Firepaw: Why what's wrong with it.

Bluestar: It's on fire.

(Firepaw turns around to see his tail on fire.)

Firepaw: Yea, It doesn't really hurt.

Bluestar: All the same you should get it checked out.

Firepaw: M'kay

End of Scene 1

Scene 2

Graypaw: Hey Firepaw, where you going?

Firepaw: Going to go see Spottedleaf.

Graypaw: Why?

Firepaw: Get my tail checked out.

Graypaw: What's wrong with it?

Firepaw: It's on fire.

Graypaw: That doesn't look to bad.

Firepaw: That's what I said.

Graypaw: Come on I'll go with you.

Firepaw: Kay

(They walk into the medicine cat den where they see Spottedleaf)

Graypaw: Hey, Spottedleaf there's something wrong with Firepaw's tail.

Spottedleaf: What's wrong with it?

Graypaw: It's on fire.

Spottedleaf: That doesn't look to bad.

Firepaw and Graypaw: That's what I said.

Spottedleaf: That's what your mother said.

Firepaw: What?

Spottedleaf: What?

Firepaw: You said something.

Spottedleaf: I say a lot of things.

Firepaw: Great, but what should I do with my tail?

Spottedleaf: Douse it in the ravine.

Graypaw: K thanks for all the help Spot-

Firepaw: Penis!!!

(Pause)

Graypaw and Spottedleaf: Whaaaaaaat?!?!

Firepaw: Ummmm, Denis that was my old housefolks name.

Spottedleaf: Well, anyways I'll see you guys-

Firepaw: Cock!!!

(Pause)

Spottedleaf: One more inappropriate comment and I'll slaughter you.

Graypaw: Ha, Firepaw's not afraid of you, Firepaw's not afraid of any-

Firepaw: Fuck me Spottedleaf!!!

Spottedleaf: I know I want to be fucked so badly.

Firepaw: I know, I know but we just can't you is a medicine cat.

Spottedleaf: Fuck being a medicine cat, I just need to get fucked so badly.

(Meanwhile Graypaw is standing there wide-eyed and freaked out.)

Graypaw: Umm… you know what …I… uhh… jus- Just no ok, that, that is just to fucked up.

(Pause)

Firepaw: SHUT UP!!!

Graypaw: (Pause) Jesus Christ, chill out-

Firepaw: No, no you chill out Mother-fucking son-of-a-

(At that moment Graypaw Vulcan Pinches Firepaw knocking him out)

(Pauses)

Spottedleaf: Was that really necessary?

Graypaw: No, no it wasn't (Drags Firepaw out into the open)

End Scene2

Scene 3

(Firepaw wakes up)

Firepaw: (looks at Graypaw) Asshole!!

Graypaw: Hey, chill I saved you from making a mistake.

Firepaw: I was going to get laid, where's the problem?

Graypaw: She's a medicine cat.

Firepaw: Fuck you.

(Pause)

Firepaw: So what do I do now?

Graypaw: Time to sleep.

Firepaw: Seriously, It's just past sun-high.

Graypaw: Yea but all new apprentices have to have a dream from StarClan that tells them their destiny.

Firepaw: Sounds pretty gay.

Graypaw: You're pretty gay.

Firepaw: Who was the one who was trying to get fucked a minute ago?

Graypaw: Some loser I'm friends with.

Firepaw: (Pause) That's really Fucking Funny.

Graypaw: Hell yes, see you're catching on

Firepaw: K then I guess I have to go nighty night

Bluestar: Who wants to go night-night (grins evilly at point's gun at them.)

Firepaw: (Raises hand) I did!

Bluestar: Fuck! I'm not allowed to kill you. (Pouts)

Graypaw: BS! You can kill him anytime you want.

Bluestar: (Glances) I don't believe I asked you.

Graypaw: You didn't.

Bluestar: Yea so shut up!

Graypaw: M'Kay

End scene 3

Scene 4

Firepaw: Ok I guess I have to sleep now.

Tigerclaw: I'm watching you.

Firepaw: (Turns to see him watching him from the apprentices den entrance.) Ummm...Good to know.

Tigerclaw: Yes, it is good to know. (leaves.)

Firepaw: Mother fucking freak. (Falls asleep and then wakes up in a dream. He seems to be standing in the middle of a battlefield with a cat he doesn't know standing next to him.)

Firepaw: Who are you?

Dream cat: No one important.

Firepaw: Ok then.

Dream cat: I didn't know cats could talk.

Firepaw: Your talking right now you dumb bitch.

Dream cat: Can you hunt?

Firepaw: Yea, I can do a lot of things dumbass.

Dream cat: Yea?

Firepaw: Yep

Dream cat: Yea?

Firepaw: Sure

Dream cat: Yea?

Firepaw: Affirmative

Dream cat: I'm going to fuck your brains out.

Firepaw: (Pause) Excuse me?

Dream cat: I'M. GOING. TO. DO. YOU!
Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Firepaw: (Wakes up from the dream.)

Firepaw: Whoa! Holy shit what a nightmare.

Sandpaw: Firepaw my love what is wrong?

Firepaw: (Notices that Sandpaw is right on top of him.)

Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Firepaw: (Wakes up again.)

Firepaw: Whoa! That was way beyond fucked up what a nightmare.

Graypaw: Firepaw my love what is wrong?

Firepaw: (Notices Graypaw is on top of him.)

Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Firepaw: (Wakes up.)

Firepaw: HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHITBALLS WHAT A NIGHTMARE!

Tigerclaw: Penis.

Firepaw: (Notices Tigerclaw on top of him.)

Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Firepaw: (Wakes up.)

Firepaw: Whoa. That was actually kind of interesting.

Lionheart: Firepaw my love what is wrong?

Firepaw: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firepaw: (Wakes up and checks to make sure nothing is humping him.)

Firepaw: Are we done with the rape!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Dustpaw: Shut up and go back to sleep you dumbass noob.

Graypaw; Yea, I need my sexy sleep.

Firepaw: Graypaw?

Graypaw: Yea?

Firepaw: If you ever mention Starclan to me again I will murder you in your sleep.

Graypaw: M'Kay

End Scene 4

End episode 3