1/16/10
Script ep: 3
Warriors Parody
Into The Wild
(After Intro)
Scene 1
Narrarator: Bluestar is keeping watch outside camp when Firepaw walks up to her.
(Bluestar shoots at the Narrarator with the L96A1 but misses.)
Bluestar: Fuck…
Firepaw: Hey Bluestar, watchya doing.
Bluestar: I'm looking out for that guy; he's going to try something.
Firepaw: How do you know?
Bluestar: Because it's episode 3.
Firepaw: So?
Bluestar: Things get really fucked up in episode 3.
Firepaw: How do you know that?
Bluestar: Because young Firepaw I know everything. I know what will happen today, I know what will happen tomorrow; and you want to know why?
Firepaw: `Cause you touch yourself at night.
Bluestar: BECAUSE I AM GOD!!!
Firepaw: (Pause) Bitch! You're starting to freak me out.
Bluestar: Good the first thing to do is to make people fear you.
Firepaw: K but Bluestar, there is no God just our dead ancestors.
Bluestar: Sure but when I die I will make myself dictator.
Firepaw: How many lives do you have left?
Bluestar: 3, Oh shit, I forgot it was a secret.
Firepaw: What?
Bluestar: The clan thinks that I have five lives still, and I don't want to worry them because I only have 3 lives left.
Firepaw: Am I the only one who knows?
Bluestar: No, Spottedleaf knows and speaking of her you should go see her get your tail checked out.
Firepaw: Why what's wrong with it.
Bluestar: It's on fire.
(Firepaw turns around to see his tail on fire.)
Firepaw: Yea, It doesn't really hurt.
Bluestar: All the same you should get it checked out.
Firepaw: M'kay
End of Scene 1
Scene 2
Graypaw: Hey Firepaw, where you going?
Firepaw: Going to go see Spottedleaf.
Graypaw: Why?
Firepaw: Get my tail checked out.
Graypaw: What's wrong with it?
Firepaw: It's on fire.
Graypaw: That doesn't look to bad.
Firepaw: That's what I said.
Graypaw: Come on I'll go with you.
Firepaw: Kay
(They walk into the medicine cat den where they see Spottedleaf)
Graypaw: Hey, Spottedleaf there's something wrong with Firepaw's tail.
Spottedleaf: What's wrong with it?
Graypaw: It's on fire.
Spottedleaf: That doesn't look to bad.
Firepaw and Graypaw: That's what I said.
Spottedleaf: That's what your mother said.
Firepaw: What?
Spottedleaf: What?
Firepaw: You said something.
Spottedleaf: I say a lot of things.
Firepaw: Great, but what should I do with my tail?
Spottedleaf: Douse it in the ravine.
Graypaw: K thanks for all the help Spot-
Firepaw: Penis!!!
(Pause)
Graypaw and Spottedleaf: Whaaaaaaat?!?!
Firepaw: Ummmm, Denis that was my old housefolks name.
Spottedleaf: Well, anyways I'll see you guys-
Firepaw: Cock!!!
(Pause)
Spottedleaf: One more inappropriate comment and I'll slaughter you.
Graypaw: Ha, Firepaw's not afraid of you, Firepaw's not afraid of any-
Firepaw: Fuck me Spottedleaf!!!
Spottedleaf: I know I want to be fucked so badly.
Firepaw: I know, I know but we just can't you is a medicine cat.
Spottedleaf: Fuck being a medicine cat, I just need to get fucked so badly.
(Meanwhile Graypaw is standing there wide-eyed and freaked out.)
Graypaw: Umm… you know what …I… uhh… jus- Just no ok, that, that is just to fucked up.
(Pause)
Firepaw: SHUT UP!!!
Graypaw: (Pause) Jesus Christ, chill out-
Firepaw: No, no you chill out Mother-fucking son-of-a-
(At that moment Graypaw Vulcan Pinches Firepaw knocking him out)
(Pauses)
Spottedleaf: Was that really necessary?
Graypaw: No, no it wasn't (Drags Firepaw out into the open)
End Scene2
Scene 3
(Firepaw wakes up)
Firepaw: (looks at Graypaw) Asshole!!
Graypaw: Hey, chill I saved you from making a mistake.
Firepaw: I was going to get laid, where's the problem?
Graypaw: She's a medicine cat.
Firepaw: Fuck you.
(Pause)
Firepaw: So what do I do now?
Graypaw: Time to sleep.
Firepaw: Seriously, It's just past sun-high.
Graypaw: Yea but all new apprentices have to have a dream from StarClan that tells them their destiny.
Firepaw: Sounds pretty gay.
Graypaw: You're pretty gay.
Firepaw: Who was the one who was trying to get fucked a minute ago?
Graypaw: Some loser I'm friends with.
Firepaw: (Pause) That's really Fucking Funny.
Graypaw: Hell yes, see you're catching on
Firepaw: K then I guess I have to go nighty night
Bluestar: Who wants to go night-night (grins evilly at point's gun at them.)
Firepaw: (Raises hand) I did!
Bluestar: Fuck! I'm not allowed to kill you. (Pouts)
Graypaw: BS! You can kill him anytime you want.
Bluestar: (Glances) I don't believe I asked you.
Graypaw: You didn't.
Bluestar: Yea so shut up!
Graypaw: M'Kay
End scene 3
Scene 4
Firepaw: Ok I guess I have to sleep now.
Tigerclaw: I'm watching you.
Firepaw: (Turns to see him watching him from the apprentices den entrance.) Ummm...Good to know.
Tigerclaw: Yes, it is good to know. (leaves.)
Firepaw: Mother fucking freak. (Falls asleep and then wakes up in a dream. He seems to be standing in the middle of a battlefield with a cat he doesn't know standing next to him.)
Firepaw: Who are you?
Dream cat: No one important.
Firepaw: Ok then.
Dream cat: I didn't know cats could talk.
Firepaw: Your talking right now you dumb bitch.
Dream cat: Can you hunt?
Firepaw: Yea, I can do a lot of things dumbass.
Dream cat: Yea?
Firepaw: Yep
Dream cat: Yea?
Firepaw: Sure
Dream cat: Yea?
Firepaw: Affirmative
Dream cat: I'm going to fuck your brains out.
Firepaw: (Pause) Excuse me?
Dream cat: I'M. GOING. TO. DO. YOU!
Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Firepaw: (Wakes up from the dream.)
Firepaw: Whoa! Holy shit what a nightmare.
Sandpaw: Firepaw my love what is wrong?
Firepaw: (Notices that Sandpaw is right on top of him.)
Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Firepaw: (Wakes up again.)
Firepaw: Whoa! That was way beyond fucked up what a nightmare.
Graypaw: Firepaw my love what is wrong?
Firepaw: (Notices Graypaw is on top of him.)
Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Firepaw: (Wakes up.)
Firepaw: HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHITBALLS WHAT A NIGHTMARE!
Tigerclaw: Penis.
Firepaw: (Notices Tigerclaw on top of him.)
Firepaw: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Firepaw: (Wakes up.)
Firepaw: Whoa. That was actually kind of interesting.
Lionheart: Firepaw my love what is wrong?
Firepaw: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Firepaw: (Wakes up and checks to make sure nothing is humping him.)
Firepaw: Are we done with the rape!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Dustpaw: Shut up and go back to sleep you dumbass noob.
Graypaw; Yea, I need my sexy sleep.
Firepaw: Graypaw?
Graypaw: Yea?
Firepaw: If you ever mention Starclan to me again I will murder you in your sleep.
Graypaw: M'Kay
End Scene 4
End episode 3
