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P4TH
Part Two: Hope for the Hopeless
"…Making the best of it
Playing the hand you get
You're not alone in this
There's hope for the hopeless
Hope for the hopeless
There's hope
Cold in a summer breeze
Yeah, you're shivering
On your bended knee
Still, when your heart is sore
And the heavens pour
Like a willow bending with the storm,
You'll make it
Running against the wind
Playing the cards you get
Something is bound to give
There's hope for the hopeless
Hope for the hopeless
There's hope…"
~ "Hope For The Hopeless" – A Fine Frenzy
Thursday...March 28...
Lexie put the key card for their hotel room into the door and smiled tiredly hearing the click of the lock disengaging. Opening the door and flipping the lights on, she dropped her bag down on the closest table and started stripping off her clothing as she walked to the bathroom for a shower. Mark wasn't home, which was a small blessing to her. The thought filled Lexie with guilt but she wasn't in the mood for the questions that he would ask. Turning on the hot water, Lexie stepped under the hot stream and close her eyes and the memory of the day came flashing across her mind.
George O'Malley had been sweet to her but that sweetness had dissipated a little once he realized that she would be his rival in trying to get different kinds of procedures and such on the surgical floor. Izzy Stevens had been the model who had paid her way through med school and who Alex liked to torture. Christina Yang and had said very few words to her and Lexie had the feeling that she didn't say a few words to anyone.
Meredith Grey however was the one woman who had made the effort to make her feel like a member of the group and because of that, Lexie was shunned from the group like Meredith was…
Looking around the cafeteria, Lexie spotted the woman she'd come to know as Meredith Grey. The only thing they had in common was their last name. Walking over to the small corner table she was at, Lexie smiled and set her tray down.
"Hi," she smiled, "Do you mind if I sit with you?"
Meredith looked up surprised, "Sure but you know that by sitting with me you'll be shunned from the group."
"Well that speaks volumes about them individually," Lexie said sitting down, "Why are they shunning you anyway?"
"Sleeping with the attending, Derek Shepard," Meredith smiled bitterly, "It's like I'm a disease now."
Lexie raised an eyebrow shocked realizing that this was 'M' from Derek's message.
"Really?"
"Childish, yes but you know what they say. High school never ends."
Lexie smiled and rolled her eyes, "I've heard that. It doesn't mean you have that you have to care what others think."
"Do you care what others think?"
"I was told me never to care what others think. Live your life in a way that makes you happy."
"I like that advice," Meredith smiled…
Lunch with Meredith had been enjoyable. They had a lot in common in tastes. They like the same music, TV shows and movies. They had both gone to Ivy League schools and had graduated at the top of their classes. It was refreshing to talk to another woman who wasn't asking her to hide anything. Meredith wasn't asking her to hide her affair with Derek Shepard. Meredith wasn't anything like Addison. They were polar opposites. Even though Addison was dear to her, sometimes being with her was suffocating. Being her secret keeper was crushing but even though she'd only met Meredith, Lexie knew that Meredith wouldn't pit her against another like Addison did. It was a small comfort but a comfort all the same. It gave her some hope that she and Mark could build a life in Seattle. A happy life with him was all she wanted at the end of the day.
Turning off the water, Lexie grabbed a bath towel and wrapped it around her petite frame. She didn't bother with anything but drying her hair and body before she slipped into bed and settled into the soft sheets of the large bed. Closing her eyes, Lexie hoped that the childish game of the scarlet letter would be over soon. She truly felt bad for Meredith and hoped that the gossip mill would move on to better things soon for both of them. Once the hospital found out the she was married to plastics god Mark Sloan, the shit would hit the fan and her life would practically be over.
Two Weeks Later...Thursday...April 11...
Lexie knew the phrase April showers bring May flowers but she didn't think that it could rain as much as it had in the past two weeks in Seattle. She wondered if the phrase was really about the rain flooding the flower beds because that was what was bound to happen. Part of her wanted to punch Mark for having the crazy idea to move out here and the other part of her wanted to kick herself for agreeing to his crazy idea. Paying the cashier for her lunch, Lexie walked across the cafeteria to where Meredith was sitting alone in booth.
"So how was your night?" Lexie asked with a smile as she sat down.
"It was good. Quiet but it was good," Meredith smiled, "You?"
"It was nice and quiet," she replied as she opened up the lid to her salad. In the two weeks since she'd started, nothing had changed about the others. The interns still shunned Meredith for sleeping with her attending and shunned Lexie by association simply because she had lunch with Meredith. Lexie didn't mind it too much. She wasn't there to repeat high school. She was there to become a surgeon.
"That's nice. I have a question for you and I hope you will tell me what I want to hear."
Lexie looked up at Meredith startled. Did she know about her and Mark being married? If so, had Derek told her?
"Y-y-y-yes?" Lexie said nervously, "What's up?"
"I was thinking that you should move in with me," Meredith announced with a smile, "I have an extra room if you need one and I don't charge rent, just the usual utilities."
Lexie smiled at her sadly, "Sorry I'm married."
"Married?" Meredith looked at her in shock, "Seriously? To who?"
"A guy," Lexie said vaguely.
"That was given. What's his name?" Meredith asked with a grin.
"Mark," Lexie smiled.
"What does he do?"
"He's a department head."
"Where?" Meredith asked.
"Local place," Lexie lied and hoped that she believed it. She wasn't ready for the whole world to know that she was married to Mark Sloan. It would be a disaster if people found out now. She and Mark were just settling to things and finding a rhythm at work. The boat didn't need to be rocked yet. People would find out on their own soon enough.
"Cool," Meredith smiled, "I'm happy for you."
"Thanks."
Lexie sat cross legged on the bed that evening checking her email on the small laptop that she and Mark shared. It was late but she wasn't tired and Mark wasn't home yet. She'd always had a habit of waiting up for him when a surgery went late. Most of the time he'd call her and tell her not to wait up but she always did. Lexie stared at the computer screen that showed the one message she didn't want to reply to.
Addison.
"How was your day?"
Lexie had been so focused on the email that she hadn't heard Mark come into the hotel room. As a result, she nearly jumped off the bed when Mark pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
"Sorry what?" Lexie said quickly as she closed the laptop and looked up at Mark. He raised an eyebrow and took the scrub top he'd been wearing off.
"What's wrong?" he asked her as he took off his pants.
Lexie closed her eyes and sighed. She could lie to Mark which would ensure a fight or she could tell him the truth. Taking the second option, Lexie opened the laptop and showed him Addison's email.
"What do I tell her?" Lexie asked feeling frustrated.
Mark sat down on the bed next to her and read the email quickly.
"Don't reply yet," he told her as he pressed his lips against her hair, "Derek should talk to her about this...not you."
"She's emailing me because Derek won't email her," Lexie told him as she leaned against him tiredly, "She's expecting a reply and if I don't reply it will seem like I'm blowing her off. You and I both know what Addison is like if you ignore her for too long."
"Don't worry about it till tomorrow," Mark said closing the laptop and putting it on the nightstand. Lexie opened her mouth to protest but Mark gave her a look that said 'let it go'.
Pushing the covers of the bed back, Lexie laid down and sighed.
"How was work?" she asked as she cuddled up with a pillow.
"That Karev is a kiss ass," Mark told her as he got comfortable on his own side of the bed.
"Every intern is a kiss ass to you," Lexie amended as he shut of the lamp on the nightstand, "You're a god in their eyes."
"That's not true," Mark told her as he settled back into the pillows.
"Really?"
"Oh yeah," he continued with a smile she could see in the dark, "There is this one who I really like."
"Who is he?" Lexie smiled as she snugged close to him.
"There's this girl."
"A girl? Should I be jealous?" Lexie asked as her smile turned into a grin.
"Maybe…"
"What's she like?"
"She's pretty," Mark smiled, "She has these eyes that could melt anyone's heart and this smile that makes you feel like you're the only person in the room."
"Really?"
"Yeah and she's kind and brilliant."
"So she's got brains and looks?" Lexie chuckled, "Sounds sexy."
Mark laughed, "Yes she is and I'm really glad I married her. It was the one thing I've ever done right."
Lexie smiled and kissed him goodnight.
Friday...April 12...
"We need to talk," Mark said quietly to Derek when he found him at the nurse's station the next morning.
"What's up?" Derek asked as he followed him to Mark's office.
"Addison emailed Lexie," Mark announced, "She's asking where you're at and how to get in contact."
"Lexie didn't tell her anything, did she?" Derek said looking anxious.
"She hasn't replied yet."
"Tell her not reply."
"Why don't you just tell Addison where you're at? That would solve everything," Mark snapped, "She's your wife!"
"I'm not ready to talk to her," Derek defended.
"I know you don't want to have that conversation with her but you're going to have to."
"The hell I am!"
"What's going to happen when your hot little intern finds out that you're married?" Mark asked, "This is gonna blow up in your face Shepard! Don't think for a moment this won't!"
"Meredith has nothing to do with this so don't bring her into this!"
"The hell it does! You're afraid of rocking the boat! Derek, you have to talk to both of them! You can't just leave everything in limbo."
"I'm not talking to Addison. That's the end of it," Derek yelled back, "I don't want to see her again."
"Addison is going to find out eventually where you're at and she's going to come here looking for you," Mark shouted, "She's not dumb Derek! She'll find out and then what? What are you going to tell Meredith?"
"Addison won't find out if nobody tells her where I'm at. Just tell Lexie to keep her mouth shut."
"Don't talk about my wife like that and don't you dare talk to her like that. You involved us the minute Addison started emailing asking where you're at. I'm not letting you put Lexie in the middle like you always do when you and Addison get into it. It's not fair to her! You make her pick sides and she gets caught having to pick between friends! Not to mention it's your marriage Derek! You fix it!" Mark told him with an aggravated tone.
Derek opened his mouth to reply but the door cracked open and a nervous looking Lexie peered in.
"Both of you keep it down!" she said quickly, "The entire surgical floor can here you two yelling."
"You tell Addison anything I will make your life a living hell here," Derek threatened angrily as he pointed a finger at her.
Lexie looked at him with shock. Derek had never threatened her and she opened her mouth to respond but Mark beat her to it.
"Shepard! I told you not to talk to her like that," he snapped, "You may be my friend but you don't dare talk to my wife like that."
Derek and Mark stared at each other as Lexie watched nervously. They stared at each other until Derek blinked and turned away, "I can handle Addison. Both of you stay out of it."
Mark rolled his eyes as Lexie walked into the office looking worried.
"You're going to be mad me for what I did," she said as she hugged herself.
"Did you kill a patient?" he asked knowing she didn't.
"No."
"Screw up any meds?"
"No."
"Why am I going to be mad? What'd you do?" he asked her with a puzzled expression.
"I replied to Addison email."
Mark rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes, "What'd you tell her?"
"I didn't say anything about Meredith but I told her everything else. I couldn't lie to her. She is still a friend of mine and I don't…I don't know how not to be stuck in the middle Mark," Lexie said as she stood in the center of his office, "How angry is Derek going to be at me?"
"Derek is just angry and being an idiot. I wouldn't worry about it. He's full of empty threats. Everything is going to be fine."
The look Lexie gave him told him she didn't buy a word that came out of his mouth but she nodded anyways.
"I'll see you at home," she told him before leaving the office.
Lexie bit her finger tips nervously as she sat with Meredith watching Derek's brain surgery late in the afternoon. She was still nervous about Derek's reaction to knowing that she'd tipped Addison off about where he was. He'd probably crucify her upside down like Saint Peter when he found out and then resurrect her to kill her again.
"You okay?" Meredith whispered next to her, "You look really pale."
"I'm fine," Lexie lied.
Meredith gave her a skeptical look that Lexie ignored.
"I'm surprised that she's not down there. Probably didn't sleep with him enough to get into the surgery," Yang said from behind them with bitterness.
"Shut up Yang!" Lexie said swinging around to glare at Yang, "Get over yourself and whatever the problem is because it's not going to go away with every snide comment you make! Leave her alone!"
The entire gallery went silent as Lexie and Christina glared at each other. Eventually Christina looked away with a small smirk on her face and focus on the surgery. Lexie turned around and saw that the entire OR including Derek were watching them and they all wore an unreadable expression except Derek who was glaring at her. It was only then did Lexie realize that microphone had been on the entire time.
Humiliation filled her and Lexie quickly stood up and left the gallery as fast as she could. She knew that Meredith was following her but she didn't care. Pushing the door open to the supply closet, Lexie closed the door behind her as she tried to stop the anxiety attack that felt like it was going to take over that would trigger an asthma attack next like it always did. That familiar tightening in her chest that she'd had ever since Addison's affair began took over. Sinking down to the floor, Lexie tried to relax and take deep breaths but the feeling wasn't going away.
"Doctor Grey?"
It was Mark's deep voice that was calling out to her and scooted away from the door. He opened it and Meredith followed him in with worry in her eyes.
"Go get some oxygen," Mark said quickly already knowing what was going to happen. He'd seen this happen enough times since Addison had asked Lexie to cover for her and the affair she had been having.
"I-I-I c-c-c-can't-I can't b-b-b-b-breathe," Lexie said and it sounded like she was choking.
"Let's get you up," he told her as Meredith came in with a transportable oxygen machine.
Mark helped Lexie to stand up and he picked her up despite her protests that she could walk. He left the supply closet with Meredith following them to one of the small patient rooms that was unoccupied. Sitting Lexie down on the bed, Mark turned to Meredith.
"Out Grey!" he snapped.
Meredith looked torn but left when Mark glared at her again. Meredith left as Lexie put the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose.
"What happened?" Mark asked with concern as he looked the door behind Meredith.
"I yelled at Yang for gossiping," Lexie wheezed taking the mask from her face.
"What?" Mark said as he put the mask back on her.
"Yang was gossiping about Meredith and Derek so I told her to shut up about it," Lexie said. Her words sounded muffled with the mask over face.
Mark sighed, "That's not what triggered this and you know it."
"The microphone was on and everyone heard what I said. It was humiliating. Derek saw the whole thing and just glared at me. I-I-I-I'm on his service this week and it's only a matter of time till he figures out that I emailed Addison back," she said quickly as she began to panic even more.
"Lex look at me," Mark told her being gentle yet firm, "Everything is going to be fine. Okay? Don't worry about Derek or Addison alright. I will figure it out. Just try and breathe."
Lexie nodded as he brushed some hair behind her ears. She tried to focus on her breathing but the nagging feeling inside wouldn't go away.
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