Chapter Three:
The A.C.E
A common thing for most kids is to come home occasionally with skinned knees. For her it was not unlikely to not come home with skinned knees, skinned elbows, black eyes, the occasional busted nose and on one occasion all of the above as well as three fractured fingers and a dislocated shoulder, but that had been a bad day…for one, she'd lost.
On that day she walked home because she'd missed the bus. She spent the last two hours prior to that in the principal's office. They'd finally let her go when it had become apparent that her mother wasn't going to answer her phone.
She'd worn a dress that day, with lace and bows. It was badly ripped and there were holes in her hose. One bow had fallen off, another was dragging by a thread and the lace was unraveling. Her hair had had a bow in it too that morning but she'd taken it out and thrown it out the window on the bus ride over and instead had braided her hair with some difficulty. It was messy and unraveling now and stuck up all over the place. Tears and mud streaked her face, but both were drying up now.
On most of the way home she glared at the dangling bow, while occasionally looking at her fingers which she felt probably shouldn't be that color.
Her mother usually got home about three hours after she did. Normally on occasions like this she would make sure to clean up so that her mother wouldn't notice, but both of her eyes were going black and her fingers were turning purple.
Years from this day, she would remember it with bitterness, not because of the beating, or because she'd lost her first fight, or that she lost many in the next few weeks because of the fractured fingers, but because when her mother had gotten home, after her initial anger had subsided over her daughter getting in another fight and ruining another dress she'd said;
"You're disappointing," not 'you disappointed me' just 'you're disappointing.'
XXX
It was the day of the A.C.E. Gru was in the process of making the girls lunch. Edith automatically crawled up onto one of the stools. Agnes tried to follow suit and couldn't manage it so she grabbed a hold of Gru's pant leg instead.
There was a stack of mail still on the counter. When Margo got into the kitchen she leafed through it briefly before pulling out a letter she'd spotted earlier that day. She had been looking out for it, mainly because she had suspected that her father would not.
"Hey dad." Gru looked down at her after removing Agnes from his pant leg and lifting her up onto one of the stools.
"Hmm?"
"We got a letter from the local school board."
"What ees dat?"
"Um…it's to make sure we're enrolled in school in September. I should be starting the fourth grade and Edith is starting first. Agnes'll need to go to preschool."
"School's dumb," Edith said while sticking her tongue out.
"Well…what deed you do before you came here?" Gru asked, experiencing that all too familiar out of his depth feeling.
"Miss Hatties sent us to a school nearby, but it's closer to the orphanage," she said. It was probably in another district anyway but either way she didn't want to go to that school anymore. It had been old and most of the teachers had been unpleasant and her and Edith had been made fun of for being orphans.
Gru frowned and motioned for her to hand him the letter. He opened it up and read a few lines before making a weary face.
"If you want to enroll us, you're going to have to go to the school and do it there."
"Why can't you just show up? What ees all ove dis proof of guardianship and emergency numbers."
"Uh…I think they have to have that stuff on record if something happens…"
"Sometheeng happens, what would happen?" Gru said, while looking up at her.
"Well, you know…if one of us gets sick or hurt or something."
"No, I don't like dat," he said while eyeing the papers again, this time with concern. If one of them got sick or hurt someone would pay dearly for it.
"It's just in case, dad…so that they can call you."
"We will talk about dis lator, after I get back," he said with a frown before putting the letter down on the counter.
"Are you going to be gone all night daddy?" Agnes asked.
"Yes, but I will be back orly een de morning before you wake up. Eet will not be any deeferent den de forst week you 'ad a babysitter. Lunch ees ready, seet down at de table," he added as he got out some plates for them. "I am goeeng down to de lab for a leetle beet to make sure Dr. Nefario does not get carried away weeth what he ees to be takeeng."
XXX
Dr. Nefario was getting carried away. When Gru got down into the lab he saw that the older man had gathered up a lot of their technology for consideration. He was also wearing a tie, which was rare for him. Currently he was holding a few small trinkets on chains.
"Well, I think I should bring a few examples of our weapon technology. How about the explosive key chains I designed last year. Destructive and they make great giveaways." Dr. Nefario said after Gru asked, with some trepidation what he was doing.
"Eef I recall dose had a habeet of failing to blow up when activated and most of dem melted."
"Yes, but I think I worked out those problems…they blow up now…of course they're a bit sensitive so…"
"No."
"Okay then, how about the new dart gun. That seems to be going well."
"Weel eet blow up?"
"It shouldn't. We should probably bring some of the minions as well, don't you think?" Nefario said while eyeing two minions who were fighting over a rocket launcher. One of them nudged the trigger and Nefario and Gru ducked to avoid the explosion.
"Well we'll just bring one or two…they cause less trouble that way…perhaps we can bring Doug…I know your not crazy about him but you must admit he's impressive."
"I am not goeeng to spend all night weeth dat guy breathing down my neck," he said while wiping debris off of his shoulder. He eyed one of his minions, who had put a wig on and was clipping bows to it.
"I am starteeng to 'ave a bad feeling about dis,"
"Well, I for one am glad we got an invite. This could be just the thing we need. Who knows what could happen."
"Makeeng statement like dat are not helpeeng. Why does your tie 'ave a teddy bear on it?"
"Oh, oops, just tuck that back in there…it shouldn't show. Unfortunately it's the only one I've got. Although I can't quite remember where I got it. You should consider getting a little dressed up too. Hey, what do you think about bringing one of the cookie bots?"
"I theenk eet ees a good way to be laughed out of de building, You can bring two minions, not dave, definitely not Doug and one weapon…and make sure to keep de weapon away from de minions…" he said bitterly, "and search dem for any of de gurls toys before we leave," he added before heading towards the lift.
XXX
Ady had spent the morning working at The Hideaway. When her shift ended she took off her apron and headed over to the break room where Vanessa was taking her lunch.
"I'm heading out," Ady said as she hung her apron up on a hook on the wall. "I probably won't be back until really early in the morning," she added.
"Why don't you just tell the guy to bring the kids to our apartment and pick them up in the morning," Vanessa said with a shrug. "Your doing this for free, he might as well make it more convenient for you."
"Er...no," Ady said carefully. She wasn't crazy about staying at Gru's house overnight, but the idea of him showing up at their apartment at four in the morning made her even more uneasy. Vanessa already was jumpy around the café when she heard a car backfire and tended to look up with some alarm every time the door opened. Gru was probably even more intimidating at four am. "I don't think…that's a good idea. I'll see you tomorrow."
She called a cab on her way out of the building and sat down on one of the chairs at an outside table to wait for it. She was a little nervous. It wouldn't be much different from other times she had babysat, just a little longer and Gru would be farther away. Still, overnight at his house, who knows what kind of horrors that would provide?
The cab arrived in about fifteen minutes. When she got to Gru's house, she walked past Dr. Nefario who was sitting on his scooter and shouting at a pair of minions who were loading stuff in the tank. One of them kept getting distracted and picking dandelions. Margo opened the door for her.
"Hey Ady, dad's upstairs getting dressed," Margo said as she closed the door behind the older woman. Ady followed her down the hall towards the kitchen. The girls were still sitting at the booth eating lunch.
"Hiee Ady," Agnes said before sliding off of her chair with some difficulty and approaching the woman. "Daddy made us sandwiches and he cut my baloney into a unicorn, look!" She said as she took Ady's hand and pulled her over to the table.
"Mines better." Edith said before she could respond. "It looks like a skull." She added.
"Very impressive…baloney art." Ady said.
"Dad said you were going to be here all night." Edith said.
"Yup." Ady replied.
"Are you going to sleep here?"
"Not if I can help it."
"If you want you can sleep in our room." Agnes said as she nibbled at her sandwich so that her baloney unicorn stayed intact.
"Uh…thanks Agnes…I don't think…"
"But daddy said there's lots of bedbugs and something in our closet."
"That was nice of him." Ady said with a sigh.
"He was kidding." Margo said as she slid into the booth to finish her own lunch.
Ady turned as the kitchen door opened and Gru walked in adjusting something on his collar. When he saw Ady he gave her a somewhat uncertain smile.
"You look…sinister." Ady said as she stuffed her hands in her pockets. He was wearing a dark turtleneck and his dress cloak. "Is that the traditional look for a villain pot luck?"
"Eet ees not a pot luck and what ees wrong weeth de way I'm dressed?" He asked with some irritation and perhaps a hint of self-consciousness.
"Nothing if you're planning on tying someone up on train tracks."
"Tyeeng someone to de train tracks ees a waste ove time. Dese days eet takes hours for de train to arrive," he said as he walked by her towards the counter.
"Not like when you were young, huh?" He cast her a dry look.
"We should go over a few theengs before I leave," he said before motioning towards the door.
"Didn't have a comeback for that one huh?" Ady said amusedly as she followed Gru into the hallway.
"I am tryeeng not to encourage you," he responded. She smiled at his back as he stopped by the door and opened up the panel on the wall.
"All right, dis button here at de top locks up de house. Dis one over here torns on de fence. Do not touch dese four," he said before shutting the panel again. "Eef you hear a loud beeping noise from de floor eet ees probably notheeng to be alarmed about."
"A loud beeping noise…"
"Right, eet usually just means dat part ove de lab has blown up." Ady frowned, slight weariness setting into her face.
"Does that happen a lot?" Ady asked.
"At least twice a week and dat ees weeth Dr. Nefario monitoring dem. De peeza place we 'ave been ordering from ees out ove business, you may 'ave to cook sometheeng…" he continued with a frown. "Please do not set my keetchen on fire."
"No promises…why is the pizza place out of…" her expression hardened a little. "It's because of you isn't it?" He cast her a brief somewhat embarrassed look.
"Dey stopped responding to dis number so I sent some ove de minions down. Dey got a leetle carried away." Ady rolled her eyes. He cleared his throat. "I will try to be back as early as I can. Uh, thank you…for de…babysitting…" he said. Ady raised her eyebrow a little. "Eef…eef you get tired dere are extra blankets een de closet een my room." He turned towards the kitchen when Margo, Edith and Agnes emerged.
"We're done…Agnes didn't want to eat her baloney unicorn so I wrapped it up and put it in the fridge for her."
"Deed you geet enough to eat?" Gru asked Agnes who nodded happily before grabbing at his leg. He scooped her up.
"Well, dat ees eet. I will see you tomorrow," he added with some concern. He was beginning to feel uneasy about leaving the girls for so long. "Call me eef you need anytheeng."
XXX
Gru wasn't on the road for long before he got a headache. Originally they had planned to take the ship, but while filling it up the minions accidentally grabbed one of the doctors spare containers of incendiary juice, which would have been extremely dangerous if they had attempted to take off, but fortunately started to eat through the metal before it was ignited. So they were stuck with the tank until the ship was cleaned out and repaired.
He was used to driving with the girls. Agnes generally would try to crawl on his shoulder and talk in his ear, Edith would be throwing things and poking people and Margo would be trying to restrain both of them. This was somehow more tiring.
Dr. Nefario was trying to explain the mechanics of the dart gun, which would have been all right if he didn't constantly get off topic and start droning on about something else, usually something he saw on the road since he didn't get out much. Gru had to listen to about fifteen minutes of droning about his digestive system after he saw a billboard for a fast food restaurant. This, coupled with the foreign chatter of the minions was causing Gru's eye to occasionally flicker uncontrollably. It didn't help that about twenty minutes into the ride the minions started playing the license plate game/
After an hour of this he made them all go down below and leave him alone. This seemed to improve the situation considerably. It was still a long trip, particularly because he had to make constant stops at rest areas at the doctor's request.
Finally they arrived. It took several hours even with Gru's irresponsible driving.
The event was being held in Las Vegas in a nightclub called Icarus, which was located underneath a dive bar called Upbear, which was very shabby looking and easy to overlook in a place like Vegas.
The minions were wearing weak disguises so that any stops they had to make would go, for the most part unnoticed. Gru headed into the bar, motioning for Nefario and the minions to proceed him while eyeing the clientele briefly. It consisted of one man who was face down on a table and another who peered at them blearily for a moment before turning back towards the barman with a shrug. He'd already seen a large man covered in spiders with a long mustache, a woman dragging along a giant lizard with a collar twice as tall as her head and guy covered in spikes. He was beginning to suspect that they were all in his head, particularly since they all went back into the very small room that had the pool table and soda machine and didn't come out again.
XXX
It was a nice day, so Ady followed the girls outside. She watched Agnes chase a butterfly for a while before Edith yanked on the bottom of her sweatshirt.
"I'm bored, let's play a game."
"Yeah a game." Agnes said, forgetting the butterfly.
"What kind of game?" Ady asked suspiciously as she pried Edith's hand off of her sweatshirt.
"Let's play fugitives." Edith said.
"What's a foogitive?" Agnes asked while tugging on Margo's sleeve.
"It's like a criminal Agnes." Margo said.
"I get to be one of the bad guys." Edith said.
"Can I be a bad guy too?" Agnes asked.
"No, you're too slow," Edith said.
"Nuh uh." Agnes said.
"Edith, let Agnes be a fugitive." Margo said.
"But she's so bad at it."
"I can be a good crinimal," Agnes said, downcast while looking up at Ady with wide eyes.
"You'll make us lose." Edith said.
"You can be a criminal Agnes." Ady said.
"We'll give you a head start." Margo added.
"Fine." Edith said bitterly. "Come on Agnes, try to keep up."
"Okay, so…what the hell's fugitives?" Ady asked Margo as they ran off.
"It's basically cops and robbers, except that she makes up her own rules." She said to Ady with a shrug. "We tried to play with dad once but we made him play a cop and he couldn't get the hang of it."
XXX
The Icarus was unlike other nightclubs in that it was more upscale; it was more of a lounge and resembled, in many ways the bank of evil. There was a clear indication that this was both a sinister and expensive place.
Everything was sleek but it could be argued as to whether or not it was tasteful or not. The interior of Gru's house was quite expensive and in many cases quite stylish but most people would have to agree that a crocodile couch was not the most tasteful item. The décor in the Icarus was much the same way. It was made of expensive things, it had a certain style, but an interior designer would probably cringe to see, say an expensive animal skin couch next to a table made out of a bomb.
This description could easily apply to the villains themselves as well…although in this case 'tasteful' was a word used very seldom. There was no end to silver skulls, spike covered shoulder pads, high collars, gaudy boots and tight pants.
There were pillars along the walls, all a kind of steel and about halfway up the pillars gave way to glass cases. Inside were a variety of strange looking weapons, chemicals, treasures and mechanisms, generally with a plaque explaining where it came from. They were historical items in villainy and some of them got quite old. Gru and Nefario were standing near a couple of these. Nefario was chattering excitably about a small machine that apparently caused an anti gravity field around it.
"This was made almost twenty years ago you know by Mad Dr. Schizo. It's where I got the inspiration for the anti gravity serum. Of course this is obsolete now, it only runs on a Macintosh Classic and it only ever created a field up to five feet around it, but at the time it was quite impressive."
"How deed he geet people to walk eento eet?"
"Oh it never got off the ground, so to speak. While he was building it he accidentally got caught in the anti gravity field himself. They found him ten days later floating around the ceiling. But it is a piece of history. Oh look at this," he added while moving over to the next case. It contained a vile of a strange clear liquid. The plaque read Phantasmagoria Serum created by James Bandit 1986.
"Well, well, if it isn't Felonius Gru," someone said, getting Gru and Nefario's attention. Gru turned with a scowl, reserved for anyone who would dare use his first name in public. When he looked at the villain addressing him his scowl turned to annoyed weariness.
"Hello, Dan."
"What are you doing in Vegas Gru? Here to steal the replica of the Brooklyn Bridge?"
"No, I was invited," Gru said wearily. Wrathful Dan was definitely a relic from the old days. Gru mused that if he was there, it was unlikely that the invites could have been too select.
"I still see your working with Dr. Nefario." Dan said. "You haven't dropped dead yet?"
"No, I certainly haven't," Nefario said.
"De last I heard you were training spiders to open bank vaults for you, how deed dat torn out?" Gru said nastily. Dan sniffed.
"I'm making progress. For example, observe my newest undertaking." He said while moving his black coat aside. A large hairy spider crawled out.
"You just keep dat under your coat?"
"Shush, now I'll have Artemis kill one of your minions."
The spider crawled its way up to Kevin, who eyed it.
"Ooh, kumo," Kevin said before picking it up and eating it. There was a brief silence afterwards. Gru looked up at Dan with his eyebrow raised.
"That was a katipo…they're nearly extinct…" Dan said distantly.
"Well, even nearer now." Nefario said while looking sideways at Gru. Dan opened his mouth to say something else his face twisting into anger, but a gloved hand fell heavily on his shoulder causing him to jump.
"Dan," The newcomer said jovially. "I didn't expect to see you here. I heard you were living in a nursing home in Ohio. Good to see you were able to get out past curfew to join us."
"Can go wherever I like…" Dan mumbled.
The newcomer was in his mid sixties with worn but tasteful clothes. He walked with a cane, but it was clear that this was out of necessity rather then style. His face was covered in wrinkles as well as a pattern of scars that went across his left eye and an eye patch that was a mixture of silver and leather. The oddest thing about him, at least in the context of the Icarus was his smile, which was friendly and went all the way to his good eye. It didn't seem to fit his face…perhaps he'd stolen it.
Nefario brightened a little.
"Bandit, we were just admiring this poison of yours in the case."
"Oh yeah…" he said, frowning a little. "You retire for twenty years and they put you up with the dead guys. Good to see you, Nefario, it's been a while…you look terrible. And Gru, I haven't seen you in…fifteen years it must be. The last time I saw you you had hair."
"Yes well, de last time I saw you you had better depth perception." Gru said dryly.
"Oh the eye, yeah well, there's a story behind that."
"I've heard there are several." Dan said from beside him, sneering a little.
"Oh well, you know how people get carried away with rumors." Dan scoffed.
"You started them all you old fool."
"I firmly believe that it pays to advertise…even when you're retired. So what have you been up to, Gru? I heard about the Jumbotron, I bet that gets a good picture."
"Eet blew up," Gru said with some weariness. He was eyeing the rest of the crowd in the Icarus. The first time he'd come to the A.C.E he'd been fairly young and early on in his career. He'd found it dull. There had been a lot of old men standing around talking about the past. He couldn't help but notice that things had changed quite a bit. For one thing he was the old man. This was somewhat disheartening. "Excuse me, plez," he added while heading towards the table with the drinks.
"We're in between evil plots right now." Nefario said when Gru had gone. "Things have been somewhat hectic."
"Money troubles?"
"Oh let me tell you about money troubles," Dan said bitterly. "I had two mortgages on my house before I finally moved into the nursing home. Couldn't even sell it either."
"Well your house was suspended two hundred feet in the air on steel plated spider webs. I can't imagine there's much of a market for that." Bandit said.
"It isn't money." Nefario said. "Gru's going through some kind of mid life crises or something. I want to get back to work but every time I turn around he's having tea parties, or going to ballet or playing dress up or something." There was a long, careful silence.
"That…doesn't sound like a mid life crisis." Dan said after exchanging a look with Bandit.
"It does sound like a crises, I'll give you that. How is he at ballet?" Bandit added, somewhat horrified.
"Oh, no, he doesn't do ballet, it's his daughters." Bandit raised his eyebrows.
"Gru has kids?" he cast a look in the direction that Gru had left. "I would have never thought he was the type."
XXX
They gave Edith and Agnes a minute start. Ady had her hands shoved in her pockets and was listening to Margo count under her breath. When she reached sixty they started looking for the younger girls.
It didn't take them long to figure out that they were not in the front yard. When they got to the side of the house, which looked out over the backyard Ady frowned. As bad as the front yard was, the backyard was worse. The lawn here was dead as well. Suspicious looking weeds grew in patches in some areas. There was a great hulking thing that at some point must've been a vehicle. Ady nudged something that turned out to be a bear trap. It was already sprung but she still stared at it for a moment.
"Okay…new plan," she said weakly after a moment. "I'm going to find your sisters and then we'll go back to the front yard and stay there."
"I'm not staying here." Margo said as Ady started back there. Ady turned towards her, caught her expression, weighed her options and then nodded.
"Stick close to me and don't touch anything" Margo nodded mutely and followed her.
"Edith, Agnes," Margo shouted as her and Ady picked their way through the yard. "Come on, it's too dangerous back here, we're going to play in the front yard."
"I'm surprised your dad hasn't gotten like, a citation or something for this place," Ady said while carefully stepping around a bundled mass of barbed wire.
"He has. He frames them and hangs them up in the den," Ady rolled her eyes.
"You can't catch me coppers!" Edith said from somewhere around the broken vehicle.
"Hey, I'm not playing around here, come on before you get tetanus or something!" Ady shouted in response before heading in that direction.
From behind the vehicle Edith nudged Agnes.
"Agnes, go be a patsy."
"What's a patsy?"
"It means you run that way and get their attention and I'll go this way."
"What if I get caught?" Edith shrugged. "I don't want to be a patsy!" Agnes added while crossing her arms.
"Fine, if you get caught I'll bust you out of prison."
"Promise?"
"Yeah, sure whatever."
After a moment of hesitation Agnes nodded skeptically and then ran out from behind the vehicle.
"Agnes!" Margo said before starting after her younger sister.
"Hey!" Ady said. "I said stay near me! Margo!" She started after them before seeing Edith out of the corner of her eye. The younger girl ran out from behind the vehicle in the opposite direction. "Aw, crap. Be careful!" She added to Margo before hurrying after Edith.
Margo was able to catch up to Agnes pretty easily. She made a grab for her arm as the girl neared the fence. Unfortunately she failed to see the bear trap Ady had noticed earlier. If it had been a set trap she would have been in a lot of trouble, fortunately it was now. Still she tripped and cut her leg below the knee.
Agnes stopped running at this point and returned to her sister anxiously as Margo stood back up and examined her leg. She hissed below her breath. It was a fairly bad cut. Still, Margo had learned a long time ago not to make a big deal about scrapes or cuts because on those occasions when she did get hurt it always seemed to upset Agnes more then her. As it was, the younger girls eyes were already welling up with tears.
"It's all right. It's just a scratch." Margo said weakly before reaching out for Agnes' hand. "Come on, let's wait by the house for Ady and Edith."
Edith had run to the only tree in Gru's backyard which was also dead and looked as if it had been burnt at some point. Even though it was late summer there were no leaves. It seemed as if it were a tree that even moss couldn't survive on. Edith touched the trunk.
"The tree's base," she said as Ady halted and stared at the ground at her feet. She was wearing sandals and although apparently grass and flowers didn't grow in Gru's yard he did have other things in abundance apparently. She experienced one moment of panic before looking up at Edith.
"Stay there. Do not move."
"You can't tag me on base."
"We're not playing anymore, Edith. Seriously, you just ran through poison ivy. Stay put." It was all around the tree and Ady was already standing in it. She moved towards the trunk and hoisted Edith up while the girl looked at the poison ivy with fascination.
When she returned to Margo and Agnes, she eyed Margo's leg. Beside her Agnes was crying softly.
"What happened?" Ady asked, alarmed.
"I tripped, it's okay." Margo said as Ady set Edith down at the edge of the backyard and eyed Agnes briefly.
"Is she okay?" Margo nodded.
"It's my fault." Agnes said.
"It's not your fault, Agnes," Margo said.
"She's right, it's mine." Ady said before motioning for the girls to head back to the house. "Come on, we'll get you cleaned up."
When they got to the front door Ady kicked her sandals off and made Edith sit on the step so she could remove her boots too.
"Go changed your clothes and wash your hands." Ady said to Edith as she opened the door for them.
XXX
Gru picked up a cocktail glass and eyed it wearily. The liquid inside was an amber color and there was a flower head on the surface. Unless he was mistaken it was a Nightshade and horribly poisonous. Gru set it down and eyed the other options. One was on fire and the other one was pink and had little white flowers in it. Gru raised his eyebrow and then picked up the one that was on fire.
"Excuse me, it's Gru isn't it?" Gru turned while blowing out the flame on the top of his drink, a weary and uninviting look on his face. It was one of the young villains, but unlike most of the other boys wondering around with leather pants and makeup and goggles that apparently had to purpose other than being cool looking, his clothes appeared to serve no other purpose then the most basic one. "I've heard a lot about you." Gru's expression didn't change; he took a drink and eyed the youth's extended hand with indifference. After a moment Hugo lowered it, unfazed.
"I've been looking into some of your work," Gru scowled.
"Hey, steeling de jumborton ees harder den eet sounds. Times square ees a very beesy intersection…"
"I was actually referring to some of your past work, like the art heist at the Musée du Louvre. You went there during the day and robbed the place from the inside and no one noticed until the guard changed. And you stole half of the displays from a National Crime Museum overnight, people still can't figure out how you did it. And you created a freeze ray without using carbon monoxide. A lot of people think that's impossible."
"Ees dere sometheeng een particular you wanted?" Gru said wearily.
"I just wanted to meet you. I've made it a hobby to look into the work of villains. I like to try to recreate weapons, figure out how they did things, but your work is very hard to reconstruct. Most people would say it's because half of the stuff you do seems completely idiotic."
"What ees your point?" Gru said in heavy tones.
"I'm not trying to insult you." Hugo said quickly. "I could tell you how half of this stuff on display works without even really looking at it, but I've been studying your freeze ray for three months and all I've managed to do is create something that can almost freeze water faster then an ice tray." Gru raised his eyebrow.
"Yes, well, good luck weeth dat," Gru said before heading back towards Nefario. After a moment, Vector toddled over to Hugo looking somewhat annoyed. He had caught the last bit of the conversation.
"Hey, fanboy," Vector scoffed, "What was that?"
"I just wanted to meet him, he's had an impressive career."
"Please, my dad says that he's been a villain for thirty years and only one or two of his plots have actually made money. Mostly he's wasted his funding and made a fool of himself." Vector said as he picked up a sparkling sunshine and swallowed a drink of it before grimacing.
"Did you place the tracking device on his car?" Hugo said. He was looking in the direction that Gru headed, but his gaze was focused not on Gru, but on Bandit. For a moment the older man met his gaze and Hugo looked away.
"Yup, we'll know where he is at all times with one of these babies tracking him," Vector said as he opened up his fanny pack and pulled out one of his tracking devices.
"That's a starfish."
"A starfish with an inbuilt tracking device."
"You don't think that's maybe a little conspicuous?"
"Well I didn't put it where he'd see it," Vector said. Hugo stared at him for a moment.
"You know that drink has white oleander buds on it. You just swallowed five of them."
Vector spat the drink out.
XXX
Margo was sitting on the edge of the tub while Ady soaked one of Gru's washcloths in the sink.
"I see he's got Gs on his washcloths too," she said vaguely before kneeling by the girl and cleaning her cut. "It seems like every time I play games with you guys something goes horribly wrong. Does that hurt?"
"No, I'm okay." Margo said. She couldn't remember the last time she'd actually had someone else take care of her when she got scrapes or cuts, definitely not in the orphanage.
"You guys have band aids?" Ady asked as she stood and opened up the cabinet above the sink. She paused for a moment and then closed it again carefully. "That's not a medicine cabinet."
"There's some in the drawer. Edith gets a lot of scrapes and stuff. Dad brought them up from the lab." Apparently the minions got bruised up a lot too.
Ady opened the drawer and pulled out the band-aids and after a second look grabbed a can of disinfectant.
"This is going to sting a bit." Ady said while sitting down in front of the tub again and pulling the cap off of the disinfectant. "You don't complain much do you?" She added, smiling a little at the younger girl who returned her smile a little. Margo watched her for a moment while she sorted through the bandaid box.
"Did your…mom used to take care of you when you got hurt?" Ady looked up at her briefly.
"Uh, no, no she didn't, actually. I usually did it myself."
"Me too." Margo said shyly. Ady gave her another brief smile.
"There your all set. Lets go make sure your sister changed her clothes then we can get some dinner started. That way, when it gets ruined there will still be time to order take out," she said as she stood and threw the disinfectant and Band-Aids back in the drawer.
"I probably ought to wash my clothes too," Ady continued as her and Margo headed towards the stairs. As it was she was probably going to break out all over her feet and considering how much Agnes attached to her leg she probably should make sure she didn't pick up anything on her jeans. "I wish I'd brought something to change into."
"Didn't you bring something to sleep in?" Margo asked.
"I wasn't planning on actually trying to fall asleep here, so no, no I didn't."
"Just borrow something of dads." Margo said while motioning toward his bedroom door. Ady eyed it warily.
"I dunno about that Margo..."
"He's not going to mind," she said with a shrug.
"I don't really like the idea of rummaging through anything of your dads,"
"What do you think is going to happen?" Margo asked amusedly.
"He put rocket launchers in my shoes Margo…I wouldn't rule anything out" Ady said as she looked at his door again with a sigh. "I guess I don't have much of a choice. I'll meet you downstairs. Make sure your sisters like, wash there hands and stuff."
Ady opened the door to Gru's bedroom cautiously. She'd only been in there twice. Once when she was being chased by that ballistic monster that he called a dog and once when that cookie had exploded. It was fair to say that on both occasions, she'd had other things on her mind.
Speaking of the 'dog', it was sleeping on the bed. Ady frowned and after a moment tiptoed in, carefully shutting the door behind her and walking over to the dresser.
She pulled on the drawer carefully, in part because she didn't want to wake up Kyle and in part because she wasn't sure what she was going to find in it. It looked ordinary enough.
Pants were out of the question; his waistline was too big. After some brief searching and one confusing moment when she pulled out a tie dye shirt and stared at it for a moment while her imagination did horrible things, she pulled out a plaid that she recognized as the shirt he wore to the dance recital. It was long enough so that she could wear it by itself, although it did give her a very 'little girl wearing daddy's shirt' look.
After she changed into it she gathered her own clothes up and started towards the door. She heard a low growl behind her, which made her pause.
She turned and eyed Kyle who was staring at her with one beady eye. Ady scowled.
"Just try it, dog," she said through her teeth. He seemed to hesitate for a moment. Kyle had a very simple mind. He was a ferocious monster, but it was easier to be ferocious when his prey was behaving properly. To him this meant running, acting nervous, screaming, perhaps trying to climb furniture.
Still he wasn't about to be intimidated by this prey. He stood and after a moment of preparation he sprung onto the floor and rushed at her. Ady jumped back, causing Kyle to run into the wall. Kyle shook his head dazedly for a moment before turning towards her again. Ady wrapped her shirt over her hand and this time when he went for her, jaw open, she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him away.
"Eat my shoes…" Ady said bitterly, while holding him still. Kyle tried to pull away frantically. Finally she let go and he ran to the other side of the room. After she left he peaked out from behind Gru's bed.
XXX
Gru was sitting at one of the many tables placed around the large interior of the Icarus. He was on his second drink for the evening and all it was managing to do was make him feel crappier. He was tuning in and out of the conversation, which seemed to be revolving around how villainy was better in the old days. Gru was eyeing the minions who had taken the blood orange slices off of the cocktails at all of the neighboring tables and were throwing them at each other.
"I think it all went downhill with the Internet. It used to be that if you wanted to rob a bank or some major corporation you had to make plans and study the place you were robbing and which wall was most convenient to blow a hole through. Now they've got these computer hackers who do stuff digitally. Where's the finesse in that?" Bandit was saying. He had a couple of deserts in front of him and was sampling from all of them.
"Right, finesse, that's what these boys lack," Nefario said. "You know back in my day, you weren't really considered a villain unless you had a bit of class. You could cackle like a maniac and wear a horned helmet but you'd better also be well spoken, intelligent and bilingual or know how to waltz or play the violin or organ or something."
Gru checked his phone. A little earlier he had considered calling home to see how things were going, but the reception was terrible. He finished his drink and sat back in his seat.
"The times are changing, gentlemen," Dan said. "If they had it their way we'd be up on display with these old relics. Makes me mad enough to come out of retirement."
"Dan, you come out of retirement every couple of years, what is the difference between you being in action and in retirement?" Bandit asked.
"Well, it's hard to be a villain in a retirement facility. The nurses there are demonic. I'm going to go see if there's anything up on the buffet that's soft to chew," he added as he stood up.
"So, Gru, heard you had a scuffle with Perkin's boy. He's a little twerp isn't he?" Bandit said after Dan left.
"He ees an idiot." Gru said before tucking his phone away again.
"Saw him wondering around earlier. Kind of hard to miss in all of that orange."
"I wonder how he got invited." Nefario said.
"De invitations can't be too restricted eef Dan got one."
"Oh, he had one of his weapons put up on display this year. You usually get an invite for that. That's why I'm here…I've been retired for longer then some of these boys have been alive. As for Perkins, the Bank Of Evil is co hosting. I imagine daddy got him in."
Even through his slight haze Gru felt a vague feeling of unease. Suddenly he felt like she should probably be a little more clear minded for the evening.
"I am goeeng to geet sometheeng to eat too," he said before standing.
"You know, I've heard a lot of rumors about your retirement…" Nefario prompted, after Gru had left.
"Well, some people will say anything." Bandit said, pokerfaced. "Actually, on that subject, I was wondering if you could help me. I've been working on something over the last few months, a sort of final heist, if you will, only problem is, I've gotten a bit old to do field work myself."
"I can't say I'd be much better."
"Oh well, I'm definitely in better shape then you, old friend. But what about Gru. He's still young…ish."
"Well yes, although we did just get done with a collaboration effort that turned out…kind of badly. I don't know that he'd accept."
"Well, I don't know that I'd call it collaboration. It's more like a favor for an old friend. I'll make it worth your while."
"He may be less likely to do that. Still, I suppose I could ask. I really would like to get back to work."
"You know, I always got the impression that Gru was like you, that retirement from villainy meant being dead. And kids, kids are tricky, it's hard to be a villain and a father, particularly if your kids aren't like you."
"They aren't even the worst of it. Lately he's taken to this girl, completely insufferable and half his age." Nefario shook his head.
Bandit raised his eyebrows with some amusement.
"Really? Him? How old is she."
"Oh, twenties or thirties. I don't know. She isn't even attractive and she's really unpleasant. Young women, nothing good comes from them." Bandit chuckled.
"Clearly," he said as he started on another desert. "You've never had one."
XXX
For dinner Ady attempted to make chicken and mashed potatoes with the girl's help. Well, mainly with Margo's help. Agnes had hung around her and Margo's feet occasionally pulling on the bottom of Gru's shirt and asking what she could do to help. Finally, Ady picked her up and sat her on the counter. Occasionally she gave her simple things to do, reasoning that she couldn't possibly do a worst job then Ady herself.
In the end it could have definitely turned out worse, she could have set fire to it, for example. At least the mashed potatoes were half decent and the girls didn't complain too much.
Shortly after dinner the girls changed for bed. Ady was practically pulled into their room by Agnes who found a little pink book on their book shelf and pushed it into her hand.
Ady eyed it while sitting down on the pillows by the girl's beds. It was called 'Moo, Baa, La La La.'
"Huh…insightful," she looked sideways at Agnes who snuggled up next to her and pushed her unicorn into her lap. Margo and Edith sat down on the floor as well. Ady looked into Agnes' giant eyes before opening the book carefully.
"A Cow says moo, A sheep says baa…" Ady raised her eyebrow. "Wow, this is going to be painful."
"Keep going, you haven't got to the best part…"
"Oh yeah, does this pig say oik?" Ady said with some cynicism as she turned the page. "Three singing pigs go la la la…oh…god."
After she finished the book, which really didn't take too long and didn't get a bit better, she closed it and eyed Agnes a little who had laid against her arm blearily. Ady nudged the little girl a little who buried her head further. The older woman smiled and picked up Agnes and put her in her bed along with her unicorn.
"Night Ady," Margo said as she crawled into her own bed.
"Night guys," she said as she turned off the light and left the room.
She started down the hall, pausing briefly at the Family tree. She'd noticed before that the girls had drawn themselves in. Now, off to one side there was a squiggle of a spotty looking person with messy hair in blue. Overtop that in orange were some kind of glasses and a few other additions. A name had been written underneath and scratched out and beside it was; Unkle Nefarrio. There was a heart around him. Ady raised her eyebrow a little.
She eyed her feet, in the last hour or so they had begun to get uncomfortable. They were also a little pink. She sighed and headed towards Gru's room again, in part because she really was getting tired and he had said the extra blankets were in his closet and in part to see about maybe borrowing a pair of socks.
She found the blankets in the closet, They were behind a large heavy object which, in the light looked very much like a rocket launcher. Ady moved this aside with care, her face carefully blank. While she did this Kyle eyed her suspiciously from one corner.
As for the socks, she had to discard a few pairs because Gru's feet were smaller then hers. She pulled one pair on that fit all right and then gathered up the blankets, pausing only to eye the books up on Gru's dresser.
There were six of them in stacks and they were large and leather-bound. Mainly what drew her eye was the exceptionally broad subject matter. There was one that said 'Explosives' another said 'The Encyclopedia of Inventive Weaponry' then there were two or three that seemed like textbooks on Space. These had names like 'The Solar System' and 'Science of The Stars.' These were filled with bookmarks and sheets of paper. The last book on his dresser was small and blue and was titled 'Are You My Mother?' with a picture of a clearly disillusioned bird questioning a dog. Most likely put there absentmindedly after reading it to the girls. Ady smiled a little and grabbed the one on the solar system.
She opened it to one of the bookmarks, which turned out to be stuck in a chapter on the moon. There was handwriting in the margins and small pictures that Gru must have added himself. After a moment Ady sat down on the edge of his bed, pausing to make sure she was sitting nowhere near the spikes. They were high enough so that they probably didn't get in the way of lying down, but they were certainly inconvenient for say, sitting up and reading, or stretching.
Her eyes skimmed down the information briefly. It varied between extremely complicated statistics and basic facts. One paragraph was talking about the tides and Gru had written something beside it in tiny handwriting that went down the side of the page.
It read;
No moon means less pull on the tides,
The axis would destabilize,
Rotation speed would be unchanged,
The moon rotates around the earth once over a period of 27.3 days
If we take it while in optimum position we can calculate where it should be in coming days and return it to it's exact place long before any permanent damage is done.
Ady raised her eyebrows before resting her chin in her palm. His notes were on were all over the place. Some of them were clearly about his attempt to steal the moon and these were, admittedly unsettling. There were a couple here and there that seemed without motive, however and she was drawn to these. She had never been very good at science herself, she'd majored in Literature, which was like majoring in being unemployed. It was clear that he knew what he was talking about. She wondered vaguely what Gru would be doing if he wasn't…well Gru.
Ady yawned and flipped the page.
XXX
Yeah I know…this took Waaaaaayyyy too long. I'm really sorry about that. I will try my best to not let it happen again, I've been really busy lately. The good news is I didn't lose my job because my boss was able to get an extension on the lease and he is still in the process of selling the store. Bad news is that everyone else already left so I'm the only employee so I've been working a lot. The owner has to work in his store now too, which is something he is not used to. I actually had to make a list of all of the things I do when I close and he doesn't know how to do anything. That and he's lazy and always late. It's been kind of a headache. The deals supposed to close on Wednesday but considering how long it's taken I'm not holding my breath. I may or may not work for the new people, but either way my hours will be cut back.
Anyways, hopefully the chapter turned out all right.
To those Reviews I did not already respond to:
Liloapril: Not so clever this time, but thanks :) And aww, you make me blush. Yeah, I may just work for the new owners. They seem nice…a little clueless, but nice.
Rmroxs: Why thank you ^^ I'm so glad to hear that and I hope this chapter did not dissapoint.
Crystal Persian: It was too much fun not to. I usually do not take suggestions, but pm me and we shall see. Thanks for the review ^^
Thanks for the reviews everyone :) I'll try to update as soon as possible
